Pierce’s hand disappeared from her head and he eased to her side and rolled her onto her back. His expression was filled with concern when she blinked up at him, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Jesus. London. I’m so sorry.”
She shook her head, a sob escaping. “Not about you,” she managed to choke out.
He brushed her hair from her face and cupped her cheek, his thumb swiping at the tears. “I scared you.”
She shook her head again. “No. You didn’t. I told you I’ve had a bad day. I’m exhausted.” She tried to rein in her emotions, but lost the fight. Another sob escaped.
Pierce lifted his gaze to her nightstand and then reached across her body to grab a handful of tissues, which he set in her palm.
“Thanks.” Why the hell did he have to be thoughtful? He was ruining her perfectly good mad. She wiped her eyes and then rolled onto her side away from him.
He didn’t let her retreat. Instead, he pressed his front into her back and wrapped an arm around her middle. He clasped the back of her hand in his and held it between her breasts. “Talk to me.”
“Don’t feel like it.”
“Did something happen at work?”
“No. I was already in a bad mood before I got there.” God, would he please stop talking?
“School, then?”
“No. Let it go, Pierce. I’m entitled to a bad mood.”
“Of course you are. You’re also entitled to have someone around who will listen and help shoulder the burden of your problems.”
She closed her eyes, squeezed them tight. “You sound like my therapist.”
“Did you see her today too?”
“Yes.” Dammit. She really didn’t want to discuss her messed-up world with him. Not today. Not ever.
“I could be that someone,” he whispered in her ear. His breath was warm and welcoming. It sent a shiver down her body. He pulled her tighter.
“No one can be that someone. I don’t want to share. I want to be left alone.”
“Why, London? Why are you so hardheaded? Why can’t you see how much I care about you and give me a chance?”
“This isn’t about you, Pierce.”
“I’m the one fighting for your heart. I’d say it’s totally about me.”
She shook her head slightly, as much as she could against the pillow. “You’re wrong. This is about me. I don’t want another man. I don’t want to take that risk. I won’t do it.”
He stroked her knuckles with his thumb, still holding her hand between her breasts. His voice was softer when he spoke. “You’re saying you won’t ever permit yourself to love again because you’re afraid you might get hurt? That’s no way to live, baby.”
She melted at the tone of his voice and the endearment. She melted further when he kissed her neck. It was hard to concentrate with him being so kind. “It’s my choice. And, for the record, I never loved Louis. I realize that now. I was intrigued by him. Infatuated in the early days, maybe. But he ruined any chance at love so fast, it never evolved into that.”
He kissed her neck again, nibbling a path to her ear where he whispered, “How do you know you didn’t love him, baby? What do you have to compare it to?”
She sucked in a breath. He was good. Too sharp for her. No way was she going to take that bait. Instead, she bit her lip.
“All I’m asking for is a chance, London. I know you like me. I know we have chemistry. You know it too. Let me into your life. Let me shoulder some of your burden.”
She pulled her free hand up to her face to swipe at the tears again with the tissue she held balled in her fist. “I’m no good for you, Pierce.”
“How about you let me decide that?”
Damn, he was persistent. He was chiseling away at her walls. She was too tired to think or argue with him. “Please. Let me sleep. I can’t think anymore tonight.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“Let me stay.”
The tight knot that always formed in her stomach when he was around stiffened. He was the kindest person she knew. Even when he was dominating her, he was polite about it. He was fun and smart and safe and sexy. She didn’t want him to leave. Not tonight anyway. “Okay.”
Pierce released her just long enough to slide down her body and tug off her shoes and his. He grabbed the comforter from the messy bottom of her bed and pulled it over them. And then he leaned over and turned off the light. Lights were still on in the kitchen, but she didn’t care.
Seconds later, Pierce was against her back again, holding her tight. He kissed her cheek. “Sleep, baby.”
She had no trouble obeying that order.
Chapter 13
London awoke to the sun streaming into the bedroom and the sound of the shower running. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “Shit. Now what do I do?”
She needed to think. Make some sort of decision before Pierce came out of the bathroom. The thought of him standing in her shower, naked, made her wish she had the guts to join him.
No. That wasn’t true. She did have the guts to join him. She’d have no trouble sliding out of bed, waltzing into the bathroom, and stepping into the shower with him. The problem was that her actions made statements. She wished she were the sort of person who could give him that chance.
She ran a hand down her face and sighed. She knew she’d been reckless lately. Defiant. She was a loose cannon. She couldn’t seem to find a job she enjoyed enough to stay. She switched hobbies weekly. She couldn’t even make decisions about what to eat or when to sleep. Her classwork was boring her to tears. But she refused to stop. She’d lost interest in pursuing her degree. She still loved poetry. She loved the way it flowed and how it made her feel, but she had no interest in teaching it or writing it. The advanced degree was a dead end.
She wanted to feel. She wanted to feel alive, like she mattered. For five long years she hadn’t mattered. She’d had no contact with humans. No one had known she existed for the most part.
Now, people saw her. They smiled at her. They ordered drinks or spoke to her in class or dominated her at the club. They gave her their undivided attention. And she liked it. As long as they didn’t ask for more than she could give. Like Pierce.
She had a new comfort zone now. Probably unlike the one she’d had years ago. She was older, more mature. She also didn’t know herself very well, so she was looking, searching for something. Something that still eluded her and caused her to keep trying. Trying new things gave her a rush.
She got a rush from Pierce too. And that scared the hell out of her.
He made her heart beat faster and her hands sweaty. He made her body tremble. But so did many other things she’d tried, including skydiving. Could it last, though? She doubted it. Even if she did give him a chance, what difference would it make? She didn’t know many people who held on to that initial feeling of excitement with a man after a few months.
That wasn’t entirely true. Colin and Rayne were attached at the hip. They seemed happy. So did Aaron and Hope. Hell, Hope had also left a bad relationship, and she’d managed to pull her shit together and love again.
Yeah, it was unfair to think no one had lasting relationships that continued to burn. She knew of two couples that were going strong. Considering how many people she knew, that was two for two.
That didn’t mean London could do it. Words from her therapist yesterday leaked into her consciousness. “You talk about Pierce an awful lot for someone who isn’t interested in commitment. Maybe you should give him a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?”
London cringed. The list of things that could happen was long. Even if he was the world’s best partner, she still would never be able to share a life with him. She couldn’t share a life with anyone. Every time they tried to insert themselves in her decisions, she would freak the fuck out. Even the merest suggestion that she should do something or not do something made her sick to her stomach. S
he was in control of her life now. No one else.
Rayne had had a point the other night too, though. “I think when you say yes, it makes you feel like you made a choice. It helps you avoid the possible confrontation that saying no might cause. If that’s your MO, then why not say yes to Pierce and give him a chance?”
Was it possible she could maintain control of her life and let a man be a part of it?
Ugh. London slid from the covers and headed toward her bathroom. The idea of Pierce naked in her apartment made her long for something she was denying herself. Actually, lately it seemed Pierce was the one denying her. She’d spent a bit of time with him and not once had he made love to her. It would seem she was not the one in control of that aspect of their lives.
The bathroom door was ajar. As she approached, she could see him standing at the vanity, combing his hair. He was wearing jeans that hung low on his hips. She pushed the door open and leaned against the frame, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes.
He smiled at her in the mirror. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yes. Thank you. Sorry about last night.”
He turned around, bent over, and grabbed a shirt from a duffle bag on the floor.
“You brought an overnight bag?” She was torn between thinking that was too presumptuous of him and acknowledging just moments ago she’d talked herself into possibly giving him a chance. If she jumped on him now over a bag of clothes, she would be backtracking.
He shrugged. “Always keep a bag in my car just in case. With my job, I never know what might happen.”
“Oh.” For some reason she felt disappointed to realize the bag had nothing to do with her. She watched as he sat on her vanity chair and put on socks. “I don’t have anything to eat in the apartment. I haven’t shopped for a while.”
He lifted his gaze. “How about I take you to breakfast?”
He’s not pushing. He’s not demanding. He’s just asking me if I want to eat with him… “That would be nice.”
He smiled as he stood. “Great. Do you at least have coffee? I could make a pot while you get ready.”
“Yes. I always have coffee.”
Pierce tucked everything back in his bag and shouldered it before closing the distance between them. Of course he had no choice in order to get by her. He paused when he reached her, lifted her chin with a finger, and kissed her gently on the lips. “Good morning.” He smiled a winning smile that made her knees weak, and then he eased by her without touching her anywhere else.
She watched him leave her bedroom and then sighed as she closed the bathroom door, shrugged out of her clothes, and stepped into the shower. For some reason, her life felt like it was about to careen out of control.
The warm water felt good running down her body, but it didn’t change the fact that she was on the edge of making a huge decision. Even a minor concession on her part to enter into a relationship with Pierce was monstrous.
She closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. At the moment, the only thing she had committed to was breakfast. She had to eat. He had to eat. Why not eat together?
She tried to picture what this commitment might look like. Would he start calling all the time? Want to spend too much time with her? Expect to sleep in her bed most nights? Okay, that last one was a bonus. If she could somehow convince him to take his clothes off and use his cock on her, she wouldn’t mind him being in her bed.
What she needed to do was articulate her concerns and give this thing a trial period. Maybe if she agreed to a week or something. Baby steps. Something that wouldn’t make her back away in fear.
As she considered her options and what she might say to him, she shampooed and conditioned and washed and shaved. All things she could do without thinking. They just happened in the shower.
When she got out, she felt stronger. Ready to face him. She dried her body and left the bathroom in search of clothes with her towel around her. She could hear Pierce in her kitchen, but she didn’t see him as she grabbed jeans, a sweater, and undergarments.
Back in the bathroom, she dressed, dried her hair, and put on minimal makeup. Then she stared at herself a moment, giving herself a mental pep talk. You can do this. Say yes. Just like Rayne and Dr. Robbins suggested.
Pierce was leaning against her kitchen sink when she entered, a mug in his hand, another on the counter. He reached for it and handed it to her.
It was perfect, of course. The exact amount of cream and sugar added. She stared at him over the rim as she took her first sip. Had Louis ever once made her coffee? She laughed in her mind. Never. He’d never even known how she took it. In fact, he hadn’t permitted her to buy creamer because he insisted it wasn’t good for her and only added unnecessary calories she didn’t need to add to her fat ass. So, she’d used milk for five years.
Pierce reached out a hand and stroked her cheek. “You look like you’re headed to the guillotine. It’s just breakfast.”
She swallowed and set the mug on the counter. “I know. Sorry.” Should she talk to him now? No. She wasn’t ready. She needed food first. Then she could think better.
“Ready?” His brow was furrowed.
She nodded and turned around to grab her coat.
“We can walk someplace close if you want, or we can take my car. There’s a place close to my condo I’ve been to several times. It’s privately owned, and I love it. I often go on Sundays.”
“Alone?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“Usually.” He smirked. “I mean, if you’re asking me if I regularly have women spend the night and then take them to my favorite breakfast place, the answer is no. I’ve never brought a woman there.”
She felt the growing flush that mixed with embarrassment at having asked. It seemed like it would be ridiculous to even try to talk her way back out of that stupid question, so she pursed her lips and followed him from her apartment.
It took about twenty minutes to reach the part of town where Pierce lived. She’d never been to his condo. She hadn’t even known exactly where it was. That seemed a little weird now that she thought about it.
He parallel parked, and she jumped down from the SUV onto the sidewalk and stuck her hands in her pockets. He rounded the hood and fell into step next to her. “It’s a few blocks from here. I should have dropped you off. Are you cold?”
“No. I’m fine.” There was no wind that morning, the sun was shining, and the temperature wasn’t as low as it was some days. It felt good actually. Invigorating.
She tipped her head back and smiled at him. Yeah, he was one of the good guys. It was difficult not to compare him to Louis—who never in five years had dropped her off or cared a bit about her being cold. He’d also never taken her to breakfast, but she had no doubt if he had, he would have spent the entire walk scowling and telling her to hurry up. He had no patience for her whatsoever.
She shook the uninvited mental intrusion from her head, pulled her hand out of her pocket, and tucked her arm under Pierce’s elbow. It felt good. There was no reason to be scared. If Pierce turned out to be a dick—which was impossible to believe—then she would break up with him and move on. Simple.
She hadn’t considered having that power with Louis, but she was stronger now. Saying yes to Pierce didn’t have to mean anything more than that she wouldn’t sleep with other men while they were dating.
She inhaled a deep breath and stood taller, feeling stronger. Determined. Decided. That’s when she noticed the woman approaching them from the other direction. She saw the woman first because Pierce was looking down at London.
The woman was smiling, though, and obviously staring at Pierce like she knew him. She was blond, tall, and slender. She had on white slacks that looked expensive and a soft pink sweater that accentuated her breasts. She was attractive and kind of perfect.
“Pierce,” she said in a soft voice.
Pierce jerked his gaze from London to the woman and startled. “Janet.”
She smiled. “It’s bee
n a while. How are you?”
“Fine. Good. What are you doing here?”
London gripped Pierce’s arm tighter. She considered releasing him, but decided against it. If Janet was an old girlfriend or lover, she would just have to take a hike because Pierce was with London now.
What the fuck?
“I’m in town for a while. I was going to look you up, but I guess since I’ve run into you, I won’t have to now.” She turned to face London and held out a hand. “Janet Burgess.”
London shook the woman’s hand.
Pierce spoke before London had a chance. “I’m sorry. This is London Wynne.” He turned his gaze toward London. “Janet is my ex-wife.”
Now it was London’s turn to startle. “Nice to meet you,” she murmured. She hadn’t realized Pierce had been married before. She let her gaze roam up and down Janet’s frame. For a moment, she felt inferior next to this stunning taller woman who could have been a model. Hell, maybe she was. And then London mentally kicked herself. After six months of therapy, she had managed to overcome any doubts she had about her looks. That had been the easiest part of her recovery. Louis had been a dick to insinuate London wasn’t pretty enough for anyone else to ever love her.
London’s confidence was ordinarily right back where it had been for the twenty-six years she’d lived before meeting Louis. However, standing next to this tall blonde tested her resolve.
Pierce returned his gaze to his ex and cleared his throat. “What are you doing in Denver?
Janet nodded. “Work. I’ll be here for a week. Maybe we could have coffee.”
London stiffened further, aware of the fact she was gripping Pierce’s arm. There was no reason for this sudden possessiveness. The claim she had on Pierce barely extended to breakfast. If he wanted to have coffee with his ex-wife, he had every right to.
Pierce nodded noncommittally. “Sure.”
“Are you still working for Denver PD?” Janet asked.
“Yep. Same job. Same crappy hours.” He slid his free arm up to cover London’s hand where she gripped his forearm, peeling her fingers gently back to extricate himself. For a moment, she stopped breathing, afraid he didn’t want his ex-wife to think London was anyone important, but then he slid his hand up her back, grasped her opposite shoulder at the base of her neck, and hauled her closer to his side.
Claiming London Page 12