by Ali Parker
Hailey’s jaw flexed. She swallowed and bowed her head. “Space. I need space.”
I could give her that. Not because I wanted to but because she’d asked for it. Five minutes ago, I’d expected us to leave this hotel room as an engaged couple embarking on a crazy new adventure together. I thought maybe we could go grab something to eat together. She’d be eating for two now, so I figured I’d take her someplace nice for her favorite breakfast, eggs benny. If all went well, I’d had it in my head that we could go look at baby stuff. I’d never wandered through the kids’ section of a store before.
Why not today?
“I can give you space.” I pushed off the railing.
She turned slowly back to me and nodded. “I don’t know how long I’ll need.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I meant to… I don’t know. I thought this was the right decision.”
Hailey put her hand on my shoulder. “I don’t think either of us has been making right decisions for a while, Jack.”
Her hand fell and she brushed past me. I didn’t follow her into the room. Instead, I stayed where I was and listened to the door click closed behind her. The laughter of the children down in the pool broke over me and I returned to watch them play.
Would Hailey and I ever have a future where we could be in a hotel playing with our kids in the pool? Or had I just destroyed that future for us all?
Chapter 33
Hailey
Kim pursed her ruby lips around her straw and took a sip of her mimosa. Vanessa, who sat directly across the table from her, glared at Kim with sheer violence in her eyes.
I looked back and forth between my friends. “Is everything okay, Vanessa?”
Vanessa blinked and looked over at me. She laughed lightly as Kim’s eyes flicked up to her. “Yes, I’m fine. All this breastfeeding just means I can’t have a drink, and I would literally punch Kim in the face for a sip of that mimosa.”
Kim shrugged. “Sorry, Vanny. If I could lend you my boobs, I would.”
Vanessa waved her off. “Oh please. You don’t have to feel guilty on my account, although I appreciate the offer. At least one of us is taking advantage of three-dollar mimosas. You should grab one, Hailey. Do it for me.”
I still hadn’t told the girls about the baby.
For the past twenty-four hours since meeting Jackson at the hotel, I’d been holed up in Hannah’s apartment feeling sorry for myself. Hannah had tried everything in her toolbox to make me feel better but fell short every time. Before she left for her shift at the bakery cafe this morning, she’d grabbed her apron and told me to consider talking to my friends about what was going on. She’d insisted there was no harm in confiding to the people closest to me about something like this. It was a surprise—an unplanned major event in my life that I was about to embark on by myself—so my mental health was going to take a rollercoaster ride and there was one thing that always made such things better.
Friends.
“Well…” I trailed off. How did I tell them about this? Other girls always had cute little packages to give their friends for surprise announcements. The women would squeal in excitement and it would become a big celebration. But I didn’t feel celebratory on the inside. “I have something to tell you guys.”
Kim and Vanessa exchanged a look.
Kim set her drink down and nodded for me to go ahead. “What is it?”
I licked my lips.
Vanessa leaned closer toward me. “Oh God. Is something wrong? Are you sick?”
“Vanny,” Kim scolded.
“What? No.” I shook my head. “I’m not sick. Well, I’ve been sick more times in the last week and a half than I ever have in my life but—”
“Holy shit,” Kim breathed.
Vanessa’s eyes were wide with curiosity but realization had not yet hit her like it had Kim, who reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
“Are you?” Kim pumped her eyebrows. “You know?” Her eyes flicked down to my stomach beneath the table.
I nodded.
Vanessa slammed a flat palm on the table, startling us both. “Someone better use their damn words and tell me what’s going on, or I’ll order myself one of those mimosas and then I’ll be mad at myself when I’m stuck pumping and chucking my milk out.”
Kim snickered. “That’s something you have to look forward to, Hailey.”
I groaned.
Vanessa scowled at us both. “What are you two talking about? Look forward to what? Not being able to enjoy a fucking mimosa—” She broke off and her eyes went wide. She twisted in her chair to face me. “Oh! Are you pregnant?”
Here it is. No going back now. I nodded. “Yep.”
The squealing I wasn’t expecting happened anyway. Kim leapt out of her chair to give me a hug and Vanessa followed suit. Once our embraces were done and we settled back into our chairs, Kim sucked back the rest of her mimosa and looked at me.
“Wait, what does this mean?” she asked.
“Better question,” Vanessa said pointedly. “Whose baby is it?”
I bit my bottom lip. “Erm, you know him.”
Kim gasped. “No. Fucking. Way.”
“Who?” Vanessa cried.
Kim answered for me. “Jackson. It’s Jackson, isn’t it?”
My cheeks burned like I’d been sitting under the desert sun for eight solid hours. “Yes, it’s Jackson’s.”
Vanessa leaned back in her chair. “Whoa.”
“You can say that again.” I sighed. “Let me get you both up to speed. I need advice.”
I spent the next fifteen minutes divulging all the details of what had happened between me and Jackson from the very first time we’d hooked up, which was the time I got pregnant to begin with. I told them all about how good things were when I first moved in with him but how quickly it all had gone to hell.
And I ended the story with Jackson’s impromptu and unwanted marriage proposal at the hotel yesterday morning.
When I finished, I sat back expectantly and waited for their reactions. Neither of them said a word. Kim massaged her temples while Vanessa finished off her fruit salad, and when I cleared my throat, they both looked up at me.
“Well?” I said. “Don’t you two have something to say? You’re usually both full of opinions and advice. Lay them on me. I feel like I’m lost out at sea here.”
Kim raked her fingers through her hair before clasping her hands in her lap. “I have experience with telling pregnant women things they don’t want to hear.” She paused to nod at Vanessa, who shrugged in agreement. “And I don’t want to get yelled at for saying something that might not be what you’re hoping to hear.”
“I’m not hoping to hear anything. I just need help untangling this mess and I don’t know where to start.”
“Okay.” Kim ran her palms down her thighs. “Fine then. I think that, maybe, just maybe, you might have been a little too hard on Jackson for this whole proposal thing.”
I blinked. “You do?”
“Bear with me,” Kim said hurriedly. “Jackson has always been a bit of a dolt. I know that. You know that. Hell, we all know that. But he’s a sweet dolt and there is nothing more important to him in this world than the people he loves. And he loves you more than the rest of us, Hailey. He always has. Maybe the timing is off but I don’t think you should write him off because he got his wires crossed.”
“He never would have proposed if I wasn’t pregnant,” I said. And that was the trouble of it all. What sort of pride could I maintain if I said yes to a proposal I knew was coerced out of me being pregnant?
No. I didn’t want that.
“I don’t know if that’s true,” Kim said.
My surprise must have shown on my face because Vanessa put her hand over mine and started agreeing with Kim. “It might just have needed a little more time, Hailey. The two of you were just getting started and then you were thrown a curveball. And that’s okay. Not all love stories have clear-cut
paths. Sometimes they’re messy. Sometimes it takes a while for both people to be on the same page.”
“Same page?” I laughed. “Guys, Jackson and I aren’t even in the same book!”
“That’s what keeps it interesting.” Kim winked.
“I don’t want interesting,” I said. “I want easy. I want clear cut. I want more time.”
Kim frowned. “I’m sorry, babe. But you don’t have it. Life is happening right now. You can resist but it’s going to keep moving forward regardless of whether you’re on board or not. So I suggest you get on the damn ship.”
“Or get on Jackson again,” Vanessa said with a grin.
“It’s too messy,” I said. “It’s not supposed to be this hard.”
“Okay.” Kim put her napkin down and looked me in the eyes. “I’m going to give you some tough love, okay?”
Yikes. When Kim got to spitting truths, it wasn’t uncommon for someone’s cage to be rattled. But maybe that was what I needed—even though my cage already felt pretty rattled, like it had been tossed off a hundred-foot cliff and had hit every single rock on the way down.
Vanessa mumbled about wishing how she had a mimosa.
Kim took a breath before launching into her tough-love speech. “Why do you think it’s supposed to be easy? Me finding Rick and falling for him certainly wasn’t easy. I had to wait a year for my chance to be with him, and even after that, he and I both managed to mess it up in the beginning. But we pushed through because both of us realized our lives were better with the other person in it. Vanny and Rhys were the same way. They almost didn’t make it. There is pain in both our love stories, Hailey. But that doesn’t soil the whole thing. If it did, well, everyone would be single.”
“Being single isn’t a bad thing,” I said defensively.
“Never said it was,” Kim said. “But being single when you’re head over heels for a man who is also head over heels for you and has been for the better half of six years? That just doesn’t add up, Hails. You can keep playing it safe if you want and not go for it, but if you did, I’m pretty sure you and Jackson could become the love story you have always wanted.”
I looked at Vanessa for support, but she shook her head. “Don’t look at me, girl. I’m with Kim. She’s a royal pain in the ass but let’s be honest with ourselves here. She always gives good advice, especially when you don’t want to hear it.”
I pouted and stared into my empty cup of caffeine-free tea. “This sucks.”
Kim chuckled softly. “We’re here for you. No matter what you choose.”
“Speaking of which,” Vanessa said. “Do you have any doctor’s appointments lined up?”
I told them about my first appointment coming up on Tuesday morning and admitted that I was nervous. Kim and Vanessa both instantly offered to go with me.
I shook my head but gave them a grateful smile. “I appreciate it. But I might be on my own with this pregnancy and I want to prove to myself that I can do this alone.”
Kim chewed the inside of her cheek. “Okay. Well, if you change your mind, call one of us, okay?”
“Okay,” I said.
“Hey.” Vanessa nudged me gently in the side with her elbow and leaned into me. “It’s going to work out. You just have to have a little faith.”
“Yeah. I know.”
I was grateful when Kim changed the subject and started telling us a funny story about Rick’s little girl, Chessie. I fell into the story and appreciated the temporary reprieve from my problems. As soon as brunch was over, I’d be back to sitting in my worries and stewing over how upset I was with Jackson.
But for now, all I had to do was listen, and that was enough to save me for another fifteen minutes.
Chapter 34
Jackson
As I sat in my rental car parked at the curb outside Hailey’s work place in Nashville, I wondered if this was yet another mistake I was making.
It was Tuesday morning. The sun was shining, and glittering drops of dew clung to the grass on the front lawn of the building. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and watched the front doors, waiting for Hailey to step outside.
Kim had called me and told me all about Hailey’s first doctor appointment this morning. She’d explained how Hailey didn’t want anyone going with her. So naturally, when Kim suggested I go, I’d thought it was a reckless idea.
I insisted Hailey didn’t want anything to do with me. She’d asked me for space and I was pretty sure the exact opposite of that would be tagging along to her doctor appointment.
But Kim told me to blame it on her if things went badly. She argued steadfastly with me until I caved, and now I was back in Nashville after yet more back-to-back flights. My head felt fat with fatigue. I hadn’t slept well in days, nor had I been able to eat much of anything. My nerves were getting the best of me, and sitting here waiting wasn’t helping.
But it was giving me some clarity.
I was grateful Kim had called. I definitely didn’t want Hailey going to her appointments by herself. I wanted to be there to hold her hand and experience this with her. I wanted her to have someone to turn to when she heard the heartbeat for the first time. I wanted to share the joy in this.
If she’d let me.
The front doors of the building opened and Hailey stepped out into the sun. She stopped to rummage through her purse and pull out a pair of sunglasses. She slid them on and began making her way down the sidewalk. She looked good.
Hell, she always looked good.
She was wearing tight gray leggings, white sneakers, and a loose mint-green sweater. Her hair was half pulled up and small earrings glittered in her ears. She had earbuds in and was likely going to catch public transit of some kind to get to her doctor’s office.
I got out of my car and moved around to the passenger side so I could meet her on the sidewalk.
She didn’t even notice me standing here. Whatever she was listening to had her complete attention. When I stepped out a little and waved, she flinched, tore an earbud out of one ear, and stared at me.
“Jackson? What the hell are you doing here?”
I’d had a bunch of things rehearsed that I wanted to say but they flitted out of my head the minute we locked eyes.
Say something, Jack. Anything.
“I didn’t want you to do this by yourself,” I said.
“Do what by myself?”
“Go to the doctor.”
She rolled her eyes to the sky and took her sunglasses off. She pushed them up in her hair and planted a hand on her hip. “Who told you? Kim?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me.”
“I’m going to kill her. She knows I wanted to do this by myself but she had to go and meddle like always. Why does she do that shit?”
“Because she cares about you,” I said.
Hailey stared blankly at me.
I ran my fingers through my hair and gestured at my car. “Come on, Hails. Let me at least drive you. I’ll stay in the car if you absolutely don’t want me coming inside with you.”
“I can get myself there.” She went to put her earbuds back in.
I stepped forward and caught her hand. “I’m not asking you to marry me again. I’m just asking that you let me give you a ride.”
She searched my eyes.
For a moment, I was certain she would say no. She was obviously still pissed at me. I couldn’t blame her.
“Fine,” Hailey said. “A ride. But that’s it.”
I opened the passenger door and turned my back to her so she couldn’t see me grinning. “Just a ride. Sounds good.”
Hailey brushed past me and got in the car. I felt her eyes following me as I walked around the hood and got behind the wheel. I drove much more cautiously than I normally would have. I didn’t want to give her motion sickness on top of morning sickness.
We were quiet after I pulled away from the curb. She pulled her purse up onto her lap and sifted through it until she found her chapstick. She rolled
it on, popped the cap back on, and tucked it into the pouch on the inside lining of the purse. Hailey didn’t stop there. She continued to “look for things” in her purse, and I had a sneaking suspicion she was only trying to look busy so I wouldn’t talk to her.
Point taken.
I kept my eyes fixed on the road and my head in the game.
It was strange to consider what I was actually doing. I was driving the woman I loved and our unborn child to his or her first ever doctor’s appointment.
I smiled. Even though this wasn’t how I dreamed my first experience would go, it was still perfect.
Because it was with Hailey.
She would forgive me. She had to. Without Hailey, I wasn’t Jackson, and without me, she wasn’t Hailey. It was that simple. In time, she’d come to realize that.
Maybe if I stopped trying so hard and just went back to being myself before shit fell apart, I could speed the process along a bit.
“Remember that time I thought it was a good idea to propose?” I asked.
Hailey shot me a look. Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed into a fine line.
I cracked a smile as we pulled away from a green light. “Kidding.”
Hailey rolled her eyes. “Very funny, Jackson.”
“I thought so.” Hey, at least we’re talking. I’ll take what I can get.
“In all seriousness though, you deserve better than a last-minute half-hearted proposal, Hails. I got my shit twisted, and now that I’m looking back, I can see how pathetic it was. I’m embarrassed.”
“Good.”
“I dropped the ball. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No you were not,” she said stiffly.
“I just figured… I don’t know. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to do this alone. A grand gesture felt like the right move at the time. In hindsight, I can see how that was not the case at all. I would’ve been better off just throwing myself off the balcony altogether to spare myself the humiliation.”
Hailey’s stern expression softened a little bit. “Don’t beat yourself up too hard. It was thoughtless of you, yes. And equally embarrassing for me. But at the same time…”