by Ali Parker
“At the same time what?” I asked hopefully.
She sighed and shook her head like she couldn’t believe what she was about to say. “At the same time, I know you, and I know your heart was in the right place, and now I think part of it was kind of sweet.” She twisted toward me. “Don’t let that go to your head.”
I shrugged and pretended that I wasn’t brimming over with joy. Hailey was forgiving me. Slowly but surely, we were working our way back to each other and there was light at the end of the tunnel. I was getting my friend back. “I’ve been known to be sweet on occasion. When I want to be.”
“Don’t ruin it.”
I chuckled. “All right. All right. I’m done. I’ll stop.”
“Thank you.”
We passed a couple of crossroads in comfortable silence together. Hailey no longer fidgeted with her purse or tried to busy herself with tasks that didn’t matter, and I didn’t worry obsessively over losing my best friend.
As the clinic drew closer, Hailey’s grip on her bag tightened.
I reached over and took one of her hands in mine. “Are you nervous?”
Hailey nodded.
“Me too,” I admitted.
“You are?”
“Of course I am. How could I not be? This is a big deal. There is so much unknown with this. But can I tell you something?”
Hailey chewed the inside of her cheek and nodded.
“I’m glad I’m with you,” I said.
She smiled.
The clouds parted and the sun shone down on me and I basked in the brilliant warmth of that smile. Suddenly, everything felt right as she leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes, her smile still lingering on her perfect lips.
“You’re a sweet talker, Jack.”
“I mean it.”
She opened one eye and peered over at me. “I know you do.”
Chapter 35
Hailey
My palms were clammy and hot when Jackson pulled into the parking space behind my clinic. He’d driven here before about three years ago when I had strep throat and a high fever, and he’d sat through the appointment with me to make sure he heard all the instructions so he could take proper care of me. I was living alone at that time, so Hannah wasn’t around to make sure I stayed hydrated and took my antibiotics.
But Jackson made sure. He crashed on my sofa and doted on me without making me feel guilty.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when he cleared his throat. “Ready to go in?”
No. I nodded. “I think so.”
Jackson opened his door and got out. I stayed where I was. My ass was glued to the seat of the rental. He walked around the hood and opened my door for me. I stared at his hand when he offered it and couldn’t bring myself to accept it.
Everything had suddenly become intensely real.
There was a baby growing in my belly. And for the first time, I was going to hear its little heartbeat and get medical confirmation that yes, this is real. This is happening. After that? Well, there would be no burying my head in the sand and pretending I was still just plain old not-pregnant Hailey.
Jackson flicked his fingers in a come-hither motion. “Let’s go, Hails. We can do this.”
We.
I slapped my hand into his. Jackson helped me out of the car and nudged the door closed behind me with his hip. We walked hand in hand around the side of the building to the front doors. It was warm inside and uncomfortably stuffy, like a waiting room in a humid hotel lobby. I immediately regretted wearing such a big sweater but wasn’t willing to take it off and sit in my tank top.
I checked in at the desk and was told by Cheryl, the receptionist, that Dr. Davies would see me in about fifteen minutes.
Jackson and I found chairs in the waiting room and sat shoulder to shoulder. He put his hand on my knee and I rested my cheek on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
I still wasn’t thrilled with how he’d proposed but I was thoroughly convinced he felt terrible and he had seen the error of his ways—and understood the reason why I was upset in the first place. He was my best friend and it was in my hands to let this destroy us or not.
I couldn’t imagine a life without Jackson in it. So forgiveness was my only option.
Kim may or may not have had a hand in talking some sense into me but I didn’t plan on ever admitting that to her. Her ego didn’t need any more stroking.
It felt like only two minutes had passed when the doctor called my name.
I sat up straight. My blood ran cold, my stomach rolled over, and I felt all the blood drain from my face.
Jackson got smoothly to his feet and pulled me up with him. He flashed a dashing and excited smile over his shoulder at me. “Let’s do this thing.”
His confidence and enthusiasm dispersed my worry. I followed him and Dr. Davies down the hall to the last room on the left. We stepped in and the doctor closed it behind us. He had a clipboard in hand, most likely containing my file, and he peered over the top of his glasses at me as Jackson and I took our seats.
“Congratulations, Hailey,” Dr. Davies said. “This is big news.”
I nodded weakly. “Thank you.”
“Unexpected?” Dr. Davies mused.
“Very,” I admitted.
He chuckled. “Well, most of the best things are, aren’t they? Here, hop up on the examination table. Let’s see if we can hear that heartbeat. You followed Cheryl’s instructions?”
I nodded. She’d given me a list of things to do to prepare for my appointment and I’d followed them to a T.
The first half of the appointment was spent doing bloodwork to run necessary tests. I’d never been bothered by needles, so that part seemed a lot less nerve wracking than the part that would follow.
The next five minutes went by in a blur as Dr. Davies prepped me to hear the baby’s heartbeat. He confirmed that I was just over six weeks along.
Dr. Davies told me all about how nervous he had been when he found out his wife was expecting their first child. Apparently, they’d found out about it three weeks before their wedding, and they had to keep the whole thing under wraps and hide it from her traditional grandparents, who might have thrown in the towel on the wedding.
“It was very important they didn’t turn their backs on us because as a med student, I wasn’t exactly flush with cash and they were covering a good portion of the wedding,” Dr. Davies said. “Luckily, we kept it under wraps and they never found out our firstborn was conceived out of wedlock. Times have changed since then. People are a lot more tolerant of couples following less traditional paths. How long have you two been seeing each other?”
I’d always loved Dr. Davies, but admittedly, he was a bit nosy. He asked a lot of questions and didn’t understand personal boundaries all that well. He never pried to be rude. He just wanted to know you as best as he could.
“We aren’t seeing each other,” I said.
Jackson let out a nervous laugh. “We’re best friends actually.”
Dr. Davies’s eyebrows inched up his forehead. “I see. Very untraditional indeed.”
I blushed. “The baby wasn’t part of the plan. And Jackson and I… well, it’s complicated.”
“Isn’t it always?” Dr. Davies smirked. He set me up with a hearing device pressed to my tummy connected to a monitor. I tried to get comfortable as he pressed it all over my stomach searching for the heartbeat. He paused. “Ah. Here we are. Let’s have a listen, shall we?”
Jackson moved to stand by my head. He took my hand in his and put his other hand on my shoulder.
Dr. Davies smiled victoriously.
Suddenly, the room filled with the whirring, rushing sound of a tiny heartbeat. I’d only ever heard such a thing in the movies, but hearing it with my own two ears and knowing it was coming from inside me was the most overwhelming sensation I’d ever experienced. A half-laugh half-sob escaped me.
“Jackson,” I breathed as tears streamed down my face. “That’s our baby.”
&n
bsp; Jackson wiped my tears away and crouched down beside me. When I turned to him, his eyes were glassy and his cheeks were flushed.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
He pressed his lips to my forehead and I closed my eyes. “Me too,” he said softly. “But I’ve got you. And you’ve got me. Like always. Right?”
Right. Like always.
I nodded.
Dr. Davies rose from his chair and moved to the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. You two enjoy the moment. It’s precious and you will remember it forever.”
He left the room.
Jackson stroked my hair off my forehead. “This doesn’t even feel real.”
“It feels real to me.”
“I wish it would sink in,” he said.
“It will,” I promised.
He kissed my forehead again. The warmth and reassurance of his lips chased away my lingering fears. He was right. We were in this together. There was so much uncertainty ahead of us but I knew in my soul I could face anything so long as I had Jackson.
I reached for him and cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry I pushed you away.”
“I deserved it. I never should have—”
“Hush,” I said. Jackson fell quiet. “I should have come with you to New York when you first asked me. I wanted to. But I was afraid of change. I convinced myself I had to stay behind. The invite was a no-brainer. I should have said yes. I regret that I made you feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”
“Is that what we’re doing now? Getting our apologies out in the open?”
I laughed softly. “It feels right, doesn’t it?”
“Clean slate?”
I nodded. “Clean slate.”
“In that case, I’m sorry I set you up on that stupid date with Ambrose. I never wanted it to work out for you two. I mean, sure, I told myself it would be good for you, but deep down, I wanted you to myself.”
“I’m sorry I stopped talking to you and shut down after we slept together.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t push harder.”
I pulled him down to me and crushed my lips against his. He crouched frozen in my grasp for a moment, but eventually, he relaxed and gave in to the need that had washed over me. The kiss filled the empty well inside my heart, and any lingering fear I had was replaced with excitement.
We were going to do this. And we were going to do it together.
When we broke apart, Jackson was smiling like an idiot.
I rolled my eyes and laughed at him. “Whatever wise-ass joke you’re thinking about, keep it to yourself.”
“I can do that.”
I giggled, rolled onto my side, and propped my head up in one hand. I gestured back and forth between us with the other. “So, what does this mean?”
“It means I love you,” he said simply. “And I always have. And maybe this was the kick in the ass we needed to finally do something about it.”
I shoved him in the shoulder. “Don’t swear in front of the baby.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Sorry, it was the kick in the booty we both needed.”
“Better.”
He grinned and put his hand on my stomach.
“Hey, Jack?”
“Mm?” His focus was still on my tummy and I imagined how wonderful it would be to be round and full and six months along and have him smiling and talking to my belly as he prepared to be a father.
Tears blurred my vision. “I love you too.”
Chapter 36
Jackson
Hannah and Hailey’s apartment smelled like BBQ ribs. My mouth had been watering since I first walked in the door about an hour ago, and it was getting harder and harder for me to continue giving all my attention to Chessie, Rick’s daughter.
She and I had made ourselves comfortable on the plush living-room rug while the “adults,” Kim, Hailey, and Hannah, all sat around the island in the kitchen sipping drinks and enjoying themselves.
Chessie passed me a tiny pink denim jacket and nodded pointedly at the doll in my hand. “She’s going to be cold if you don’t put a jacket on her.”
I took the jacket and struggled to get the tiny arms and hands through the sleeves with my clumsy fingers. “Good call, Chess. Very good call. Where would she be without you looking out for her?”
“She’d probably be cold,” Chessie said simply.
I chuckled.
The kid had a sense of humor and didn’t even know it.
Chessie and I finished dressing her remaining dolls in weather-appropriate outfits, rain boots, jackets, long pants, gloves, and one even got a faux-fur leopard-print winter coat. Chessie made sure to emphasize that it was fake fur and not real because she was passionate about the treatment of animals.
Once all the dolls were dressed, we took them over to the kitchen island to show them off to the adults. Rick picked up the doll I’d dressed in the pink denim jacket and turned her around in one hand. He peered up at me from beneath his dark brows. “You know, for a guy with no kids or younger siblings, you’re freakishly good at this.”
The girls snickered.
“Chessie picked out her outfits,” I said.
Chessie, who was standing beside me, nodded proudly. “Her boots match her jacket, Daddy. See?”
“I can see that,” Rick noted. “Well done. Well done.”
The women praised Chessie and picked on me.
“I don’t appreciate these gender stereotypes you’re cornering me with,” I said defensively.
Kim snorted. “It has nothing to do with your gender, Jackson. It has to do with your age.”
The women giggled.
I prickled. “Come on, Chessie. Let’s go back to the dolls. At least they don’t mock me.”
Chessie shrugged. “I’m bored.”
More laughter ensued at my expense, and even though I put on an act that I was offended, I was actually enjoying it. Things felt normal again. And right. Like everything was as it should be.
Being able to spend an evening amongst friends and have the pregnancy and mine and Hailey’s new relationship out in the open was icing on the cake. Sharing food and drinks and laughs helped Hailey relax and let her hair down, even though she was sipping water in between sparkling apple juice, which she shared with an appreciative Chessie.
Hannah left the island and lifted the lid of her Crockpot to check on the ribs. Steam poured out of the open top and carried with it the rich, sweet, tangy scent of the barbeque sauce.
Rick got to his feet to peer over her shoulder into the pot. “That smells incredible.”
“Sit down before you hurt yourself, Rick,” Kim said.
Hannah covered the pot back up. “Give it another fifteen minutes and we’ll be good to sit down and eat. Can I refill anyone’s drinks?”
Everyone held up their glasses. Hannah splashed more wine and sparkling apple juice into long-stemmed wine glasses, and once we had fresh drinks, we all sat down for some adult talk. Chessie quickly tired of the conversation and went back to her dolls.
I’d been wondering all evening about how different things would be in just eight or so months. There would be a new little one in the house. My little one.
I watched Hailey out of the corner of my eye while she talked animatedly with Kim and Hannah about the doctor’s appointment we’d had a few days ago.
“It really made things sink in that we’re going to be parents,” Hailey said. “It was crazy and scary and wonderful all at once.”
“I’m glad you guys went together,” Kim said.
Hailey agreed. “Thanks for suggesting Jackson tag along. It gave us a chance to work through our crap once and for all. And we’re better than ever. Right?” She flashed me a smile.
I lifted my drink. “Cheers to that.”
Rick leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “That was delicious, Hannah. Thank you for preparing such a feast.”
Hannah beamed at everyone gathered at her dining table. “I was happy to cook for e
veryone. It felt good to have a family dinner, didn’t it, Hailey?”
Hailey was holding my hand under the table. “Definitely. What did you think, Chessie? Did you like it?”
Chessie, who was sitting beside her father, looked like she was about to fall asleep at the table. “It was yummy. I’m so full.”
Everyone chuckled.
Rick and I got to our feet and began gathering plates. The women protested, but he and I knew what was good for us, and after someone prepared a big meal like this, it was only fair for the guests to do the cleanup. We brought the dishes into the kitchen. I rinsed, plated, and loaded the dishwasher while Rick scrubbed pots and pans and transferred leftovers into containers to be stacked neatly in the fridge.
“So a baby,” Rick said as he ran a scrub brush from one end of a baking tray to another. “That’s big news, man. How are you feeling? Excited?”
I closed the dishwasher with my hip and leaned up against the counter. I plucked a drying towel from where it hung on the dishwasher handle and began drying the pans and pots he passed to me so I could put them away. “Honestly? I think I’ve gone through every emotion in the book since I first found out about the baby. Fear and excitement seem to be the top two.”
“I was the same.”
“When did it go away? The fear, I mean?”
“Never,” Rick said. He caught my shell-shocked expression and laughed. “Relax. It just changes, I suppose. In the beginning, you’re afraid of how much your life will change. You worry you won’t be a good father and that you’ll let your family down. All that stuff. But eventually, you realize you can do it and then other fears replace the old ones.”
“Other fears?”
Rick eyed me. “Do you really want me to go over them, or would you prefer to live in ignorance a little longer?”
I slid the dry pans into the standing cupboard in the corner of the kitchen and slung the damp drying towel over my shoulder. “I suppose I should take advantage of the not knowing for as long as possible, huh?”