When I Lie With You

by Sandi Lynn

  “Don’t listen to him, Rory. He’s upset right now and he’s going to say things he doesn’t mean. Do you want me to talk to him?”

  “No. I don’t want you or Daniel involved. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Take care and don’t stress. It’s not good for the baby.”

  The baby. I placed my hands on my stomach and looked down. I had to think about my baby. Just like I always had to think about Stephen.

  “I thought you took off. It wouldn’t have surprised me,” Ian said as he had our bags in his hand. “Let’s go. The plane is waiting for us.”

  I got up and followed him to a limo that was waiting for us at the curb. I slid in the back and Ian climbed in next to me. He didn’t sit close to me like he always did. I needed to fix this. I needed to talk to him, but I didn’t know if it was a good time or if I should wait and let him cool down.

  “I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry to have put you in such a position to make you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Rory. Don’t ever say that again.”

  “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we have to. This is our child, our baby; a human being that we both created out of love,” I said as I reached over and touched his hand.

  He pulled away. “I was very specific when I told you that I never wanted children. I relied on you to prevent that from happening. I take care of you. I give you everything you need and you can’t even do one simple thing for me.”

  Those words were like a dagger that just stabbed me in the heart and killed me. Instantly, I felt dead. My eyes filled with tears and there was nothing I could do to stop them. They fell down my face and Ian looked over at me.

  “I’m sorry, Rory, but that’s how I feel.”

  I turned my body towards the window and cried until we got on the plane. He sat in the front, and I sat in the back. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I needed to make him see that this baby was the best thing that happened to us. I was curled up in the seat, looking out at the clouds, when Ian came over to me.

  “How long have you known?” he asked sternly.

  “I found out two days before Adalynn’s wedding.”

  “The day you came home and you’d been crying and you told me it was because of Stephen.”

  “Yep, that’s the day.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me right away?” he asked.

  “Gee, Ian. Look at your reaction. Do you think for once second I was going to let you ruin Adalynn’s wedding?”

  “I knew something was up with you, but to be honest, I never suspected you were pregnant,” he said as he sat down next to me. “We need to have a serious talk. I’m not father material. I can’t raise a child. I don’t want to raise a child.”

  “Then I’m letting you off the hook.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he said.

  “Exactly what I said. Now go away because I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

  He got up and went back to his seat. The plane landed and Joshua was waiting for us at the gate. I walked way ahead of Ian and Joshua knew something was up.

  “How was your trip?” he asked.

  “I’m pregnant and Ian’s pissed and doesn’t want it. Does that answer your question?”

  “Rory!” Ian yelled.

  We climbed in the back of the limo and it took everything I had in me not to break down and cry. “Why the hell would you say that to Joshua?” he said through gritted teeth.

  “It’s the truth. Did you want me to lie to him? Oh wait, that’s right, I do lie and I do things on purpose just to piss you off.”

  “That is enough! Do you understand me, Rory?”

  “I understand you loud and clear, Ian!”

  I turned and faced the window. “Rory,” he said in a lowered voice. “I need time. You know my thoughts about kids and I just can’t let you think that I’m happy about this. I’m not happy about it at all. Our entire lives are going to change. I wanted us to be a couple together with no one else to worry about. I want you alone and all to myself. I don’t want to be responsible for another human being. Sweetheart, I’m only being honest with you and I hope you can understand.”

  I wiped the single lonely tear that fell from my eye. It represented how I felt, alone. He hoped that I understood. It was the cycle of my life starting all over again, but now I was the adult and going through what my mother did. I needed to be strong for my baby. He could hurt me a thousand times over, but I wouldn’t let him hurt our child. I turned my head and looked at him directly in the eyes.

  “I know how you feel, but I will never understand. So, I hope you can understand that.”

  He looked at me and then turned his head and looked out the window as we pulled into the driveway. I opened the door, ran up the stairs, and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I sat down on the toilet, where I brought my knees up to my chest and cupped my face in my hands. I cried as quietly as I could.

  Chapter 31

  Ian

  I took our bags up to the bedroom and then went down to my study. I couldn’t believe Rory was pregnant. To be honest, I couldn’t explain how I felt. I guess you could say confused and angry. I didn’t want kids. I wasn’t dad material; never was and never would be. I took in a deep breath and dialed my dad. I just needed to talk to him for a minute.

  “Hello, son,” he answered.

  “Hey, Dad. How are you? I asked with a lump in my throat.

  “I’m okay. How was the winery?”

  I leaned back in my chair. “It was eventful.” I didn’t want to tell him about Rory because if I actually talked about it, then it made it real, and I didn’t want it to be real.

  “Something happen?”

  “No. It was fine. It was a good business decision and I’m happy I went with it.”

  “Good. You’re a smart man. I had no doubt that you’d make the right decision.”

  The right decision. If he only knew how I felt about Rory being pregnant.

  “Ian? Are you still there, son?”

  “Yeah, Dad. I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. “Are you and Rory okay?”

  “We’re fine. Listen, I just called to see how you were and to let you know we were back. Let’s have dinner next week if you’re up to it,” I said.

  “Sure, I would like that.”

  “Good. I’ll call you. Have a good night, Dad.”

  “You too, son,” he replied before I ended the call.

  I set my phone down on the desk and leaned back in my chair. I thought about Rory and how fucked up all of this was. I needed a drink. I walked over to the bar and poured myself a glass of bourbon and looked at it before I threw it down the back of my throat. I sighed as I poured another. Like the first, I threw that one back as well and slammed the glass down on the bar. It had been a couple of hours since I’d seen Rory. I was sure she was sleeping. I hurt her and I hurt her bad. She had the same look in her eyes that she did when I told her I didn’t love her. A look that I never wanted to see again.

  I went upstairs to the bedroom and Rory was sound asleep on the bed, holding onto a couple of tissues tightly in her hand. I changed out of my clothes and climbed into bed. As I looked at Rory, my heart filled with sadness because I couldn’t be the one thing she wanted me to be. I got up and went into the guest bedroom for the night.

  The next morning, my phone alarm went off and when I walked to my bedroom, Rory wasn’t in bed. I stepped in the shower, got dressed, and headed downstairs for some breakfast before heading over to Prim. As I sat down at the table, I asked Mandy where Rory was.

  “I haven’t seen her yet this morning,” she replied.

  I looked around the house for her and called her name, but she didn’t respond. I had a feeling that she had left. As I walked down the hallway, I glanced over to the room she stayed in when I first brought her here. I placed my hand on the knob and slowly opened the door. There she was;
curled up in a ball and sound asleep. I quietly shut the door and went back downstairs.

  Chapter 32

  Rory

  My eyes opened as soon as I heard him close the door. He thought I was sleeping, but I wasn’t. When I woke up last night and saw him sleeping in the other room, my heart shattered even more. I didn’t think it was possible for him to hurt me any more than he already had. But he succeeded and he also succeeded in me feeling nothing but hatred for him. After running to the bathroom and throwing up, I threw on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and went downstairs. I had to face him some time. When I walked into the dining room, Ian looked up at me.

  “You’re up,” he said.

  “Yeah, I am. I just came down to grab some coffee. I’ll be out of your sight in a minute.”

  “Why didn’t you stay in our bed last night?” he asked as Mandy walked in with a cup of coffee.

  “Why didn’t you?” I replied.

  He looked down and picked up his coffee cup. “I just couldn’t.”

  “I couldn’t either,” I spouted. I picked up the coffee cup from the table and went back to my room. A few moments later, Ian walked in.

  “I’m leaving to go to Prim for the day. What are your plans?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said as I turned and looked out the window.

  “Are you going to tell anyone about this?”

  “About what?” I asked.

  “You and your condition.”

  I saw nothing but red as I turned around and looked at him. “My condition? You make it sound like some fucking disease.”

  “I don’t have time for you right now. I have to get to Prim,” he said as he stormed out the door.

  How did things get so bad so fast? One day, we were perfect and the next, we were torn apart. This should have been the happiest time for us. But instead, it was the most miserable. I took off my shirt and placed my hands on my stomach. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and moved my hands in small circles. The pain inside would never go away if Ian wasn’t around for us. I loved him so much, but at the same time, I hated him for making me feel this way. I needed to be strong and take charge. He’d get used to the idea, I knew he would. If he didn’t, then we’d leave and never look back. I’d become a single parent like my mom was. She did the best she could under the circumstances and I learned a lot from her. I would have given anything for her to be here right now. I considered talking to Jimmy about this, but we weren’t close. We were taking baby steps and trying to build a father/daughter relationship slowly. Just like Ian was trying with his mom.

  As the day went on, I didn’t hear a word from Ian. Usually, he’d call me a few times or send me love texts. I grabbed my purse and went to the Piano Bar to see Jimmy. I sat up at the bar and Rosie came from the back room.

  “Hey, Rory. It’s good to see you, darling. It’s been a while.”

  “Hi, Rosie. I was busy with Adalynn’s wedding and then Ian and I went to tour a winery he’s partnered with.”

  “You look sad. How about a cosmo to cheer you up,” she said.

  “As much as I’d love one, I can’t drink.”

  She gave me a strange look and smiled. “Why? Are you pregnant or something?”

  “Yeah, something like that,” I replied.

  Her face lit up and she screeched and reached over the bar to give me a hug. “Rory, that’s fantastic news. You’re going to be a mama.”

  I looked at her, thanked her, and pursed my lips, trying to hold back the tears.

  “What’s wrong? You’re not happy about the baby?” Rosie asked.

  I sighed. “I’m happy about the baby. It’s Ian. He’s really upset and says he doesn’t want it.”

  “What the fuck?!” she exclaimed. “Are you kidding me? He doesn’t seem like that type.”

  “He doesn’t want kids. He said he’s not father material.”

  She reached over and grabbed my hands. “He’ll come around, sweetie. Sometimes, it’s a shock, especially if it wasn’t planned.” Rosie looked up and whispered, “Here comes Jimmy. Are you going to tell him?”

  “Not yet.” I shook my head.

  “Hey, there’s my girl.” Jimmy smiled as he sat down on the stool next to me and gave me a hug. “How are you, Rory?”

  I faked a smile so he wouldn’t suspect something was wrong. “I’m great. How are you?” I asked.

  “Things are good. I have this great bar and my daughter.” He smiled.

  We sat and talked for a while about music and Stephen. Jimmy took me over to the piano and played a new piece of music he wrote. He called it “My Daughter.” It was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. I told him that I had to get going because Ian was waiting for me. A total lie, because I didn’t think Ian would ever wait for me again. I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and told him that I’d see him soon.

  ****

  I looked at my phone and saw that it was five o’clock. Ian still never called or texted me and he wasn’t home. I walked out to the beach to find some peace and to do some soul searching. This wasn’t just about me anymore. This was about me and my baby. As I planted myself in the sand and stared out into the blue water, I thought about Stephen. I wished so badly that he was here. As I was in deep thought, I heard a voice from behind.

  “There’s my beautiful American girl.”

  I turned my head and smiled when I saw Andre standing by the house. I quickly got up and ran to him, throwing my arms around him. He picked me up and swung me around.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Are you not happy to see me?” he asked in his sweet French accent.

  “Of course I am. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Malibu?”

  “I wanted it to be a surprise. Let me look at you.” He smiled as he twirled me around. “Beautiful as always.”

  As happy as I was to see him, this was not a good time. “Does Ian know you’re here?”

  “No, he doesn’t. Where is he?”

  “He’s not home yet,” I replied as I looked down.

  As we walked into the house, we heard the front door open. Andre went into the foyer and I followed behind.

  “Andre, my friend. What are you doing here? It’s good to see you.” Ian smiled as they hugged.

  “I came to visit my favorite couple.”

  “Welcome to Malibu.”

  Ian looked at me and didn’t say anything. He didn’t even kiss me hello. Andre must’ve picked up on it because he gave me a worried look. I gave him a half smile and turned away.

  “If you’ll excuse me a moment, I’m going to run upstairs and change.”

  “Sure. Go ahead.” Andre smiled.

  As soon as Ian was out of sight, Andre turned to me and lightly took hold of my arm as we walked to the kitchen. “Is something going on between you two?” he asked with concern.

  “Yeah, you could say that.”

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m pregnant and Ian isn’t happy about it.”

  “Wh—” He stopped as Ian walked in.

  “It’s good to see you,” he said as he patted Andre on the back. “Where are you staying?”

  “At a hotel nearby.”

  “Nonsense, you’ll stay here.” Ian smiled.

  I had to take a moment to think about why Ian would want Andre to stay with us when things were so bad right now. Then it hit me. If Andre stayed here, then Ian wouldn’t have to be alone with me and talk about the baby.

  “We have a beautiful guest room that was just redecorated,” he said.

  “I don’t want to put you out or anything,” Andre said.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Rory and I would love to have you stay with us, right?” he said as he looked at me.

  “Of course we would. You’re not staying in a hotel. End of story.” I smiled.

  “Well, then I’ll go get my suitcase and be right back.”

  “No need. I’ll send Joshua to collect your things
and bring them back. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving,” Ian said as he put his arm around Andre. “Let’s go to dinner. I’ll take you to one of my favorite restaurants.”

  “What about Rory?” Andre asked.

  “She’ll be joining us. Won’t you?” Ian asked smugly.

  “Of course. Just let me go and freshen up.”

  I went into the bathroom and shut the door. The tears that filled my eyes wanted to fall down my face. I wasn’t going to cry. Not tonight. I sat on the toilet and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for the tears to dry up. There was a soft knock on the door.

  “Rory. I need to speak with you for a moment,” Ian said.

  Great. I didn’t want to fucking talk to him. I opened up the door and stood at the sink while I brushed my hair. Ian walked in and stood behind me.

  “Well, speak,” I said.

  “I don’t want you telling Andre that you’re pregnant. Do you understand?”

  I slowly turned my head and looked him straight in the eyes. “Fuck you! Do you understand that?” I said as I stormed out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

  “I’m ready to go, Andre.” I smiled as I looped my arm around his.

  Ian walked down the stairs with a look in his eye as if he was about to kill me. The anger I saw was consuming him. We climbed in the back of the limo and Andre climbed into the seat opposite of me, leaving Ian to sit next to me. I couldn’t even stomach to look at him anymore. That was how hurt, betrayed, and angry I was. We arrived at the restaurant and were promptly seated, thanks to Ian and his status. Andre and Ian both ordered drinks and I drank water.

  “No wine for you, my beautiful American girl?” Andre smiled.

  “No. Actually, I can’t have any wine for a while.”

  “Why’s that?” he asked.

  I looked at Ian and he was giving me a stern look. I didn’t care. Fuck him and his looks. I was done with him at this point.

  “Because I’m pregnant.” I smiled.

  “That’s wonderful news! Congratulations, my friend.” Andre smiled as he shook Ian’s hand. You will have the most beautiful children.”

  Ian partially smiled and then looked at me with anger in his eyes. I raised my eyebrow at him as I smiled. We had a very uncomfortable dinner and then we headed home.