A Fashionable Fiasco

by Robyn Peterman

  “Yes. First off, the slimy little bastard told me that Bootie Cougar was a shut-in and a bitch. Then he pulled a tiny white plastic horse out of his pocket and broke it. Satan believes it was the first seal of the Apocalypse,” I told him, hoping he would tell me that the Devil was wildly incorrect.

  “Pestilence,” Bill whispered as silver smoke wafted out of his nose and his power instantly filled the room, making it difficult to breathe.

  “You think that Jim Bob Bob-Bob has set a fatal plague in motion?”

  “Only time will tell,” he said, shaking his head in disgust.

  My lover seemed to be a million miles away from me as he stood motionless and closed his eyes. Bill often got lost in thought. Normally, I found it endearing. Today, I found it terrifying. However, I didn’t believe in bitching without solutions. I had a plan. A half-assed plan. But a plan was a plan.

  “I’m going to draw out the Dream Walker and get it to tell me more… or kick its ass,” I said, snapping my lover out of his trance.

  “Not sure that’s a good idea,” Bill said, taking my hand in his and leading us to our bed.

  Being so close made my heart skip a beat. He was still in what one could call his more attractive form, but I loved him no matter what form he took. The outer layer was simply that—a shell. His inner beauty was so bright I often had to shield my eyes.

  I occasionally wondered if Bill was prettier than me… No. That was silly. I was Mother Nature—the most beautiful being in the Universe. I won on the outside, but I was quite certain Bill had me beat on what counted most. Even after all the years we’d existed, I still had to pinch myself as a reminder he was mine.

  “I don’t have a better idea at the moment. Do you my love?” I asked, laying my head on his chest and sighing.

  Shaking his head slowly, he wrapped his strong arms around me and held me tight. “I might, but explain yours.”

  “Look, there aren’t many Dream Walkers powerful enough to enter my dreams so I’ve narrowed it down to the two I’m aware of,” I said, lightly tracing his kissable lips with my fingers. “I would bet all of the Chanel in my closet that it’s not my great-grandson Samuel, which means it must be Fate… or Luck… or Elle… or whatever she’s going by now.”

  Samuel was an anomaly and one of my favorite beings in the Universe. He was the son of Astrid and her mate Ethan, the Vampyre Prince of the North American Dominion. My Samuel was a True Immortal like myself. He was also a Dream Walker which was very, very rare.

  There were thirteen True Immortals. The list had been very recently amended when it was discovered that Fate—or rather Elle, Sadie—her mother, and the original Fate were all part of our very select group. The three Fates encompassed exactly what one would assume they were the guardians of… Fate. I represented Emotion. My sons were quite obvious. God encompassed Good while Satan rounded the balance out as Evil.

  My wonderfully foul-mouthed granddaughter, Astrid, was Compassion. Satan’s not so evil daughter Dixie represented Balance. Dixie was a delight—good grades, stellar morals. Her lack of typical Demon qualities drove Satan nuts, but she was his favorite child by far. Dixie’s mate Hayden was the Angel of Death and symbolized Death. While his brother, Elijah was the Angel of Light and stood for Life.

  Lucy, the Shifter and daughter of the original Adam and Eve, was Temptation and the obsession of Elijah even though she still wouldn’t give the Angel that time of day.

  And Wisdom… Wisdom was mine in every sense of the word. My Bill was Wisdom and he wore it beautifully.

  However, the one more powerful than the rest was still but a mere child… or he used to be. It an unkind trick of the former Fate, Samuel had advanced in years from a toddler to a young man. It was a horrifying moment as we thought he had been completely destroyed. Thankfully that was not the case. Yet he lost his childhood in the blink of an eye. Samuel was destined for greatness that even I couldn’t imagine. He was Utopia—a combination of all the True Immortals.

  And because of my love for him and his for me, I knew he was not walking through my dreams and dressing me in brown flannel. He adored his Gigi too much to make her look like Hell on a bad day.

  Elle… or Luck as she was going by now was another story. Elle was as slippery as Satan. She lied like a rug and her beauty was legendary. She was the perfect fit for my devious son and loved him as much as he loved her. Slightly violent, but it worked for them. I was just happy he’d finally settled down.

  It was definitely Elle walking in my dreams and warning me. I just needed to call her ass out and get more info. Sadly, she couldn’t reveal the future. The future wasn’t set due to the pesky notion of free will. However, I was an excellent negotiator—mostly because I scared the Hell out of everyone.

  Whatever worked was my motto.

  “If it’s not Elle in your dream, it could be someone who bears you ill will,” Bill said, sliding the strap of my Prada dress over my shoulder. “I can’t get to you in a dream and getting trapped in a dream state is a fate worse than death itself.”

  “But you can stay with me while I sleep,” I pointed out logically, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his lips to mine. “If you feel something is off, you can wake me.”

  “Possibly.” Bill considered my plan as he continued to undress me. Quickies weren’t our norm, but I needed him right now as much as he needed me. “The Dream Walker told you we have a week?”

  “Yes. I tried to negotiate, but the entity disappeared.”

  “A week can feel like an eternity or a mere moment in time. Right now, I choose eternity. Let’s get you relaxed for your nap. Show me the sky, lover,” Bill whispered in my ear, sending chills of delight through my body.

  “Your wish will always be my command,” I told him truthfully as I shed my dress and helped him disrobe. Bill was correct. A few hours together would not bring on the end times if that was indeed what was coming. A few stolen moments together would make both of us stronger.

  The beauty of his naked body stole my breath. It was all I could do not to jump him and have my naughty way with him over and over, but my lover had something very special in mind. Something that was as glorious and unique as he was.

  With a snap of my fingers, the roof of our Garden Palace disappeared. Our ceiling was now a symphony of puffy white clouds tumbling across the blue sky without a care in the world. The sheer beauty brought tears to my eyes.

  “What do you see, Gaia?” Bill asked, staring at the sky.

  “Perfection,” I answered as the clouds continued to dance and morph from shape to shape.

  “I see an Angel and Demon hand in hand,” he said softly. “I see a winged monster on a beach as waves of fire crash behind him.”

  “I see a woman in a business suit wrestling with five large ladies,” I said with a giggle. “And a strange cloaked man in the distance.”

  “Shall we take a closer look?” he inquired with a twinkle in his eyes.

  Sighing with pure happiness and contentment, I took his hand in mine and nodded. “I would love to bounce through the clouds with you.”

  Bill laughed and feigned offense. “I don’t bounce. I glide,” he informed with a wide grin.

  “Whoops. My bad. I’d love to glide through the clouds with you. Better?”

  “Much,” he replied and rolled off the bed with the grace of a jungle cat.

  A naked, human looking jungle cat with an incredible ass.

  Bill’s glorious wings expanded with a whoosh. A gust of pure white glitter dust mixed with shimmering black specks that popped and crackled with powerful magic floated on the air. His wings were six feet of gleaming white gold on one side and six feet of sparkling onyx on the other. Bill’s naked skin was hot to the touch and a wonderful feeling of anticipation skittered down my spine.

  “Climb aboard, lover. We’re going to play in the clouds,” he said with a grin that made my girlie parts tingle and my naughty mind run amuck with possibilities.

  “Just play?�
� I inquired seductively as I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

  “Many definitions of the word play, beautiful girl,” he replied as his lips grazed my neck.

  “I like your style, lover.”

  “I thought you would.”

  Bill took several running steps across our expansive bedroom and we were airborne.

  I shrieked with delight as we glided high into the blue sky and I felt his body shake with laughter. I was equally as capable of flying as Bill was, but it was more fun to let someone else do the heavy lifting every now and then… not that I was heavy. I was perfect. Plus, I didn’t have wings like my lover did. Wings were all kinds of sexy.

  “Go higher,” I insisted as the clouds whipped by. Sliding around his body, I settled myself on his back and took in the glorious view. His wings sparkled in the sun and I raised my head so the wind whipped through my wild red curls. The feeling of freedom was liberating. For a brief moment, I was able to let the fate of the world become a vague memory.

  We soared higher and higher as if we were chasing the sun. My tummy danced like I was on an enormous rollercoaster. The wind roared around us and the gilded feathers of Bill’s wings released streams of sparkling golden and onyx enchantment. The grounds of Nirvana below looked like a fairy tale bathed in tiny colorful flowers.

  “I love you,” I called out over the wind.

  “And I you,” Bill replied.

  The beat of his wings was reminiscent of a serene metronome. I let one of my hands loose and ran it through his hair.

  “None of that, lover—or at least not yet. Crashing is not on the agenda.”

  “My bad.” I giggled and wrapped my arms back around his neck.

  The peace I felt was not new to me. However, I only lived this kind of tranquility with the love of my Immortal life. Bill was my reason for living. We soared so high the clouds were our only traffic. My lover rolled and dipped, flying to extreme heights then diving down and almost touching the ground. I held tight and laughed like a child. I adored the way his body felt under mine. All of his hard pressed against all of my soft was divine. It was beautifully sinful—just like my Angel-Demon himself—he was one of a kind and never to be replicated in this lifetime or any other. There was only one Enforcer ever created.

  “Pick a cloud, lover,” Bill said, hovering in the air and waiting for my choice.

  “That one.” I pointed to a puffy white cloud that reminded me of a thick downy comforter floating in the sky and held up by magic.

  With a wave of his hand, the cloud was no longer simply a mass of condensed water vapor floating in the atmosphere. It was now a place to play.

  “Excellent choice,” Bill said, as he flipped upside down and let me gently fall to our celestial bed.

  “I shall call this particular cloud, Cloud Nine,” I announced as Bill dropped from the sky and joined me.

  “Hmmm,” he said as his eyes hooded and his lust for me was unmistakable. “I was thinking we could call this one Cloud Sixty-Nine.”

  My laugh echoed through the Universe and the clouds around us jiggled and bounced with delight. When Mother Nature was happy the cosmos was blissful. And I was very happy indeed.

  “Open to me, lover. Let me give you the world,” Bill whispered as his strong body covered mine and his hands and mouth seemed to be everywhere at once.

  “With pleasure,” I replied, giving myself to the one person who truly made me feel alive.

  I was ready for him before he’d even touched me. His voice alone was all the foreplay I needed. Although his foreplay skills were very good.

  “Bill,” I cried out as I writhed beneath his talented hands. “Umm… since the world might be ending or something horrible like that. We should probably make this a quickie.”

  “Not a problem, lover,” he replied and slashed his hand through the air.

  I gasped as I sat up and shivered at the peculiar feeling. My lover had been hiding something from me. Time had stopped. The Universe stopped spinning on its axis and there was an eerily beautiful quiet. The clouds no longer bounced and the wind ceased to dance. It was strangely disconcerting to me as I thrived on living things, but Bill was horny. And when Bill was horny, I was horny. It really did make perfect sense and solved a multitude of issues.

  Hopefully, a few hours of time missed wouldn’t be noticed by anyone. All clouds had silver linings and Bill was mine.

  “This is certainly a new trick,” I said, raising a brow at my grinning lover.

  “Desperate times call for creative measures,” Bill replied, meeting my level stare with one of his own. However, he couldn’t hide his grin no matter how hard he tried.

  “Will this affect anything in a detrimental way?” I asked, hoping like Hell he’d say no.

  “For an hour or two it will be all right,” he promised, cupping my cheek in his hand. “I need you.”

  “I always need you,” I replied, placing my hand over his. “However, we can’t make a habit of stopping time to do the nasty.”

  “What if the nasty includes six orgasms?” he queried with a wink.

  I had to think about that one… “Well, fine then. As long as you make me pass out, I suppose it’s fine.”

  “Just fine?”

  I giggled and pulled him back on top of me. “Better than fine. Perfect.”

  “Love me. Now,” Bill demanded as his beautiful otherworldly body became one with mine.

  The lightning that usually struck when we made love was absent. All signs of life were absent except for the breath from our lips and the erotic moans from deep within. My need for him clearly outweighed my common sense and my common sense was debatable even on a good day. There was a catastrophe on the horizon, but right now, I needed Bill. I needed his heavy body atop mine telling me with actions that I belonged to him and he to me.

  Plus, a good orgasm or five before I dealt with Elle was a smart move. The more relaxed I was the less chance there was of me causing a tsunami.

  Bill knew exactly what he was doing in every sense of the word.

  My better half made love like he’d invented it—and maybe he had. But the keyword was love. I loved my insanely powerful Angel-Demon unconditionally even if he had a few tricks up his sleeve I was unaware of.

  And I always would.

  The sky turned an ominous inky purple. Twenty-foot waves crashed violently against the shiny stainless-steel appliances. The massive refrigerator groaned as it swayed and shuddered in the storm. An industrial-sized box of Betsy Cocker double chocolate deluxe fudgy cake mix fell from the top of the fridge and exploded causing, me to cough as I inhaled the sugary powder. An unfamiliar chill floated on the air and I rolled my eyes.

  Holy Hell on fire in a heat wave. Seriously? Was I going to have to go through this crap every time I fell asleep? I was unsure if the scene was pulled from my imagination, or Elle’s… or Heaven forbid an adversary I was unaware of. If I had to guess, I would have to go with mine.

  Fine. I would play the game, but this time I would change the rules. It was more fun that way. If this was truly coming from my subconscious, then it was my prerogative to spice it up so to speak. I’d just had six outstanding orgasms and was in a very good mood. It was time to outwit Fate.

  Or at least try.

  The refrigerator’s garishly made-up eyes fluttered shut. Before they could pop back open, I snapped my fingers and removed the horrid makeup. Instead of the expression of terror I was expecting, the appliance winked at me and grinned. It was far more attractive without the sky-blue eye shadow. Sky-blue had been out of style since the seventies.

  An exact replica of my gorgeous pink frosted cake from the failed luncheon did a jazz run across a bed of nails while screaming obscenities. That was simply insulting. I was highly aware now that I’d been mistaken for centuries about my cooking prowess. However, I did secretly harbor a few doubts about the news. I didn’t need it thrown in my face. The confection had arms and legs and an ass that rival
ed the rude society gals I’d sent to Purgatory.

  Speaking of large butts, Purgatory was my next stop after I woke up. Although, my plans were dependent upon Fate—pun very much intended.

  With a clap of my hands, my cake calmed itself and its ass shrunk in size. The bed of nails was gone and the confection now sat atop an ornate golden cake stand. It might be inedible, but it was quite appealing to the eye. Pretty pictures could belie what was underneath.

  Pink-eyed beasts with seven heads each circled above and tore jagged holes in the puffy purple clouds with their horns. With a wiggle of my nose, the beasts went docile, landed on the enormous kitchen appliances and fell asleep. They did not come from my imagination. The beasts had entered my dream at Elle’s request. I was sure of it. They harkened back to the prophecy of the end times from Revelations. At least I think it was Revelations. God’s book was soooo long and I’d read it centuries ago. Of course, Satan’s book was a web of lies, but definitely amusing. I’d used a little voodoo to secure a part in the film of Lucifer’s life. I was fabulous—slightly over the top, but then again, I was known for that. My pole-dancing scene was award-worthy.

  I shivered involuntarily as drops of ice fell from the sky and exploded, covering a circus full of little people. Twenty of them were on fire, standing not even ten feet from me.

  Okay. That was it. This shit had to stop.

  “Elle, darling, you must stop setting little people on fire. It’s not nice,” I shouted, waving my hand, dousing the flames and sending them away.

  Where? Again, no clue. But I was quite certain they would be grateful even if they were only a figment of my imagination.

  “How did you know it was me?” Elle asked, appearing in a blast of glistening purple enchantment.

  Elle aka Fate aka Luck was one of the most gorgeous beings in existence. Not prettier than me, but no one was prettier than me. She was a Siren, as was her mother and the original Fate—a species that we had all believed extinct until very recently. Her body glowed with some kind of mystical internal light. It was breathtaking. Elle’s lavender, gold-rimmed eyes sparkled and her little half-smirk was firmly in place. The Keeper of Fate was a delightfully snarky pain in the ass and she was perfect for my son. She and Satan were a force to be reckoned with and I was going to reckon with her today. There was no choice.