by Lu Min
In the beginning, "Violent Aesthetics" made several pronouncements. What a coincidence! I'm just like you-single. He'd pause and return to his analysis of and research into Si Jia's destiny, like writing a psychology dissertation. No matter how overcome with emotion Si Jia would get, he'd somehow have nothing of consolation. After Si Jia had cooled down for a while, the thought would resurface. You know we're in the same city-I'd really like to see you. And just when Si Jia agreed, he'd turn around and start talking about something else. Si Jia voluntarily sent him pictures, but he somehow kept his own pictures hidden and unsent, which was a serious embarrassment to Si Jia. When Si Jia returned to calling him "sir", he'd go back to writing up a few romantic messages…
In short, "Violent Aesthetics" was just like a cat playing with a mouse, letting go with the left paw and catching again with the right. Si Jia was utterly confused and trying to shake herself to consciousness. Si Jia was almost tormented to the breaking point. Finally she thought, Forget it. I should just be completely passive. Don't take the initiative. Don't force feed water and fertilizer to the plants-let them become what they will be. In the end, she just wanted him to consent to meeting her. Would she be afraid that he's 80 years-old? She was certain she wanted to be with him. In any case he knew Si Jia had serious character flaws. He didn't suggest that she should never sleep with another man again. They had a common understanding, and it was wonderful. They'd have made a fine couple…but why in the world wouldn't he meet her?
When walking down the street, Si Jia could observe all the oncoming men from under her sunglasses' cover. She noticed a master of the house carrying vegetables, a middle-aged man with a beer belly, a tattooed motorcyclist, high-schoolers walking arm in arm…in short, didn't everyone have real potential? The variable in their relationship made Si Jia happy, and it was of no consequence that they didn't meet. In the gap between them, she could have been dating all men, or in the same way, no man at all.
In short, no matter what, part of Si Jia's mind was creating false realities, and another part was confusing illusion with reality. Si Jia felt vibrant and alive in Internet dating. She was happy, fulfilled, and all of her hormones were beneficially stimulated. Before she'd acquired a pale complexion over many years, but then she was starting to get a thirty-four year-old blush in her cheeks, just as a thunderstorm and gloomy weather come together to welcome the first days of spring.
A Catalyzing Note
[1]
He knocked on Lu Zhongsheng's door, standing in front of Lu Zhongsheng with a hard-disciplined look, scanning up and down the latter with his eyes as if he were confirming that this man was really the Lu Zhongsheng he was looking for.
Lu Zhongsheng was completely unfamiliar with the visitor, but Lu Zhongsheng was sure he knew of him. He felt like he'd talked to him before or something had happened between them (but that happening was not a happy one) . The man, in his memory, was like a nail-Lu Zhongsheng was hammered into him before and this pained him.
Lu Zhongsheng begrudgingly put up with the visitor sizing him up, searching through the sticky algae of his memory…for 63 year-old man, memory is an unreliable wall that will come tumbling down at any moment…
Xiaoqing came up from behind, tugging on Lu Zhongsheng's arm to ask him about a homework question. Dad, she pleaded while rapidly scanning over to determine the visitor's identity. She'd found an excuse to come out and see who the stranger was that knocked on the door. It was something she'd grown accustomed to doing in recent months, keeping tabs on visitors, letters and phone calls…She could tell that the visitor was an old man about the same age as her father, and she'd thought up just any old problem as an excuse to come up on them.
She's your…daughter? The visitor's face showed a tint of surprise, and he was moved. Alright then, congratulations-that's the way to go…Having another child is a good way to live out your golden years.
His last sentence, his encouraging expression, had shot out from deep within his memory like an arrow, and in a "swoosh" Lu Zhongsheng had finally remembered. It's Officer He! Lu Zhongsheng went looking for him many years back, in the first year after losing Danqing, trying to find out that high school student's address…
Why was he coming to his door after sixteen years?
I retired just a little over six months ago. What about you? Officer He was almost wanting to get familiar with Lu Zhongsheng. He wasn't wearing his uniform that day, nor was there a peaked service cap on his head. He was dressed head to toe in commoner's garb and looked at Lu Zhongsheng with benevolent eyes. However Lu Zhongsheng felt extremely awkward toward him immediately upon recognizing him. Lu Zhongsheng even noticed the band mark all around Officer He's head left from his policeman's peaked cap, the soft fur of his hair being packed down from years of being pressed. It was a classic symbol of his profession, and it made Lu Zhongsheng's blood pressure boil up with enmity.
Lu Zhongsheng took Officer He into the dining room. It was the farthest point from Xiaoqing's west-facing balcony, and it guaranteed that Xiaoqing couldn't hear what they were saying. Me? I retired early so I could take care of my daughter with my old lady. That was her just now-she just turned ten. Lu Zhongsheng was trying to soften the rigidity of his forced tone. Naturally Officer He wasn't his enemy, but truly, Lu Zhongsheng had a very hard time letting it go as a panic and enmity lingered. Oh, Officer He. You came here today just to see me…
It's no big deal. I just wanted to see how you were these days…We're doing fine. Our daughter is ten years old already and she's growing up fast.
Just wanted to see me? What's there to see about two old people and a child?…Lu Zhongsheng was still unable to restrain his desire to mock him, unable to stand the presence of a man who helped to perpetrate that past travesty, and who was then making a dramatic about-face, coming straight to Lu Zhongsheng's door as if he missed his whole family…
Lu Zhongsheng, I know haven't wanted to see me…but actually I've always had you in mind. I remember the time you came looking for me, scared out of your wits, looking completely unable to go on living…I was even at a loss to tell you then. You didn't know how much I felt for you then. Actually, strict punishment has been just as inscrutable for me as it's been for you. Especially in the first two years with such a shocking, all-encompassing momentum. It was hotly controversial in our profession. But with level after level of superiors putting pressure on us, what could we do? We had to understand our imperative to enforce our orders, and even if we didn't understand them, we had to understand them in the process of enforcement…There were a lot of messy situations. In those days, doing it "with alacrity" meant that law enforcement, investigation and judicial agencies all sat in the same room. Detective work, prosecution and passing verdicts were all melded into one. If we ran into someone "refusing to confess", we'd suspend them from the ceiling, tie them up…and they'd be lucky if just their ribs got broken…Furthermore-and you know this-they only allotted three days for prosecution and defense. What could you do in three days? It was just a farce in practice, and all the majority of us could do is accept what we were told. What defense could you make? The more you defended yourself, the more serious the charges got; the more serious the charges got, the harder you were punished. I knew someone who apparently had a way out of the charges, who cried that his child getting fifteen years was unjust, and he went around looking everywhere for help with his defense so he could get the verdict changed. Alright then. In the end, because his case was delayed, his son got on the next list of executions…
What are you trying to say, sir? Lu Zhongsheng stared at him, not knowing what Officer He was getting at. Was he actually intimating that Danqing was lucky then, considering the circumstances? What kind of logic was that?
No, I'm not saying anything in particular. It's just that I wanted to tell you things back then, but I couldn't…In the final analysis, you know, this system of ours had another two rounds of strict punishment. The emphasis was on gang crimes, drug sales and gun sales in
the enforcement wave of '96; this year, there was yet another one, focusing mostly on organized crime cases-but I'm retired now so I missed out on it. The last two waves were just as strong as the first, but there was considerably more due process given, and there were a lot less false accusations and mistrials…How many lives did the two words "with alacrity" and the two words "strict punishment" take in the first wave? How many families like yours were rocked to their foundations by such radical change?…
Although every word was pleasing to his ears, Lu Zhongsheng somehow listened with no reaction visible in his facial expression. Up to that point he still couldn't figure out why in the world Officer He came to visit him that day while digging up all these issues from the past.
…However, I've thought about it a lot and even read a lot of books since my retirement. Professor Lu, speaking of "strict punishment", my opinion has changed yet again. "Strict punishment", particularly the first wave, is a tough nut to crack. Was it, in the end, a success or a mistake? It isn't something you and I can completely make sense of. If you think about it, what was going on in the background during the '83-'84 wave? It wasn't just Er Wang's multiple murder case 29, the fugitive Zhuo Changren hijacking a plane 30, nor even the high, sustained crime rate-there were some other factors involved…Further, from the state apparatus' leadership that imposes orders all the way down to the commoners-you could say that subconsciously everyone was accustomed to large-scale, destructive movements. It's a kind of Chinese racial habit crudely, cruelly, and mechanically kicking in, ignoring all fine distinctions in the totality of human attributes. It's like using a bulldozer to plow over a lawn, then digging three feet deeper, turning up all the ground, then crushing and exposing all the moist contents…
Lu Zhongsheng turned his head away in protest-he somehow couldn't bring himself to agree. What right did Officer He have to glorify strict punishment to the level of a racial characteristic? Concerning the first wave, he was no less well-read than Officer He in reviews and reassessments, exploration and research, and what he said just wasn't true, and his perspective was off.
Officer He waved his hand. From a broader perspective, even if we assume there was no such background, the necessity of the first wave of strict punishment cannot be contradicted. Consider for a moment, Professor Lu, this thing called "strict punishment". It's decidedly not just a Chinese invention. Don't young people like comparing things to other countries? Take a look at Western nations. If you really wanted to get into it, there's domestic violence, brother's keeper, private property, racial discrimination-one live high-voltage power line after another. If you say the wrong thing just once, you might end up in court, and if it doesn't go well for you, it could leave you destitute and homeless. By our standards of measurement, that's pretty serious. Those things should also count as forms of "strict punishment", and I doubt there's fewer mistrials and injustices in those countries…
This actually calmed Lu Zhongsheng's nerves to hear this. Ha. Officer He was actually coming here to proselytize, telling me not to hate and to let go of my grudges. The world, East and West, is all the same-bring on "strict punishment"-it's great! Although Lu Zhongsheng wouldn't deign to listen carefully, he still thought what he was saying was mildly acceptable. After all, Officer He had a good heart, and he was doing something like giving expired, unwanted snacks to a hospital patient with a terminal disease who's struggling to survive. Lu Zhongsheng figured he couldn't have just frowned and kicked Officer He out the door.
Lu Zhongsheng suppressed his mental chaos, interrupting Officer He in a low voice, It doesn't matter, Officer He. You don't need to enlighten me any further. These things aren't very important. Really, they aren't all that important anymore…
…I'm not here to enlighten you, but to enlighten myself. In recent years, our system has handled an unprecedented and many-times-multiplied number of sex-related lawsuits and disputes, particularly among the civilian population. Furthermore, the cases are utterly factual, and the evidence abound. If we went according to the previous standards, I'm afraid that out on the street, a third of the men's heads would roll. A rock-solid rape case would get just five years nowadays. If they have good behavior in prison, they'd be free in three years for sure…It's just because I've seen these things, and further, I've put myself in someone else's shoes-and you're none other than Danqing's father. So I thought I'd visit you…I still remember when you came looking for me, and I jokingly asked you if you wanted to reopen the case. Actually, speaking of reopening cases, we should really be doing that now, finally setting things straight and changing society…
Each one of these words was somehow golden, each phrase speaking to his heart. Lu Zhongsheng turned silent, not daring just to look at Officer He, afraid of shedding tears and revealing weakness. Aye, if I'd only known such an insider who could have empathized with me just a little bit then, it might have even been good-though it would have all been for nothing. What's the point in bringing up and reopening old cases now? What a joke!
Lu Zhongsheng remained silent, decidedly not planning on expressing too many regrets, quietly pouring tea in both of their cups. Xiaoqing suddenly and surprisingly rushed in carrying a globe in her hands: Dad, help me find Zimbabwe. The globe was covered in dust, obviously a convenient prop she'd picked up. Lu Zhongsheng was unsettled for a while, very unwilling to let Xiaoqing get any ideas. She must be returning to try listening in.
Officer He reached out and pet Xiaoqing's head, letting out a long sigh. You really have it hard. She's already so big. What's her name? She bears a strong resemblance.
Lu Zhongsheng shot a look over to Officer He, and the latter suddenly turned the topic around. Uh, she looks like her father when he was young. Your daughter looks like you.
Xiaoqing seemingly caught onto something with a motion of her little ears, responding with good manners, My name is Lu Xiaoqing. After Lu Zhongsheng helped her find Zimbabwe, she turned around and happily went back to her room.
Officer He started talking in an even lower voice, picking up where he left off…However, Professor Lu, the second reason I've come here today is to answer the question you asked me back then. You asked me the details of what happened…Actually, I don't know anything about that night…All we could do was identify the crime, then interrogate, then press charges. Anyway, the police, inspection, and courts all verified that Danqing was caught red handed in the act of hooliganism-and not only that, there was a medical confirmation concerning the young lady-there was a mountain of absolute, hard evidence. Thus, no one showed any interest in the details of what happened. That son of yours was strange. I guess he was afraid of being beaten up, or was confused and stupefied by the events going on around him. In any case he'd accepted defeat from the very first day. What else could you say about it?…
Lu Zhongsheng didn't make a sound. It was water under the bridge, events were over and people died. The general truth of the matter was the "mountain of absolute, hard evidence", and indeed there was nothing much else that could be said. That Officer He didn't know the details of the incident was quite understandable, and that he could come by and admit that in person was already a colossal expression of sincerity and trust. He should have been satisfied.
However, Professor Lu, you don't know how upset I was after you'd come to my office asking about the female high school student. I think you're in a different position-you have a right to know exactly what happened…But then, no matter what I did there was nothing I could have told you. For one, the timing was wrong, and the ethos was very oppressive; second, I didn't want you to keep clinging onto Danqing's affair. If you didn't let go of it, would you have kept on living? But now I see you've already turned your life around, unlike before when you were taking that dead end. So I came here today to tell you, not about that night, but about that female high school student…
Lu Zhongsheng sat there frozen, not knowing if he should be happy or miserable, irate or thankful. He once had myriad aspirations, only to give them up l
ater. Getting his wish and having it delivered to his door, could anyone imagine what the hell that felt like? He really wished he could reach out and shut Officer He's mouth. Don't say anything else. No matter what, don't bring it up again. Just let everything pass in silence, okay? He didn't have the energy to hash up the past again. He'd already put so much energy in trying to forget Danqing and the female student, to turn away from everything between the two of them…
Her name is Si Jia. See, I went to the residency office to get her address for you-it wasn't easy to find…She's away from home, renting an apartment…By the way, Professor Lu, I caught a glimpse of her a few times that night during the surprise raid. From the expression on her face, she didn't look at all like a victim, to be honest…
[2]
The very-thin note Officer He gave me is like a spark of heaven in my pocket, or like the forked tongue of a venomous snake. It's catalyzing so many of my passions, and giving me a lot of stupid ideas. Aye. My son. After sixteen years, what would you have me do? Should I take this old, long scar and rip it open of my own accord?
I guess Xiaoqing said something to your mother, which then prompted her to ask me some follow-up questions about yesterday's uninvited guest. Without thinking I just looked away and made the instant decision to lie. There I was keeping the truth from your mom again, just like before. In the event that I can really get some answers from that high school grad named Si Jia, I'll still have to put them through a filter. Perhaps I'll say nothing. No matter what the past was, it can do nothing to benefit or add to our lives. Your mom's heart condition is getting worse and worse, and it's preferable to let her live on tranquilly in her fading memory…
Danqing, could you give me a sign of some kind? Is it a good idea to go and ask her the truth about what happened? The urgency of it is fading after sixteen years, and the facts of the affair are already of minimal significance to me. Did you really do it with her? Was the behavior mutually consenting or forced? Were you a true and active hooligan, or a passive, fake one? You're already dead and gone, so could this fatuous inquisitive persistence be a kind of self-mockery or a disrespect for the dead and society as it stands?…