Old Fashioned

by Steiner, Kandi

  “And what way is that?”

  “Like he loooooves you,” she said, drawing out the word and tapping my nose with her fingertip. We both giggled, and then she looked sad again. “But he hasn’t been here all week, and you haven’t been sleeping, and I knew something was wrong when you guys were acting weird at the game yesterday. You broke up, didn’t you?”

  I sighed, but nodded, deciding it was no use to hide it from her now.

  “Why, Mama? I like Jordan. I like having him here with us. He’s nice, and we play football, and he was nice to you, too, wasn’t he?”

  My heart squeezed in my chest, and I let out another breath, trying to find the words to explain it to her, all the while trying to digest the words my sister had said to me. But before I could figure it all out, there was a loud, pounding knock at the front door — so loud we heard it all the way through the house and out the back door.

  Then, a muted voice from around the other side of the house.

  “Open up, Syd. It’s me.”

  “Daddy?” Paige looked at me, surprised, before she jumped off my lap and sprinted through the house to the front door.

  When I caught up to her, my heart stopped altogether.

  She was looking up at where Randy stood on the porch, telling him how we’d made pancakes that morning to celebrate the big win, but I couldn’t take my eyes off my ex-husband. He was a complete disaster — his hair sweaty and matted to his forehead, eyes bloodshot, hands trembling where he patted our daughter’s head with an affectionate smile.

  He’d been drinking, or worse, and when his eyes met mine, I knew without a doubt that he’d come looking for a fight.

  “Paigey, why don’t you go make a pancake for your dad, huh?” I asked her, smiling and smoothing down her wild curls as she grinned up at me.

  “Okay!” she said, and bounded past me and back into the kitchen.

  I narrowed my eyes at Randy then, standing in the doorway so he knew he wasn’t invited in. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

  “It’s my fucking house.”

  I ignored my urge to argue that point. “What do you want?”

  “You know what I want,” he seethed back, and then his eyes traveled the length of my body in my thin pajamas.

  I crossed my arms over my chest in disgust.

  “You’re drunk,” I whispered, careful as to not let Paige hear. “Go sleep it off.”

  “I talked to your boyfriend last night.”

  I stilled at that, and Randy’s grin grew even more wicked where it grew on his ashen face.

  “Oh yeah, we had a great little chat at the high school after he’d unloaded the bus. You see, when I saw the way you were looking at him on the field, when I started putting the pieces together from everything Paige had been saying about him, I knew something was up.” He shook his head, as if he pitied me. “You were at his brother’s wedding, Sydney. I’m not stupid.”

  “It’s none of your business who I date.”

  “Funny,” he said on a laugh. “That’s what Jordan said, too. But he also said that you guys broke up.” He tilted his head at that. “And you know, it got me thinking… what has our poor daughter been subjected to all this time that I’ve been gone? First, being allowed to play football — a dangerous sport, mind you — without her father’s consent. And her mother bringing strange men around… sleeping with them in our home… going through toxic breakups…”

  I moved to slam the door in his face and dismiss him, but his hand caught it quickly, and he stepped a foot over the threshold, his nose inches from mine.

  “I know you fucked him in this house, in our house,” he spat. “How dare you?”

  “Your daughter is inside,” I reminded him, hushing my own voice while he raised his. “You’re drunk, Randy. Go home.”

  “I’m reporting you to child services, you ungrateful bitch.”

  I gaped at him. “What is wrong with you?”

  “I’ll tell them you’re an unfit mother, that you’re fucking strange men in the house when Paige is awake and can hear it all, doing drugs, partying all night.”

  “Literally none of that is true and you know it.”

  “It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not,” he seethed. “Now, you can make this all go away if you just agree to have dinner with me.”

  At that, his eyes softened, and I struggled with not letting my jaw drop farther at his audacity.

  “You know me,” he said quietly. “You know how I grew up with nothing, how I worked so hard to get everything I have now. And you…” He shook his head, looking at me with reverence. “You were my crowning jewel. You were the best part of my life. I don’t want to live without you anymore.”

  It was the same shit he’d pull on me after he hit me or we had a fight. He’d bring up his childhood, blame his parents or his abusive older brother for his behavior. He’d tell me I was his everything, that I was the one thing that kept him going, that made everything okay.

  But I saw through the lies, eventually.

  I was nothing but a prize to him, a toy he could control and play with when he pleased.

  One dinner, Syd,” he begged. “Give me a chance to remind you what we had. We can try again. We can—”

  He was reaching out for me to caress my cheek, but I backed away, trying again to shut the door on him. “Randy. Stop.”

  “Come on, sweetheart.”

  I cringed, backing away from his touch again. “Randy, you need to leave. I mean it. If you don’t, I’ll—”

  “You’ll what?” he challenged, his eyes wild now that he hadn’t gotten his way. The stench of whiskey rolled off of him in plumes thick enough to fog the entire town as he latched onto me, his hand wrapping around my wrist and crushing it the way he had last night at the game. “Call the cops? I am the cops, sweetheart.”

  “Daddy?”

  We both ripped around in time to see Paige’s bottom lip protrude, tears flooding her eyes as the pancake she’d just made slipped off the plate she was holding and flopped onto the floor.

  “It’s okay, sweetie,” I assured her. “Just go up to your bedroom and—”

  “Daddy, let go of Mama,” she said through her tears, and then she had her hands wrapped around my arm, trying to pull me away from Randy.

  “It’s okay, honey,” I told her again before I narrowed my eyes at Randy and whispered. “Let. Me. Go.”

  “Not until you agree!”

  Paige was crying harder now, and Randy’s grip tightened on me so hard that I winced and crumbled forward at the pain shooting up my arm.

  Suddenly, Paige let out a scream, and then she wrapped her little hands around Randy’s arm, instead, and with all her might — she bit him.

  Randy yelped, yanking his arm back and holding it in shock. It was just enough time for me to shove him backward as hard as I could manage, and I didn’t wait to see if he fell or regained his balance before I slammed the door shut and locked it. I ran to the sliding glass door next, making sure it was locked, too, and then I rushed back to where Paige was at the front door.

  She had giant tears rolling down her cheeks and more building in her eyes when I pulled her into me, and I sank down to the floor, my back against the front door as my daughter sobbed into my chest.

  From the other side came a cynical laugh. “This isn’t over, Sydney,” Randy sang. “You belong to me.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, and Paige held me tighter, shaking and crying in my arms. I couldn’t be sure how much time passed before I heard the car door to his cruiser slam shut, and then the squealing of tires as he pulled away.

  I let out a gasp, my hands frantic where I smoothed Paige’s hair and held her to me and assured her everything was alright. But I knew it was a lie. Things were not okay, and they hadn’t been for a long time.

  Through the beats of my heart pumping loudly in my ears, I heard Mallory’s voice from Thanksgiving night.

  We are fighters, Sydney. We are warriors. Survivors. You ne
ver have to apologize to me, okay? You just have to keep fighting. That is what you owe me — not an apology, but a fight.

  Because if we don’t fight? Then he wins.

  The truth of her words cut me like the hot blade of the sharpest knife, taking my next breath with it. But when I did inhale again, it was calmer, deeper, more resolved as I felt my battle gear slip over me like the armor of a knight.

  She was right. Jordan was right. My sister was right.

  The Becker family needed me.

  Jordan needed me.

  And I needed him, too.

  I’d run before. I’d been scared, and manipulated by the power I felt Randy still held over me. I worried for my daughter, but now I could see plainly that it was him who was putting her in danger — not me.

  I had to make things right with Jordan.

  I had to apologize, to tell him and his family everything I knew, to link arms with all of them and charge into battle — together.

  We had to fight.

  And more than that — we had to win.

  Jordan

  I forced the biggest smile I had as Mom aimed her ancient digital camera at me, and Logan smirked from his side of the table, knowing I was hating every moment of this.

  “Hold the cake a little higher so we can read it,” Mom said, waiting until I did so before she lifted the camera to her eye again. She didn’t even need to — it had a digital screen. “Okay, say champions!”

  “Champions,” I murmured through my smile, and Logan covered his laugh, which earned him a poke in the side from Mallory.

  “Thanks, Mallory,” I told her, narrowing my eyes at my brother. “At least someone has my back.”

  “Oh, come on, Bro,” Logan said, hopping up from his chair and wrapping my head under his arm. He rubbed his fist into my skull before I shoved him off. “You’re a three-time State Champ! Lighten up a little.”

  I smiled, but shoved him off again until he was sitting next to Mallory again. It was just the three of us and Mom tonight, a small celebration with Mom’s famous barbecue ribs and a giant cake that we’d likely take to Betty at the nursing home after, because there was no way four people alone could eat it.

  Mallory eyed me from the other side of the table, and when our gazes met, she nodded with a slight smile and understanding. I knew then that Logan had told her what we’d discovered, and I wondered if she was just as anxious as I was for my brothers’ arrivals tomorrow. Noah and Ruby Grace would be home from their honeymoon in the Exumas, and Mikey and Kylie were flying in around noon.

  Mom thought they were all coming back to celebrate the win, and that was the way I wanted to keep it.

  Mallory held the small of her back as she waddled into the kitchen, returning moments later with a knife and serving set. She began cutting into the cake when I heard the wheels of a car on the gravel drive that led to Mom’s house. When I looked out the front door window and saw Sydney’s car, I was up off my feet in seconds.

  “Who’s that?” Mom asked, but I was already out the door. I didn’t even bother grabbing a jacket, just jogged down the front porch steps and stood there, waiting.

  Sydney had barely parked before Paige was out of the car, and she bolted straight to me, crashing into me with a force I never would have expected from the size of her. She wrapped her arms full around my waist and hugged me tight, burying her face in my shirt.

  “Hey,” I said, and I knew instantly that something was wrong, because Paige wasn’t spouting off something silly or sarcastic.

  She was crying.

  She hugged me tighter as her little shoulders shook, and I looked up at Sydney just as she got out of the car.

  Her red, blotchy face told me she’d been crying, too.

  “Hey,” I said again, softer now, holding Paige tight. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

  I heard the screen door open behind me, and I looked up, meeting Mom’s worried gaze. I didn’t have to say anything for her to understand, and she made her way down the steps to join us.

  “Hey, sweetie,” she said to Paige, running her fingers through Paige’s wild curls before she reached out her hand. Paige looked at it, and then up at Mom. “Why don’t you come inside with me. We just cut some cake, and I saw an especially big slice with your name on it.

  Paige sniffed, rubbing her nose with the back of her sleeve before she looked up at me. I nodded, encouraging her with a confident smile, and she took Mom’s hand, who gave Sydney a soft nod of acknowledgement and me a sympathetic smile before she led Paige inside.

  I watched them walk all the way inside, and as soon as Mom shut the wooden door inside the screen one and gave us privacy, I turned back to Sydney.

  The sight of her made my knees buckle.

  Her hair was tied into a messy nest on top of her head, and her eyes were swollen, bloodshot, the stains of tears still marring her cheeks. She looked so small and meek, so sad and defeated, and her eyes welled with more tears the longer we stood there — which just broke me even more.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered as the first tear slipped from her left eye and down her cheek. Another one followed it as her face crumpled. “To just show up here, after everything… I’m so sorry.”

  I shook my head, crossing the distance between us and pulling her into me without another word. She choked on a sob once she was in my arms, and every cell in my body stood at attention, like I’d have to fight to defend her at any moment.

  “Don’t apologize,” I told her, holding her so tight in my arms I worried I’d crush her. My lips were right by her ear, and I resisted the urge to kiss the skin beneath it. Instead, I cradled the back of her head and wrapped my other arm full around her, holding her to my chest. “You never have to apologize for coming to me. I will always be here.”

  “But, I was so awful to you last weekend,” she cried into my shirt, and her shoulders shook violently before she could speak again. “I was wrong, Jordan. You were right. I was a coward.”

  “Shhh,” I tried to tell her, but she shook her head, pulling back from my embrace to swipe the tears from her face and look me in the eyes.

  “I was,” she instead again. “It was all just so overwhelming, so sudden, and the last thing I expected. I thought when we went on that walk…” Another wave of emotion flashed on her face, but she rolled her lips together, fighting against it before she whispered, “I wanted to steal you away to tell you that I loved you.”

  My shoulders deflated, but my heart swelled with hope.

  “And then you told me what you found, and then we were talking about lawyers and testimonies and…” She shook her head again. “It just got so big and real so fast and I didn’t know what to do and I ran,” she confessed on a breath. “And I’m so sorry. But I do, Jordan. I do love you. And I’m not running anymore. I want to fight. I need to fight. With you, with your family, with my family. I’m done with this town and its corrupt powers. And I won’t let you fight them without me.”

  I pulled her into me again, this time not fighting it when my heart urged me to kiss her hair. I held my lips there, closing my eyes and breathing her in.

  “Sydney, I understand now,” I told her. “Randy… he was waiting for me when I left the field last night. He threatened me, threatened you, and Paige. I understand now why you were scared.” I swallowed. “It scared me, too. He has a lot of power, there’s no denying that. And I don’t want you to put you and your daughter in jeopardy just to—”

  “No,” she said loudly, pressing her hands into my chest and looking up at me. “He does not have power — not over me, or over Paige — not anymore. I decided that, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure it’s true.”

  I searched her eyes, riddled with pain and terror, as I swept her hair back from her face. “What happened?”

  Her bottom lip trembled. “He came to the house today, drunk or hungover or both. And angry. He was so angry,” she whispered, shaking her head. “And he threatened me, said he would convince child s
ervices that I was an unfit mother, doing drugs and bringing random men home.”

  My jaw clenched. “That’s fucking bullshit.”

  “I know, and he knows that, too — but as he liked to remind me today, he is the cops,” she said, mimicking his voice. “And he has every powerful man in this town wrapped around his finger, waiting to do what he asks — whether to pay back a debt or to keep their own dirty laundry from being exposed.”

  “That motherfucker…”

  “And he grabbed me,” she continued on a sob, showing me her arm that was already bruising. “And said I could make it all go away if I gave him another chance, and then Paige saw us, and she was crying and screaming at him to let me go but he wouldn’t.” She closed her eyes, crying, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe the story she was telling me was real. “And then she was pulling at me, and she bit him, Jordan.” Her eyes met mine. “She bit him, and I pushed him out, and then he was still going on from the other side of the door.” She sniffed, scowling. “He said he owns me. And I decided right then and there that this all has to end. I don’t know how, but I know I would rather die trying than to give in to his bullshit even one more day.”

  My chest was on fire with rage, and it was nearly impossible to cool it down, to remain calm after hearing her story. I forced a long, slow exhale, closing my eyes for a while before I opened them and found her staring back at me again.

  “I’m supposed to trade off with him on Tuesday,” she said softly. “I can’t… I won’t hand my daughter back to that monster.”

  I nodded, pulling her into me once more and hugging her tight. When she looked up at me again, our lips were just inches apart, our breaths warm where they met between us.

  “I’m in love with you, too, Sydney,” I whispered, and with the words, more tears glossed her brown eyes. “Do you know that? I love you with everything that I am, and I give you my word that he will never hurt you or Paige again. Ever. You hear me?”

  She nodded, and when she pressed onto her toes to kiss me, I tasted her salty tears on those sweet lips.