Shattered Memories

by Susan Harris

  Holding my breath, I knew what was coming… because Dad would have told us if there was a brother or sister out there.

  “I went against your father’s wishes and joined the field expedition. We were tasked with bringing in a man who had raped and murdered seventeen women across America. He, like most criminals, did not want to be apprehended, and we gave chase. I had always loved to run and was fast. I caught up with him alone about a block from his home. We fought, and I tried to disarm him. He stabbed me in the stomach, and your father shot him.

  I lay in your father’s arms bleeding, and Cormac knew that I had lost the baby. It broke us. Cormac never forgave me for going against his wishes. He had been right. Truth be told, I never wanted children because my career was everything. They would have been in the way. But Cormac wanted a big family. At the hospital, I had surgery and nearly died, but they had to remove the one thing that could have saved my relationship with your father. My ability to have children.”

  She described the loss of her child in such a cold, clinical manner that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I tried to feel sorry for her, but I was not that good of a person. She smoothed her hair and continued. “Cormac distanced himself from me after that. In his eyes, I was damaged. I loved him so deeply, but he disposed of me like garbage. And then he met Sorcha, and she put a spell on him so he would fall in love with her. She was everything I was not. All she wanted was Cormac, marriage, children… and she gave him everything I couldn’t.”

  She spoke of my mom with a lot of hatred. Mom had been the kindest, gentlest, most loving person I had ever known. When I had asked her years ago why she didn’t have a career first… wait to have children… she simply told me that there was no more rewarding job than being a mother.

  Theresa stood and stared out the window again. “I hated your mother, Alana. And I hated your father for discarding me with such ease. But I still loved him. To this day, I still do.”

  “My parents loved each other. They were happy. If I’d ever had the chance to have that, then I could have died happy.”

  “Unfortunately, for both of us, Alana, life is a cruel mistress who rejoices in the misery of people. You and I are a lot alike, you know. We are both trapped by choices that others made that brought us here and now.”

  “I’m sorry, Theresa, but you and I are nothing alike because I still have hope and love, and I don’t blame others when the blame is all my own. I am sorry that you lost your baby, and that my dad acted the way he did, but my mom never did anything to you.”

  Theresa spun around and slammed her hands down on the table. “Sorcha took him from me with her curves and constant fluttering of her eyelashes. If she hadn’t had crossed paths with Cormac, then we could have worked things out and been happy.”

  I snorted… couldn’t help myself. The woman was delusional. Seriously? At least Veronika had embraced her madness, but Theresa really believed that my mom had been the reason she and my dad had split.

  She sneered at me. “Enough of story time, my dear. There is another reason I asked to speak to you. Since your little trip yesterday did not achieve any results, I regret to tell you your execution has been moved forward.”

  My mouth dropped open as my heart raced. “You can’t do that … I have another few weeks until my birthday!”

  Oh God, I was never going to see Daniel again.

  Theresa smiled, delighted by my surprise. “With special circumstances I can ask for an inmate’s death to be brought forward. You should thank me, Alana. It’s not every day that someone is put to death by the man who made all this possible. Grand Master Johnson is looking forward to killing the girl who took his dear friend from him.”

  I jerked upright and the chair jumped off the ground. “You bitch… you planned this all along, didn’t you? It wouldn’t surprise me if you asked the Grand Master to come especially for the execution.” From the look on her face, I knew I was right. “You won’t get away with this.”

  She rounded the table and stopped in front of me. “I have already gotten away with it, Alana. You will die very publicly for your crimes on Friday. No one can stop it.”

  “I will… I’ll expose you… I’ll tell the Grand Master about your plans for Treatment. Your super soldiers.”

  Her laugh soaked up the air in the room. “So you do know more than you let on. Interesting. Tell me, Alana, what else are you pretending not to remember?”

  I leaned in and whispered. “I know you killed them… I remember everything, and you will not get away with it.”

  Theresa stepped back and blinked. “How long have you known?”

  “It all came back to me yesterday… thanks for that. If you had not given Dr Costello permission for me to go back, I might never have recalled who I had seen that night.”

  “That boy is far too good at his job for his own good. Well, at least that is out in the open.”

  “Why… why did you do it? You claim that you loved my dad, but you still shot him? Why? Try and make me understand.” I begged her in a small voice.

  “I had nothing without my career. Cormac was lost to me, and I could not lose what I had worked for my entire life because of your father and his conscience. Progress must be made. Your father would have ruined it.”

  “And what was Sophia?”

  “Collateral damage.” She showed no emotion, as if taking the life of my sister was nothing but a means to the advancement in her lust for power.

  “She didn’t deserve to die. I heard what you said to her. You could have walked out of my house and left her alive. If you had shown some compassion, then all this might be more acceptable. But you murdered my family out of jealousy.”

  She swiped her hand out and cleared the cabinet of its picture frames. Snarling at me she hissed through her teeth. “I could not leave any witnesses who might identify me. Had I known that you were home, I would have put the gun to your head and watched it explode and smear the walls. Do you know what it’s been like, watching you day in, day out and have this weight over me, smothering me, waiting to see if you remembered? You stupid little girl, you should have kept your mouth shut.”

  I edged closer to her, my hands trembling. “And now I know… I’m going to shout it from the rooftops for everyone to know what a vindictive, jealous, and bloodthirsty bitch you really are. You will pay for what you did.”

  “Try it, little girl, and we shall see who gets caught in the crossfire.” Her lips curled up into a sadistic smile as my eyes widened.

  “I don’t have anything left to lose, Theresa… give it your best shot.”

  She chuckled. “Are you sure about that, Alana? Do you seriously not think that I know all about your boyfriend and all those strings he pulled to get himself here?”

  I froze and saw a look of pure pleasure in her eyes. She knew about Daniel. I had to warn him and make sure he got out okay.

  She leaned into me, and I smelled her breath, felt the heat of it against my face. Her voice was low as she said, “I am going to enjoy letting him watch you be executed. Or should I let you watch me put a gun to his temple and blow his very knowledgeable brains all over the place?”

  And with that image at the forefront of my mind, the layer of calm evaporated, leaving me in an undiluted rage that I could no longer hold back. The palm of my hand connected with her face before I could stop it and left a nice red welt on her face. She staggered back from the force of it before lashing out.

  I ducked, using my youth and speed to dodge as she tried to land another blow. I balled up my fist and punched her in the stomach. She cried out, and I kicked her knee. That’s when she buckled, her knees hitting the ground. I pushed the chairs aside and knew I had to kill her. It was now my job to protect Daniel.

  Raising my fist, I was ready to hit her again when she glared up at me and screamed, “Someone, please help me… she’s trying to kill me.” And then she grinned as the door smashed open. Theresa balled herself up in the corner like a victim. I was tackl
ed into the desk by a guard. Struggling against the weight of him, I tried to buck out, kicking backwards so he would let me go.

  The guard was too strong. I was caught. As another guard helped Theresa to her feet, I could only listen as she lied, telling them I attacked her without cause or reason.

  “She’s lying! She killed my parents,” I screamed, and my heart stopped as the guard leaned in and whispered, “We know and we don’t care.”

  I let a battle cry echo throughout the office and into the hallways, but it was wasted because I couldn’t break free. I had broken my promise. They would all die because of me. I had to warn them—somehow—I had to warn them.

  Theresa straightened herself, stepped forward and backhanded me across the face. It burned, but I would not let her see me cry. Never would I let her have that satisfaction. As soon as I got back to my cell, I would get Jayson to pass a message to Daniel.

  “It seems, Miss McCarthy, that you are too much of a problem for me. Take her to Treatment and wait for me before you begin. I want to watch her become a shell before I take her life on Friday. Not a word to the doctor… I will handle him.”

  I screamed in frustration, and Theresa said something so familiar that it was as if I were back there on that night. That’s when I realized the man holding me was there too.

  “Jesus, will you just shut her up already… can’t you just knock her out?”

  The guard laughed in my ear. “With pleasure.”

  I braced myself, waiting to feel the brunt of his gun on the back of my head. Instead, a hand suddenly clasped over my nose and mouth, a foul smelling cloth made me feel dizzy and nauseous. My last thought, before I sank into darkness, was a plea for Daniel to forgive me.

  26

  Alana

  “The policy is set and we are never turning back.

  It’s time for execution; time to execute.”

  (30 Seconds to Mars: R-Evolve.)

  Regaining consciousness slowly, my mind was foggy, my throat dry. Uncontrolled coughing distracted my thought process for a minute as I tried to sit up. My hands and feet were shackled to the chair. Not unlike a dentist’s chair, it reclined at an angle so I was looking at the ceiling, but only when I tilted my head could I look from side to side. If I raised my head, I could see in front, but the view was restricted. I tried to squirm against the cold bite of metal that enclosed my hands and feet. Instead, I turned my head to take in my surroundings.

  I was trapped inside a glass-like box secured in the centre of the floor. All around me, people in white coats moved quickly and avoided glances at me in my glass cage. Scientific equipment was everywhere, but I didn’t know all the names. Some people had blank stares into monitors and were typing so fast I can barely see their fingers move on the keys. I presumed they were some sort of data input staff.

  My arm hurt as I stretched, spotting a tube attached to it in the crease of my elbow. A monitor beeped to my left, but I didn’t understand anything displayed on it. A number of wires were hidden beneath my vest, and I followed them as they snaked out from my body and into the end of the beeping machine.

  Instinctively, I swallowed and licked my lips while calling out to a group who passed by the cube. “Can someone help me, please?” My voice echoed in the cube bouncing back to my own ears.

  The people scattered as I twisted in the seat, relentlessly trying to escape. I froze as one side of the cube slid open and Theresa Lane stepped inside with me, the door sliding shut behind her with a clicking sound. Wearing a white coat over her uniform, she looked like any other lab tech. I squirmed again as the restraints chaffed against my skin.

  “You have no way to escape, Alana. If I were you, I’d enjoy the last few minutes you have as yourself. In a while, you will be a mindless slave who will gnaw off her own arm to please me.”

  “You won’t get away with this… if not me, someone else will expose you.”

  She dismissed me with the wave of her hand. “Darling, there won’t be anyone around left to tell your story. Once I get rid of you, I will deal with your precious Daniel. He is quite attractive, and it’s a shame to destroy someone so intelligent and good looking, but he has deceived me and has written his own fate.”

  I struggled to think… to try and come up with something, anything that would make her stop, even for a short time. “I wrote everything down. If anything happens to me, I have given instructions for that information to be forwarded to your superiors. If you do this, you will be caught one way or another.”

  Theresa scowled at me. “You’re bluffing.”

  I let a smirk curl my lips. “Are you willing to take that chance?”

  “Tell me who has the documents or where they are, and I may let you live as yourself for your last twenty-four hours.”

  My head shook side to side. She had no way to know that I was bluffing, and it was more important than ever that I keep my cards close to my chest until I was out of options. “No chance, Theresa. You would just kill them. They already know every single gory detail and sin you have committed. You better keep an eagle eye out for whoever might decide to slip the information into Grand Master Johnson’s pocket tomorrow.”

  I couldn’t be certain of the time of day, but from the shadows that leapt along the walls, I suspected I’d been knocked out for some time. More than likely, it was early morning, and I really was running out of time.

  “Tell me something, Theresa. Was it all worth it? Killing my parents? Shooting my baby sister in the chest? Veronika’s death? All those who died before and will die for your chance to play God?”

  She dragged a metal chair along the floor, the legs screeching against it. I wished I could cover my ears. Setting the chair down next to mine, she faced me and sat, crossing her right leg over her knee and resting her hands in her lap.

  “Well, I’ll tell you a story, Alana, so you might understand why the Treatment is so very important.”

  I nodded, just wanting to prolong things and pray that someone came to my rescue.

  “Cormac and I, and a few of our other students, who are now all wardens throughout the prison, came up with the idea during one of our study sessions. If we could create a serum, a drug that could control those primitive and primal actions of those most likely to reoffend, or those far too dangerous to be let loose on society, we could help the world by wiping them out altogether.

  We planned it out, using scientists to assist and measure what would be needed to take the violent urges from offenders and make them comply, allowing us to adapt them for useful purposes.

  Much as antidepressant medication raises the levels of Serotonin and Noradrenaline in the brain, our own serum would decrease the parts of the brain more inclined to cause a violent outburst and so on.

  But after we tested the serum on animals, we found that it had an amazing side effect. We injected a rabid dog with the serum. Overnight his behaviour modified. He became docile and obedient. When instructed to attack, the animal did so, and when he was commanded to stop, the dog halted his attack.”

  My dad had been part of this? That’s disgusting and vile. How could my dad have been part of this? Did I ever know him at all?

  “You see,” Theresa continued, ignoring the look of disgust on my face, “the next logical step was to test the serum on humans. So we offered some of the violent death row inmates a chance to live. They gave us permission to test them in exchange. Should the serum work on them, they would be given new identities and allowed back into society.”

  “They signed their own death warrants.”

  Theresa uncrossed her leg and then crossed her left leg this time. “They all knew the risks, Alana. They would have been executed regardless. We presented them with an opportunity for redemption.”

  “How many survived?” I asked.

  “None. We tried repeatedly to figure out why the tests had been successful on animals but would not work on human subjects. Finally, one of the scientists suggested it was because the brain and its thought
patterns had already been carved out and could not be changed. He informed us that if we performed the experiment on children or teenagers whose brains were still learning, they could be changed.

  Cormac was appalled and refused to continue any further. We had invested a lot of time and research money, and I was not about to fall short at the final hurdle. Cormac refused to listen to reason and his life was forfeited because of it.”

  She really was a psycho, believing that she had a right to mess with people’s heads for the greater good. Dear God, how far would she go to prove a point?

  “It would be so much better, don’t you think? You wanted to be a soldier all along. Can you not see the benefits of having something replaced and disposable at your beck and call? Instead of sending a young man with a wife and children in to diffuse a bomb, send in a convicted criminal. No one cares if they live or die.”

  “Their families care. They are somebody’s daughter, son, sister or brother. No matter what you say, nothing will convince me that what you are doing is just. You are nothing but a killer with more blood on your hands than most of the inmates in here.”

  She rose to her feet. “That may be true, but in years to come I will be remembered for my brilliance and resilience. You will fade from memory as the last of the people you knew either die or forget you.”

  I frowned but refrained from adding to her rant.

  “Veronika’s brain was too damaged for the serum to work. I’ve seen the experiments on her brain after her death. She was flawed. Her brain had already latched onto her psychotic nature, unwilling to change. But you, dear, may be the answer. I am witness to how strong your mind is. It shielded you until you were strong enough to accept what had happened. You will be my greatest achievement. Even in death, Cormac is helping the program’s development, and I will see that he is held in reverence for it.”

  With her back to me, Theresa strutted over to the door, and it automatically slid open. She beckoned a scientist forward, and I eyed the woman, my eyes pleading with her not to do this.