Shattered Memories

by Susan Harris

  We were inches apart, me and Alana, so much so that I could almost reach out and touch her fingers as she moved to the end of the stage ready to step off and into my arms. I guess some things are just never meant to be.

  Alana’s eyes showed terror as they become huge before I had a chance to react. The cold metal of a gun pressed against the side of my head while people rushed around me. All I could see was her, my Alana.

  I knew all along that a plan this in-depth would have its variables. That was why I had contingency plans. Theresa Lane stood there, holding the gun to my head. Since Alana had taken everything from her, she planned to do the same to Alana.

  “You and your little bitch have ruined it all. I should have put a bullet in her when I had the chance, but you can die knowing she will have to watch me pull the trigger.”

  I smiled and held Alana’s stare. In that brief moment, I saw the life I had lived with her and the life we could have had. Our time together had been cut short… like all those other great love stories. We’d known true love, and our sacrifices were made so we could be free. It was epic love, filled with everything needed for a grand love story—drama, lust, loss, bravery, and a villain. We had it all. Unfortunately, all the really special love stories have a tragic end.

  “She will survive, Warden. You can believe that. You cannot kill that much strength and beauty. I’ll see you in hell, Theresa.”

  My lips moved, and I mouthed I love you to Alana while Theresa cocked the gun, pushing the barrel deeper into my skull. Pain exploded in my head before a moment of quiet and then…

  28

  Alana

  “I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter

  I had to fall to lose it all but in the end it doesn’t even matter.”

  (Linkin Park: In the end)

  I pressed the gun into the base of William Johnson’s neck and angled my body so I was protected from anybody who might want to take a shot at me. Sweat broke out on the Grand Master’s neck and dripped down below his shirt collar.

  “Sir, I mean you no harm. My name is Alana McCarthy, Cormac’s daughter. He wanted you to know something.”

  Grand Master Johnson held up a hand, halting his bodyguards who were inching forward. They poised themselves to strike, but this was my last chance, and I had to take it.

  “I need you to know I did not kill my family. Theresa Lane did. She killed my dad because he was about to send you documentation regarding Theresa’s experiments. She called it Treatment.

  She wanted to use it on children and teens and see if she could manipulate their brains into becoming soldiers, mindless disposable soldiers. My dad was an honourable man and would not do that to children, so she murdered my whole family to cover up her crime. Please do not let her tarnish your vision. My dad believed in rehabilitation, that most people could be redeemed. If you don’t act, my family will have died in vain.”

  Theresa screamed out for someone to save the Grand Master, and I took a step back. I had done it… my part was complete… and I scanned the crowd for Daniel so I could follow him. When I finally found him, he was making his way towards me. My heart skipped a beat. We did it. Freedom was possible.

  I stood there in disbelief as Theresa slipped out from behind her guard. Daniel froze when Theresa held a gun to the side of his head. He didn’t appear frightened, only calm. I saw her mouth move as Theresa sneered at him, but Daniel focused on me.

  My heart raced, and despite the noise and chaos raging on around me, I could not hear a sound. It was as if my head had been submerged in water and all noise ceased. Daniel said something to Theresa and her eyes flared with anger. That’s when I read Daniel’s lips. He said I love you to me. The gun boomed, and the bullet ripped through Daniel’s head, and I watched him crumple to the ground in a bloody mess.

  “Daniel!” I screamed and dived off the stage and shortened the distance between Theresa and me. I would kill her. She had taken everything from me and deserved to rot in hell for it. I raised the gun in my hands and took aim, fury overtaking me. Blinded by a red mist of grief and loss, I set my sights on Theresa Lane.

  She pointed her gun at me, and I braced myself the inevitable. My feet were still moving, my heart pounding. Jayson stepped into my line of vision and stopped me. He raised a gun and fired. I wailed in agony, more for Jayson than at Theresa’s death as her lifeless body hit the ground next to Daniel’s. Jayson had taken away my chance for vengeance. I could no longer make her suffer. Her death had been too quick, too easy, and now I had nothing to hold onto.

  “You’re not a killer, Alana. I had to do it.”

  I heard the words, understanding the sound of his voice, but I wanted to be free of it. My eyes drifted down to look at the boy who had fought so hard for me to remember him. He’d given me love and friends and a chance at a second life. Where sparkling blue eyes used to be, now lifeless ones stared at nothing in particular.

  Having lost so much, how could I lose more? This feeling, this emptiness, this numbness, I couldn’t live with it for the rest of my life. It would haunt me. My past would follow me like a disappearing ghost. Then, just when I felt the slight pang of happiness, the ghost would reappear and bring with it all the nightmares of my past.

  Without notice, I was knocked to the ground. I hadn’t even realized I had done it, but while absorbed in my own dark thoughts, I had slowly brought the gun to my own temple and readied it to fire. There I was… looking up into the tear-stained face of Chris Connors. He shook me hard, and I started to cry.

  “Don’t you dare… don’t you fucking dare. Danny did not die so you could wallow in grief and take the coward’s way out. We stick to the plan, McCarthy. It’s what Danny would have wanted.”

  Connors got up, pulling me with him. One hand wrapped around my arm, and he dragged me through the throngs of people who’d scattered, moving out of our way. I peeked over my shoulder and saw the Grand Master being escorted through a door at the opposite end of the room. He vanished without another glance.

  The door closed behind us as Jayson led a sniffling Afsana towards Daniel’s office. Connors refused to let me go. I couldn’t think and didn’t want to. None of this was worth it without him.

  Connors barred the door behind us and eased off me. He took long strides over to Daniel’s desk and used his other gun to break the lock. I watched in a daze as he grabbed some things from the desk drawer and put some of them in his pocket. He tossed a bag to Afsana.

  “Come on, girl. You know what to do.”

  Afsana nodded and knelt on the ground. She had containers and tubes with solutions in her hand and mixed it all together. I stared in silence as she did it, then she told everyone to stand back and cover their ears. We did and she pitched a tube at the window. It exploded in a tremendous orange blast. Even with my ears covered, they still rang.

  We edged towards the ledge and peered out. I glanced at the wall and noticed a gate had been left unattended. Our escape. Daniel really had thought of everything. It was a short drop down, but still a drop. Connors said it wouldn’t hurt if we landed right.

  Jayson grinned and said, “See all you suckers below.” And he simply walked out into the air. I saw him hit the grass and roll. He got up and brushed off his pants and shouted up to us. “It’s not that high, trust me.”

  Connors motioned for me to go next and I did, stepping off the ledge as Jayson had done, landing with my feet on the ground easily. Once in the grass, I scanned around, half expecting for someone to catch us, but no one came. Jayson held out his arms and caught Afsana, who, with a gentle nudge from Connors, was next. My tall friend followed and fell much like Jayson had, rolling in the grass until the momentum ceased.

  Once on his feet again, we all ran for the gate, nobody looking back. A shot rang out, and Jayson cried out as Afsana hit the ground, but we didn’t stop. The rest of us slipped through the open gate. A car idled just outside and a window rolled down. A man in a balaclava sat behind the wheel
.

  “You Jimmy’s kid?” he asked Connors, who shook his head.

  “He didn’t make it,” Connors replied before opening the back door and shoving me inside. Jayson slid to the other side, and Connors jumped in the front. The driver sped off, and I cast my gaze back and watched as the walls of the prison slowly blurred in the distance.

  We were all sombre, and the driver never spoke until we went farther into the outskirts of the city border along a winding road. We finally came to a stop by a small pier where a massive container ship awaited us. Connors thanked the driver as we got out.

  Connors stripped down to his boxers, right there, and cast his uniform aside. He pulled on jeans and a rust coloured jumper and ushered us towards the ship. After speaking to the captain, we were escorted to a small cabin to wait until the ship set sail.

  “Where are we going?” I croaked, my voice hoarse.

  “Danny got in contact with Jameson and secured us passage to the Free Islands. It’ll take a couple of weeks, but we will get there. Jameson is meeting us at the boat with new identities and a place to stay.”

  I blinked back tears, feeling very much alone and already missing Daniel. Connors dropped something into my hand and then handed me a letter.

  “Danny said to give this to you if he didn’t make it out.”

  Clutching the box and the letter to my chest, I stood in disbelief of the past few hours. Below us, the roar of an engine came to life, and the ship shuddered. I held my breath as it inched away from the pier, waiting, half expecting someone to come and drag us back for execution. But no one did.

  After an hour of silence, my two companions drifted off to sleep. I poked my head out our cabin door and asked if I could go above deck. With permission, I climbed the ladder and was greeted by the smell of salt water and wind. The ship had a large open deck, and I walked to the stern and sat on one of the ledges.

  Carefully, I opened the letter and clasped my hand over my mouth at the sight of Daniel’s handwriting. Tears blurred my vision, but I blinked them away so I could read Daniel’s last words to me.

  Alana,

  If you are reading this, then I’m sorry that I’ve left you alone. But know that I love you and that has never changed. We did our best, my love, but now you must carry on and live the life that I envisioned for you.

  I know it hurts, but in time you will be able to think of me and not feel sad. Hopefully, you’ll look back at the time we had together and smile. That’s okay. It’s fine to move on. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy.

  So I need you to do something for me, my beautiful, fiery girl. Move on. Take advantage of your second chance. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again because if you do, he is the luckiest damned man alive to be worthy of your love. Do not use my death as an excuse. You deserve to love and be loved in return.

  Now I know you won’t forget me, but I have left you something that I should have given you a long time ago. Had things gone as I had planned, I would be there now on bended knee asking you to be my wife. There was never anyone else for me, Alana. Never.

  Do not live as if you are a widow. You are not. Our love may have been an epic love that ended in tragedy, but the love of your life still awaits you. Think of me when you read Tolkien or poetry that reminds you of how tragic the world can be. Remember me for all the good times we had, and try and leave the bad memories alone. They will only bring you darkness. You need to bask in the sunlight.

  Look after Connors for me. He is the brother I always wanted. We had each other’s backs growing up. Tell him I love him and miss him. Also, tell him I said that he can watch over you, but he must find his own happiness too.

  There is another envelope in this letter and it contains all Jayson needs to find his sister. I have also wired all my savings to an account in Australia where Jameson has created new identities for you all.

  Alana, my love, all I ask of you is to be happy. Promise me that much. No matter what it is, if it makes you happy, do it. Do not waste a minute of your life on something otherwise. Because in the end, life is far too short.

  All my love,

  Daniel

  I carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope before opening the box. Inside was a stunning ring, with a sparkling gold band and a blue stone which shimmered under the evening sun. I took it out, my fingers trembling and slipped it onto my ring finger. It fit perfectly. My heart constricted, and I let the tears flow freely, finally allowing myself time to grieve for Daniel, for Sophia, and for my mom and dad.

  When the sun had dipped below the shoreline, I was still sitting on the bench watching the stars twinkle in the sky. I shivered in the chilly air but also rejoiced in it because feeling the cold meant I was alive. Daniel’s memory would live on inside me. Someday, I would tell the world of his bravery and love.

  Connors found me up on deck and I went with him to the galley for some food. I handed Jayson his letter, and we exchanged smiles. Daniel had come through for us all.

  I’m not saying I got over Daniel with the snap of my fingers. For weeks, while we were at sea I was haunted by dreams of him. The most horrible among the nightmares was that he was alive and we’d left him behind. During most of the time on board the ship, I barely spoke or ate. At other times, I screamed and cried until I had no more in me. The weeks dragged, but with every rolling wave, thinking of Daniel hurt a little less.

  One day the captain announced we would dock soon. Jayson, Connors, and I stood watching as the ship was guided into port, the glorious sun shining down on us. We gathered our meagre belongings and disembarked.

  When we reached the end of the pier, I looked up and froze as if a mirage were coming towards me. Connors kept walking but stopped to shake hands with the man, and I saw him nod. Jayson nudged me forward, and I followed Connors and greeted the man with a handshake.

  Jameson Costello was an older version of his son. Tall like Daniel, but harsher, sterner even, Jameson had none of Daniel’s warmth. He shook my hand with his strong, calloused ones.

  “Alana, my son told me a lot about you,” he said.” Welcome to the Free Islands of Australia. Welcome to a second chance.”

  Everyone should be entitled to a second chance, right?

  Epilogue

  “What a shame, what a shame we all remain such fragile broken things”

  (Paramore: Part II)

  Almost a year had passed since the events at the prison. A lot changed. Grand Master Johnson went back to America and asked for an independent review of how prisoners were convicted. He also set out legislation for underage offenders to receive life sentences instead of the death penalty. Parliament had yet to vote on it, but it seemed like progress. He also spoke publicly about his shock at Theresa Lane’s actions and professed that he in no way condoned the use of Treatment on any inmate. That experiment had been shut down. Or so he said.

  He also pardoned me and Jayson, but we still kept to ourselves. Connors now worked for a private security company, and Jayson found his niche mentoring kids. He also found that his sister and her foster family had moved closer to our small village, so they saw each other frequently.

  And me, what about me? I had spent a lot of time with Daniel’s family, his brother, and sisters and their families. They were really nice people. Having decided that I had moped around for long enough, Jayson got me a job where he worked, and I really loved it. Helping kids was my destiny.

  Connors also got himself a girlfriend, one of Daniel’s sisters, and they were expecting their first child together. We each had our own cottages on an island with glorious weather that brought out a faint glow to my skin. Regardless of our own happily ever afters, someone was always missing, my special Daniel, who should have been there to enjoy paradise with us.

  I think of him every day and wear his ring around my neck. He was right. Eventually, I learned to think of him and remember the happiness we had brought each other.

  A long time ago, I had promised him I would find my
happiness. While I wasn’t quite ready to date and leave memories of him behind, taking them with me made me a stronger person. An epic love can do that for you. Oh, what an epic love it had been.

  Bibliography

  Tolkien, J.R.R. 1954. The Fellowship of the Ring.

  Acknowledgements

  Firstly I have to thank all the girls at CTP! You girls are the best ...... Rebecca, Courtney, Marya and Dyan, I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to share Shattered Memories with the world. If Carlsberg made publishing companies, they would all be as awesome as CTP!

  Kathleen Lapeyre, Thank you for taking Shattered Memories and making it so much better. I appreciate all I learned from you.

  My Parents - For always having faith in me when I rarely had any myself.

  LJ and Taylor- For always reminding me how to smile.

  Melanie Newton ..... for simply being awesome!

  A big thank you goes to the most intelligent man I know, Mr Kenneth Sheehy. Without you I would not have been able to make the background information believable. All the credit for that lies with you.

  To my family and friends that stuck by me when my world crumbled down around me and encouraged me to continue writing. I don’t need to name names, ye know who ye are.

  To my fellow JD1’s. You guys are all legends and I love ye all! Thanks for making the past year one of the best of my life.

  To the real life Alana McCarthy who allowed me to borrow her name. My Alana came to life because of you and I will be forever grateful for it.

  And to the readers, old and new, thank you for all of your support and letting me do what I love.

  Author's Note

  The lyrics used in this novel are meant to allow the reader to see how the songs inspired me and each chapter in Shattered Memories. I hold no rights for the use of these lyrics. They were simply a muse.