Sanctuary

by Courtney McPhail

  She nodded and dashed off towards the office. They continued to the back of the motel, walking over to the patch of grass between the cinderblock wall of the motel and the chain link fence that separated it from the fallow field behind it.

  They set Hillman down on the grass and Malcolm took a look around. The patch of earth wasn’t much and it didn’t have a great view but it was better than being left out rot.

  He spotted Kim rounding the corner of the building, shovels and the ax in hand.

  “I am so sorry,” she told Mendez and Banks after she had handed over the tools. “I know I didn’t know him but he tried to help me and my son. He was obviously a good man.”

  “He was,” Mendez replied. “The best of us.”

  “Come on,” Banks said, grabbing up the ax and slamming it down into the earth. “Let’s put him to rest.”

  He brought the ax down again, cutting out a large divot of sod and kicking it away to expose the dark earth beneath. He kept focused on the ground as he hacked away at the grass, taking out his pain on the earth. Mendez took the shovel and speared it into the ground, putting her foot on it to push it in further.

  Malcolm watched them for a moment before looking back to Kim.

  “Do you want me to stay and help?” she asked but he shook his head.

  “We’ve still got people out there, go sit watch with Trey and keep an eye out for them.”

  He looked towards the roof of the motel but couldn’t spot Trey from this vantage point. “How is he doing after what happened today?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, her own worried eyes going to the roof. “I didn’t get a chance to ask him. He went right up to trade watch with Lorraine so she could help with Hillman and Alan.”

  “Tell him he did his best today,” Malcolm said. “We all did. What happened is nobody’s fault.”

  “I will,” she said and reached out to put a hand on his chest. “You know that goes for you too? You can’t blame yourself for this.”

  He nodded, knowing she was right but it was one thing to know something, it was another to actually feel it. Right now, he couldn’t shake off the blame for today’s disaster. He had tried his damnedest to make it work and he had failed.

  He lowered his head so his lips were close to her ear. “If we had just ignored them then maybe Alan would have been okay.”

  “But then all of them, including those two, would be dead,” Kim whispered back. “We did the right thing. It might not have been the smartest move but it was right. I don’t think I could live with myself if we stopped doing what was right.”

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting his hand cup the nape of her neck, fingers stroking the tight curls there.

  “I didn’t do the right thing,” he hissed at her, hating himself for having to shatter her illusion. “I should have been over there helping Alan and Hillman with the scaffolding. I could have got it down sooner. It was a stupid mistake and it got them killed.”

  Her hand on his chest tightened into a fist, pulling at the fabric of his shirt. “Malcolm, you can’t blame yourself for that. Maybe if we all had gone over there to get it down, it would have gone different. Maybe all of you would have died and the rest of us wouldn’t have gotten out of there. What’s happened, happened and you can’t change it. As long as your intentions were good, you can’t blame yourself for what happened.”

  He looked over at Hillman’s body. “What do good intentions matter to a dead man?”

  “You can’t do this. You can’t start to doubt yourself. If you do, you will lose yourself. All of us are relying on you to lead us to safety. You need to be here with us.”

  She was right. He had made himself their leader. These were the burdens of a leader. If he was crushed beneath them, they would all be lost. He had to stand tall for the others.

  “I am,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. “I’m always here with you.”

  She patted his chest and let him go.

  “Look after them,” she said as she looked over at Mendez and Banks.

  He didn’t know if she meant because they were strangers in their midst or because they were torn up at the loss of their friend and she was off towards the motel before he could ask her.

  It was true that they didn’t know them. Everything had been so rushed at the construction site that bringing everyone back here made sense. Though they had given no signs that they couldn’t be trusted, he didn’t know what would happen once the shock of everything wore off.

  Would they turn on the others? Would they blame them for their friends’ deaths? Had the two of them been evaluating the group, looking for weakness, while they had waited to hear news about Hillman?

  Malcolm knew he needed to assess them while he had the chance.

  He walked over to join the two of them. They had already cleared the grass from a large space and were digging into the soil. Banks cut into the dirt, loosening it so Mendez could shovel it out, the two of them working in silence. The ax sparked off a rock buried in the earth and Banks cursed, shaking his hand from the recoil that had travelled up the handle.

  “Work on the other end,” Malcolm said. “I’ll dig out the rock.”

  Banks nodded and moved to the other end of the grave while Malcolm dropped to his knees and began to dig around the rock with his hands. Mendez continued to shovel and for a while, the only sound was the scrape and shuffle of dirt as they dug.

  When he had cleared enough dirt and loosened the rock from the ground, he hauled it out of the hole and carried it the head of the grave. It would serve as a marker.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, how did things break up for you two?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

  Mendez looked up from the slowly growing hole. “We were sent to Columbus to maintain order. When the power went out, looting started and then the fires came. People started flooding evacuation centres.”

  She kept digging as she spoke, methodical as she pierced the ground with the shovel, dug up a chunk of earth and tossed it over her shoulder.

  “Place was overflowing and we were told to start turning people away. People didn’t like that. Half the city was burning and infected were running through the streets. People kept pushing to come in and things were getting out of control. That’s when they gave us orders to start executing people.”

  He knew he shouldn’t be surprised, after what had happened at Fort Lee. It seemed that in the bad times, the worst could come out in people.

  “A bunch of us refused the order. We were there to help people, not kill them. You can guess what happened. We ended up having to put down our CO and the others who sided with him.”

  Banks shook his head. “It was pointless in the end. People on the outside and the inside were infected. Place was a war zone within a few hours.”

  “After it was overrun, we headed out of the city,” Mendez said. “We went to our homes, looking for family and friends. Some found them and left, others didn’t and stayed with us. We didn’t have any place in mind after that. We’ve been moving around, looking for supplies, and helping other survivors when we could.”

  “That was pointless too,” Banks said, his voice thick with bitterness. “Lost Smith and Hanson when a bunch of survivors played possum and lured us in. Barely got out alive when the bastards turned on us to take what we had.”

  Mendez was more pragmatic about it. “That’s how we ended up in Franklin. We were looking for another ride after they took ours.”

  “How about you?” Banks asked. “Your accents aren’t from around here. What brought you up here?”

  Malcolm wondered if that was suspicion in his voice or just anger that his group had suffered losses while their group appeared whole.

  “We started out in Virginia and came this way for the Great Lakes,” Malcolm replied. He knew vague was best. He didn’t know these people and he wasn’t ready to reveal all his cards. “Figured nothing better than a nice big body of water at our backs.”

 
“If you started out in Virginia, why not just head to the ocean?” Banks asked, this time more curious than suspicious.

  “Would’ve had to get too close to DC for my taste,” Malcolm lied easily. “We wanted to avoid any big cities so north worked better for us.”

  Banks nodded and went back to digging and they joined him. Silence fell between them as they focused on digging the grave, the steady fall of their shovels and the ax the only sound they made.

  Sweat had soaked through his shirt by the time they were done digging the grave deep enough, the air still thick with humidity even though the sun was already low in the sky. Banks pulled himself out of the waist high hole, the mask on his face streaked with dirt and sweat and he yanked it off, tossing it down into the hole.

  He walked a few steps away and sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest and rested his arms on them, bowing his head. He was clearly tapped out, whatever energy that had been in him depleted with the digging of the grave.

  “Come on, Banks, we gotta put Hillman in the ground and then we can head out while there’s still some light,” Mendez said but he didn’t lift his head.

  “Where are we gonna go?” he asked, his voice muffled.

  “South didn’t seem to go so well for us, maybe we’ll try west from here.”

  “What’s the point?” Banks said, finally lifting his head up to look at her with sad eyes. “We can’t run forever. We’re gonna die eventually, just like Hillman and Anderson and Montgomery and Foster and Smith and Hanson--”

  “I’m not going to listen to this whiney bullshit!” she said, disgust twisting up her face. “Get it together!”

  Banks shook his head, his chin dropping to his chest as he stared at his feet. “It’s pointless. All of it. Completely pointless.”

  “Get on your feet,” Mendez ordered but Banks ignored her. “Private! Your superior officer just gave you an order! Get on your feet!”

  Banks kept his head down and Malcolm could see the pain in Mendez but he wasn’t sure if he should step in.

  “Banks,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I need you, please. I can’t do this on my own. Get on your feet.”

  Banks stayed on the ground, his head down and Mendez let out a curse as she tossed the shovel down. She stalked over to Hillman’s body and grabbed fistfuls of the blanket and started to pull him towards the grave.

  Malcolm walked over to help her, grabbing Hillman’s feet.

  “I can do it!” Mendez snapped at him.

  He realized how close both of them were to the edge of losing it. They were young, unsure, clinging to what they knew: being soldiers. Which, he was starting to realize, could be an asset to the group.

  “No, you can’t,” Malcolm told her patiently. “You need help.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment and he could tell she was fighting to keep her emotions in check. She didn’t want him to see her vulnerable.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Together they dragged Hillman to the edge of the grave and Malcolm jumped down into the hole to help lower him down gently.

  After he climbed out of the hole, he and Mendez grabbed up the shovels and began to fill in the grave. Banks stood up, and for a moment Malcolm expected him to start helping, but he stalked off back towards the motel, disappearing around the side of the building.

  “He’s known Hillman since enlistment,” Mendez said. “That’s why it hit him so hard.”

  “I get it,” Malcolm said. “I was a Marine. I lost people I served with. Truth is, most people here get it now. They’ve lost people too. After the highway, we camped out in a national park. We went into a town to get supplies and got attacked. First one we lost, Alan’s brother, he was driven off the road and died on impact. Next one was Jose, good man, my sister’s neighbour. He got infected but none of us knew it, not even him. He ended up tearing out his wife’s throat while she slept.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah,” Malcolm said with a sigh and tossed another shovelful of dirt into the grave, “And it looks like we’re gonna lose Alan too. So, all of us here, we know what it’s like to lose one of our own. It’s why I think it’s a good idea for you two to stay the night.”

  “We couldn’t put you out like that,” Mendez said. “You’ve already wasted your medical supplies on Hillman.”

  “It’s just an offer of a bed, which we’re not running out of any time soon here.” She managed a smile at that. “Unfortunately, we don’t have anything to offer in the way of food. We got our food supplies hijacked back in Kentucky. That’s why we were in Franklin today.”

  “Then let’s make it a trade,” she said. “We’ve got a bunch of MREs in our packs. Trade them for a place to sleep and to make up for causing you to miss out on finding food in town.”

  “We would be grateful for the food,” Malcolm said.

  “And I’m grateful for you giving us a place to catch our breaths.” She looked back towards the motel where Banks had disappeared. “Hopefully things will be clearer in the morning.”

  “He’ll be okay,” Malcolm offered.

  She shook her head. “I’m not so sure. We’ve lost so much already. Maybe he has a point. Maybe it is hopeless.”

  “As long as we’re still breathing, there’s hope,” Malcolm said.

  She didn’t reply, turning her focus back on filling the grave. They were patting down the mound of upturned dirt when they saw Banks coming towards them from the motel, a large cross fashioned from a broken mop handle in his hands.

  He walked up to the head of the grave and drove the marker into the ground. When it was secure, he looked up and nodded at Mendez. She walked over and slipped Hillman’s dog tags around it, the metal clinking as it rested against the cross.

  “Private Ryan Hillman was a good soldier and friend,” Banks said, his voice rough with emotion. “He gave his life so we could live. We won’t forget him. Always ready, always there.”

  Malcolm looked to Mendez to see if she wanted to say anything but she kept her head bent and he pretended not to notice the tears that dripped down on to her boots.

  “Thank you for your service, Private,” he said, saluting the grave. “Rest in peace.”

  With the words said, they gathered up their tools and headed back to the motel. When they were rounding the corner of the building, Malcolm picked up the sound of an engine rumbling in the distance.

  He tossed down his shovel and ran to the front of the motel. He looked up at the roof where Trey was on watch.

  “What do you see?” he called out.

  “It’s a semi-truck,” Trey yelled down. “It’s coming in from the east, heading straight this way.”

  “Shit!”

  Malcolm immediately went to where he had left his rifle, ready to call out for the others but he realized that Banks and Mendez were right there with him. They had their own guns in hand and had moved into position behind one of the SUVs, aiming at the east end of the road.

  The front of the semi appeared and he spotted a familiar face hanging out the passenger window.

  “We found food!” Claudia yelled out.

  “It’s our people” Malcolm told Mendez and Banks, “And I guess they found food.”

  As Jackson pulled the rig into the parking lot and brought it to a shuddering halt.

  “We hit the motherload,” Claudia called out to him and pushed open the door to jump down. Audrey and Veronica followed behind her, all of them smiling.

  “Audrey found a warehouse with a ton of food,” Veronica said, giving the girl’s ponytail an affectionate tug. “Got some gas too. How did you guys do?”

  She looked over at Mendez and Banks curiously and he knew she was really asking about their story.

  “Met some new friends,” Malcolm said, “But we ran into a couple problems.”

  He waited until Jackson had joined them before he related the day’s events and Alan’s possible infected status.

  “Shit,” Jackson said, scratching the bac
k of his neck. “Sorry to hear that.”

  Malcolm looked back at the truck. “Sounds like you guys brought us some good news.”

  “Yeah, we did,” Jackson replied, leading them around to the rear of the truck and opening the doors.

  Claudia had been right when she said they had hit the motherload. There was even more than what they had lost in the van back in Fairview.

  “We need this,” Malcolm said and he didn’t just mean the food.

  They needed a win today. Something to make all the shit worth it.

  “Better start unloading it,” Veronica said. “Pack everything in the cars.”

  “We should pull the truck up to the road, put the watch point on the roof,” Malcolm said. “It’ll give us a better view of the roads. Why don’t you go round up the others to help us haul the food out?”

  Veronica nodded and she and Audrey headed over to the motel. Jackson and Malcolm climbed up into the truck to start handing down the food to Mendez and Banks to take to the cars.

  “Those two with us now?” Jackson asked when Mendez and Banks were out of earshot.

  “I only offered them a place to stay for the night,” he told him, “But, honestly, I’ve been thinking about offering them a place with us. They’ve got nowhere to go and a couple soldiers would be a great asset. At best I’ve got hunters here, but no soldiers. I’ve been trying to train the others but that takes time. Having people with military training would be a benefit.”

  “Ya trust ‘em?”

  “They haven’t done anything for me not to trust them. Still, I’m gonna play the island card close to my chest. As far as they know, we’re going to the lake so we’ve got water at our back.”

  “Sounds fair,” Jackson said. “Might be the only good thing to come outta today.”

  “You guys brought us food,” Malcolm said. “That’s a good thing that came out of today.”

  “Guess the little wins are what we’ve gotta count on now. If we only focus on what we lost, we’re gonna lose our damn minds. Even the little wins gotta be celebrated.”

  Malcolm had told Mendez that as long as they were still breathing there was hope. It was about time he started living what he preached. He couldn’t drown himself in failures, that only led to giving up and he wasn’t about to do that.