Only Daughter: An gripping and emotional psychological thriller with a jaw-dropping twist

by Sarah A. Denzil

  As I begin to relax into the silence around me, a rough voice disrupts the peace.

  ‘Mornin’, scrubber!’

  I don’t even turn around, just keep on walking. On this estate, being heckled by a nearby weirdo isn’t an unusual occurrence.

  ‘Oi, bitch. I’m talking to you.’

  It’s probably some dosser off his face on drugs, but still, I quicken my pace to get away from him. People like that are unpredictable. I hear the footsteps behind me shuffle faster to keep up, which makes my muscles tense with fear.

  ‘You late for school too?’

  A hand grips my shoulder and spins me round. The tall boy smirks with satisfaction and his eyes gaze up and down my body, slowly taking in my shape.

  ‘Better than I expected.’ His smile widens and his blue eyes twinkle with mischief. ‘Never thought a girl with dull hair like yours would have such a good rack.’

  ‘Don’t touch what you can’t afford.’ I wrench myself away from his grasp. But when I move away from him, ready to carry on walking to school, I can’t deny a certain thrill running up and down my body. He noticed me and thinks I’m sexy.

  ‘I like ’em feisty,’ he says, walking quickly to keep up. ‘What year you in?’

  I consider lying because he’s obviously older than me. But then I shrug and blurt out, ‘Year 8.’

  ‘I’m Year 10, so you should respect your elders. That’s what my mum always says. Before I kick her teeth in anyway.’ He laughs.

  ‘As if. I bet you’ve never kicked anyone.’

  He grins again and then his eyes narrow, their pale blue colour kind of nice to look at. ‘Hey, I know you. You’re that kid that’s always scrapping. You’re all right, you. You can hold your own.’

  ‘Yeah?’ Hearing an older boy tell me I’m all right fills me with a sense of pride, and I find myself walking a bit taller, smiling a little wider.

  ‘Yeah. You got any friends?’

  ‘I guess there’s Annie.’ I shrug.

  ‘You and your friend should come hang out with us tonight. My brother got his driver’s licence a few months ago. We’ll pick you up after school if you want. By the shop.’

  I know the one he means: the newsagent near the school that gets bombarded every lunchtime by teenagers wanting penny sweets and Mars bars.

  ‘What’s your name?’ I ask.

  ‘Gav. You?’

  ‘Katie.’

  He winks at me, then leans across and pinches my bum. I swat away his hand with a frown, but Gav doesn’t seem bothered by my discomfort. He just laughs.

  ‘See you later, Katie with the nice rack.’ As he jogs away, he makes kissing noises at me.

  All the way to school, I think about Gav. I’m not sure what to make of him. On the one hand, I like that he noticed me and that he thinks I’m all right. On the other hand, now that he’s gone, my tummy is all crampy, like when Mum’s about to bollock me. I wrap my arms protectively around my breasts. I guess I hadn’t noticed that they’d grown before today.

  * * *

  Annie lives on the estate too, which is probably why we became friends. She’s pretty, I guess. Not like me. The boys sometimes stare at her and make comments. They ask her what sort of bra she’s wearing and what colour knickers she has on, but they don’t ask me. Sometimes, when we’re hanging out, I want them to ask me those questions too, but then I see Annie’s face flash red and I wonder whether it’s worth it.

  ‘I don’t think we should be hanging round with anyone old enough to drive a car,’ Annie says, chewing on the end of her pen and somehow managing to make it look incredibly grown up.

  She’s pretty and she doesn’t have the kind of temper that gets her in trouble. She could have way more friends. I don’t know why she even hangs around with me.

  ‘Are you kidding? It’ll be cool.’

  We’re in RE and I’m bored, and convincing Annie to come out with me later is more fun than learning about how many days there are in Lent.

  ‘We don’t know anything about them.’ Annie leans back in her chair and glares at me. She has a way of looking at you like she’s better than you. For some reason it doesn’t bother me when she does it. But if anyone else does the same, then I lose it.

  ‘Well, they go here.’

  Annie rolls her eyes. ‘The lads from this shithole are awful. Yesterday in maths, Simon stuck a pencil under my boob to see if I “passed the test”.’

  ‘What test?’

  ‘Apparently, perfect boobs shouldn’t be able to fit a pencil underneath them or something. The dickhead didn’t realise I have to be naked first.’ She pulls a lock of hair free from her bun and twirls it around her finger. ‘I pass it, obviously.’

  ‘What, when naked?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Cool. Gav said I have a nice rack.’

  ‘Is he fit?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Hmm.’ She scrunches up her mouth and moves her lips to one side, as though considering her options.

  When Miss Rowe comes walking by our desk, we lean over the textbook and pretend to be studiously examining the passage before us. Someone has drawn a squirting penis in the corner.

  When Rowe is gone, Annie lifts her head. ‘I don’t know. We could get in trouble.’

  ‘Your mum’ll be at work. Mine’ll be drinking gin at the miner’s club.’

  ‘True.’

  ‘I’m going on my own if you don’t come.’ When I stick out my chin, she knows I’m serious. That’s what I do before starting a fight. Across the room, Susie P glances in my direction and I flash her a ‘what you looking at’ glare. She turns away.

  ‘Fine.’

  ‘Nice one.’

  I tap her on the knee with my pencil in celebration, and then we get on with the reading.

  * * *

  The twenty minutes we wait for them after school goes on forever. I spend most of the time holding up a mirror for Annie as she spreads on thick lipstick and neatens her bun. She pulls out two thin locks of hair to frame her face, and after she’s finished I tie my hair up into a ponytail and do the same. When she offers me the lipstick, I decide to try it. The shade doesn’t suit me particularly well, but I do look older and I like that.

  ‘They’re not coming. We should go,’ Annie says.

  ‘Wait, wait. That’s them.’ I nod across the street as a beat-up Vauxhall Nova pulls up, blasting happy hardcore at full volume.

  Gav leans out of the passenger window and waves to us. ‘Get in.’

  Annie rolls her eyes in disdain, but she still follows me as I hurry over to the car.

  ‘Get in then,’ Gav instructs, nodding especially to Annie, who hangs back at first.

  We have to squash into the back with two other guys. Their names are Steve and Mark, we’re told. Gav informs us that the driver is Jamie, Gav’s older brother, an eighteen-year-old fairground worker who lives in Wingerworth with some housemates.

  For a while, Jamie drives aimlessly around town, circling the Donut Car Park while the boys lean out of the windows and whistle at people walking by. Someone thrusts a can of Carlsberg into my hand and I take a gulp, screwing my face up at the sour taste. But when I get halfway down the can, I find a warmth coming up from my belly, and some of my worries fade away. Even Annie starts to chill out after finishing her beer. She grins when Steve leans over and tells her she’s fit as fuck.

  After an hour of driving around the town, Jamie takes us away from the centre and out into the countryside. Annie’s too busy giggling with Steve and chugging her second can to notice the change in direction. Mark has his hand on my knee, which is making my face feel warm, but I’m not sure if it’s good or bad. I haven’t finished my first can yet, and he’s encouraging me to drink more.

  I lean forward between the front seats. ‘Where are we going?’ I ask Gav, noticing a sign for Littlemoor, which I know is quite isolated and might not have a bus service if we need to get away.

  ‘A good spot for getting wasted,’ Gav says
. ‘Don’t worry, Jamie knows what he’s doing.’

  As the roads get windier and narrower, we pass a group of tiny holiday bungalows next to a sign saying ‘Barn Close’ and then continue driving for another mile or so. Jamie pulls over and Gav grabs a stereo system and a few CDs. I’m trailing behind as everyone climbs a five-bar gate to get into a field. By now Annie is stumbling a bit and Steve has to help her. Mark puts his hand on my bum as I climb over, and they all stare up our skirts and laugh.

  There are horses in the field but they ignore us, keeping their distance further out. One of them looks up from its grazing and lazily nods its head up and down. It has kind brown eyes, and I want to go up to it and stroke its velvety nose, but the others are moving on.

  Further down the field, Jamie and Gav stop by a small shelter, putting down the portable stereo and turning on the music: more happy hardcore, which is definitely getting repetitive and annoying.

  This isn’t going how I’d hoped. I thought it would be grown up to hang out with older boys, but the stuff they want to do isn’t interesting to me. I don’t care about beer or loud music or coming to fields in the middle of nowhere. For once, I want to be at home on my own, or at school – where there are adults in control.

  Scrapping with the other girls has always made me feel strong and powerful, but now I’m the opposite. The temper inside me has fizzled out until it’s nothing but a tiny, dampened wick trying desperately to ignite. For some reason, I can’t find my voice to tell them that I want to leave. Instead, I sit down on the hardened soil and fold my arms. I notice a lot of rocks lying about. Maybe the farmer threw them in here to get them out of the grass. The ground is packed down, made hard from the dry summer we’ve had. In the corners of the building I see old syringes and a condom.

  I hate it here.

  ‘Why don’t you come and dance?’ Gav asks. ‘Or have another drink and chill out.’

  ‘No, thanks.’

  ‘You’ve got a face like a slapped arse, love,’ Jamie shouts from across the shelter, and then he laughs loudly. They all join in, even Annie. And yet still I shrink into myself. I haven’t cried since Uncle Bob died, but now I want to cry again. When no one is looking, I reach inside my school shirt and touch the gold locket that I’m wearing. Mum never buys me presents, but Uncle Bob did, and it’s the only object I own that’s actually worth anything. He was nice and he’d know what to do if he was here right now. But I haven’t got a clue. I just want to go home.

  Three of the boys surround Annie, grinding against her, but she’s still laughing and smiling. Jamie puts his hands on her waist, lets them trail up to her chest. She shrieks in a good-natured way and bats him away. Then he spins her around, grabs roughly and picks her up, his arms pulling up her shirt a little.

  ‘Put me down! Put me down!’ she laughs, patting his arms and squealing.

  ‘Maybe we should go, Annie. Won’t your mum get home soon?’

  Jamie glances over and shushes me. The hard glint in his eyes makes me shudder. Gav places an arm around my shoulder, but I’m too distracted by Jamie and Annie to notice. In one quick motion, he has Annie down on the ground.

  ‘Hey.’ She wriggles underneath him. ‘Hey, stop that.’

  I try to stand, not liking this at all, but Gav holds me tightly. When I try to wrestle him off me, he waves Mark over, and the two of them hold me down, arms across my chest and waist, pinning me. Panic builds. I can’t move. I can hardly breathe.

  Annie screams. Jamie has hold of both of her wrists. Steve gets down on the floor with him and takes her arms while Jamie starts to pull down her underwear.

  ‘Stop it,’ I say. ‘Stop.’ But my voice is a whisper beneath Annie’s screams.

  I close my eyes. I don’t want to see.

  My heart thuds.

  Someone grunts.

  I force myself to look. Annie’s mouth is open wide; she’s screaming. Tears run down her face. There’s soil on her cheeks.

  Jamie calls her a whore, but she can’t be, because whores do this willingly. Whores aren’t held down by two men. Are they?

  My chest tightens. I want to touch the locket again but I can’t move so I shut my eyes again for a second, wishing I was anywhere else but here. There’s a wheezing sound. It’s coming from me. I make myself look.

  Annie bites Steve and he pulls one hand back. She tries to claw herself away but Jamie bashes her face into the compacted ground. There’s a crunch, and when she raises her head, her nose is broken. Blood runs down her face. Foul-smelling liquid spews out of my mouth. I think it’s beer.

  ‘Jesus, Jamie. Did you have to mess up her face? I can’t do it with her looking like that.’

  I don’t want to see. When I squeeze my eyes closed, the world goes black. Annie’s face isn’t beaten up anymore. Someone will come and help us. Someone will make it stop. They have to.

  I open my eyes.

  Gav wrinkles his nose when he sees the stain down my shirt. ‘Urgh, she’s puked.’

  ‘I don’t care – I’m doing her,’ Steve says. ‘I’m not doing this one now. Bring her over here, will you?’

  No.

  ‘What did I say, Steve?’ Jamie says. ‘I’m first.’

  No.

  ‘Fine.’

  I’m pulled to my feet. I don’t want to see what’s happening and screw my eyes tightly together. There’s a high-pitched whimpering sound coming from my lips. Every part of my body grows cold. Someone forces me down onto the ground where the soil is hard like concrete, and then someone else tugs at my clothes.

  No.

  I go still.

  Someone laughs at the old, grey pants I’m wearing. I’m spun onto my back, and when I finally force my eyes open, Jamie’s smirking face stares down at me.

  ‘She’s willing,’ he says. ‘Be a good girl and we won’t hurt you.’

  Out of the four faces, I find Gav, pleading silently with him. But I find no sympathy, no saviour, no decency here. There’s four of them and they’re stronger and there’s no point in me fighting back. I want to give up, let it happen, but that damp wick deep inside me somehow ignites, and a spark of heat explodes into flame.

  Jamie lets go of my arms, because he thinks I’m a ‘good girl’. Mark wanders over to the entrance to the shelter to keep an eye out for anyone who might have heard Annie’s screams. Steve goes over to Annie and starts touching her breasts. Gav’s attention wanders over to Annie, too. It’s just me and Jamie. His weight is heavy on top of me, but he hasn’t started yet. He’s clawing at my stained school shirt. Rough fingers catch on the chain of my locket. I have some time. I search for a weapon, edging my hand away from my side, towards a rock. Jamie’s hands travel up my chest to my neck, and fear grips hold of me. I have only seconds. I reach out and grasp the rock and swing my arm with as much force as I possibly can. Before Jamie even understands what I’m doing, the rock bashes into the side of his head, knocking him off balance. He rolls onto the ground and the heavy stone falls from my grasp. Quickly, I scramble away as the others all look at me in surprise. I pick up another – heavier – rock with both hands, lift it and let go. Gav tries to tackle me. We stumble away, the crack of Jamie’s skull a sickening sound amidst the chaos.

  ‘Fuck.’ Mark drops to his knees next to Jamie. He gazes up at me. ‘Fuck.’

  Gav’s fist meets my face. He sits astride me. Pain explodes along my cheekbone, but I still manage to hit him hard enough in the nose for blood to spurt out.

  ‘Gav, he’s dead,’ Mark cries. ‘He’s fucking dead.’

  Gav gets to his feet, spins around and stares at his lifeless brother spread across the centre of the shelter. His trousers are down, exposing his genitals. There’s blood and soil on his hands from when he hurt Annie. I crawl over to the dead boy and gently place my hand on his head. When I touch the warm blood and the broken skull, I scream, and then I scream again. Gav stands there staring at me.

  ‘We’ve got to get out of here,’ Steve says.

  The thud
ding in my mind is the sound of my pulse. It’s like the ocean. A tide of blood.

  ‘You killed my brother.’ Gav stares down at me in disbelief.

  I don’t want to see, but I have to look. Jamie lies there, his lifeless arms out wide, blood pooling underneath him, underneath my knees. I can’t stop staring at the blood and I can’t move as it touches me, gets on my skin. Warm. It’s still warm.

  Somewhere, in the background, I hear the footsteps of the other boys hurrying away. Annie is moving as though in slow motion, trying to sit up. Her nose isn’t where it’s supposed to be, her eyes are swollen and her jaw doesn’t look right.

  She strains to form words. ‘You. Brought me. Here.’

  I nod my head and forget how to stop nodding. Then, one last time, I screw my eyes shut and allow the world to go black. My heart continues to race, and the air wheezes out of my body when I try to breathe. I open them at last, get to my feet, legs shaking, blood on my hands and shirt, and stumble out of the shelter. I continue stumbling – past the horses, over the gate, onto the road. I keep going and going, wondering if I’ll die on this road. Maybe I’ll stop existing here. Keel over and suddenly stop.

  But instead, a car pulls over.

  Thirty-Nine

  I’ve been forever lost in a black, cavernous mouth.

  When I wake, I lift my body, inhaling deeply and discovering pain in my ribs and the stench of blood. My fingers grope around me, touching the slimy stone of the quarry underneath. My ribs and my ankle throb; my head is reeling; there’s blood on my temple.

  I’m not dead.

  Jamie is dead. I killed him when he tried to rape me. That’s the ending to the story that I’ve kept tucked away in a sealed envelope at the back of my mind. Annie Robertson, with her open mouth and broken face, has haunted my dreams ever since, though I’ve never admitted it to anyone.

  What happened to us that day was all my fault. If I allow myself to think back to my first meeting with Gav, I can see that he was awful. The things he said to me were disgusting, but because I was stupid, I took them as compliments. Stupid Katie. She messed up everything. She failed to save her friend. Katie knew how to fight, and yet she allowed Gav and Mark to hold her down and make her watch.