Love's Neglect

by Flynn Eire

  “What?” Roarke bellowed. “You let him drink that much?”

  “Nate didn’t know he hadn’t eaten because you hurt him,” Matteo defended. I watched them argue as I chomped on the pizza, wondering if this was like some alternate reality where I didn’t just blend in with the background for once. I was finishing my second slice when I finally said something.

  “I can’t believe they’re fighting about me or that they care. No one ever cares about me until they need something from me,” I told Nate. “Like Roarke. He wanted an obedient, tight ass so he cared about me then. I liked being obedient and making him happy. I would have done anything to make him happy. But then he laughed at me for it. He says he didn’t mean it, and I think I believe him, but I’m not sure I can ever get that moment out of my head when it had meant so much to me.” I picked up the next piece and took a big bite.

  I didn’t realize everyone had stopped fighting until I was halfway done and everyone was quiet, simply staring at me.

  “I said that aloud, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, you did,” Helios answered, letting Roarke go. “You don’t deserve such a keeper like Wally, asshat. Deal with the fact you lost him.”

  “You think I’m a keeper?” I gasped, staring up at Helios with wide eyes. “No one’s ever said that about me before! And you hated me because I thought Rune was hot. Thanks, Helios.”

  “No problem, buddy,” he chuckled, coming over to me and kissing me on the head before messing up my hair. “And yeah, you’re totally a keeper. You’ve got a good heart, smart head, and you’re a hottie. Don’t ever let someone treat you like you’re any less. If I wasn’t mated and completely in love with my Rune, I might have come knocking at your door.”

  I felt my cheeks heat up as I bit into my pizza, pulling my leg up onto the chair. Then I glanced at Nate, smiling like a goof. “Someone thinks I’m a keeper. Even if he’s mated, that’s totally cool.”

  “I think you’re a keeper,” Zibon cooed from my left as he peppered my face with kisses. “You’re my bestest buddy and I’m glad you’re back, bro. You’re my keeper.”

  “Dork,” I giggled, batting him away. Then I froze, realizing just how drunk I was when it sank in I’d giggled. I glanced at Nate and nodded. “Okay, I believe you. I’m hammered. I giggled.”

  “Yeah, you’re totally sloshed, my friend,” he snickered. “Keep eating.”

  “But I like this feeling. Nothing hurts.” Still, I took another bite of my pizza.

  “You keep eating, and we’ll let you drink some more but not in the excessive region.”

  “Okie dokie.” I was happy with that. I picked up my next slice and then remembered Roarke was there and looked at him, not sure what to say or do. Instead I pulled both my legs up on the chair as if trying to protect myself from something he might say and just stared at him.

  “I liked how happy you wanted to make me too,” he finally said. “It’s why I thought you might be a keeper too.” I snorted and kept eating. “I did, Wally. I might not have said it or even admitted it to myself, but when you were in the equipment cage and I heard you crying because I’d hurt you, I kept thinking I’d just lost the first person I’d ever thought I might want to keep forever, not just talk about maybe mating one day, someday if things were different.”

  “Yeah, nothing says I might see a future with you like never asking to meet up for lunch or dinner but making sure I came to your room every night for sex no matter how late it was or what time I got done with training.”

  His eyes filled with anger as he glanced around at all the people listening. “I don’t remember you asking me either, Wally, so don’t just lay this at my feet and blame me. At least I invited you to my room every night. You never made any effort to instigate anything.”

  I set down the pizza and got to my feet. “And there’s that anger and lashing out when, god forbid, I say something you don’t like or makes you look bad. Yeah, you totally cared.” I kicked the chair under the table and moved towards him, poking my finger in his chest. “And what did you say to me the first night when I asked you for something? Demanding, you like it, but you were always in charge. Ring any bells?”

  Roarke’s face drained of color and I went to brush past him, but he caught my arms and spun me against the wall. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Fuck, you’re right. This is all my fault.” He kissed up my neck as he boxed me in. “I didn’t realize you would think me playing in bed meant you couldn’t ask for things. I’m sorry, Wally. I’m an asshole. You just keep saying I didn’t want to hang with you outside of my room but you never asked me either and I didn’t think that fair.”

  “Just stop,” I moaned as he found that spot under my ear. “Shit, you are so damn bi-polar. How can you apologize, get mad, then back to apologizing and kissing me in thirty seconds flat?”

  “Because you drive me insane,” he growled, grinding against me as his hands moved to my hips. “Missing you is making me go crazy. The thought of losing you is completely fucking with my head.”

  “You’ve lost me,” I choked out, leaning my head on his shoulder so he couldn’t keep kissing that spot. “I can’t see a way back. There isn’t one after all this. We hadn’t even started that much and I was stupid to jump in so deep.”

  “No, no you weren’t, babe,” he whispered as he massaged my hips. “I jumped too. I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick about it but just give us another shot. Now that I know what you want, we can have that, Wally. Please? Just don’t say we’re over. Take some time to at least think about it. I dumped a lot on you today but you said you could understand my phone call. Can you see now that I didn’t get you wanted to eat with me because you didn’t ask me either?

  “I admit it’s my fault that happened because of what I said, but I didn’t mean to make you feel the way you did. Please? Just think about it, but don’t say we’re over.”

  He raised my head and brushed his lips over mine, waiting until I opened up before sliding his tongue into my mouth. I couldn’t help it, I melted against him, throwing my arms around his neck. He didn’t go overboard, keeping it gentle and loving but passionate.

  “See? This isn’t over, babe. It’s here right between us,” he whispered and nibbled my lower lip. “I didn’t see how I treated you in public, and the second you made me realize it, I’m here in public, trying to make this right, begging you to take me back.” I looked over his shoulder and saw that we had the entire cafeteria’s attention. Holy shit, did we ever.

  Then I glanced at Nate who was nodding so fast I was shocked his head didn’t pop off. Zibon was giving me double thumbs up. I looked back at Roarke’s eyes and all I saw was hope.

  “I need some time to think,” I hedged as I pulled my arms back. “But okay, I won’t say we’re over. A time-out, maybe.” He smiled and I shook my head. “You hurt me, Roarke. I just about lost my shit for good and asked to be transferred from here because it got so bad. I get you didn’t mean what you said on that call but that doesn’t mean I can just unhear it. You weren’t thinking about me or caring about me when you said it. Even if you didn’t mean it, I overheard it, so you were a jerk for that. Someone else could have too. You were in a common area.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, babe.” I nodded but it didn’t really take the pain away for me. “What can I do to make it up to you? Make this right?”

  I blinked up at him and shrugged. “If I knew, I would tell you, but I don’t have a clue how to fix this, Roarke.” I slipped out under his arm and went back to my pizza, giving him my back, my head hanging. Nate sat on one side of me and Zibon on the other.

  I really wasn’t trying to be a jerk or anything. I didn’t have a single idea on how to fix this whole mess. All I knew was I had to get myself back on track to becoming a warrior because that was the one thing for sure in my life. Roarke and I might not be able to be fixed…

  But I was born a warrior and nothing could change that so it was time to own it.

  7

  The
next week I focused on getting my ass back on track, hitting the gym hard, and making sure the weight I’d lost found me again. It helped to keep busy, because while Roarke gave me the space I’d asked for… He also went way further, going back to not even looking at me or even trying to say hi.

  “He’s done,” I argued with Zibon as he spotted me in the weight room. “I’m telling you, he’s done. It’s over. He’s pissed I made a scene in the cafeteria and maybe in the moment he was asking for forgiveness but once the dust settled he’s back to avoiding me.”

  “Wally, you asked for time to think. You told him to give you space. Did you not mean it?”

  “No, I meant it. I didn’t think that meant ignoring me when I walked into a room or looking anywhere but at me in the cafeteria. Fuck! I just don’t get him. Why does he have to run so hot and cold?”

  “I hear that’s what the good love is made of,” Zibon chuckled. “Hot so hot it scalds you, and colds so drastic you have to hide under the covers and get all sweaty to fight it off.”

  “Dude, stop reading the romance novels you’ve got on your Kindle you don’t think we all know about,” I drawled.

  “I’m not ashamed of my reading habits,” he defended, even as his cheeks heated up all the way to his ears. “Doesn’t mean I’m wrong either. You said yourself you have off-the-charts chemistry in bed. Where do you think that goes when things aren’t working right? You went off the deep end. You don’t think he did too? He just shuts down differently. I bet he’s waiting for you to sit down at his table or knock at his door.”

  “I knock at his door and there won’t be any talking going on.” I shivered at the idea, missing the way I felt with him like that. I dropped the barbell hard onto the stand, Zibon catching it before it bounced right back out.

  “Okay, no more talking about this with you,” he joked. “Let’s grab dinner.”

  “Oh crap,” I hissed, springing to my feet. “Evan asked me to meet up with him. He wanted to talk to me about something.” I threw on my sweater so I didn’t freeze leaving the main building and going back to the dorms to shower now that I was covered in sweat.

  Zibon reached out and grabbed my arm. “Wally, did he say he had to talk to you about something or just asked you to eat with him?”

  I thought about it and shook my head. “I don’t remember, why?”

  “Well one’s more a date than just talking with a warrior about something.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and headed out. I seriously doubted Evan was interested, and even if that was true, no one in their right mind would step into the very public mess Roarke and I had made of things.

  Mostly him. I had just shown up to lunch drunk. I didn’t think I could take the blame for the way things had gone down.

  Ten minutes later I was hurrying into the cafeteria, frowning when I saw Evan standing by the food glancing at his watch. “I’m so sorry. I lost track of time working out.”

  “No, it’s fine.” He smiled and waved it off. We got in line and loaded up our plates as he asked me how things were going. I answered, assuming it was just pleasantries before we got down to whatever he wanted to discuss.

  But when he led us to the back corner of the cafeteria by the doors to the patio, I started thinking about what Zibon had said. Was this what a date was like at a camp where we just couldn’t go to a restaurant?

  “So what did you want to talk to me about?” I hedged as I picked up my burger.

  He blinked at me a moment. “Oh, nothing really. I thought we could just hang out.” He cleared his throat and poked at his potato salad. “I didn’t realize you thought this was about work.” I nodded and he sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it to come off like that. I—um—well, no. I was more asking you just to eat with me.”

  “Oh.”

  “Is that a bad thing? I mean, I thought you and Roarke were over, and I’m sorry he hurt you, but I like you,” Evan rambled, glancing up at me. “I think you’re really nice, Wally. I just wanted to get to know you better, spend some time with you, and let you know you had other options.” He reached across the table and moved his hand over mine. “He’s not the only guy out there. I know it probably feels like that. I did when I had my heart broken the first time.”

  “I don’t know what we are, Evan,” I admitted. “I asked for some time to think, some space, but he can’t even look at me now. I think he’s done with me, but I don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to figure it out today.” His thumb moved over my hand and I watched it. “It’s just dinner, Wally. Nothing more. I can be as patient as you need, an ear or a shoulder even if you want to talk. I just wanted you to know I was interested.” I nodded, still watching his hand on mine, trying to register how I felt about that. “Is he the only one you’ve ever been with?”

  My head shot up and I looked at Evan with wide eyes. His cheeks heated slightly and he had the grace to look embarrassed.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so forward or pry. It’s just, you’re staring at my hand as if no one else has touched you or flirted with you like this.”

  “I don’t think he ever did,” I admitted. Maybe that was what was so weird about it to me. “We never held hands.”

  “I’m sorry. That’s some of the best stuff of your first love,” Evan whispered, sadness in his voice. I thought about it and turned my hand over in his, wondering if my being so hung up on Roarke was because he was my first.

  “I was only ever with him,” I heard myself saying.

  “It’s harder to let go then.” Evan cleared his throat and squeezed my hand before pulling away. “I didn’t mean to push you. I really meant when I said it was just dinner.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I smiled at him even as I wanted his hand back. It was nice to have that contact. I didn’t think it had really been sexual, like I wasn’t all hot and bothered, but I felt like he cared.

  And I wanted to feel cared about. Didn’t we all?

  I thought about it through most of the meal—even as we talked about normal work stuff—wondering why I liked it so much but didn’t know if I liked Evan.

  When we were done eating, I wasn’t sure what to do, but then I glanced outside and saw it wasn’t dark yet, nor raining. I nodded to the patio doors. “You wanna go for a walk?”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.” He smiled as we stood and dropped off our trays. Then as he opened the door for me, he slid his hand in mine again. I really liked that.

  But again, I didn’t know if it was because it was Evan or not. And I needed to know if it was him or if I just needed to feel connected and not so astray from everyone. We were about five feet from the doors, not even when I turned to face him.

  “Evan, I’m not sure why I like holding your hand so much,” I whispered, moving closer.

  “And you want to know if it’s me or because you’ve been so sad,” he guessed. I nodded and his other hand slid to my waist. “You sure? I said it was just dinner.”

  “I’m asking.” I closed my eyes and leaned in to kiss him.

  But his lips never made it.

  Instead there was a loud crash and glass shattering. I didn’t even get my eyes open in time before I felt Evan yanked away from me.

  “He’s mine!” Roarke snarled before he wrapped himself around me, his hands grabbing my ass possessively before he sank his fangs into my neck. I cried out as he drank from me, climaxing right there like a kid who couldn’t hold his load. Roarke pulled out his fangs when I was done, licking the bite closed and kissing my neck. “Wally’s mine forever.”

  “What have you done?” I whispered in horror, not even able to lift my head to look at him as I shook from the orgasm.

  There was more commotion and suddenly we were being yanked apart, Helios holding Roarke in a chokehold.

  “We couldn’t stop him in time,” Zibon panted, blood gushing down his face from a head wound. “Fucker is strong when he’s pissed. He threw me through the damn doors to get to you.”

  “And he was p
unching me while claiming you,” Verge grumbled, moving his chin. He shot Roarke an evil look. “Really, dude?”

  “You could have made me tear out Wally’s throat, you dipshit,” Roarke snarled. “You don’t grab someone’s shoulder while their drinking and try to drag them off. You could kill the person they’re drinking from by shredding the artery.”

  “He’s right,” Helios agreed. “You yank the head directly up so the fangs go out the way they came in.”

  “Shit, sorry, Wally,” Verge whispered. “I was just trying to stop him.”

  I waved off his apology. I wouldn’t have known that either. “It’s fine.” Then I looked at Roarke as I rubbed my neck. “What were you thinking? Where’s Evan?”

  “Here,” Evan groaned from about twenty feet away. “I’m good. He just punted me.”

  “I have given you the time you asked for,” Roarke whispered, tears filling his eyes as he struggled against Helios. “I have not even made eye contact because you said looking at me hurts so I kept to myself. So I have waited—patiently—for you to decide what comes next. What I can do to make things right. Then I walk in for dinner and you’re on a date? You’re holding his hand and going for a walk but then I see you stop and he moves in to kiss you!”

  “So what? You thought freaking out and claiming me was best?” I choked out.

  “No, I saw you leaving and I came to ask what was going on,” he argued, pulling against Helios’s arm again. “But when I saw you both stop and what was going to happen—Zibon said to let you go and I couldn’t. I can’t. I lo—”

  I froze. Then slowly I met his deep green eyes. “You what, Roarke?”

  “No,” he rasped, hanging his head. “I’ve screwed up too much already. I won’t have you hear the words your first time like this. I regret claiming you like this but I can’t say I’m sorry because I’m happy you’re my mate now, Wally.”

  “Except you did it against his will, asshole,” Helios hissed, tightening his hold. “We all know the punishment of that.”