Gravel Road

by Walls, Stephie

  I’d hurt their son as much as I had myself and my sister. Parents weren’t likely to forgive that type of indiscretion. Not that I blamed them, or anyone else. I didn’t. They all had every right to hate me, to hold a grudge.

  I reached for the seatbelt, still unsure whether I should sit tight or accompany Sarah to get her kids. When she didn’t stop me, I pushed the button, released the belt, and then got out of the car. Austin’s mom must have been watching out the window. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, the front door opened. She hadn’t aged a bit. Just as elegant as the day was long. I could only hope to look that good in twenty or thirty years. Jessica Burin had the class of Jackie O and the grace of Audrey Hepburn.

  Her eyes held mine for an extended length of time. Even though I was aware the kids had pushed past her and through the open door, it hadn’t registered to me that they’d flown off the porch and ran toward us. Rand hit my legs at full force, yanking my attention from the woman I had thought would be my mother-in-law to his body pressed against my knees. His little arms wrapped themselves around my thighs, and he chattered a hundred miles a minute.

  “Auntie Randi. You came to see me.”

  I patted his head and stroked his hair. I didn’t have a clue what to do with kids, especially this one. He got me better than people I’d known my entire life, and I’d spent less than ten minutes with him. “Hey, Rand. Did you have fun with your grandma?” It seemed like a good thing to ask.

  He let go and stepped back, shrugged, and stared up through the height difference that separated us. “I guess.”

  “You guess?” I kept my tone light in hopes that he’d start to fill the conversation before he realized I had nothing to talk about.

  He quirked his lips to the side and bobbed his head. “Yeah, I got in trouble.” Somehow, I didn’t believe that was unusual.

  I squatted so he didn’t have to look into the sun. “Oh, no. What did you do?”

  Just over his shoulder, movement caught my eye. I hadn’t been prepared for what stood before me. It was like looking through a mirror and back in time.

  “Rand pushed me into the horses’ trough.” One of the twins’ wet hair hung down her back, and her glare burned with agitation.

  I couldn’t get over how tan she was in comparison to her fair-haired sister. My eyes shot between the two. It was uncanny to see how much one looked like me and the other like Sarah, although I didn’t know which was which. And I refused to ask.

  Instead, I focused on the kid whose name I knew. “Rand, why would you do that?”

  He shook his little head and lifted his brows. His look was so serious, it was difficult not to laugh. “You have no idea how mean Kylie is. Trust me, she had it comin’.”

  Kylie! Which meant the blonde was Kara. “You should be nice to your sisters.” Do as I say and not as I do probably wasn’t the best parenting approach. It was a good thing I didn’t have children.

  “Yeah, Rand,” Kylie taunted.

  I stood and huffed a bit of humor under my breath. Everything about her reminded me of myself. And then my attention drifted to the silent beauty at her side. If angels took human form, Kara was one. I could see all her soft edges in the way she held herself, the gentle way she observed me, and the fact that she hadn’t lashed out or gotten involved. Sarah’s luck apparently ended with her. She was the oldest of the girls, and evidently, just like my sister. Kylie and Rand likely tried her patience…daily. At least she’d gotten practice with Austin and me over the years. That thought should have stung; however, it brought a sense of pride to believe I might have helped her parent, even though I hadn’t been around.

  Sarah stood next to Kara, and Kylie had her hands on her hips, still glaring at Rand. I chanced a peek at the porch, and Jessica lifted her hand. Her smile grew when she wiggled her fingers. Maybe she didn’t hold as much hate for me as I believed she did. I’d never get the chance to ask her because she turned and closed the door.

  “Who is that?” Kara’s whisper wasn’t quite as soft as she probably meant it to be.

  Before I found my sister, I knew her daughter would be addressing Sarah with the question, and I had no idea how she’d respond.

  “That’s Aunt Randi, you dope.” Yep, Kylie was just like me.

  Sarah detected my discomfort. “Come on, y’all. We need to get Aunt Miranda to her car so she can get to the airport.”

  Rand grabbed my hand and pulled. “You’re leaving already? We haven’t even had time to play. You can’t go now,” he whined.

  I needed a lifeline. I couldn’t tell this kid I’d see him soon. I wouldn’t. I refused to make him a promise I had no intention of keeping. Sarah did not come to my aid. I ruffled his hair. “I have to catch my plane.”

  “Tin Tin told you she wouldn’t stay, dummy. Maybe if you listened, you wouldn’t need to cry like a baby.” Kylie’s words hurt, so did her resolute tone. There was no denying she’d been prepped by her uncle to keep her distance—they all had.

  Rand’s eyes were indeed filled with tears. Sarah motioned for the girls to come to her side of the SUV, which they did without question. I squatted, scooped up Rand, and did the only thing I could. I held him against my chest, and when he tucked his head into my neck and threw his arms around me, I hated to let him go. “Maybe we can talk your mama into letting you come stay with me for a couple of days in New York.”

  Sarah would kill me for that suggestion, but I didn’t care. I’d take him home with me if I thought she’d let me. He was the closest thing I’d ever have to Austin again. It might be selfish to love him for the reminder of someone else, but I didn’t care. I would never admit that to another living soul. They could all just assume I had a favorite…because I did. Rand.

  “Promise?” He sniffled.

  I nodded and helped him into his car seat.

  It didn’t take long once we left Twin Creeks to reach The Hut. The rental car sat where I’d parked it the night before. I leaned over and squeezed the life out of my sister. Goodbyes weren’t my thing. Then I looked between the seats to the back and told the kids I’d see them later. Rand was on the verge of tears. As much as I wanted to stay just to spend time with him, it was better for everyone if I left. Rand held my eyes, and the same understanding lingered that had passed between us when he’d heard me arguing with Austin in front of the house.

  “Bye, Aunt Randi.”

  I blew him a kiss and got out of the SUV. A bolt of lightning didn’t strike as fast as I moved. This time, I’d leave Mason Belle, Texas, without looking back.

  15

  Miranda

  Past

  The pounding that came from the hall startled me. Disoriented and unsure of what was happening, I sat up straight. My sudden movement jostled Austin. How he continued to sleep through the clamor was beyond me. My heart raced, although I couldn’t say whether it was from fear or irritation. When the fog cleared, I realized that it was unlikely an intruder had bothered to knock, much less a knock as angry as the one that continued to rattle the wood.

  “Miranda,” Daddy bellowed. “I know you’re in there. Open this door, right now.”

  Crap, crap, crap. Any other day since my sister’s accident, if my dad had come to my door, I could have let him in without hesitation. Not only had I always been fully clothed, so had Austin. Now, I sat on my knees in the middle of my mattress buck naked and paralyzed.

  Austin scurried out of bed the instant he recognized the voice. There was no way out. Nevertheless, Austin looked for places to either escape or hide while he gathered his clothes.

  “Girl, I will tear it off the frame if you don’t let me in.”

  Austin had managed to get boxers and his jeans on. I, on the other hand, remained naked as a jaybird with my sights fixated on the locked knob.

  Something hit me smack-dab in the face. “Randi, put that on. Hurry up.” Austin tried to keep his voice low enough that Daddy wouldn’t hear.

  The beating stopped. That scared me more than knowing he
was on the other side. Silence with Jack Adams didn’t mean he’d given up. Usually the opposite. I slipped on a pair of panties and cheer shorts before the loud thump landed in the center of the door, it rattled, and the frame cracked. I climbed off the bed, now afraid to get anywhere near the door to actually open it.

  The second blow caused a high-pitched yip to echo in the room, and I recognized it as my own. Austin stepped in front of me like a shield when the third impact swung the splintered wood into the room.

  His eyes narrowed into beady, little slits focused on Austin. Daddy’s nostrils flared, yet his chest didn’t heave like he’d just kicked down a door, and his face wasn’t red with exertion. It was evident he was mad, but in a calm, eerie way for someone who’d demolished part of his house less than sixty seconds earlier.

  Austin stood his ground, and I hid behind him.

  “You been here all night, boy?” He already knew the answer. I hated when adults asked questions to bait kids into trouble.

  Just as I tried to step forward, Austin either sensed my movement or saw me from the corner of his eye. He blocked my attempt to face my father. “Yes, sir.” He owned it.

  “Go home, Austin.” It was a direct order from Daddy.

  I couldn’t be certain whether I wanted Austin to follow my dad’s instructions or stand up to him. He hesitated long enough for Daddy to get in his face.

  “I’m not going to tell you again to get the hell out of my house. There ain’t a cop in this town that’d believe anything other than I thought there was an intruder in my daughter’s bedroom.” He was right. Daddy had grown up in Mason Belle just like we had. He and Sheriff Patton were friends, and no one who’d ever met Daddy would believe him capable of hurting Austin Burin.

  This time, I didn’t allow Austin to keep me back. “Daddy. Why are you so mad?”

  Austin hadn’t said another word. He hadn’t moved, either. “Mr. Adams—”

  “Austin, I ain’t gonna tell you again to get the hell outta my house. Now.”

  I turned back and put my hand on Austin’s chest. “It’s okay. I’ll call you later.”

  Austin glanced from me to my dad and back. “I don’t feel good about leaving you here.” He looked down his nose, and I saw dread in Austin’s eyes.

  “He won’t hurt me,” I whispered. Then I lifted onto my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Promise.”

  Austin kissed my forehead, but before he pulled his lips back, he pressed the words “I love you” onto my skin with his mouth.

  I gave him a weak smile and then faced my father when Austin walked by him and through the busted doorway. Daddy waited. The longer the silence went on, the worse it would be. I knew my dad well enough to realize that he counted Austin’s steps down the stairs. Then he listened for the front door, which could easily be heard from my room. His stare jerked to the window where he could watch the truck pull out.

  When his attention returned to me, there was no doubt in my mind that whatever was about to come at me would be bad. I’d always known when I was little that the longer Daddy waited once he told me to go to my room, the worse the spanking would be. If he had to calm down before he could be in the same room with me, then I’d get a blistering. He hadn’t spanked me since Mama had left.

  “This what you been doin’ while Sarah’s been laid up in the hospital?” He jerked his head toward my bed.

  “Sleeping?”

  His arm lashed out, although not at me, and his fist went through the drywall next to the other hole he’d created. “Actin’ like a damn Jezebel.” Spittle flew from his cracked lips. “It ain’t good enough that you’ve ruined my life and your sister’s, now you wanna take Austin out with you?”

  I didn’t understand what he was talking about. “Daddy, I don’t—”

  “You tryin’ to get knocked up?”

  “God, no.” I flinched at the thought. “Why would you think that?”

  I’d never seen my dad so furious. He’d maintained his cool until Austin pulled out of the driveway. Now, his chest heaved, and a web of saliva clung to the sides of his mouth when he yelled.

  “I’d heard rumors you two were shackin’ up in my house, but I couldn’t believe you’d use your sister’s accident to spread your legs.”

  That wasn’t true. It wasn’t true at all. “That’s not fair.”

  He stopped surging toward me and pulled back in surprise. “Which part? Because you damn sure sent your mama running. Sarah ain’t never gonna walk again. And I ain’t dumb enough to believe you’re a virgin.” His fury was irrational, and I didn’t have any idea what had set him off, much less how to slow him down.

  I searched his face for some sign of the man I’d loved my entire life, the one who’d kissed my cuts, who stood in the bleachers at cheer competitions. The same man who’d never let me go a day without feeling completely adored—until Sarah’s accident. There wasn’t even a hint of him.

  “You’re home gettin’ your rocks off while your sister’s gettin’ the most devastatin’ news of her life.”

  Too shocked to say anything, I gawked at my father. Sarah woke up last night; that had to be a good sign. But I hadn’t had a chance to ask about that because I wasn’t allowed to be there, and my father hadn’t so much as picked up the phone to tell me.

  “Goddammit, Miranda, say something!” He slung his arm along my dresser and swept everything I’d ever worked for onto the floor—every trophy, every medal, every award. It all crashed onto the hardwood with the crunch of glass. “Your selfishness never ends.” And his rage didn’t, either.

  I stood in the same spot Austin had left me in as my dad stormed around my room. There wasn’t a thing he had left untouched. Including me. At first, it was my heart that he slaughtered, then he reared back and slapped me across the face so hard I thought my eye would explode.

  Tears ran down Daddy’s cheeks, and my own pooled. I thought better of letting them fall or clutching the searing pain in my jaw. “Sarah ain’t ever gonna walk again thanks to you.” He threw his hands into the air. “Why couldn’t you just do what you were told?”

  I didn’t have an answer for that, although he didn’t actually want one. Daddy wasn’t after excuses. He needed me to take what he had to let go of. And I owed him that.

  He gasped for air. His voice appeared stuck in his throat, or maybe that was his heart. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’d been on a two-day bender as bloodshot as his eyes were and as bad as he slurred his words. But they ran together in frustration. A drop of alcohol had never passed my daddy’s lips.

  I winced when he grabbed hold of my arm. The harder he shook, the tighter his grip became. He jerked me with such force, I thought my shoulder had popped out of the socket. “Daddy, please…” I whispered.

  “Please? Please, what? Have mercy on you? You’ve been like a damn tornado rippin’ through everyone’s life since the day you were born. Now that you’re facin’ the truth of what you’ve done, you think someone should have pity on you? Ain’t gonna be me.”

  I lost control over my tears and cried out when he pushed my arm out of his grip. It wasn’t just me stumbling backward. The thread that tethered me to my daddy broke with my fall. When I hit the floor, my head cracked on the wood. As I sat up, rubbing the back of my skull, I dared to ask, “Why are you being so cruel?”

  He quit moving, put his hands on his hips, and glared at me from his towering view. I’d never felt so small and insignificant. “You ever stopped to ask yourself why your mama left? Just picked up and walked away without so much as a word…on your birthday?”

  Every day for years. Until one day, I refused to think about her at all. She’d been gone as long as she’d been around at this point.

  Either Daddy didn’t believe I had an answer or he didn’t care to hear it. “You.” He pulled on his hair and kept ranting. He spoke at me, but no longer to me. “You tried her patience. Pushed her to her breakin’ point. Never could sit still, always yappin’ ’bout somethin’, smart-m
outhed. Just too much sass for your own good. You drove her away.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not true. I was just a kid,” I cried, but it fell on deaf ears. Sarah and I had both asked Daddy over and over why she’d left, and he’d never given us anything other than she wasn’t happy. “If she wasn’t happy, that was your job, not mine!” I wailed.

  He continued as though I hadn’t even opened my mouth. “No one could control you. I should have tanned your hide that morning when you came in after roamin’ the town all night. Maybe if I’d done more disciplinin’, takin’ the strap to you a few times, then you woulda learned ’bout consequences.”

  I hadn’t done anything that every other senior hadn’t done, most of them more frequently. Teenagers in ranching communities had bonfires and field parties. We spent time at the lake. They drove trucks with big tires and played loud music. There wasn’t anything malicious about any of it, and no one thought anything of it, including my sister…until she found out that I hadn’t played matchmaker for her with Charlie Burin.

  “Your sister almost died ’cause a you. Yet, she ain’t seen hide nor hair of you since.”

  That was it. I’d never be able to prove him wrong when it came to Mama. If he wanted me to shoulder that burden, fine. And I’d be the first to admit that I should’ve listened to Sarah that day. If I could go back in time, I’d change everything about it. But I’d agonized over that accident since the day it happened. He should be able to look at me and tell I hadn’t taken it well. Somehow, he had missed my clothes hanging off me from the weight I’d lost, the bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and the weight of the world that pressed on my rounded shoulders.

  I scrambled to my feet, unsure whether facing off with a man this angry was in my best interest, but there was little more he could say or do to hurt me. There would most certainly be a handprint on my face tomorrow and bruises on my arm. Unless he planned to throw me out of the window, I’d weathered the worst of it.