“No,” Mr. Darcy agreed. “That may be exclusively my way of proposing. It was a stupid blunder, but I cannot entirely regret having been open with her. Had I concealed my doubts, the dishonesty of it would have plagued me. Inevitably, I would have told her everything. It was better to have done so immediately. If I had delayed too long, she could have found herself married to a man whom she despised. I would not have that happen for anything.”
“Does she despise you?”
“Perhaps not quite that. Mostly she believes that I would have eventually regretted my choice and come to despise her for giving me such connections.”
“Perhaps she may yet change her mind.”
“Not unless I can change myself.”
“Now I comprehend your conversation with Mrs. Bennet this morning. You were trying not to appear proud.”
“No, I was trying not to be proud. Appearance is irrelevant. I spoke of tolerating her family, but I must learn to embrace them.”
“Perhaps not too literally,” Colonel Fitzwilliam advised. “I would be cautious of Miss Lydia in particular; however, I see your point. You must earn your lady. And she is well worth earning.”
“She is indeed. I want to be worthy of her. I hope to yet earn her trust. I will not bother her with a second request without first feeling that has been done. But I think that my chances are not absolutely at an end. I have disappointed her, but she has not once looked at me with anger or hate, which encourages me to believe that hope remains.”
That evening passed pleasantly. Seeing their efforts coming to fruition had put Miss Bingley into an excellent mood. She was even very nearly civil to Elizabeth. Jane and Mr. Bingley were as happy as it was possible to be, Mr. Hurst was pleased by having one of his favourite dishes served at dinner, and Mrs. Hurst was pleased that this put him into a good humour.
Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy spoke to each other a little more than they had done on the previous day, and Colonel Fitzwilliam also felt able to believe that hope was not at an end.
CHAPTER 43
They are coming to the play.
hamlet, ACT Iii, SCENE Ii
On Wednesday, Mr. Bingley told Mr. Pratt that his mother would be very welcome to attend the performance.
Mr. Chamberlayne said something amusing about the opportunity for her to see her son as the friar, and nearly everybody laughed. But not Miss Bingley.
“I do think it was a bit much for Mr. Pratt to hint at an invitation for his mother,” she said after everybody had left.
“There was no hint,” Mr. Bingley said. “I was the one who asked him where she lived, and then it occurred to me that she would like to watch him act.”
“You only asked because he told you that she lives nearby, which is exactly my point.”
“It came quite naturally into the conversation. I really do not think any hint was intended.”
“Well I do, and we shall have the rest of the officers wanting you to invite their families next. I was wondering if we should invite Colonel Fitzwilliam’s family, and perhaps Lady Catherine as well, but I would be embarrassed to have them among such a company.”
“It would be too far for our aunt to travel anyway,” Mr. Darcy hastily said. “Especially for such an insignificant reason.”
“And my father and brother both have no liking for the theatre,” Colonel Fitzwilliam added.
“I doubt that any of the other officers have family so conveniently situated as Mr. Pratt’s mother,” Mr. Bingley said. “But I have no objection to inviting anybody who would enjoy the performance.”
“In that case,” Mr. Darcy said. “You should also invite Mr. and Mrs. Phillips. They will want to watch their nieces perform.”
“They will indeed,” Mr. Bingley cried as his sisters looked at both gentlemen with horror. “I should have thought of it yesterday. You must send them an invitation as well, Caroline. No, never mind. I was intending to go into Meryton tomorrow. I shall call upon them and give the invitation in person.”
Elizabeth was astonished by this suggestion coming from Mr. Darcy, but it was heartwarming evidence that he wished to conquer his pride. She had also noted his conversation with her mother on the previous day, and after learning that he had made himself pleasant, she had been gratified to think that it had been done for her sake. It seemed that he was trying to prove himself worthy of her trust. And she very much wanted to be able to trust.
O, let it not be so.
The comedy of errors, act iii, scene i
“There is something dreadfully wrong with Mr. Darcy,” Miss Bingley said to her sister later. “I was horrified to hear him suggest inviting Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.”
“So was I,” Mr. Hurst agreed.
“What has happened to his high standards? Where has his dignity gone? Has he been infected with our brother’s stupidity? Do you suppose that he might actually be thinking of marrying Miss Eliza?
“Of course not,” Mrs. Hurst replied, but not in a tone of any conviction.
Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.
MEASURE FOR MEASURE, ACT I, SCENE IV
On Wednesday evening, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy had a little discussion, which she found quite enjoyable. It was a relief to feel that they could still be friends, but her heart still wanted more.
Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Bingley, and Jane all glanced at each other with hopeful expressions. Miss Bingley grimaced.
On Thursday, Mr. Bingley returned from Meryton with the information that he had also invited Mrs. Long and her two nieces to watch the play. “They were delighted to accept,” he said.
Miss Bingley did not look delighted, but Mr. Bingley and Jane agreed that it was a wonderful thing to be able to provide others with opportunities for pleasure, and that they looked forward to hosting many entertainments in the future. They were already speaking to each other like a married couple, which Elizabeth found delightful.
She and Mr. Darcy rehearsed their brief scene that morning. With everything having become almost easy between them, she felt only a little discomfort, most of which was on his account, knowing that the proximity to her must be difficult for him.
It was also on this day that she made a particular effort to repulse Mr. Wickham, who was again wanting to be friendly. When Mr. Darcy’s name came into the conversation, she took the opportunity to say, “I believe that I was quite wrong to think badly of him. Recent events have proven to me that he is a gentleman of excellent character and strong principles, which is exactly the sort of person whom I admire.”
Mr. Wickham excused himself a moment later, and she thought that he was unlikely to bother her again.
That evening, she and Mr. Darcy had a fairly lengthy conversion, which was pleasant, although Elizabeth rather missed their spirited debates. But it was good to be getting along so well.
Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Bingley, and Jane all smiled a little. Miss Bingley scowled.
On Friday, the scene painter completed his work, and the scenery was admired by everybody. He packed up his equipment, leaving everything as tidy as Mr. Bingley could wish, and departed after having been handsomely paid.
After the rest of the company had left, Elizabeth spoke privately with Jane.
“You will not believe what has happened,” she said.
“Has Mr. Collins proposed to you?”
“Yes.”
“Really? I was only joking.”
“Well, I am not.”
“I suppose this is not very surprising, but when did he manage to fit it in?”
“When I went to help the maid with the curtain. He waylaid me on my return. His proposal was very much like you described it. Long-winded, with a great many references to Lady Catherine. He did not want to believe my refusal either.”
“He is impossible. I may have waffled in my attempt to make myself clear, but I cannot imagine that you were anything other than explicit.”
“I thought that I was, but he still is
going to discuss the matter with my parents.”
“Well, that should settle it. Mama seems to want you to marry him, but Papa will put his foot down. What I do not understand is how he came to change his mind. When he proposed to me, he was quite certain that you were highly unsuitable for the privilege of being his wife and receiving Lady Catherine’s generous attentions.”
“That would be Miss Bingley’s doing again. As you discovered, Mr. Collins is very good at revealing all his secrets. Apparently, she declared herself to have been completely mistaken. Her revised opinion was that I will make an excellent wife for a parson and that Lady Catherine will be delighted to know me.”
“Of course she did. It is not difficult to guess her reasons. She fears that Mr. Darcy will propose to you instead of her.”
“I imagine that is the case.”
“So she decided that Mr. Collins could still be useful to her. He is far from being in my favour, but I still think that this is an ill way to treat him.”
“I have to agree, even though I have no liking for him either. He actually told me that I am extremely unlikely to ever have another suitor. In his opinion, my lack of fortune makes it nearly impossible. That was his primary reason for not believing my refusal. He is certain that I shall soon come to my senses and except the only offer I am ever likely to receive.”
“How rude of him. And very wrong too, I am sure. It would not surprise me if you receive another offer in very short time.”
“I can guess what you mean.” Elizabeth hesitated for a moment and then she added, “I did not mean to tell you this until later, but I do not care for concealment either. That other offer has already been made and refused.”
“Do you mean that you refused Mr. Darcy?”
“I did.”
“Oh dear. I have a dreadful confession to make, Lizzy. I thought that you might be developing some feelings for him, and Charles and Colonel Fitzwilliam thought that he cared for you, so we decided to throw the two of you together. If I had spoken against the idea, then they would not have done anything, and you might not have received a proposal that was disagreeable to you. It was wrong of me to think that our scheme was a good idea. I should not have presumed that you would easily fall in love with him, but I really thought that he was perfect for you.”
“You did not presume incorrectly. I did fall in love with him. I still do love him, and he is very nearly perfect.”
“Is that not enough?” Jane asked in surprise.
“I did not think so. You see, he admitted to having struggled against his feelings for me. It turns out that he has been in love with me for some time, but he did not initially want to marry me. And his reason was that he felt the connection to be beneath him. It seemed to me that he was too proud for us to be happy together. I did want to accept him, but I could not do so knowing that he could not completely respect me. You know more than anything how important I consider respect to be in a marriage.”
“To have asked you he must have resolved his struggles.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Not fully. He spoke of tolerating my circumstances, but it was obvious that they still concerned him greatly. It broke my heart to refuse him, but I felt that to be the wisest choice.”
“Was this the cause of that headache you had? Was that the day on which he proposed?”
“Yes. That is why I did not say anything to you. I could not spoil your happiness.”
“But I am very much to blame for your unhappiness. We left the two of you alone intentionally. If we had not manipulated the circumstances, Mr. Darcy might have better resolved his struggles before proposing to you.”
“You have nothing to blame yourself for. I would rather know all than be deceived as to the truth. Deceit is no basis for a marriage. I believe he would completely agree with me on that point. He did not prevaricate or make any attempt at concealment.”
“That is something very much in his favour.”
“It is,” Elizabeth agreed. “I think it can be safely said that Mr. Darcy has a great value for honesty. That is one of his excellent qualities. And he is much kinder than I ever thought possible. His consideration toward me has made the last few days easier to bear.”
“Are you quite certain about your choice?”
Elizabeth sighed. “No, I am not. He has been so generous and thoughtful. I am even inclined to think his excessive honesty rather endearing. He certainly is a good man. And he did make an effort to speak with Mama, which I think must have been done for me.”
“It was also his idea to invite our Aunt and Uncle Phillips. It seems to me that he has been trying to prove that nothing can keep him from loving you. So the question is can you put your trust into him?”
“That is indeed the issue. I want to believe in him. I can see that he really does mean well, but there remains my fear that he would inevitably be ashamed of me despite all his best efforts, and we would end up despising each other.”
“Sometimes one should take a chance on love.”
“Perhaps, but do you not think that the risk should be carefully calculated? The impediment in this case is a particularly concerning one.”
“I think you must also calculate the risk of losing more than you can bear.”
“It would be a great loss,” Elizabeth agreed. “I do so much enjoy being with him. But whatever conclusion I come to may be irrelevant anyway. Even though he has become friendly again, it is quite possible that he will never renew his addresses. My refusal may have wounded his pride.”
“You must stop thinking of his pride, Lizzy.”
“I suppose I must. It is not such a great thing after all. Anyway, as Shakespeare says, the best men are moulded out of faults.”
CHAPTER 44
…as tedious as a twice-told tale…
KING JOHN, ACT III, SCENE IV
“I do believe you could be correct,” Mrs. Bennet said to Mr. Collins. “Lizzy probably is trying to increase your suspense. It is very good of you to be patient with her coquettishness. What I recommend is for you to not dwell upon the matter at the moment. You will be in this neighbourhood for some time longer, and she will know her mind well enough once you are on the verge of departing.”
“This is excellent advice,” Mr. Collins said. “I had not thought of it, but naturally she will become eager to accept me when the opportunity is drawing to a close.”
“In the meantime, say nothing more,” Mrs. Bennet advised.
“What a clever idea. That will increase her suspense.”
Unfortunately for Mrs. Bennet's contingency plan, her husband was on another page altogether.
“Elizabeth is very independently minded and not in the habit of saying anything she does not mean,” he said when Mr. Collins explained the situation to him. “If she said no, she meant no, and that is the end of it. I will not have her bothered by further applications for her hand. I expressly forbid you to make any such attempt.”
Mr. Collins went away thinking that if Elizabeth really had meant no, and if she really were independently minded, then Hunsford Parsonage and Lady Catherine were both better off without her. And that really was the end of it.
CHAPTER 45
By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.
MACBETH ACT V, SCENE I
On Friday evening, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth laughed together. Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Bingley, and Jane all smiled happily at each other. Miss Bingley looked furious.
On Saturday, the seamstress delivered the last of the costumes, and the curtain was hung, completing their little stage. The actors felt ready to play their roles, even Mr. Collins. Nobody else shared the confidence which he had in himself, but nobody thought him capable of any further improvement either.
“The fortunate thing is that his reliance on Miss Lucas’s prompting blends with his character’s ineptitude,” Mr. Bennet said to Mr. Darcy.
“The forgetting of his lines does seem to make the role more amusing,” Elizabeth said to
Jane. “I am almost in charity with Miss Bingley for giving him Dogberry.”
“He is going to spoil our play,” Miss Bingley complained to Mrs. Hurst. “I regret having offered him a role. He was not of any use in sparing us from having Jane as our sister, and now I cannot see that he is making any effort to rid us of Eliza.”
Elizabeth had been pleased to observe that Mr. Collins was not inclined to bother her that morning. Relief was further increased when her father informed her that he had forbidden any further attempt.
“I do not even know why he would have been considering it,” Mr. Bennet said with exasperation. “A man who has been refused should have the sense not to ask a second time unless he has some excellent reasons for thinking that the lady has changed her mind.”
This comment went straight to Elizabeth’s heart. But perhaps Mr. Darcy could see that she was questioning her choice.
That evening, they had one of their spirited debates, and even though Miss Bingley was determined to interrupt, she could not spoil the pleasure which Elizabeth took from this lively conversation, and from seeing Mr. Darcy very much as he had been a week ago.
On Sunday, the two of them engaged in some merry banter, which caused Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Bingley, and Jane to look joyfully at each other. Mr. Darcy was half inclined toward the same emotion.
My greatest wish might yet be possible, he thought. I believe she does still love me as much as ever. The only issue is trust, but I cannot feel that I have done enough to earn it. There must be more I can do to give her confidence in our chances of being happy together.
On Monday, the company did a full rehearsal upon the stage, and Mrs. Hurst discovered that as she had suspected, her husband was indeed without a role. Thou art a boil, a plague sore, she thought, vaguely remembering the line from somewhere or other.
This was also the first time that Mr. Darcy had spent a whole morning in the same room as Mr. Wickham, but it was not too great a strain. The friendliness which he now enjoyed with the other officers and the company of his good friends made everything easier. Besides, if he was not the one taking care to stand at some distance, then Mr. Wickham was. For the first time in many years, they had the same purpose.
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