“Uh...”
Now that she mentioned it, I hadn’t seen any of my lines yet—much less read them.
“Since I don’t have anyone but you to fill the role of Galactic Great, I have to make sure your acting is perfect no matter what. Prepare yourself.”
Shuddering at such a Spartan declaration, I opened up my script.
“Huh? This script has nothing but lines for Galactic Great...”
And they almost seemed to be thrown in at random, not having much to do with the lines preceding or following them.
“That’s right. That’s because that’s the script for Galactic Great.”
“Just Galactic Great?”
Looking closely, I could see my script had “Galactic Great” written on the cover while everyone else’s said “Galactic Beauty.” Were the scripts divvied up by character? I thought scripts had everyone’s lines in them... Maybe things worked differently for live-action superhero shows? Dunno.
“Don’t worry about that. You just focus on drilling Galactic Great’s lines into your head. Once you’ve got them down, stand next to the ladies and practice saying your catchphrase as you do your trademark poses together.”
“A-All ri—”
“Oh, and you each have to make up your trademark pose yourselves.”
“Huh?”
What did that mean?
“The filming this time will be a little unorthodox. I need to get a grasp of how well you guys work together and take that into consideration. The winged girl here informed me that you’re all reeeally close with each other, right? So I want to see who works in sync with whom the best. Everything would be ruined if the hero and heroine were on different wavelengths,” Zeta snapped her suspenders as she explained.
So this was Rachelle’s doing... She’d definitely suggested it to increase my contact with the girls. On top of provoking them. Damn it! Why was this heroine so annoying?! I’d faced off against Rosalind and Shirley directly in the past, but Rachelle hadn’t done anything to actually declare herself my enemy... She was just being a huge pain in the butt!
And it looked like I was the only one who saw through it. All the other girls had serious looks on their faces.
“I don’t mind if you improvise a little with your introduction speeches to better suit your characters, so take the next ten minutes to practice your poses and show me what you come up with,” Zeta announced.
The next instant, the girls were calling my name from all directions.
“Rekka, practice with me!”
“I shall be the one to practice with Rekka!”
“Hey, no fair! I wanna practice with Rekka!”
“Rekka, would you mind practicing with me?”
Satsuki, Iris, Rosalind, and Shirley all came at me at once, signaling the start of a vicious struggle.
“Wai—stop! Calm down, everyone! Turns! Let’s take turns—gyaah!”
“Ahh, yes! It’s working perfectly! Deliciously!”
“I won’t forget this, Rachelle!”
I’d never wanted to beat up a heroine as much as I did her. Despite what she said, I was sure she had to be a fallen angel.
▽
From there, we had a catchphrase test and pose-off, followed by an action test for battle scenes. Then there were a whole bunch of other miscellaneous technical tests that I didn’t understand. But in the end, the one selected to play my partner, Galactic Beauty, was...
“Drumroll, please! The part goes to... Iris!”
“What?!”
“Why?!”
“How?!”
Iris was cheering, but the other three girls demanded answers. Zeta seemed rather fed up as she watched them, megaphone in one hand.
“There was no passion in your acting, Shirley. That wouldn’t work out for the heroine of a superhero show.”
“Oh, my.”
“Satsuki, you’re too clumsy.”
“Ugh...”
“What about me?! My lines and action scenes were both perfect!
“Yeah, you weren’t bad, Rosalind,” Zeta acknowledged.
But then she held up one hand level with her head.
“However, there needs to be a certain dynamic between the hero and heroine when they stand next to each other. You’re too short.”
“Mrrrgh...!”
“What are you grumbling for? You don’t have any boobs, either.”
At her wits’ end, Rosalind let out a wail of agony.
“And so, looking at the overall results, Iris has the least problems for the role of Galactic Beauty.”
“Somehow, that doesn’t really sound like a compliment.”
“Amateurs can zip their lips,” Zeta asserted sternly before whipping around to me. “So, what’s up with you?”
“Take a guess...”
Being dragged around in circles by four competing girls takes quite a toll on a man’s stamina. And mood.
W-Well, at least they were able to decide on who would play the heroine without killing each other. I was grateful for that, though I knew it probably meant I’d have to do something to cheer up Satsuki and the others later. Especially to Rosalind, who seemed to be the most hurt.
“As good as new!”
Rachelle now appeared to be completely recovered, cheerfully flying in circles through the air. R was tailing her to her own amusement, but I no longer had the energy to comment on them.
“All right then, Iris. Put this on,” said Zeta, handing her the costume for Galactic Beauty.
“Okay! Heehee!”
Iris accepted it happily and changed into an outfit a lot like mine. And similarly, it automatically adjusted to fit her.
“Hmm... The boobs are a little bigger than I imagined, but I guess there’s nothing to be done about that.”
Zeta scrutinized Iris in her costume before finally nodding in approval.
“Okay, I’m going to go get everything ready to move to the shooting location.”
Zeta exhaustedly rubbed her eyes, and with that, walked off to make the necessary preparations.
“Heehee. Oh, Rekka...”
“Hm?”
“We match!”
“Y-Yeah...”
Iris seemed really happy about it, but the three girls behind her were...
“Iris came out on top this time,” R said as she floated in circles around my head. “I had big expectations of her big assets from the very beginning.”
Stop saying such nonsense while spinning around me... It’s like there’s an echo.
“Ah, Rekka, thank you, thank you!”
Rachelle suddenly descended towards me from her place in the air. I’d been staring at R, but she must have thought I was looking at her.
“Wasn’t that heated display of love just now simply the greatest? Look at my skin! It’s positively glowing! As soft as a newborn baby, no? I feel like I’ve returned to my days as a young angel in training.”
“...How many years ago was that?”
“Aahh! There’s a hippo flying in the sky!”
I was giving Rachelle a little grief when she suddenly yelled out in a panic and pointed to the sky to try and trick me into... Wait, there really was a hippo! Just as she’d intended, I was stunned into silence. That was when Iris walked over. She was pouting a little because I was talking to Rachelle.
“Flying hippos are normal around here, Rekka. Say... do you want to practice our lines together until Zeta gets back?”
“Huh? Oh, sure.”
We both got out our scripts and began reading our lines together.
“I am Galactic Great, protector of the galaxy! I will burn brighter than the Big Bang!”
“And I am Galactic Beauty! You who threaten the peace of the galaxy, I will crush you like a black hole!”
Iris was in high spirits as usual. I was still a little embarrassed, but thanks to the practice I had with the four girls earlier, I was gradually getting better at saying my lines... though they really were weird. Was the script just a
disjointed collection of one-liners? I mean, I know scripts aren’t supposed to be novelesque prose, but I was pretty sure it should give me a basic understanding of the story... and I honestly didn’t understand a thing.
“Huh? Come to think of it...”
“Hm? What’s wrong, Rekka?”
“No, it’s just... Isn’t this script missing a villain?”
“That’s because I have a script for Galactic Beauty and you have the script for Galactic Great.”
“Yeah, but there isn’t a single mention of the bad guy in our lines, and we’re the main characters...”
Normally in shows like this, the good guys calling out the bad guy was an important part of the plot. But there was absolutely nothing like that in my script for Galactic Great, or in Iris’s for Galactic Beauty.
“Hmm... Now that you mention it, that is strange...”
Since we weren’t the ones who wrote the script, there was no real sense in us trying to puzzle out its meaning—or lack thereof. We’d be much better off just asking the scriptwriter herself. And just as I was thinking about her, Zeta returned.
“Hey, Zeta.”
“Hm?”
“This script doesn’t mention the villain... Who exactly are we going to be fighting?”
Maybe it wasn’t fair to say “fighting” since it would all be acting, but whatever.
“Ah, good timing. About that...”
“Huh? What’s good timing?”
Her unusual and unexpected reply puzzled me.
“I just found a villain for you. We’re about to move there now.”
“What?”
Found a villain? What did that mean? I’d understand if she’d said the villain had arrived on set or something, but... Wasn’t that an awfully strange way to phrase it? It genuinely sounded like she hadn’t decided on the villain until just now.
“Come on! Get your head in the game! We gotta move! How many ships did you guys travel here on?”
“Um, one—no, two ships.”
“Then my spaceship should be able to tow both of yours. Hurry and bring them around. My ship is equipped with high-speed warp, so it’ll take us just shy of half an hour to arrive at our destination.”
Apparently in a rush, Zeta immediately kicked us out to go retrieve our ships. When we returned, I couldn’t help asking...
“H-Hang on second, Zeta. At least tell us where we’re going.”
“Hah? What’s with all the questions?” Zeta snapped as she fiddled with the control panel of her spaceship. “Let’s see...”
A giant image appeared up on the main screen... of a rather familiar-looking blue planet.
“...Earth?”
“Hm? What, you guys know it? It’s a bit outside of the Greater Galactic Federation.”
“We’re going to Earth?”
“That’s right. I found a bad guy for you guys to fight there.”
“Huh?”
She found a bad guy... on Earth? What? The stuff she was saying was making less and less sense to me. I was starting to feel seriously lost. And while I was puzzling over all this, Zeta completed preparations for her spaceship to enter warp and started the countdown.
“Hey, so, uh... Can we go back to my first question now?”
“Hm?”
“Who exactly are we fighting?”
“Huh? Didn’t I mention that yet?”
It seemed the subject had genuinely slipped her mind. She looked at me and cocked her head to the side before answering...
“It’s a kaiju.”
▽
“What...?”
“GRAAAAAAHH!”
Right before my eyes—or rather, towering far over my head—an enormous kaiju was roaring at us. Cool, right? NO! WHATONEARTHISGOINGON?!
“All right, kids. Now take it down.”
“Not happening!” I yelled back at Zeta’s voice in my ear.
Galactic Great’s helmet came equipped with a transmitter that allowed me to communicate with the spaceship in orbit above us, which was Zeta’s vantage point for filming our battle with the kaiju.
“GRAAAAAAHH!”
The kaiju before me—space kaiju, to be exact—looked like it had come straight out of a live-action superhero show. It was a big, ugly monster with skin that looked as hard as concrete. Apparently, these things were all over space. Of course, the Galactic Federation had army elite task forces to deal with them, but we were a little outside of their neighborhood right now. I mean, I know it’s important that governments abide by things like jurisdiction and territorial borders...
“But can’t we call a kaiju extermination force anyway?!”
“Dumbass. This would be a job for them. You think they’re gonna work for free out of the kindness of their hearts?”
“That’s... But still...”
I looked up at the kaiju that stood in front of me like a skyscraper.
“Soldiers fight for money... Which must mean that those who do fight out of the goodness of their hearts are the real heroes, right?”
I could hear the grin in Zeta’s voice even through the transmitter. Fighting for good, not money, was the way of a real hero. That was the very premise of Zeta’s show, “Legend of a Real Hero: Galactic Great.” And I’d give her that much. Having a real hero appear in her show would be great and all, but...
WHUMP!
The huge kaiju took one great step forward that shook the ground, and I suddenly understood why most superheroes in these shows chose to ride in enormous robots. Going up against something like this was completely insane otherwise.
Fortunately, we were in a remote area of Hokkaido where there was nothing but a single road running along the coastline. There weren’t any civilians or buildings around for dozens of kilometers, so at the very least, the big guy wouldn’t be able to do any serious damage... That is, so long as we could beat him here and now. Just in case, I had asked Satsuki and Shirley to get in touch with Lea and Corona behind Zeta’s back.
“Hey, at least introduce yourselves properly!” Zeta demanded.
The catch was that we had to do more than just defeat the monster here. If the shoot wasn’t a success, Zeta’s story would come to a bad ending. One of the reasons she had said filming had to be done today was because she’d bought information from a connection of hers within the Federation—a tip that they’d predicted a space kaiju would appear on Earth today. In other words, a perfect antagonist.
The other reasons were largely a matter of the schedule and remaining budget. Apparently it had taken some time to convince space gramps to agree to the lead role, and if production was delayed any further, that alone would bankrupt the company. And, yes, I was the one that had put him out. Or his back, specifically. So I had to pull myself together...
“GRAAAAAAHH!”
But this was still terrifying!
I may have fought huge opponents before, but they at least waited their turn in line before jumping on-screen... I mean, aren’t you supposed to have to wade through the story before the final boss appears? The last time I was thrown into a sudden dilemma like this was probably with the Demon Overlord of Harissa’s home world.
“Don’t be nervous, Rekka. You and I make the perfect team!”
“Iris...?”
But even at a time like this, Iris—in her Galactic Beauty costume and everything—was smiling at me.
“I gotta be honest, though... I can’t think of any way for us to win in this situation.”
“It’s fine! It’ll all work out somehow! Zeta said these suits had lots of special built-in features, remember?”
Come to think of it, she may have mentioned that during the briefing on the warp over. I guess I’d been a little distracted.
“Come on, let’s just give it a go! According to the calculations Zeta’s team did on the kaiju’s speed, it’ll only take roughly an hour for it to reach the closest town. It’s not like you to drag your feet after coming this far, Rekka!”
“Yeah, you’re right
... I may have been doing just that.”
Iris was always so gung-ho. I could stand to learn a thing or two from her.
For now, all we knew about the kaiju was what we could learn by observation—mostly that it was big and tough. But like Iris said, our suits had plenty of features that we hadn’t even tried out yet. The first step to all this would be figuring out what we were capable of, and then what our enemy was. Nothing would be settled by running away. All we could do for the time being was charge in and learn as much as we could, then find an opening to put that to use!
“Thanks, Iris. That helped.”
“Heehee, you’re welcome.”
“Argh! What are you two doing, cozying up to each other like that?!”
“Ah, yes! More, more! All this splendid love energy! If I get any more of it, I... I’ll... I can’t take it anymore! I won’t be able to hold myself baaack!”
“Hey! Stop fooling around down there and get to work, you two!”
Oof, our dawdling earned us a scolding over the transmitter (though there was some strange... interference... mixed in there).
I felt around the chest area of my suit. I had my cellphone set to vibrate tucked in there. Right now, Satsuki and Shirley should be on their way in Shirley’s ship with Corona and Lea in tow. They were supposed to contact me as soon as they arrived. Truth be told, I’d only asked them to come as a backup plan. If I ended up needing their help to defeat the kaiju, I’d have to come up with some way to make sure that didn’t ruin the shoot, and subsequently Zeta’s story.
Of course, the ideal scenario was me and Iris—Galactic Great and Galactic Beauty—taking out the monster on our own. But even if that was impossible, we’d at least have to buy enough time for the others to arrive. So in the end, I had to fight the kaiju in front of me one way or another. All right!
“Iris... No, Galactic Beauty! Let’s do this!”
“You got it!”
Iris and I stood side-by-side in the cool poses we’d practiced together.
“I’m—”
Then, just as I was about to make my introduction on the scene as Galactic Great...
“Hold it right there!” an unfamiliar voice screamed, completely cutting me off.
Chapter 4: Star Prism’s Appearance, Rachelle’s Rampage, and...
I Saved Too Many Girls and Caused the Apocalypse: Volume 10 Page 6