“What made you ask that?” I tilted my head to the side.
“I don’t think any girl here would know the model number of my journal.” His eyes glittered.
“Oh.” I flushed. “I probably sound so lame.”
“No, you don’t. I like that you know. It makes you different. That’s hard to come by. Nobody wants to risk having an opinion around here in case it messes up their rankings.”
Liking the warmth spreading through me, I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Well, I guess touch is my favorite sense, too. But I don’t have a digital journal. I have a real one. It’s paper.”
“Paper?” His eyebrows arched. “Won’t you run out of space?”
“Maybe, but I haven’t yet. I only write certain things in it. Secrets that I don’t want anyone to know. Not my parents, not my Life Stream. I like knowing it can’t be hacked. So much of my identity is on screens and in clouds—I like that there’s part of me that only I know. With my Book of Secrets, I hold my identity in my hand.”
“Book of Secrets? Is that what you call it?”
The burning on my cheeks intensified, and I closed my eyes. “Yes… I’ve never told anyone that, and now that I say it out loud, it sounds totally dumb.”
“It’s not.” Laughing, he squeezed my knee, sending a jolt to my belly. “I’m into it. Do you know what I’m thinking?”
“No…” I peeked up at him from under my eyelashes.
“I’m thinking you’re full of surprises, Ella Karman.”
My name rolling off his tongue with that accent took my breath away. That’s when Self-Awareness became my favorite class.
The room took on a hazy glow, and I wanted to know everything about him. “What about you? Tell me something you’ve never told anybody.”
He thought for a second. “I might have to get back to you on that. The Networks make it hard to keep secrets. My investors get antsy if I’m private too long, but if I could sneak away, I’d go surfing…”
Fear shot through me at the reminder I should be live, that I needed Lil and Kylie to make me interesting. My vision cleared, and behind Adam, Lil came into focus. She was watching us, her lips pressed together in a thin line.
I bolted to my feet. “I’m so sorry. I really want to hear the rest, but I just remembered I’ve got to go.”
“Now? But we’re just getting started.”
“It’s my first day. I…just…can’t do this.” My voice cracked with desperation.
“Okay, but when can I see you again?” His fingers circled my wrist. “This sounds impossible and you’re going to think this is a line, but I promise, it’s not—I feel a really intense connection to you. Tell me you feel it, too.”
Every ounce of me wanted to say yes, knew that he was going to be in my life; it was inevitable. But I needed to get away. To think. “Always leave them wanting more,” I said, imitating my mother’s most flirtatious smile. Detangling myself from his grasp, I found Peter and claimed girl problems as the reason I needed to be excused.
“Go ahead.” He waved me off like he expected me to cut class.
As soon as I was outside, I found a bench and sat. Closing my eyes, I breathed deep to slow my racing pulse.
So much for staying on Lil’s good side…
I’m in trouble.
Chapter Eight
August 23, 20X4
Truth: I am a person who will destroy someone else’s life to save my own.
…
“How’d you like Self-Awareness?” Lil asked, her eyes flitting over me.
We were eating lunch on the Boulevard, the resort-style oasis dotted with lush palms, yellow umbrellas, and wood loungers arranged around a kidney-shaped swimming pool that served as Intersection’s dining room.
I pressed my hands to my queasy stomach. “It was okay.”
“Didn’t you tell her about Adam?” Kylie whispered to Dee.
“It’s fine,” Lil said, sipping her sparkling water. “You’re new, so you get a pass. But trust me, you don’t want to let a boy come between us. It’s terrible for your numbers.” She stared at me until I blinked.
“Nothing happened, I promise,” I rushed to assure her. “It’s not like Adam chose me—Peter paired us up—and mostly he talked about surfing and how much he’d rather be doing that.”
“Ella, we all saw how you were looking at him like a lovesick puppy,” Lil said. “I get it. He’s hot. You’ve had your one pass, and now you’re over it, and it’s time to prove we can trust you.”
“Yes. You can trust me,” I said. “I’ll do anything.”
Lil and Kylie looked at each other and smiled.
“Is everyone’s Life Stream turned off?” Kylie asked.
I double-checked my wrist screen, even though I was positive my stream was off, and they all stared into space, their eyes blinking commands at whatever they were seeing through their AMPs.
“All good,” Deena said.
“Me, too,” Lil said.
I nodded.
Kylie turned to me, her eyes twinkling. “Do you have the Burble app?”
“No,” I said, slowly. “What’s that?”
“It’s an app that sends messages from a Network account that you choose—not from yours,” Lil said.
“Give me your wrist,” Kylie said. “I’ll download it for you.” She took my arm.
“I should mention, as a general rule, if you’re going to hang with us, you should keep your top on, and no sexting,” Lil said while the app downloaded. “You’ll see why in a second. Those pictures never die.”
“No danger of that,” I said, glancing at my microscopic breasts. “I don’t have much to look at.”
“It doesn’t matter. Seeing you naked isn’t what people get off on,” she said. “It’s how they can use it against you that makes them hot.” The corner of her mouth curled up, and I cringed.
“Finished,” Kylie said, holding my wrist up so I could see. “Here’s what we want you to do.”
When I saw the image, I yanked my arm away, covering the screen with my palm like it had scalded my eyes.
“What is that?” I sputtered.
“It’s a dick pic,” Lil said.
“I saw. Whose dick is it?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said.
“See that girl over there?” She pointed across the Boulevard to a cute girl with pixie-like features. “That’s Samantha Valenti. She’s a total Maker. Her parents own some children’s clothing company, and they’re hoping by going to school here she can launch them to Influencer status. She debuted at Ä4 a share or something pathetic like that. Anyway, she’ll eat this up, so to speak. She needs the hype to get noticed, so she’ll totally share it when you message her this picture from Peter’s Network.”
My jaw dropped. “But that could ruin his life. And hers.”
“Exactly,” Lil said. “Listen. We know your secret.”
My heart thudded to a stop. A cool breeze licked over my skin, and I folded my arms across my chest, assuming they were talking about my inflated IPO. “You do?”
“Yes,” Kylie said. “We know you’re really no different than Samantha over there, trying to be someone she’s not.”
“But at least Samantha’s mom actually gave birth to her,” Lil said.
I choked on my salad, my eyes bulging like she’d slapped me, having never imagined they knew that secret. “Oh.” Knowing where they got this information, I glared at Deena. She was the only person I’d ever confided in with the truth about my birth.
Her eyes were on her juice cleanse.
“It’s no big deal—at least not to us—we all have secrets,” Lil said, her voice sounding faraway. “If you prove we’re friends, we’ll protect you.”
Slowly, the potential consequences of Deena’s loose lips creeped in. My pa
rents’ authenticity is their biggest asset. If their followers found out everything they’ve believed for the last sixteen years is a lie—if they stopped trusting them—their investors would sell… They’d be Unrankable. My stomach churned as the tornado swirled in my brain, dizzying me.
“But I don’t know any of your secrets,” I whispered.
“If you text that picture to Samantha, we’ll each tell you a secret,” Kylie said. “You guard our secrets, and we’ll guard yours. That’s it. Otherwise, maybe you’re better off sitting with Samantha.”
I’m trapped.
“It’s not like Peter was nice to you today,” Deena said. “Teach him a lesson.”
“I guess…” Glancing at my wrist, I swiped away the dick pic and scrolled through Peter’s Network feed, hoping for evidence that he deserved to go to jail for soliciting a minor. All I found was a picture of him tenderly cradling a tiny infant with tubes coming out of its nose. The caption said, “Volunteering at the hospital today. This gives me hope that innocence still exists, that there are still people who need to be held, who benefit from human connection.”
Tears stung my eyes, and sickness rose in my throat. I held the fate of both of my parents and Peter and Samantha and the infant in my hands.
“Your parents are supposed to have such good taste…” Lil tsked. “It would be a shame for the Networks to lose them, but starting over isn’t always bad. I hear the Unrankable food plan is delicious.” She sliced her seared ahi for emphasis.
Fear pierced my chest, and I wanted to throttle her.
I can’t betray my parents… Maybe Peter can hold Unrankable babies. Swallowing hard, I faced Lily. “They really won’t know it was me?”
“Nope,” she said. “Not unless Burble gets hacked. Maybe you should get a throwaway screen to be safe and do it from there.”
I nodded. “Okay. If no one will know it was me, and if you’ll tell me your secrets, I’ll do it tonight.”
…
After school, Deena and I picked up coffee and headed to a stretch of Venice Beach that wasn’t augmented. Nobody ever went there because it was so ordinary looking, and I knew we’d be alone.
We kicked off our shoes, walking along the edge of the water. The wet sand was reassuring between my toes, and once I was satisfied the roar of the waves would drown out our voices, I confronted her.
“Shut off your screens. You’re not going to want this in your Life Stream.” Pulsating waves clouded my vision, casting her in red.
“Okay…” She frowned but complied.
“How could you tell them that secret?” I asked as soon as I was certain we weren’t being recorded.
“Don’t be mad, Ella. I had to. The only way we’re going to maintain our numbers is through Lily and Kylie. I did it for you.” Her voice was calm, practiced. “They needed to know you weren’t a threat. If I didn’t tell them something good, they would’ve made your life miserable. You need their protection, and so do I.”
“You couldn’t have made something up? You totally sold me out.” Gritting my teeth, I couldn’t look at her. I kept focused on the path in front of me. One foot in front of the other, kicking up sand.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but the truth is best. Trust me. They’re like human lie detectors. They had to claw their way to the top, and they’ll do anything to keep themselves there.”
“I’m sorry if I have a hard time trusting you.”
She shook her head. Grabbing my shoulder, she forced me to stop. “Look. You’ll figure it out soon enough. It’s eat or be eaten. You would’ve done the same for me.”
I searched her eyes, hoping to find my friend. “You don’t have any secrets.”
“Yes, I do! You know I had my stomach stapled,” she replied. “That could take down my entire family, too.”
“That’s nothing in comparison. It wouldn’t take you down—it would probably build you up. Poor abused girl, forced to starve for the rest of her life.”
“You make it sound like it’s no big deal.” Her jaw clenched, and she practically spit the words. “Do you know what it’s like to not be able to eat? I’d love to devour an entire slice of pizza, but I can only have one bite or else I’ll throw up. And isn’t that ironic, since the reason they did this to me was so I wouldn’t have to suffer like my mom did for her career. So I wouldn’t end up sticking my finger down my throat.”
“I’m sorry.” I focused on the sand. “I can’t pretend to understand.”
She softened. “Besides, same with you… Generic farmed girl rises to fame… It’s our parents who are in danger. Not us. We have the power here.” Her eyes were pleading, but the betrayal was too fresh, and I put up a wall.
“You have the power, and you know it. I’d never survive. I may be genetically Unrankable.” I shuddered.
“People love a rags-to-riches story, but it won’t come out. I promise. Lil and Kylie will protect you.”
“As long as I send that picture, as long as I ruin someone’s life!”
“It’s better than your life being ruined.”
The icy ocean swirled around our ankles, but the cold failed to penetrate. I was numb. “I feel like you robbed me. Maybe I could have been friends with Kylie and Lil without you paving the way.”
“With your numbers? You were ripe for a takedown. You’re a threat. I had to convince them it was safer to align with you.” Her cheeks flushed with anger. “I did you a favor, and don’t you forget it.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Throwing up her hands, she headed down the beach alone before whipping around, her voice sailing toward me on the breeze. “Ella, this isn’t the fairy-tale world we thought it was going to be. I hate to break it to you, but you’ll see. You’ll do things you never imagined.”
“Like send a dick pic?” I asked, scurrying to catch up with her, my feet sinking in the sand, slowing my progress.
“That’s just the beginning. You’ll do things that are much, much worse. The faster you realize you don’t have any friends, the better off you’ll be.” Her long, blond hair thrashed at her cheeks.
“Starting with you?” I came to a stop in front of her.
Her eyes filling with tears, she didn’t respond right away. I almost thought I glimpsed my friend, but in a blink, she was gone, replaced with the steely replica of someone I used to know.
“It’s how it has to be,” she said.
…
Sadly, she was right.
My head is spinning, my hand is cramped, and I can’t write anymore. Setting down my pen, I wipe my wet cheeks with the back of my hand, my stomach clenched with self-loathing. Drained, like reopening old wounds has bled me dry, I close the book.
And the worst is yet to come…
I hate this. Curling up, I press my head to my knees, hugging myself like I could squeeze the ache out of my heart. It’s like losing them all over again. Is reliving these memories even working? Were my instincts right about anything? I was so certain Adam was going to be in my life, and look how that ended up. A single tear slips down my cheek. I should have turned and run the second I got to Intersection. But if I did, I wouldn’t be here…
My run-in with Chloe and Garrett from this morning pops into my head.
At least I didn’t back down.
Pressing my knees to my chest, I lift my head and breathe deep. As my lungs expand, hope creeps into my chest.
I’m glad I’m here, that I have a life where numbers mean nothing. At least I know who I am, now…
This time is going to be different.
Chapter Nine
September 20X5, Keystone
“Sophia’s already here,” Rayelle shouts, pointing at a girl with powdered white skin and a black widow’s peak who is sitting alone.
“I’ll take your word for it,” I yell o
ver the din of the lunchroom.
Nestled in a grove of olive trees, the Atrium is located at the center of the circle that connects the grow houses and dorms. Metal scaffolds lined with pots growing fresh herbs create private nooks, and without the Network to distract them, kids are actually talking to each other. Their voices, combined with clacking silverware and chairs scraping across concrete floors, bounce over the hardscape.
“Come on.” Rayelle bumps her tray against mine, and I slowly follow her toward Sophia, stealthily scanning for Garrett, as has become my tendency. Our paths haven’t crossed since our run-in outside the Vault a week ago, and as much as I want to ignore him, there’s no use fighting his draw.
He’s hanging with Kyran and Liam in a crop of cushioned modules surrounding a firepit. Chloe and Harbor are there, too, acting like princesses on their thrones.
Indulging in a moment of observation, I sink down next to Sophia.
Placing her hand on Garrett’s arm, Chloe whispers something in his ear that makes him grin. A bolt of heat explodes in my brain. Maybe if I stare hard enough, I can slam her backward into a scaffold without moving a muscle. It’s wishful thinking. For some reason, seeing them together gets on my last nerve. It’s ridiculous—I have no reason to be so possessive-obsessive—but I don’t like her touching him.
“Did you hear about Faye?” Sophia asks, arching an eyebrow over a fuchsia eyelid with spider-thin liner legging out around it.
Reluctantly, I drag my attention to her. “Who’s Faye?” I sample a French fry. I can’t get over eating real food anytime I want. Meal-replacement drinks aren’t an option here. Steak and fries for lunch? Yes, please. Sign me up.
“She brilliantly just stole the Fairchild Patent Notebooks from the Computer History Museum in Mountain View,” Stewart answers, setting down his kale salad and cedar-planked salmon. Brain food, he calls it. “Cunning and beautiful. That girl is killing it.”
Sophia rolls her eyes. “Looks aren’t everything, Stewart.”
“You know me. I’m only interested in her mind,” he says, winking. “But no wonder Garrett was into her.”
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