by Brown, Tara
“Anyway, shall we all get ready and reconvene here in say half an hour?” he remarked coldly.
“Half a bloody hour? My shower takes longer than that!” Bea was back to being spicy. “And I’m midway on my book. I need to finish the chapter. Let’s say two hours, shall we?” She lifted her eyebrows. “Lovely.” She put down the phone and started reading again.
“I’m going to ride a bike in then and go early.” I got up to get more coffee before the maids came in and refilled.
“You and I can ride in together,” Aiden offered.
“It’s okay. I haven’t ridden a bike in ages. I think I need a bit of fresh air.” I needed to get away from all this. Dead dad’s ashes. Aiden and I and whatever that was. And this whole living the life of luxury but never having a moment alone.
I was pouring my own coffee when Jess hobbled into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, staring at me.
“So he came to spread ashes?” Jess remarked softly, taking a bite of croissant. She didn't sound impressed.
“We’re not talking about it.” I didn’t want to have the conversation so I kept it short and sweet.
“What does that mean? Are you back together or not?”
“Not,” I said honestly.
“Fin, really think about the choices you’re making. And what makes you happy.”
“I will.” I gave her something resembling a smile and left the kitchen, deciding finishing my coffee with Aiden’s dad was a better bet. If he was curious, at least he couldn’t ask me anything.
I showered and got ready, wanting to blend in today on campus, but Aiden being there would mean more photos than normal. So blending in had to be classy. I pulled on some pale gray slacks, a cream-colored knit top with three-quarter-length sleeves, and pulled my hair into a tight ponytail so the bike and wind didn't mess it. I wore several neutral but sparkly bracelets and red lips and nails to match my cute red flats.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Aiden was sitting on the bed, texting up a storm. I nearly asked who he was texting, but it wasn't my business. And I didn't actually want to know. Likely it would be some government text. Something so dry I wouldn’t even finish listening to the last part of the story. I didn’t understand how someone who’d been so passionate about life could possibly make it through government talks all day.
“Is this how you always dress to go to school?” he said without lifting his gaze, but I could hear the grin in his tone.
“No. Normally, I wear Lulus but I’m meeting Lucas later, so I wanted to make sure I had on something nice.” I winked and strode out of the room, but he caught my arm, spinning me.
“That wasn't nice.” He looped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his torso and back into the bedroom. He closed the door and pressed my back against it.
“You know what’s not nice? Coming here and ambushing me right as school starts. And why are you in my room again?”
“Because I can’t imagine a life without you and I need to fix this.” His eyes bore into mine. “Don't you want that?”
“I did.” My stomach tightened as I contemplated what I was about to say. “When you broke up with me, I desperately wanted that. In fact, the moment we broke up I had never been more certain about anything in my life.”
“But?”
“But now I don't know how to go back, knowing the things I know.” I lowered my gaze, unable to keep his. “I mean, you want me to come and spread your dad’s ashes with your mom? Like all this is just water under the bridge and no big deal? Your parents have ruined the last few years of my life. And likely Alex will be there to complete the trifecta of doom. I don't know if I can do that. Or this. And I heard what Bea said, and I know that loving you is the most important thing in my life, and I choose us, but there’s also a small niggle inside me that wonders if I can spend an entire life like this. Can I live with the ground unstable beneath me at all times?” I stared up at him again. “Just waiting for the next humiliating scandal or sabotage from your mom or countrymen or Alex? And when does it end? Or does it? Will they ruin my wedding day to spite me? A little roofie in the wedding cake?”
He tried to hide it, but I saw the subtle flinch as the words landed.
“Can we put a pin in this conversation until the ashes are dealt with?” he asked softly, sounding so much like the boy I’d met but looking like the man I wasn't sure how to deal with.
“I guess.” I shrugged, trying to be indifferent. “But how are you going to deal with Alex and her poor mother? Your family has ruined her life and she didn’t do anything. And Alex is getting away with all this terrible stuff, but only because your dad put her up to it. He protected her.”
“When Mary called, I didn't want to believe it. I truly thought I knew Alex and assumed you were jealous and being petty.” He paused, his brow furrowing. “I visited Alex’s mother secretly, or rather had her brought to me. She told me everything.” He stepped back, freeing me from being pinned to the door. “Alex meant to worm her way to me all along.”
“Did it work?” I had no right to ask but it slipped out anyway, likely because I was ready to strangle him for calling me petty and jealous.
“Fin.” He scowled.
“That’s a yes or no question.”
“No. Of course not.” He didn’t seem to be lying.
“But she tried?” I was going to beat a ho down.
“I don’t want to discuss this. I want to fix us. Let’s get the ashes over with, and I’ll figure it out from there.” He kissed my forehead but I was steaming.
It would be a long twenty-four hours.
That much I knew.
14
The new triple threat has changed. It used to be beautiful, smart, and kind. Now it’s witty, strong, and confident. Filters take care of the beautiful part.
The king’s harem
The ride into school had been blissful. The wind was a touch cold but the fresh air was just what I’d needed. My first class hadn’t been anything beyond orientation and laughs and the second was course prep with a no-nonsense prof.
I decided to finish my notes and lists of requirements in the library with the girls, only to discover Aiden was there too. And he wasn't alone. I slumped into a chair next to Jess and sighed. “How long has that been going on?”
“An hour at least,” she grumbled, not lifting her head from her laptop.
Mary was ignoring everything, head down and fingers typing.
Bea gave me a commiserating scowl.
“Awesome.” I opened my laptop too but couldn't avoid watching him. I had heaps of things to organize, but I was stuck staring. And hating myself for staring. And hating the girls surrounding him for being so flirty, giggling and gushing.
“Have you noticed the female population on campus is outfitted to the nines this morning? Like they knew he was coming here—do you think that’s possible?” Bea asked with a shitty tone without lifting her head from where she was filling out her calendar.
“Yeah. It’s weird how most of them dress like every day is laundry day until he arrives and suddenly they’re getting a blowout before class.” I would still be rocking the washing-day threads as often as possible, if I weren’t fodder for the paparazzi. Lulus, Uggs, and oversized sweaters were my jam. If I kept eating Danish for breakfast every day, they might end up being my only option. “When I went to see Professor McNeill before class, one of the guys I know in Sallies came over and said he wanted to thank me. Had I not brought a king to school, the campus wouldn’t be so hot. It’s flooded with sexy chicks. And he said one girl told him they aren’t sure when he’s coming, so she and her friends plan to stay fit. His actual words, ‘they’ll stay fit.’” I wanted to call them pathetic, but I was the one on the bowl diet so photographers didn't catch me with a double chin. Again. Glass houses and all . . .
“I’ve never seen such a stylish campus.” Jess lifted her head and narrowed her gaze at everyone around us.
“Does it bother you or
are you sort of beyond it all now?” Bea asked, staring down the herd of fans as they spent their time chatting with him. From the moment we had arrived on campus, he was surrounded.
“I want to be above all this.” I waved a hand in the air haphazardly. “But between you girls and me and whoever the FBI dudes are that listen to my phone, it’s killing me that half the chicks in the UK walk around with one thought: steal the king from Fin the Fake. And they’re all wit and culture.”
“Obviously, they have you there.” Jess grinned at me. “And maybe in the fashion department too. I’m pretty sure the grease stain on the bottom of your pants isn’t in style.”
“Grease stain?” I glanced down at my pant leg. “Stupid bike,” I grumbled, seeing she was right. “Bag of dicks, Jess.” I lifted my pointer and middle fingers into the air and gave her the V, a very British insult I’d learned. In America it meant peace but here it was not peaceful.
“Yikes.” Bea lifted her eyebrows.
“Whatever. If he wants to select from the harvest of this year’s hotties, that’s his choice. He’s single, he can do whatever he wants,” I said bitterly, annoyed that my pants were stained and Aiden had girls lining up. The worst part was that his being single had been my choice. I’d unleashed this, technically. The master of my own doom.
“He’s not single in his eyes.” Bea kicked me under the table. “He’s in love with you, Fin. Desperately.”
“Maybe,” I agreed, pretty sure she was right but not in the mood to discuss it. I snuck out a Danish, which I’d stolen from the kitchen before I left, and took a large bite.
“If you keep eating Danish every time you’re sad about the breakup, you’re going to end up Fin the Fat again. Let me save you.” Bea laughed at me and stole what was left, pushing the whole thing into her mouth.
“Thanks.” I licked my fingers clean and sighed. “Although, you’re right. Having a chef is a terrible idea. We were doing better in the townhouse with the takeaway and all the walking.” Bea was right, I was going to end up with the freshman fifteen again at this rate.
“Speaking of fattening, Cook said she’s making French toast out of panettone tomorrow, by the by.” Linna winked, laughing because she didn’t fatten like the rest of us. For whatever reasons—reasons she called God loving her more—she didn’t gain weight the way Mary, Bea, Dee, and I did.
“What’s panettone?” Jess asked, also guilty of not gaining anything.
“It’s Italian bread that’s more like cake. Bread cake. They coat that in egg and fry it, like French toast but it’s fried cake. And because your cooks are all British, we’ll have sausages with it and I’ll need a nap afterward,” I bemoaned.
“I undid my pants at the table yesterday,” Bea admitted. “And Mary joined me.”
“Yes, I did.” Mary giggled, finally joining the conversation as she closed her laptop and removed her AirPods. “And I’m not nearly as ashamed as I ought to be.”
“Cook can make it all she wants, I’m having muesli and yogurt. And going for a run.” I waved my hands. “If the girls on campus are staying fit, then so am I. I refuse to be the campus heifer. Besides, Jess and I have to be good for the next three months. Dad’s renting a house in France with Hattie over Christmas. We’ll be eating chocolate croissant every day for two weeks. With custard. And it will be winter so there won’t be any running. There will be wine and Hattie’s amazing food once she weasels her way into the kitchen.”
“Your dad is renting a house in France? Not Andorra?” Bea asked.
“He rented it a year ago. He really wants to stay there.”
“Where is it?” Mary asked.
“I think it’s in the South of France, near Andorra. Some cool estate that’s recently been fixed up by an Australian couple. Anyway, they rent it out now.” Jess smiled at me. “So Fin, Dad, Hattie, and I will be there for two weeks. Apparently, there are thirteen bedrooms.”
“Dad’s pretty jazzed,” I added, liking that she called him Dad. “Hattie complained that it has a bunch of stairs though.”
“Typical Hattie,” Linna said and glanced over at Aiden as he bid farewell to his fans. “Uh-oh. Incoming. I can’t listen to the girls gush over him. Sorry, Fin.” She got up and walked away quickly. Jess followed on her crutches, leaving her books for me to collect. Only Bea and Mary remained, though Mary seemed annoyed.
“You ready to go?” Aiden smiled at me, not noticing the eyes on him. And me. Though they weren’t giving me the same look.
“Oh, you’re done with the harem and can spare a few moments to grace us with your company?” Mary asked snidely.
“Mary,” he muttered under his breath, warning her.
“I still have to switch a class on my timetable.” She got up and turned on her heel and headed in the same direction Jess had gone.
“I’m going with her, I just wanted to see that. We’ll catch up at the house later.” Bea giggled before leaving us.
“I’m riding my bike to the Gardens and working and then riding home later,” I said, trying not to be annoyed. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn't a crime to be hot, single, and a king. As much as I wished it were. “But if you could take my books that would be amazing.”
“I see,” Aiden muttered. He lifted my books and computer as I grabbed Jess’ and walked to the SUV. “Do I get to know why Mary’s angry with me?”
“I think she dislikes the female attention you’re getting,” I offered plainly. “She thinks it’s disrespectful.”
“Does it bother you?” he asked.
“Aiden, you’re single. I don’t have a say in how you live your life. You do you.” I regretted the snarky comment the moment it left my lips.
“So that’s a yes then?” He led the way to the SUV with Isaac. “Right. You do realize that my coming here is good for the univer—”
“Please don't,” I cut him off. “I’m not in the mood to fight. Since you came here, we’ve done nothing but argue and talk and I’m exhausted. We are exhausting. And I’m starving. Bea ate my pastry.”
“Fin, we’re not fighting. You’re angry with me and I’m disappointed in you, and we have a lot of extraneous hurts related to those emotions that we both need to let go of.” He pulled me to him, tilting my chin. “But I love you. And I know you love me. Bea’s right. We need to figure out how to forge our path forward with the add-ons life has thrown at us. I don't know how to tell you this without being blunt, but you are my girlfriend. That is the one thing I’m not negotiating on.”
“I’m not discussing this right now. I’ll see you later.” I handed him the armload and turned and walked to where I’d locked up the bike. He’d broken up with me, I wasn't his girlfriend. If we had Facebook, it would say, “it’s complicated” instead of “sort of wanting to date but not, but also not dating others.”
As I rode across town, loving the ocean air on my face and arguing with myself about what was the right thing to do with Aiden, something tugged at my pant leg. I twitched my leg to the right and pushed the pedal, which had somehow grown stiff, down with force. Cold air swirled around me, confusing me. I peered down to see one of my legs completely bare and looked back behind the leg to see my pants had become something of a cape for the bare leg, flickering and flitting about in the wind.
“Fuck!” I shouted and pulled the bike over. My entire pant leg was ripped.
“Fin! Fin, give us a smile, eh?” Someone shouted my name, forcing me to lift my face as a car slowed down and a man in the passenger seat snapped several shots with an expensive-looking camera.
“Fuck,” I said again, but I couldn't worry about them.
My pants were ripped all the way to the top, up the inseam in the ass crack and were only hanging on by the side. I had filleted them somehow. The oily stain along the chewed-up bottom of the pants suggested they somehow got caught in the chain and something flashed back into my mind: Linna and I laughing at our art teacher for tucking one pant leg into his sock. He rode his bike to school a
nd would sometimes forget he’d tucked the pant leg.
Needing to get out of the spotlight, I sat back on the seat, trying to ride away. The fabric instantly got caught in the chain again. I grabbed it and held it tightly in my one hand, trying to steer with the other hand, but I was wobbly. With flushed cheeks—both sets no doubt—I clung to the rogue material then tied it into a huge knot, something so large it held the stray pant to the side of my body, the outside of course, and flashed my entire leg and ass cheek. I pushed off and raced for the Gardens which were only a couple of blocks away. I rode hard, encouraged by the honking and cheering as I hung my butt cheek out for everyone to see.
By the time I reached the retirement home, I was miserable, frozen, and humiliated. I pushed the stupid bike against the garden wall and stormed inside.
Carmen came rushing out of the office, her eyes wide but her lips twisted into a grin.
Janet gasped, “Fin!” scolding me. “Surely, this is not the sort of way a young lady—”
“Not right now, Janet!” I pointed a finger in her face and stalked to the bathroom to assess how much ass was actually seen. I flung the door in, huffing my breath, and winced when I saw it. My thong was hot pink and lacy, and half of the lacy band stuck out. My entire butt cheek showed. And worst of all, mud spray from the tire ran up my entire leg and ass, looking totally suspect. “Shit!” I shouted and took a deep inhale.
Aiden was going to kill me.
The world was going to see my bum.
And everyone at the university was going to laugh at me.
Again.
After several minutes of pacing, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, slumping when I saw the text from Linna with a link and a “WTF!”
It had been ten minutes and already the world was lit up with my underwear and ass and humiliating life. There was even a GIF already made of me standing on the road, bike between my legs, leg bare, sunglasses lowered on the bridge of my nose, and lips slowly uttering the obvious word, “Fuck.”