He groans, his free hand cupping my ass. Squeezing.
“Tell me, baby,” he rasps in the sexiest fucking voice I have ever heard. “Tell me what you want.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. “Make me come.”
My man doesn’t make me wait a second longer.
He swiftly pushes a leg in-between mine, nudging mine open more, and slides a finger inside. And then another.
He moans, crashing his lips with mine, my arousal coating his fingers as he drives in and out. His thumb working magic on my clit.
“You’re soaking my hand, Juliet.”
“F-fuck.” I shake.
Sensing his eyes on me, mine open, and he grins, nipping at my lips.
“You’re twitching, just like you do on my cock,” he rasps, his eyes darkening.
“So give it to me.” I moan. “Let me squeeze you.”
“In a minute.” His attention falls to my body, and he licks his lips, his eyes coming up to mine as he lowers to his knees on the mats below. His fingers slip out of me, cupping up to tug the hem of my bottoms down, pausing when his knuckles are even with my clit, without fully revealing me. I reach up, gripping the back of his head and tug him toward me.
“You’ll be the first,” I admit, knowing what it will do to him.
His eyes flash. “Say yes.”
“Yes.”
I shake in anticipation, and then his lips close over me and my hips buck, my hands flying to his hair, pressing him into me.
His tongue sweeps, rolls, and sucks, and my gaze flicks past him, watching the muscles of his back move in the mirror across the room as he brings me to the hilt.
I look at myself, taking in my flushed cheeks and wild eyes. It’s insanely stimulating, seeing myself, watching my reactions in the mirror as he watches me. As he goes down on me for the first time.
It’s too much. I’m about to explode.
“Open your eyes, Juliet. Open those pretty honey eyes and look at me.”
I do as he says, his dark blues are even darker, his lids are low, fully hooded, and my pussy is in his mouth.
My breathing picks ups, my hands tugging on his hair.
“That’s it,” he croons. “Come for me, baby.”
“Kiss me while I come.”
He groans, sucks hard, and when my hips buck again, he darts up, slamming his mouth into mine. The man eats me alive, his tongue demanding entrance, curling around mine and coaxing me through my orgasm.
I rip away, gasping for air Noah can’t seem to find either. He’s breathing just as hard as I am now.
His eyes take on a naughty glint as his hand dips between my legs, and he slowly pushes inside, smirking as I twitch around him. I whimper, even more when he pulls out, lapping every bit of me off of him.
I’m on fire all over again, my body humming in places I didn’t know were capable of arousal.
I want a repeat of what just happened. Stat.
My hands shoot up, going for a fistful of his hair as he wraps his arms around me tightly. Possessively.
Something crashes to the floor around us, and we jump.
Noah doesn’t pull back or release me as to not expose my body, but he does looks up, into the mirror my back is pressed against, and his muscles lock.
“Shit,” he mumbles, his eyes slicing to mine.
The stiffness within them has my stomach turning, but I shift peeking past his shoulder.
Chase stands in the doorway, staring right at us. The noise was his gym bag falling from his fingertips, crashing to the floor.
A coldness washes over me, and I don’t look away, but he does. His face hardens, his glare pinned on the back of Noah’s head.
And how fucking dare he.
I run my hand up Noah’s arm, gaining Chase’s attention once more, and Noah’s eyes tighten.
“Let’s go somewhere private and finish this.”
Something flashes over Noah, but he blinks it away just as quickly as it came. He doesn’t say a word, but peeks down, adjusting my shorts so that all that needs to be hidden is, before moving over to the weights to get his shirt.
Chase still hasn’t spoken a word, but he’s looking directly at me, following my every step toward him as I lead Noah and me to the only door that leads in and out of this place, the one behind Chase.
Right as I’m about to pass, I stop, and Noah’s body nearly pumps into mine.
“You can have the place all to yourself now,” I say, and then I’m out the door, Noah right behind me. I slow my pace to walk in line with him, but he passes me and continues walking.
Suddenly, he stops, his chin lifting into the air before he whips around to face me. His expression is hard to read. It’s a mixture of anger and disappointment. Of sorrow.
Just like that, I feel two inches tall.
Humiliation burns over me and I can hardly meet his eye. I dart forward, my hand coming up to cover my mouth. “Oh my god, Noah. I—”
He goes to speak, but slams his mouth shut, shaking his head instead.
“I don’t know why I did that.” I run my hands over my hair. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I don’t …”
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m not vindictive, and I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially him.
But that, that was downright nasty.
Spiteful.
I’m disgusted.
Vomit threatens to rise in my throat, my shoulders slumping in defeat, and I look away, too ashamed to face him.
After a moment, Noah sighs. “Come here,” he says gently, trying to hide the hurt in his tone, but I hear it.
Sense it.
Feel it in my fucking bones.
Like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, I make my way to him, and he tucks my loose hairs behind my ear, his hand holding there a moment.
“Let’s get out of here, okay?” He pulls his keys from his bag. “It’s getting cold.”
Nodding, I follow him to his truck.
I feel like, no I am such a super bitch that I don’t even know what to say to him. There are no words to excuse what I just did.
The uncertainties he voiced less than two weeks ago are likely in the forefront of his mind, and I’m the one who put them there.
I used him to make Chase angry, and we both know it.
Time ticks slow, the tension in the air tightening by the second and making the car ride home an uncomfortable one.
As we arrive at my dorm, he pulls up in front of the entrance instead of parking like he always does.
A few seconds go by without a word, so with shaky palms, I climb out, forcing myself to close the door. I turn to face him, realizing his hands haven’t even left the steering wheel.
“Noah, I really am so sorry.”
“I know.” His voice is wounded, but the fresh cut bleeds only understanding. “I know.”
It’s more devastating than anger because it means he thinks there’s something to understand in the first place. There isn’t.
“But I need you to do something for me,” he whispers, his voice hoarse.
“Anything,” I swear, preparing my gut for what he has to say, and noting how his jaw clenches as if it pains him to do so.
“I need you to really stop and think. About everything. All of it.” He drops his frown to the seat, slowly bringing his eyes to mine. “I need you to think about him.”
Shock has ice spreading through my stomach, tightening my muscles to the point of pain.
“If you still love him at all,” he rasps. “If there’s even the smallest of chances for you and him, I need you to let me go.”
The air wooshes from my lungs in a quick hiss, my heart beating out of control. “Noah.”
“I need you to have mercy on me, Juliet… and let me go.”
Anguish peaks, my muscles convulsing as a sob threatens to tear through me.
Frantic, I fumble with the door handle, but Noah shakes his head, and I freeze, gripping the frame once more.
“Go inside, Juliet.” He faces forward, swallowing. “Please.”
It takes a moment, but I manage to let go. I stumble backward, breathless, breaking.
My vision begins to haze and I press along my temples, doing as he asks as he drives away.
I’m not sure how I managed to get up to my dorm, because I don’t remember getting the door open or stepping onto the elevator. I don’t remember going inside or Cameron coming out of her room.
I don’t remember falling to the floor, yet here I am, my best friend right beside me, stroking my hair. Her lips are moving, but I hear nothing, and then I see nothing, but goddamn it, I feel every.
Single.
Thing.
Chapter 34
Arianna
* * *
The sun brings with it the gloom of the night before, so I pull the blankets up over my head and bask in it. And that’s where I stay all day, as well as the one that follows, but by the time the third day rolls around, Cameron is climbing on top of my desk, yanking my curtains down. Literally.
She tosses them on the floor, kicking them under the bed, her hands falling to her hips. “Get up. Shower. I’m making you food.”
“I’m not hungry.” I flip onto my opposite side, staring at the wall.
She rips my blankets off, and I squeeze my eyes shut, rolling over onto my back.
“Girlfriend, I know everything sucks right now, but you can’t do this.”
My eyes move to hers and she offers a small smile. Stepping forward, she pats the mattress. “Get up, get fresh. Plug in your phone.”
I wince and her shoulders fall.
“You know he didn’t call,” she whispers. “He told you he needed a few days.”
Moisture pricks my eyes, and I nod. “I know.”
She snags my phone off my desk and walks over to set it on the charging station beside my bed. “Then you have nothing to be afraid of, sister. Now, up. Or I’ll pull out the big guns… and call Mason.”
Squeezing my arm, she smiles and walks out, so before I can talk myself out of it, I drag myself into the bathroom, locking myself inside.
Even though I spent the last two days in bed, I had no false hope of sleeping, and I didn’t. I laid awake most of the time, searching for words to say to Noah, but no matter how many versions of I’m sorry, please forgive me, I run through, none are enough. Not by a longshot.
Noah came into my life at a time when I needed a friend, and that’s exactly what he became. He was the one who inadvertently helped me through the bullshit I allowed myself to fall into after everything with Chase, so he saw how deep my feelings ran. How hard it was to let go and every other embarrassing moment I eagerly shared. Hell, Noah’s the one who helped me heal and I didn’t even know it happened until one day something changed. Suddenly, the man I lost sleep thinking about wasn’t the one it used to be.
I fell for Noah, and I fell hard.
If you asked me a few days ago if there was a pain point in our relationship, I’d have sworn no such thing existed. Now I realize how blind I’ve been. Him and me, we do have a sore spot.
Chase.
The thing is, only one of us felt it.
The never-ending unease.
The fear that at any moment the person you want might decide they want someone else.
I knew Chase would be in my life forever in one way or another. I knew this before and after we crossed the line, and Noah chose to accept that. He got to know me, grew to like me, and showed how much he wanted me, while well aware the one man from my past would be a constant in my future.
So, for me to do what I did and carelessly use a moment with Noah to show my anger for the man he feared losing me to was just… fucked up.
I fucked up and I can’t take it back.
I hurt a man I’d do anything for.
I’ve never been so foolish.
All I want to do is call him, rush to his house, and spill my regrets at his feet. I want to beg him for forgiveness.
But I won’t. Not yet.
He asked for time, so I’m trying to give it to him.
It’s the least I can do.
Unfortunately for me, when I make it back to my room, picking up my phone for the first time in days, the other person involved wants the opposite of space.
A string of messages waits for me, every one of them from Chase.
With a deep breath, I open them up, the first being from the night he walked in on us.
* * *
12:05am, Chase: What the hell was that?
* * *
12:15am, Chase: Why aren’t you answering?
* * *
12:25am, Chase: Whatever, Ari. Hope you’re having fun.
* * *
1:47am, Chase: Can we talk?
* * *
Angry tears prick my eyes and I growl.
I hate this.
Everything is wrong and I don’t know how to fix it, so I do the only thing I can and engross myself in my studies, determined to, at the very least, end the semester with the best grades I’m capable of, all the while wishing that each hour passing will be the hour Noah calls.
But he doesn’t and it’s killing me.
Noah
* * *
This is fucking killing me.
In the three days since I watched Ari disappear inside her dorm, it’s as if I forgot how to function in a world where she isn’t with me, because even when she wasn’t physically, she was always still there, in the back of my mind, in the front of my mind. She was all fucking over.
But with each day passing, it feels like she’s slipping away a little more.
A little further.
Before, if I wasn’t with her, I was counting down the minutes until I could be.
Now, I sit around watching the clock tick round with no end. The hand turns and turns, tightening my chest like a wrench, stripping me of my threads and leaving me a gutted mess that can’t be repaired.
Everyone knows that the only way to fix a fucked-up bolt is to rip it from the stud, and I’m feeling that. It’s as if my heart is being torn out, straight through my bruised ribs.
I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, asking her to think of him.
What if she did?
What if that’s it for us?
What if she becomes my greatest loss as I turn into her deepest regret?
What if my worst fears are the furthest thing from the fucking truth?
What if my baby is hurting, dying inside like me?
Slowly, and a little more each day?
Twice as hard each night?
What is she misses me, and all she wants is for my arms to wrap around her, for me to pull her in and tell it’s okay? That we’re okay, and that I love her with all I am and want her for all she is?
That right there is about enough to kill me.
The mere thought of being the reason behind her pain is too much for me.
I’m sick to my stomach, my muscles ache.
My head and my heart are at war, and I’m not sure either can win.
Because I did this.
I asked my girl to consider that maybe I’m not the one for her, knowing all the while, she is the only one for me.
I need my baby, and I can only fucking hope, she needs me just as much.
Chapter 35
Arianna
* * *
How five single days weigh like five years, I don’t know, but it does. Every minute is slow passing, every footstep in the hall of my dorm, triggering, my mind tricking myself that maybe, just maybe, it’s him on the other side. That his knuckles will come down with his knock and when I open the door, he’ll be standing there with a smile, but that never happens.
The anxiety alone made it too hard to stay home, so I’ve been hiding in the library, when not in class, and I forced myself to skip their game two nights ago, but as painful as it was, I did watch it on TV.
Mason’s pissed, I won’t tell him what’s goi
ng on.
Brady checks on me every night.
And Chase, he’s been calling and texting me twice a day, all of which have gone unanswered.
I don’t know why, but this morning, it all became too much. I woke with a heavy sense of desperation, of need, and I couldn’t help myself.
I called Noah when I knew he should have been free, but he didn’t pick up, so I sent him a message, hoping that would work.
He never responded.
Cameron said she’s seen him a time or two when visiting Trey, but he doesn’t stop to talk with anyone, simply going straight to his room. She has talked to Chase.
According to her, he’s resorted to coming over now that there’s no denying, I’m ignoring him. Supposedly, he stopped by twice this week already, both times when I was out, thank god.
With how determined he seems to be to try and reach me, I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid him, a fact that rings true when I round the corner of the library, where I’ve been hiding myself most days, and there Chase sits not fifteen yards away.
I freeze in place, a million thoughts running through my mind, the loudest of which telling me to make a run for it, but my feet don’t move.
Maybe it’s time to let him say what’s on his mind. To have a real conversation, like we should have done so long ago. The problem is, I wasn’t ready for it then, and to be honest, I don’t think he was either.
Over the last few days, I’ve thought a lot about Chase, more than I care to admit, but it was what Noah asked of me, and I realized quickly how necessary it was.
I had blocked out everything, the pain that came with the mention of his name alone was too much at the time and it caused everything to become muddled. I put him in a box and pushed it away.
I needed to remember, to revisit every moment with Chase to realize where we went wrong… and where we felt right. My memories reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. Alone with my thoughts, I cried and laughed, and then I realized…
I missed him.
Say You Swear Page 32