This Wandering Heart

by Janine Rosche

  “Of course.” Sitting in his nightstand’s drawer, to be exact.

  “Good, you can have matching father-daughter ones. It’ll be cute.” Her plastered smile ate through his skin like acid.

  “Why are you giving that back to me now?”

  “I’m trying to start fresh. Let go of the past.”

  “I don’t want it.”

  “Neither do I.” She set the bracelet on the countertop, then stepped back, placing her hands on her hips. To which, Robbie opened the closest drawer and dropped the bracelet into it. Keira’s eyes popped open. She was mad. And he loved it. His cackle echoed off the back wall and came back to him. As far as he knew, he was the only one that had ever gotten Keira to show genuine emotion.

  “You’re stubborn as ever,” she said.

  “I know you are but what am I?”

  “Immature. Childish. Nerve-racking . . .”

  “What about obnoxious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Rotten?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Breathtakingly handsome?”

  Her cheek twitched. “Not at all.”

  “Really? Remember that part in Song of Solomon? Where she calls him a young stag? That’s totally me.”

  “The only animal I’d compare you to is a gorilla. One of the smelly ones.”

  “Wouldn’t you know? Gorilla is my middle name.”

  “No, it’s Charles.”

  He swung his arm and snapped his fingers. “Can’t pull anything over on you. You know me better than anyone.”

  Muffled voices down the hall stole Keira’s attention for a few seconds, giving Robbie the chance to take in the sight of her profile. Still pretty, but her freckles—the ones she’d gained when she’d finally had the freedom to leave the confines of her home and school—were gone, likely covered by the overabundance of makeup she now wore. Man, how he missed those. When the voices faded, she buried her focus back into her box of desk supplies. She paused. “I have something for Anabelle, too.”

  When she withdrew her hand, it held a green-and-white stuffed turtle. As if she was gazing into its eyes, she stared hard at it, her thumb caressing its cheek. “I bought this for her the day after she was born. I don’t know when I was planning on giving it to her. I know she’s too old for it now, but—”

  “She’s not too old.” He touched the stuffed animal’s back. It was as soft as the first wisps of hair on Anabelle’s infant crown. He suddenly had the mind to hold it against his chest, drift his lips over it back and forth, and hum Tom Petty’s “Here Comes My Girl.” Before he realized it, his thumb was caressing Keira’s.

  Keira tilted her chin to look up at him. Suddenly, kissing her again didn’t seem so terrible. It seemed . . . possible.

  “Can I have it?” Anabelle squeezed between them, reaching her hand up to the turtle.

  “You sure can, Kitty Kat. Can you tell Keira ‘thank you’?” Robbie asked.

  Anabelle shook the turtle, sparking a rattling sound. Her mouth opened in a giant smile. She hugged Keira’s hips.

  A slight quiver wrinkled Keira’s chin. “I need to go now.” After threading her fingers through the curls one last time, Keira attempted to pull Anabelle off her. When that didn’t work, she looked to Robbie, eyes pleading.

  “Come here, Annie,” he said, lifting her up onto his hip. He stepped back, all the way to the dry-erase board.

  Keira slid her arms around the cardboard box. Peering in, she cocked her head to the side. Somewhat frantically, she rummaged through it. Her lips moved in silent questions.

  “Everything okay?”

  Keira closed her eyes. A few moments later, she exhaled shakily and lifted her lids. “I’m fine. I think I forgot something back in my classroom. Have a, um, great summer, or you know, until I see you again. Bye, Robbie.”

  Tell her.

  He opened his mouth. How he’d say it, he wasn’t sure. But he knew he needed to. “Keir—”

  “Daddy, can Keira come to the beach with us?”

  Robbie kneeled down by Anabelle. He looked back at the place where Keira had stood. She’d already gone. “No, baby, she can’t come with us. She’s got dreams of her own.”

  * * *

  * * *

  Keira opened the bottom drawer of her desk for the fifth time. Empty. As her throat began to tighten, she shoved the drawer closed. She stood up tall, resting her hands on top of her head. Breathe in. Breathe out. It’s here somewhere.

  “Still no luck?” John asked from the doorway. “I didn’t see it in the hallway or my office. I hate to say it, but if your road atlas was here, we would’ve found it by now. Are you sure you had it with you today?”

  “I had it, John. I was planning to add notes at lunch, but I had to help Gillian—”

  “Then that’s it. I bet you left it at home. You’re just now noticing.”

  “I brought it with me to school. I’m sure of it.” Keira gave in to the headache pulsing behind her brow and closed her eyes.

  “Can we pick up a new one at the airport tonight?” John asked. “That one was outdated anyway.”

  Keira slid her hands down over her eyes and nose. So many memories . . . lost. She’d had it in the box with all her remaining classroom supplies and Anabelle’s turtle.

  John wrenched her hands away from her face. Like a good boyfriend, he pulled her against him, but a hug couldn’t soothe the panic rising up her spine. “You said you stopped in the teachers’ lounge to talk to the kid. You don’t think . . . ?”

  “What?” Keira stepped back from the embrace. “Do I think what?”

  John buttoned his lips and exhaled through flared nostrils. He peered down his nose at her in that way she despised. When had he adopted her father’s mannerisms? “You don’t think Matthews would have taken it, do you?”

  A vile taste varnished Keira’s tongue. Robbie wouldn’t. Not the Robbie she used to know. Then again, if she’d learned anything about Robbie since their breakup, it was that she hadn’t known him as well as she thought.

  * * *

  * * *

  By the time Anabelle’s tummy was rumbling, Robbie had finished loading up all the supplies in his truck. He had only one final bag of trash to toss. Anabelle, perched on his shoulders, bounced the turtle atop Robbie’s head as he walked around the back of the school.

  A figure caught Robbie’s eye. John Garfield stood in front of the dumpster. The object in his hand, whatever it was, earned itself a long glare and a headshake by the principal.

  Robbie stepped back behind the brick face and lowered Anabelle down to the blacktop. “I think your turtle is sleeping,” he whispered. “Let’s be super quiet, okay?”

  She nodded, cradling the toy in her arms.

  Curiosity needled him until he peered around the wall. The blue trash receptacle was marked with rust and who knows what other gunk. John flung open the lid until it paused its arc, perpendicular to the ground. John heaved the object he’d been holding into the bin. He grabbed hold of the receptacle’s edge and peered over. John’s eyes, which had always appeared to hold kindness and a bit of admiration for Robbie during their talks about the remodel, now darted around. Robbie ducked behind the wall.

  Clang! A curse sliced the air. And not one of those mild ones, either. The kind that kicked a movie’s rating up to R.

  Robbie’s attention fell to Anabelle. She didn’t seem to hear the word. Instead, she kept humming to her turtle. As Robbie looked back to the dumpster, John yanked his hand out from between the bin’s lip and lid. He examined the fingers, shook them out, then scanned the area as if checking one more time for witnesses to whatever misdeed he’d done.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Whoa. Back up. Explain who this chick is again. Kat Wandering?” Ryann stole a drink of Robbie’s soda. Ollie’s Bar and Restaurant was packed thi
s Friday night. He’d known his sister would show up to meet friends. Maybe that was why he’d suggested the place to Hallie, even if she did work there. He could use Ryann’s advice.

  Robbie blew out a hot breath. “She’s a travel blogger and photojournalist. Kat Wanderfull is her username on Momentso.”

  “A what on the what?” Ryann quirked an ear to him. Like most of the folks in this town, his sister had no use for social media, smartphones, and the tech world as a whole.

  “Momentso’s a social media app. Try to keep up.”

  “Believe me, I’m trying. So you have a secret online girlfriend with a gazillion followers who just so happens to share the same nickname with the love of your life, and you only put the two together now?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “And you caught Keira’s lame-o soon-to-be-fiancé throwing out her most prized possession like some Disney villain?”

  “Yep.”

  “So, after doing a classy dumpster dive, you now have the road atlas you gave her years ago, which conveniently has a travel itinerary and her lodging for this weekend pinned to the front cover?” Ryann took a big breath.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “By returning it to Keira, you’d look like a regular Captain America.”

  “Debatable.”

  “But you’re here on a date with another woman.”

  “Bingo.”

  “Why were you on Momentso anyway? You hate social media.”

  “About a year ago, I reached out to my buddy who owns a custom home-building business in Helena for some ideas on the mantel in my cabin. He told me about some of his new designs on this app. So, I chose some lame username and started checking out his work.”

  “Go on.”

  “One of the trending pictures was by this travel blogger named Kat Wanderfull. The name—Kat—made me think of Keira, so I clicked on her profile.” Robbie used a napkin to wipe his sister’s lipstick from the rim of his soda glass then took a couple of gulps. “Call me desperate, but her pictures kind of mesmerized me. Sucked me in.”

  “When did the private messaging start?” His sister was relentless.

  What was taking Hallie so long anyway? He’d never been in the women’s bathroom at Ollie’s, but if it was anything like the men’s, you wouldn’t spend any more time than necessary in it. “A couple of months ago, she posted a Bible verse. We kind of started talking then. Nothing personal or anything. It’s innocent.”

  Hallie appeared next to him. “What’s innocent?” She draped an arm over Robbie’s shoulder, and he felt his muscles turn rigid at her touch. She withdrew her hand, wading through the awkwardness to her spot around the small table.

  Robbie gripped the seat of his stool. “What took you so long?”

  “Ew,” Ryann said, with a puckered expression. “Don’t ask a girl why she was in the bathroom for a long time.”

  With a wave of her hand, Hallie giggled. “It’s fine. Both dispensers were out of soap. I know tonight’s my night off, but I couldn’t help myself. Dirty hands gross me out.”

  The jukebox blared a Garth Brooks tune, and someone in the larger-than-normal crowd sang along, never quite finding the right note. Robbie searched his mind for anything he could say. He and Hallie had covered all their common interests in the twenty-minute drive over here. Even then, his mind was a mess. When she told him she was from Phoenix, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. All he knew about Arizona was the way the sun had turned Kat Wanderfull’s hair to pure gold when she’d posted from there. When Hallie told him she’d gone to school in Portland, he could only think of how he’d kissed Keira at Salt & Straw over ice cream on that spring break trip. Her lips had tasted like snickerdoodle, forever changing his appreciation of cinnamon. But Hallie didn’t want to hear that.

  What was wrong with him? Hallie was beautiful. And man, did she have a great smile. One that he didn’t have to work too hard to see. Yet, he’d felt nothing.

  Ryann nudged Robbie. “Why don’t you come sit with my friends and me? So far, Thomas is the only one here. Nick and Jessi are on their way,” Ryann said.

  Hallie, who had been staring into her drink, perked up. “Thomas? I don’t think I’ve met him.”

  That’s one way out of this. Robbie grabbed his glass and extended his other elbow to Hallie. She accepted. “Thomas is the safety director at the River Canyon Dam. He’s been my best friend since we were kids. For the life of me, I don’t know why he isn’t married. He’s the kind of guy you can always depend on, you know? Plus, he has a reputation for being a hero around these parts.” Robbie took a peek at Hallie. Was this as obvious of a sales pitch as it seemed?

  “Is that him?”

  He followed Hallie’s gaze to the man sitting alone at the end of a long table. “Yep. That’s Thomas.” She didn’t respond. But he thought he heard her emit a noise from her throat—the same noise Keira used to make when Robbie would kiss her good night.

  Robbie nudged Hallie forward. “Thomas, this is Hallie.”

  Thomas stood. “I’m honored, ma’am.”

  “Ma’am? I’m only twenty-four. Call me Hallie.” Their handshake looked less formal and more third date.

  This may be easier than he thought. Robbie pulled out the chair between his and Thomas’s, which Hallie quickly accepted. Ryann took the seat at the head of the table, next to Robbie.

  Before the waiter finished taking their order, Hallie and Thomas were already knee-deep in family backgrounds. The two conversed easily. The way Robbie and Keira spoke in the past. The way he and Kat spoke in their messages.

  Forty-five long minutes later, Robbie’s thoughts raced faster than ever.

  Nick, another friend who’d shown up with his girlfriend, Jessi, took a bite of a quesadilla. They’d moved to town a year ago to run her uncle’s souvenir shop on Canyon Street. “I heard you . . . and Anabelle . . . are taking off on a trip,” he said between chews.

  “Yeah, we are. I wanted to take her to California. Maybe that Royal Village theme park. You know how she’s crazy about Princess Patty Cake? I think she’ll love it.”

  “When are you leaving?” Jessi asked.

  “Tomorrow.” A piercing giggle yanked Robbie’s attention toward Hallie. Apparently, she thought Thomas was hilarious. Did she touch Thomas’s hair? Yep, the girl was in love. Or at least serious like. And definitely not with Robbie, thank goodness.

  “So . . . what’s the plan, brother?” Ryann whispered. “Since your date is tanking, are you going to take that atlas back to Keira?”

  “Head to South Dakota instead of taking my daughter to meet her favorite princess? Sounds brilliant.” Robbie tilted back his glass.

  “Robbie, California will be there all summer.”

  The first few chords of an old Tim McGraw song played. Wes Crenshaw, a local mechanic, beat all the other guys in Ollie’s to Ryann’s side. “Care to dance?”

  “I’d love to. Give me one sec,” she said. Her cold hand on the back of Robbie’s neck made him jump. “We weren’t raised to be cowards. You need to do this.”

  “Ry, I don’t need her in my life.”

  “But what if she needs you in hers?” She tousled his hair, then allowed Wes to lead her to the dance floor, joining a half dozen other couples in a two-step.

  Hallie sighed.

  Why had he thought this date was a good idea again? “Hallie—”

  “Robbie, can I talk to you? Alone?” she asked.

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Hallie grasped his hand and led him away from the table. She took a deep breath. “Um, you’re a really nice guy. And, like, gorgeous.”

  “But you want to get to know Thomas better?”

  “Kinda.” She bit her lip. “No hard feelings?”

  “No way. Thomas is a good guy.” Robbie pulled her into a side hug. “Wa
it here.” He made his way back to his friend. When he got there, Robbie wrenched his face into something that was meant to be a scowl and pounded a fist on the table. “How dare you!”

  Nope. Couldn’t keep a straight face to save his life as Thomas shrunk back.

  Robbie palmed Thomas’s shoulder. “Kidding. Hallie likes you, man. Go dance with her.”

  “What?” Thomas’s eyes met Hallie’s.

  She gestured for Thomas to join her on the dance floor.

  Robbie checked the time on his phone. Just after eight. “Drive her home, okay? I have something I need to do.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  In the hotel room mirror, a thick swath of mauve lipstick spread across Keira’s bottom lip. The simple movement took effort since her arms felt as if someone had filled them with sand as she slept. The word slept, of course, was figurative. Rolled would be more appropriate. Neither her right side or her left side was comfortable. When she faced the wall, she felt the lumpiness of her final message with MRCustom beneath her shoulder. A turn to the window shot an ache from her stomach down her legs, where Anabelle had clung before that goodbye yesterday evening. It was as if the distance between Rapid City, South Dakota, and West Yellowstone, Montana, was nothing at all.

  Lying on her back only left her vulnerable to the plain white ceiling, which was exactly what she felt like. How could something like a road atlas, when lost, scrape her very soul raw like that? But, honestly, who was she without it?

  A knock on the door jolted her hand.

  She dropped the tube of lipstick into the sink. After putting the lid back on, she set it in her makeup bag, then dragged the zipper until all her makeup—her paint—was secure inside. She’d need this later for the photo shoot. One last glance in the mirror assured her she’d done enough to cover the circles under her eyes and the blemishes in her skin. Today was a big day, and she needed to look perfect. At long last, her followers would see Kat Wanderfull’s face.

  In the room’s entryway, her hand grasped the handle as a second knock clicked against the door. But not this door. The one to the adjoining room.