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Former child music prodigy Lily Croft spends most days in her home office crunching numbers and analyzing data as an actuary. Once she filled concert halls across the world, until the pressure got to be too much and forced her retreat. When her boss hands her a temporary assignment, Lily has to leave the safety of working from home to work with people at an office. She keeps her head down and stays focused, but one night on her way to the train station, she hears music wafting from The Leading Note and the life and feelings she suppressed for over a decade bubble up to the surface.
Lily is inexplicably drawn to Hope D’Marco, Leading Note’s gorgeous and brilliant founder. But falling for Hope and re-exploring her passion for music force Lily to face her past. Will she go back into hiding, or have the courage to confront the consequences of her past and present colliding?
Praise for Kris Bryant
Against All Odds
“This story tugged at my heartstrings, and it hit all the right notes for me because these wonderful authors allowed me to peep into the hearts and minds of the characters. The vivid descriptions of Peyton, Tory, and the perpetrator’s personalities allowed me to have a deeper understanding of what makes them tick, and I was able to form a clear picture of them in my mind.”—The Lesbian Review
“Against All Odds is equal parts thriller and romance; the balance between action and love, fast and slow pace makes this novel a very entertaining read.”—Lez Review Books
Lammy Finalist Jolt
Jolt “is a magnificent love story. Two women hurt by their previous lovers and each in their own way trying to make sense out of life and times. When they meet at a gay- and lesbian-friendly summer camp, they both feel as if lightning has struck. This is so beautifully involving, I have already reread it twice. Amazing!”—Rainbow Book Reviews
Breakthrough
“Looking for a fun and funny light read with hella cute animal antics and a smoking hot butch ranger? Look no further…In this well-written first-person narrative, Kris Bryant’s characters are well developed, and their push/pull romance hits all the right beats, making it a delightful read just in time for beach reading.”—Writing While Distracted
“[A]n exceptional book that has a few twists and turns that catch you out and make you wish the book would never end. I was captivated from the beginning and can’t wait to see how Bryant will top this.”—Les Rêveur
“It’s hilariously funny, romantic, and oh so sexy…But it is the romance between Kennedy and Brynn that stole my heart. The passion and emotion in the love scenes surpassed anything Kris Bryant has written before. I loved it.”—Kitty Kat’s Book Review Blog
“Kris Bryant has written several enjoyable contemporary romances, and Breakthrough is no exception. It’s interesting and clearly well-researched, giving us information about Alaska and issues like poaching and conservation in a way that’s engaging and never comes across as an info dump. She also delivers her best character work to date, going deeper with Kennedy and Brynn than we’ve seen in previous stories. If you’re a fan of Kris Bryant, you won’t want to miss this book, and if you’re a fan of romance in general, you’ll want to pick it up, too.”—Lambda Literary
Forget Me Not
“Told in the first person, from Grace’s point of view, we are privy to Grace’s inner musings and her vulnerabilities…Bryant crafts clever wording to infuse Grace with a sharp-witted personality, which clearly covers her insecurities…This story is filled with loving familial interactions, caring friends, romantic interludes, and tantalizing sex scenes. The dialogue, both among the characters and within Grace’s head, is refreshing, original, and sometimes comical. Forget Me Not is a fresh perspective on a romantic theme, and an entertaining read.”—Lambda Literary Review
Kris Bryant “has a way of giving insight into the other main protagonist by using a few clever techniques and involving the secondary characters to add back-stories and extra pieces of important information. The pace of the book was excellent, it was never rushed but I was never bored or waiting for a chapter to finish…this epilogue made my heart swell to the point I almost lunged off the sofa to do a happy dance.”—Les Rêveur
“[I]t just hits the right note all the way…[A] very good read if you are looking for a sweet romance.”—Lez Review Books
Whirlwind Romance
“Ms. Bryant’s descriptions were written with such passion and colorful detail that you could feel the tension and the excitement along with the characters.”—Inked Rainbow Reviews
Taste
“Taste is a student/teacher romance set in a culinary school. If the premise makes you wonder whether this book will make you want to eat something tasty, the answer is: yes.”—The Lesbian Review
Touch
“The sexual chemistry in this book is off the hook. Kris Bryant writes my favorite sex scenes in lesbian romantic fiction.”—Les Rêveur
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eBooks from Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
http://www.boldstrokesbooks.com
eBooks are not transferable. They cannot be sold, shared or given away as it is an infringement on the copyright of this work.
Please respect the rights of the author and do not file share.
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© 2019 By Kris Bryant. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN 13:978-1-63555-319-2
This Electronic Book is published by
Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 249
Valley Falls, NY 12185
First Edition: February 2019
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
Credits
Editor: Ashley Tillman
Production Design: Stacia Seaman
Cover Concept by Deb B.
Cover Design by Sheri (hindsightgraphics@gmail.com) and Kris Bryant
By the Author
Jolt
Whirlwind Romance
Just Say Yes: The Proposal
Taste
Forget Me Not
Touch
Breakthrough
Shameless
(writing as Brit Ryder)
Against All Odds
(with Maggie Cummings and M. Ullrich)
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Acknowledgments
Always and forever, a big thank you to Radclyffe and Sandy for giving me the go-ahead on my books. I love being a part of the Bold Strokes Books family, I really do.
Thank you, Ashley, for talking me through the rough stuff and ensuring that my words flow and tell the story the way I meant to, not the way I actually wrote it.
A heartfelt thank you to Deb for reviewing the music and descriptions in this book. I can’t read music, and sometimes the words fail me when I’m trying to describe something. Thank you for your patience in figuring out what I was saying and helping me through this process. Also, I wanted a simple and strong cover, and you came up with exactly what I wanted in thirty seconds. You’re fantastic and I couldn’t have done this without you.
When we are little, we dream big. I always wanted to be a writer. A lot of people wanted to be rock stars or play in symphonies. Most of my friends were in band or took private music lessons, and I was always curious who would make it big. Here’s to all of those young musicians who wanted to be up on stage, but somehow, life headed them down a different path. Music touches all of us. It lifts us up, it brings us down, it fills us with great joy and affects many of us deeper than almost anything else. Music helps me survive.
It calms me faster than any other exercise I can do to handle my anxiety. I count it, I tap to it, I even lose myself in the meaning of the words. I hope everyone who suffers with anxiety has a coping mechanism that is as perfect for them as music is for me.
This book is dedicated to everyone who suffers from and soldiers through anxiety.
You aren’t alone and you should never feel that way.
Chapter One
The nightmares followed me everywhere and never faded in intensity. Thirteen years going strong and still a surprise. I would go months without a single dream and the minute anything in my routine changed, bam. A visit from my past. Last night’s was horrific. I was back onstage at the Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts in front of a sold-out crowd of thousands dressed in their finery. I wore a black velvet dress that brushed past my knees and clung to my thin waist with a white sash that tied in back. My hair was styled up and made me seem older than fourteen. My velvet flats matched my dress and were soundless when I walked out to welcoming applause. For most musicians, that was the sound of success. For me, it was my ultimate terror. I knew I would fail before I placed a single finger on the perfectly weighted keys. I couldn’t move. I felt a resounding shift take place in my brain as my whole life changed. I shattered inside. Every single part of me broke that day.
My ill-timed nightmare pushed me out of sleep I desperately needed. I looked at the clock. Three fifteen. I stared up at the ceiling and knew my shot at falling back to sleep was gone. I should just get the day started. Clio jumped up on the bed and meowed at me. I knew he felt my anxiety. For an alley cat with a chewed-up ear and a limp, he was great at reading my moods. When he found me two years ago, he looked like I felt most days—beat up and dragging through life. I couldn’t help but bond with him. We were soul mates. We understood each other. I stroked his soft fur and felt his sweet purrs rumble against my chest. It calmed me.
“What do you think, buddy? Too early to get going? Will I look like a freak if I show up two hours early?” I nodded. I swore he nodded back. “Let’s at least get up and eat something. I’ll have coffee and you can have milk.”
Clio had a stomach of steel after a life out on the streets. He could and would eat anything. Milk did not bother him. He preferred Baileys, but I figured that danced on the borderline of animal abuse, so he was only allowed a lick of it on holidays. I poured him a saucer of two percent and placed it next to his untouched kibble. He liked it when I added wet food to the dry. I grabbed a can and scraped the contents into his bowl.
“My turn.” I decided on oatmeal and a cup of coffee. Today was a big day. I’d been assigned a two-month project with a sister company of ours on the other side of town. I normally worked from home four days a week. The fifth day was in the office of Banks Corporation, and it was always a struggle for me to be social. Starting today, though, I was to analyze data for the next eight weeks with people I didn’t know. The extra incentive pay was fantastic, but I communicated better with plants and animals. That was why my job was perfect. Plus, I got to watch Jeopardy in my pajamas and do math problems during commercials. I was living my ideal life. Or at least the life I chose for myself.
“Should I wear the gray or the black suit?” My eyes traveled over both, back and forth, until they landed and stayed on the black. Clio yawned at my choice. I looked at him. “I’ll wear the blue blouse with it.” The blue was a good choice because it was the same color as my eyes. Dark, sapphire blue. I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, and carefully styled it. Even procrastinating as much as I had, I was still going to be early. I figured I could at least check out the area and find the best places for lunch and coffee. An insurance company with the entire loft of a building in Lincoln Park was going to have a lot of options. And a lot of people.
I piled on the antiperspirant and prayed I wouldn’t sweat through my blouse, or worse, my suit jacket. Five forty-five. I could catch the early train in and be there by seven. That would give me time to get my bearings, figure out where I needed to be, and find Darren Hoyt, my point of contact for the project. I pictured a sixty-year-old man with wisps of graying hair poking out of a shiny balding head, and a mustache that hung too far over his lip. Glasses, too. Readers that he constantly searched for before finding them tucked in his shirt pocket or perched on his forehead. My imagination was getting the best of me. Submerging myself in people again was probably the best thing for me. It had been a while. “Behave, Clio. Don’t tell me the final Jeopardy answer.” I kissed his nose and left my apartment.
The L station was two blocks away. I had to slow my steps because I felt I was nearly jogging. The sun was just peeking through the buildings. I had high hopes for today. A long time ago, my therapist gave me a list of ten things to do when life got too overwhelming. I’d reached number seven by the time I found a seat on the train. It was going to be okay, I repeated internally. I tucked my legs under the bench and pretended to read on my phone while avoiding all polite good morning nods and blatant stares. Most of the commuters kept to themselves, for which I was thankful. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds around me. The city waking up was musical. The repetition of the clicking of the train on the rail joints was the percussion. Outside, the crescendo of the traffic punctuated by horns and honks invigorated me as we chugged by. The high and low voices in the train created a rumbling that made me smile. It was the melody of the commuter morning.
Since my route was different, the sounds were new and washed over me like a concert I was hearing for the first time. The announcer’s reveille snapped me out of my trance. I stood up and grabbed the bar until the train swayed to a stop and the doors opened. I waited for the mad dash of people to push past me before I exited the car. I walked down the platform and dove into the throngs of people on the sidewalk scurrying to work. There was plenty of time to cover the three blocks to my destination, so I scouted the area and found a coffee shop across the street, a bakery down the block, two sandwich places, and a pizza joint. I still had a block to go. I already knew I would have to step up my workout routine just to keep the calories off. Deep-dish cheese pizza and chocolate chip cookies were my downfall. Thankfully, there weren’t any doughnut shops nearby.
Thirty minutes early, I pushed through the doors and checked in. One of the security guards escorted me up to Banks & Tyler. He tipped his hat at me after he deposited me at their door. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or insulted. Was the escort normal? I opened the glass door to an empty reception area. Nobody was at the front desk, so I found a chair and a week-old magazine and waited.
“You must be Lily Croft. Hi, I’m Amanda.” A woman a few years younger than me slipped into the receptionist area quickly, quietly put her purse in her drawer, and booted up her computer. “I will be with you as soon as I send out a quick email.”
I nodded when she looked at me for confirmation.
She was attractive with short black hair, dark eyes, and a curvy body. I wished I had some of her curves. Being a size six was nice, but at five foot eight, that meant my curves were almost nonexistent. Any weight I gained went straight to my thighs and not where I wanted it to go. I was destined to look like a string bean the rest of my life. Amanda’s lipstick was bright red and I wondered how she kept it from sticking to her teeth. I was constantly playing with my lips, especially when concentrating on a problem. If I wore lipstick, it would be smeared all over my face by the end of the day.
“Come on. I’ll show you to your office and around the place so you know where to find everything.”
I nodded at her and looked down at the floor when I followed her. It was hard to miss her shapely calves and thin ankles. Her legs were attractive and she wasn’t afraid to show them off. Her tight skirt sat about two inches above her knee. Still fashionable and professional, but it flirted dangerously with impropriety. We headed to the other side of the office, stopping briefly here and there to introduce me to the people who were already working at their desks. I started my anxiety lis
t over. I knew that I would remember everybody’s name; I just didn’t want to meet them. After eight introductions, suffering through a tour of a small kitchen with two coffee counters, and Amanda’s fine Vanna White arm swooping reveal of three vending machines tucked in the corner of the kitchen, we finally reached my office. “Mr. Hoyt gets in about eight thirty, so I’ll just let you read about our company. Our home page is up on the computer.” She jotted down my password to get into my email and smiled at me on her way out the door.
“Thanks for your hospitality, Amanda.” My voice was soft, so she cocked her ear toward me to hear better. When she realized I wasn’t going to say anything else, she nodded and left. I exhaled deeply. That wasn’t so bad. I cleared my throat a few times in case anybody else decided to make a guest appearance. I wanted my voice to be firm and audible. I looked at the sparsely decorated office and decided it would do. Nothing distracting. The view out of the windows wasn’t going to be a problem either. They were blocked by other buildings. Unfortunately, that just meant the people in those buildings could see in.
I casually scrolled through the website even though I already knew everything about the company. After I was done sulking when my boss gave me this assignment, I studied the company. Its 2009 inception was slow and steady, but recently the company had boomed and they were experiencing growing pains. Too much, too fast. My job as an actuary was to solve their business problems and evaluate risks to the company. My specialty was corporate finance, but I was good at risk management. Math was a sure thing. It never lied or cared. It just told the truth, regardless of emotions. With my head down, my brain on overdrive, and zero breaks, I received my mathematics degree from Princeton in three and a half years. As long as I kept my mind working, I didn’t think about my life before college. I had the same passion as before, only with a different outlet. A safer one.