by M J Hardy
He shakes his head. “No, I want to forget that night ever happened. I don’t want to think about that man and what he did and I don’t ever want to see – that again.”
He throws it to the floor and stamps on it hard and I watch it shatter under his shoe and stare in disbelief.
Then he pushes away from the table and grabs his keys. “I’m going out. I’m sorry, I need to be on my own.”
I run after him but he’s too fast. As I watch the taillights disappear from view, the tears stream down my face. I should have known not to raise a bad memory. He’s come so far and now I’ve set him back.
I head back inside and try to pick up the pieces of the watch like I did my husband after that fateful night. Even now he won’t talk about what really happened to him but I know he took a terrible beating and for a proud man that was a lot to deal with.
I remember the sleepless nights and the nightmares. His bruises and cuts healed but his mind took a lot longer. The man he became, dare I say it, was a huge improvement on the one that had left that morning. It almost made him re-evaluate his life, and he became the man I married all those years ago.
We didn’t have sex for at least three months after the attack. He couldn’t bear me to touch him and told me he didn’t deserve me. He slept in the spare room and we were more like friends than husband and wife. I think the counselling helped as he began to relax more and pushed what happened in the past where I should have left it. Now I only have myself to blame for what’s happened by dredging up the past and confronting him with something I should have known he knew nothing about.
In my heart, I really believe that because if that was Tom in Isabel’s bed, then I’m the Queen of England.
Tom doesn’t return for another two hours. While I wait, I drink endless cups of tea and sit watching the clock on the wall anxiously. When the door slams, I jump to my feet and nervously walk to the hallway and Tom looks at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry, darling.”
The relief hits me hard as I walk into his open arms and cling to him.
“Don’t be sorry, I’m the one who should have known not to raise a subject neither of us is in a position to deal with.”
He strokes my hair and takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with the scent of my hair.
“Hmm, I always love the smell of you, Karen. Never change what products you use.”
Pulling back, I look at him with surprise as I see the lust in his eyes. My breath hitches as I see something that hasn’t been there for many years. Desperation, a longing and a sense of ownership that makes me weak at the knees.
Tom groans and pushes me hard against the wall. He bunches my skirt around my waist and leans into me, kissing my mouth before moving down to my neck and biting it hard. I reach across and pull his trousers down like a woman possessed, just desperate to feel him inside me and prove that nothing can come between us.
Tom takes me right here in the hallway, against the wall with my legs wrapped around his waist. It’s hot, dirty and sexy and unlike anything we normally do. As he thrusts inside, it’s as if we are two desperate animals mating in the wild. No loving whispers, no gentle touches, just raw sex that’s over in a matter of minutes.
We gasp for air as we slump against the wall, both of us a little shocked at the sheer brutality of what just happened. Then Tom pulls back and smiles apologetically.
“I’m sorry, darling. I don’t know what came over me but fuck me, that was the best sex I’ve had in years.”
For some reason, we both burst out laughing and something shifts between us. What happened earlier with the watch is forgotten as we file it away with the memory the night Tom was attacked. The important thing is that we moved on and I make a vow not to allow it back into our lives.
All that matters now is the future and if – a big if - Tom was cheating on me with Isabel, he isn’t now and that’s all that matters.
11
When Tina drops Jamie off the next morning, I see large black shadows under her eyes. She smiles but I don’t miss the sadness in her and say quickly to the boys. “Jump in the car, I won’t be a minute.”
As soon as the door is closed, I steer her away from the car and say in a whisper, “What’s happened, you look dreadful?”
She shakes her head. “Is it that obvious?”
I nod and her eyes fill with tears. “It’s awful, Karen. Ever since the doctor told me I couldn’t have any more children; I can’t seem to accept it. It’s consuming me. I find myself looking at pictures of Jamie as a baby and just crying at the memories. I research alternative ways of conceiving all the time and look at operations that may make things change. Harry is getting angry and we’ve had terrible arguments. He has even taken to sleeping in the spare room and to be honest that hurts the most. The one time I need him to hold me and reassure me that everything will be ok, he won’t.”
“Maybe he’s hurting too. Maybe he can’t deal with it, after all, you said he wanted another child too. This must be hard for him to come to terms with.”
She nods sadly. “That’s how selfish I’ve become. I can only think of one thing. I just want a baby, Karen; why is that such a bad thing? I’m grieving for the child I will never have and I can’t move past it.”
Reaching out, I hug her gently and whisper, “Why don’t you both come over this evening for supper? It may help lighten the situation and an evening out will take away the pressure a little.”
She smiles gratefully. “You’re a good friend, do you know that?”
As I look at my watch, she says quickly, “What happened last night, with the watch? Sorry, I’m so wrapped up in my own problems I forgot to ask.”
Shrugging, I paper over the cracks as usual. “It was the one that was stolen. We think Isabel’s fiancé may either be the one who mugged Tom or bought it from him. To be honest, Tina, it’s in the past for both of us now. Tom doesn’t want any reminders of that night and neither do I.”
She looks worried. “But what if it was… you know… an affair?”
“If it was, it’s long since over. I have to accept that I may never know if Tom really was Eddie, but that night changed him and he is now the devoted loving husband I married all those years ago. It’s not worth the grief involved dredging up the past and for all our sakes, I’m locking it away and getting on with my life.”
She nods in agreement. “You know, I think you’re right honey. Sometimes things happen that make everything that came before it meaningless. I think I’d do the same in your shoes. I feel sorry for Isabel though; it doesn’t look as if she’ll ever know what happened to her fiancé.”
At the mention of Isabel, I feel a prickle of guilt and then push it away.
“I can’t put her before my family, Tina and she will just have to find her own way. Taking this job was the first step and maybe in time she will meet someone else and settle down, putting this sorry business behind her. From what she told me it all sounded dodgy, anyway. What man won’t allow his photo to be taken and only sees his fianceé one night a week? Who lives in a flat with no possessions and no family to speak of? A cheating man that’s for sure. A man who sets up an online dating profile with one aim in mind. To cheat. Whether that’s on a wife back at home or several women at the same time. Who knows, this Eddie may have several other Isabel’s on the go at the same time? That may not even be his name and if Eddie was Tom, then he isn’t now because Tom has proven over and over again that he’s mine.”
Tina smiles happily and looks towards the car. “You know, I think you’re right. Put it all to bed and move on. Maybe I should take my own advice and it starts tonight. I need to repair my own relationship with Harry first before trying to bring another life into our family because if I keep on going the way I am, we won’t be a family for much longer.”
We head our separate ways and I think about what Tina said. Yes, sometimes we need to bury the past to move on. We may not like it but it’s important to weigh up the implications of what may happen if we allow the past to c
ontrol our future.
Feeling a lot happier, I turn into the road near the school and know what needs to be done next.
Isabel is in her usual place standing by the classroom door with the ever-present clipboard in her hands. She looks around her, occasionally calling out to admonish brawling children, or laughing at something a parent or student say to her.
As she sees me coming, I don’t miss the flash of anxiety that greets me as she walks over and smiles at Jack and Jamie. “Hey, boys, why don’t you run along and play a game of football while I talk to mummy.”
They don’t need a second invitation and she laughs softly, “Typical boys. They do have so much energy to harness.”
I nod and then say firmly, “Listen, I just wanted to speak to you about the watch.”
She looks nervous and I feel a little bad for her. “I spoke to Tom, and he said it was stolen from him. I’m not sure if you know but Tom was attacked about seven months ago when he came home one night.”
She looks shocked and I smile ruefully. “It’s been tough but we’re getting there. The watch was stolen along with several other personal possessions. Tom believes the attacker either sold them on or …”
I hesitate and Isabel says sadly, “Or you think Eddie may have attacked Tom.”
I feel bad and say gently, “It’s a possibility. It may have been that but more likely it’s because he sold them on. I don’t think we’ll ever really know because Tom is traumatised by what happened and I’m sorry but I can’t dredge things up again. I think it’s best all round if we let this lie.”
I see the tears well in Isabel’s eyes and place my hand on her arm in sympathy. The bell rings and she shakes her head sadly. “Oh well, duty calls. I’m sorry to cause you problems, Karen.”
As she turns away, I feel bad and say quickly, “Isabel.”
She turns and I say awkwardly, “It doesn’t mean we can’t be friends though. I mean, I’m pretty sure you can use one and to be honest, so could I.”
Her eyes brighten and she nods happily. “I appreciate that, thank you. You know, even if I never find out what happened to Eddie, at least I can start again somewhere new and as places go, this seems like a good one.”
She smiles and heads off to the classroom and I feel a sense of closure that puts my mind at rest. Yes, this is the best all around. We all need to move on and leave the past where it belongs.
12
Harry & Tina
“Hey, Isabel, over here.”
I smile as I see a familiar face and she heads over.
“Hi, Tina. I didn’t know you belonged to this gym?”
“Well, technically I’ve been a member for two years but I’ve kind of let my attendance slide a little. To be honest, I just had to get out of the house and distract myself for a bit.”
She looks concerned and I shrug. “It’s ok, nothing too bad. You know what it’s like, life gets a little too much on occasion. Harry told me to grab a change of scene so, here I am. Anyway, how long have you been a member?”
“Not long. To be honest, it’s something Karen suggested when I first arrived. I don’t have much else to occupy my time, so I head here most evenings.”
She looks around in surprise. “Is Karen not with you?”
Shaking my head, I pull a face. “No, she’s having a ‘date night’ with Tom.”
I don’t miss the flicker of envy in Isabel’s eyes and feel bad. “Still no word about your fiancé?”
She shakes her head sadly. “No, I think the trail’s gone cold and there’s nothing more they can do. Maybe I’ll never know.”
I feel bad for her; it must be awful not knowing, so, I say gently, “Maybe you should try to put it in the past. You know, move on. I don’t mean dating or anything but maybe take up a hobby or join a club, you know, meet a few people and find a new passion.”
She raises her eyes and smiles. “I thought I was by coming here.”
Grinning, I say nothing because the teacher calls the fitness class to attention and we begin the gruelling workout.
As I watch Isabel going through her paces, I feel glad she’s here. Despite how weird the situation is, I do kind of like her and want things to go right for her. I wonder if she will ever find out what happened to Eddie. I hope so, for her sake at least.
By the end of the class, I’m totally exhausted and as I wipe the sweat from my face, she comes over and grins. “You’re a little out of practice.”
Groaning, I stretch my aching legs and sigh. “You could say that. The only exercise I’ve been getting lately is when I move from room to room. I think this class is long overdue.”
She smiles and as she gathers up her belongings, I say impulsively, “Do you fancy grabbing a drink in the wine bar next door? I’m not ready to head back to suburbia just yet.”
Her eyes light up and I can tell she’s pleased to be asked.
“That would be great, thank you. To be honest, it’s quite lonely living on your own in a strange town. I would love to.”
As we head next door, it feels good to be with a friend. Mainly any socialising I do is with Harry and that usually involves Tom and Karen as well. I think I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be out on my own and despite it feeling a little surreal, it also feels exciting.
We make our way through the crowd to the bar and I shout, “A white wine please and…?”
I look at Isabel and she nods. “Make that two.”
The noise levels are loud in here, so we decide to take our drinks outside to the small courtyard at the rear of the bar. I notice the average age here isn’t much younger than mine and relax a little.
We sit in a corner near a wall and Isabel raises her glass. “Cheers, Tina. Thanks for asking me.”
I clink her glass with mine and settle down for a gossip.
For most of the evening, we chat about the school, the other parents and life in general. Safe issues that require no deep discussion. Nothing to cause offence, just polite conversation between acquaintances. The trouble is, one drink turns to two, then three and with that comes a looser tongue, so when she looks at me with sympathy and says, “Is everything ok, Tina? I mean, you seem quite sad.”
I look up sharply and she flushes. “I’m sorry. Please don’t answer that, it’s none of my business.”
Leaning back in my chair, I sigh heavily as the tears well up in my eyes. “It’s fine. To be honest, things are a little shaky at home at the moment.”
She looks concerned and I smile ruefully. “The trouble is, I’m desperate to have another baby and the doctors have told me I can’t.”
Her hand flies to her mouth, and she looks at me with horror. “I’m so sorry, is there any chance they could be wrong?”
“I don’t think so. I’ve been through every possible solution but I’m just not producing any eggs. There’s no operation in the world that can magic those necessary ingredients up, so we’re at a bit of a loss.”
She reaches for my hand and squeezes it with compassion. “I’m sorry, it must be hard.”
Nodding, I take another sip of wine and say gloomily, “It’s causing so many problems between me and Harry. He told me I had to accept it and look at other ways of having children.”
She looks confused. “Like what?”
“Adoption mainly. We aren’t married though, never saw the need and that may count against us.”
Isabel looks thoughtful. “I’m sure that’s not the case anymore. Have you looked into it?”
I smile thinly. “Not really. I suppose I was still hoping for a miracle.”
She smiles sweetly. “Well, if there’s anything I can do to help, you know, research anything for you or stuff like that just ask. I have quite a lot of time on my hands and could use something to distract me from the usual soap operas I’ve taken to watching.”
I look at her in surprise. “You would really do that… for me?”
She nods. “Of course, after all, what are friends for?”
Suddenly, I
sabel looks like an Angel sitting before me. She hasn’t judged and offered trite words of support. She’s just offered friendship and a practical offer that may help.
I smile gratefully. “Thank you. I really mean that. It’s good to have someone to talk to about this. Harry doesn’t want to and Karen’s so wrapped up in her own problems, I don’t want to burden her with mine.”
Isabel looks at me sharply, “Karen’s having problems. What do you mean?”
I say sadly, “Between me and you, things weren’t always so rosy between her and Tom. For a while back there, I thought they were going to split up.”
She leans forward. “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s nothing I did, is it?”
Laughing, I take another gulp of wine and say in a whisper, “No, it was before you arrived. Tom was always away on business and Karen was left on her own – a lot. They used to argue, and she told me they weren’t even having sex anymore.”
She looks shocked and I nod. “I know, terrible isn’t it? Well, he was quite a workaholic and never had time for her or Jack. I think it got to the point where she was going to ask him for a divorce.”
Isabel gasps, “That’s terrible. What changed, I mean, they are such a loving couple now, I sure wish I knew their secret?”
“Well, it changed the night Tom was mugged. He took quite a beating and it must have knocked some sense into him because after the shock wore off, he discovered he actually loved his wife and son and has done everything he can to make it up to them. It’s quite a fairy story, isn’t it?”
She smiles and I don’t miss the interest in her eyes. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her anything but for some reason, Isabel is proving to be a good listener and I feel as if I can tell her anything.
The wine starts to take effect and I feel my eyes closing and she laughs softly, “Maybe I should get you home.”
Giggling, I stand up and swaying slightly, say gratefully, “It’s fine, I can walk, it’s not far.”
Shaking her head, she grasps my hand firmly and pulls me after her. “No, you need a coffee at least and then I’m calling you a cab. My flat’s just around the corner, you can sober up a little there before I send you home.”