Girl Online on Tour

by Zoe Sugg

  She gives me one of those smiles that is both warm and a little sympathetic. “They say everything happens for a reason.”

  “And for the first time I am starting to think that might actually be true. I know that anxiety is a part of my life, and maybe in time I can change that, but for now I want to live a full life. I have anxiety, but it’s not who I am.”

  “This is the best thing I’ve ever heard you say, Penny. I want to see you succeed in everything you do, and I don’t want you to feel like there is anything in your way. There are people out there who could learn a lot from the things you write about, and even the photos you take.” She points at my photography display and gives me a huge, beaming smile.

  “I think I might make my blog public again . . .” The words slip out of my mouth before I’ve even thought about them. This must be what it’s like to be Elliot—always speaking without thinking first.

  I watch as Miss Mills’s face fills with excitement, and she starts jumping up and down, clapping her hands with glee. I try to shush her so that everyone else enjoying the gallery doesn’t turn and stare, but Elliot has already noticed and scuttles over.

  “What’s going on here? Give me the good news.” He sidles up and looks between the two of us, trying to read our faces.

  “Penny is going to blog again, publicly!” She claps her hands together.

  “That’s awesome news, Pen!” he says, giving me a huge hug. “I bet Girl Online  ’s fans have missed reading your posts.”

  I smile before I sneak a quick look at my watch and realize we still have an hour before Alex will be ready for us, and we can’t stay here much longer as the party is starting to wind down.

  “You know what—I could write a blog now. I know somewhere with free Wi-Fi and that’s open late for coffee and cake.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah!” I say. “I have my laptop in my bag. I’ll buy you a slice of cake if you come?”

  “Well, you know I never say no to good cake! Come on then, you eager little writer.”

  We say goodbye to Miss Mills and head towards a little café in the Lanes that is still open and serving sparkling elderflower (Elliot’s favourite on a summer evening) and delicious thick slabs of carrot cake covered in cream-cheese frosting. We sit outside since it’s such a warm evening, choosing a bench underneath a canopy of coloured fairy lights. I pull my laptop out of my bag and start typing a blog post that’s been brewing for some time.

  Elliot is scrolling through his phone as I type. He lets out a long sigh and I look up at him sharply. “Are you OK, E?”

  “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just looking at pictures of Alex. Look at this—have you ever seen anyone more adorable?”

  He turns the phone round and shows me a picture of Alex sitting on a fallen log in the New Forest. He’s smiling up at the camera, clearly looking at Elliot with so much love and affection. It’s a look I know well, because it’s the way Noah used to look at me.

  “Maybe I should call him? Seeing how you and Noah managed to patch things up and be friends again makes me feel like I owe it to Alex to do the same. You know, I still love him, Penny.”

  “Oh, uh . . . maybe wait for me to finish this post? Then I’m all ears. You need my full attention for a decision like that!”

  Elliot frowns at me, but then nods. I don’t want to be dismissive of his feelings but the last thing I want to do is ruin Alex’s surprise. It warms my heart to hear Elliot say these things and gives me a good feeling for tonight.

  “Why don’t you read it to me?” Elliot says, putting his phone facedown on the table.

  I nod. “OK, here we go . . .”

  23 July

  A Whole New Start

  Hello, World!

  I feel like I’m writing to a long-lost friend, one who’s been missing from my life for far too long.

  To be honest, I feel a little apprehensive about typing this, but here goes.

  For a while now, I’ve been blogging as Girl Offline . . . never going online. I’ve still been writing and posting here, even though I knew full well that nobody (except a handful of people) would be able to read the things I had to say.

  I felt like I’d lost my voice, and this blog wasn’t a happy place for me anymore.

  I’m going to change that now. I’ve decided that, from today onwards, there is no more offline. It’s a big decision for me to make, and a lot of things have had to change in my life for me to realize this isn’t just something I want to do; it’s something I need to do.

  One of the last posts you may have read from me told you to make the right choices when posting online, to focus on being nice and spreading positivity.

  So, this time, I want to start off by talking about not letting negativity into your life.

  We all have one life, and we can choose how we want to live it. It’s important to realize that, no matter what anyone else says or how people may try to influence the way you do things, it’s ultimately down to you. Whether that’s a bully, an online troll, an authority figure, a parent, a friend or a partner that you feel is oppressing you, only YOU can live for you. You can’t live in someone else’s shadow, or permanently try to please someone else, because then what do you have to show for it? You won’t have any of your own accomplishments, you won’t reach your personal goals, and you’ll only be ticking someone else’s boxes for them. If there is something in life you really want to do, then do it. You’ll only ever live this day once in your lifetime, so start now.

  Sometimes the hero of the fairy tale isn’t a handsome prince. Sometimes it’s you.

  Girl Online . . . going offline xxx

  • • •

  As Elliot bursts into a round of applause, I hit publish. It feels so strange but so amazing to be making my blog posts live again.

  I refresh the page a few times to watch the comments come in. One of the first ones is from Pegasus Girl.

  *HIGH-FIVE AND ALL THE HUGS AND EXCITED DANCES* xxx

  And that’s when I know that Girl Online is officially back.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Before I know it, it’s time to take Elliot to the bandstand. I have butterflies in my stomach and I’m so excited for Elliot to see Alex, but I’m nervous for Alex as well. Sure enough, I look down and notice that Alex has texted me.

  Ready when you are :) I’M SO NERVOUS, PENNY. WHAT IF THIS ALL GOES HORRIBLY WRONG? A x

  I quickly text back.

  Alex, he is pining for you right now. This won’t go wrong. P x

  I almost immediately get a reply from what I can only imagine is the most nervous and fidgety Alex ever.

  OH DEAR GOD, THE PRESSURE.

  See you soon x

  I pop my phone back into my bag before Elliot can ask who I’m texting, then go to stand up.

  “C’mon, Elliot. I have a surprise for you.” I grab him by the hand as he looks at me in horror.

  “Oh god, no, Penny. I’m not playing that stupid game in the park again where you made me pretend to forage for nuts like a squirrel. That was a one-off.”

  He takes his hand out of mine and glares at me as I laugh out loud. The vivid memory of Elliot scrambling around under an oak tree with his hands up by his mouth and chattering his teeth is just hilarious.

  “No, silly. Follow me.”

  I drag Elliot up from the table and refuse to answer any of his questions, much to his frustration.

  We walk down towards the sea, our arms linked. It’s quiet, and the crash of the waves and the squawk of the seagulls fill our ears as we stroll along the promenade. It’s such a beautiful evening and already delicate strands of pink and purple are staining the sky. It’s going to be a stunning sunset, and I’m so glad that it’s all working out exactly to plan for Alex.

  Elliot leans his head on my shoulder as we walk. “I used to do this with Alex in the evening. Just stroll along, listening to the sea. It was the only time he wasn’t worried about us being seen together. It was our favourite thin
g to do. It felt all secret and romantic.”

  We pause for a moment and lean on the railings. Elliot picks at a bit of white paint that is crumbling off and stares out at the sea with sad eyes. I’ve never seen him look so upset, and a tear rolls down his cheek. “Do you think I’ve messed it all up, Penny? Do you think I’ll never get to see him . . . or kiss him . . . or touch him ever again?”

  I give his arm a squeeze. “Don’t worry, Els. Everything will work out in the end.”

  “But how do you know?”

  “I just have a feeling about these things,” I say. “Come on, you can’t show up to your surprise looking all puffy-eyed.” I pass him a tissue, then pull him into a giant hug.

  “Thanks, Penny.” He wipes his eyes and sniffs dramatically. “OK, onwards! Where is this surprise of yours?”

  “Just a little bit further,” I say.

  “You’re being so mysterious, Princess P! I like it. Hey, what’s going on at the bandstand?”

  I look up, and my jaw drops: the bandstand looks incredible. Alex has clearly been hard at work, decking it out with fairy lights on the outside.

  “I don’t know,” I say, feigning ignorance. “Maybe someone is having a wedding?”

  “Wow, I’ve never seen it look like that before. You should take a picture!”

  I oblige, taking out my camera and snapping away. The sun is going down, and the warm light is making the beautiful cast-iron structure and its copper roof glow. It looks amazing—especially with the ruins of the old West Pier in the background.

  “Did you know that the bandstand opened in 1884?” Elliot says.

  “I had no idea it was that old!” I exclaim.

  “Yep, but it was restored a few years ago to its original condition. I think it would be the most romantic place to get married, don’t you?”

  “Why don’t we go take a closer look?”

  “Ooh, can we?” Elliot’s face lights up. “It won’t make us late for this surprise?”

  I grin. “I don’t think so,” I say.

  When we get closer to the bandstand, I can see that Alex has decorated all along the gangway that we need to cross to reach the bandstand itself, where a heavy velvet curtain is draped over the entrance. I assume Alex is hiding behind it.

  There’s a sign hanging on the front that says: CLOSED FOR A PRIVATE PARTY.

  “Oh, that’s a shame,” says Elliot.

  I nudge him in the ribs. “Maybe look a little closer?”

  Right underneath the sign is the picture I took of Alex and Elliot at The Sketch’s concert, blown up for everyone to see.

  “What . . . what is this?” Elliot says, backing up a few paces.

  His face is white as a sheet, and he looks on edge—like he is about to bolt. And suddenly I worry that everything is about to go terribly wrong.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  “Is this a joke?” Elliot asks.

  I shake my head. “I think you need to go in.” I smile at him and point to a chalkboard sign that reads: ELLIOT, FOLLOW ME.

  He swallows, searching my face for any sign that this is fake, then takes a slow step forward. I hang back, letting him experience it for himself, but he reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me along with him. There is a beautiful spiral path made from rose petals set out on the floor of the narrow gangway. Around the path and hanging from the railings are lots of Alexiot memories: photos of Elliot that I’ve never seen before, ticket stubs from the movies and gigs they’ve been to together, even the label from the first scarf that Elliot bought Alex as a present.

  Elliot delicately treads the path, reading little notes and laughing at photos that Alex had secretly taken of him. There is one where Elliot must have fallen asleep in Alex’s car, his mouth wide open. Alex has taken a selfie with Elliot behind him, giving a thumbs-up. Elliot smiles and chuckles at all the memories, and already I can see new tears in his eyes—but they’re tears of happiness this time, not sadness.

  It seems to take forever but we finally reach the velvet curtain covering the entrance to the bandstand itself. I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss Elliot on the cheek, then I nudge him to go through. He lets go of my hand, takes a deep breath, and steps beneath the curtain.

  Standing at the back of the bandstand, silhouetted by the setting sun, is Alex—looking extremely dapper in a smart suit. There are lanterns and tea lights hanging from the ornate iron curlicues decorating the edge of the roof, and the ceiling itself is filled with white fairy lights. Paper pom-poms and bunting stretch between the pillars. It really is like something from a movie. This is definitely the most romantic thing I’ve ever witnessed and I’m not even the slightest bit bitter that it isn’t for me. It’s taking all that I have not to dissolve into a puddle of happy tears.

  Elliot steps forward until he is face-to-face with Alex. Alex takes up both his hands and looks at him with big, wide eyes.

  “Elliot Wentworth. I can never take back the hurt I caused you, but I want to do everything I can to try to make us right again.”

  Elliot looks at Alex’s lips and then back up to his eyes, and I feel electricity spark between them. I’m grateful that this structure is iron, not wood—the chemistry between them is so intense it feels like it could set the bandstand on fire.

  “I’m speechless, Alex. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before.” Elliot looks as though he might burst into tears or self-combust into a cloud of confetti with sheer happiness.

  “Will you dance with me?” Alex extends his arm and Elliot places his hand in Alex’s.

  I hear the first few guitar chords of “Elements” start to play, but I’m confused. I haven’t seen Alex hit a play button, and I can’t see where the music is coming from. Then I hear footsteps coming down the gangway and my heart leaps into my throat. The curtain twitches, and Noah steps through.

  His hair is scraped back off his face, but it is still slightly curly. His ripped jeans have been replaced with suit trousers and he is wearing a tight white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, emphasizing his muscular body underneath. All this and—of course—he has his beautiful guitar, on which he is playing “Elements.” My stomach flips as he shoots a little sideways smile at me.

  He starts singing Alexiot’s song, his husky, soft voice layering beautifully over the chords on his guitar. Elliot and Alex dance together as the sun disappears beneath the horizon. The lights look even twinklier now it’s dark, and I watch with tears in my eyes. This really is something from a dream—I can only imagine how Elliot must be feeling right now.

  Noah is here.

  I can’t quite believe it.

  After Noah has finished singing, Alex, Elliot, and I clap furiously. But then Elliot steps away from Alex, just far enough that I worry he’s going to say that he’s still not going to take him back. I can’t bear to watch if Elliot is not going to forgive Alex.

  “Alex, this is amazing . . . but I still don’t know if I can be with you. Not if it’s like before.”

  “It’s not going to be like before, Elliot. I promise.”

  “How can I know?”

  “Come with me,” Alex says. “There’s one more element to this surprise.”

  “There’s more? Holy jeepers, Alex—this is too much.”

  “No, Elliot,” Alex says. “It’s hopefully just enough.”

  He leads Elliot over to the edge of the bandstand. Then he raises his voice and says loudly, “Ready? Three . . . two . . . one!”

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  On cue, people start to pour out of the bandstand café and onto the beach below us. They look up at Alex, Elliot, Noah, and me standing up on the bandstand’s main stage and they all begin to shout and cheer, big smiles on their faces. Immediately I spot Alex’s parents along with Elliot’s and mine.

  Noah pulls out a microphone, seemingly from nowhere, and plays one of his more upbeat songs. Everyone down on the beach starts dancing. Alex turns to Elliot and says, “I want to show the world that you’re mine. But, un
til it can be the world, how about just our friends and family?”

  Elliot throws his arms round Alex’s neck and they kiss, to the raucous applause of everyone down below on the beach. I try to clap the loudest, adding in an extra-loud wolf whistle for good luck.

  After Noah finishes his live set, music comes on over a sound system, and Alex and Elliot walk hand in hand down the gangway to join the revellers on the beach.

  I linger behind, watching as Noah puts his guitar away. He keeps on smiling up at me, and each time he does I feel the butterflies in my stomach take over. Those dimples get me every time.

  “Hey, Penny. You don’t mind that I texted Alex to ask if I could join the surprise, do you?” he asks.

  I shake my head, unable to trust myself to speak.

  “Good. I wanted to do something special for him and Elliot. And I thought it might give us a chance to talk again. Is that OK?”

  I nod. He places his hand on my lower back and guides me down towards the beach without saying another word. I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that I am wearing a crop top as his hand caresses the skin on my back. When we reach the end of the gangway, I catch sight of Larry, who is leaning up against the metal railings that separate the promenade from the beach.

  “Hi, Larry!” I say. I walk over to him and give him a big hug. He has a tear in his eye.

  “Oh, Penny, it’s good to see you. I’m sorry for the tears—I’m just such a sucker for a happy ending.” He wipes his cheeks and gestures over to Elliot and Alex. “I hope you get one too,” he adds, winking.

  “Thank you,” I say with a small smile.

  Noah patiently waits for me to return, then we move away from the party. He offers his hand to help me down a steep slope of stones. The beach is blissfully empty and the warm glow of the sun lingers even as the moon is rising in the sky. I turn and look at Noah. His eyes are dark but so inviting and he has a bit of stubble along his chiselled jaw. I look over my shoulder at Alex and Elliot’s party and spot them with their arms wrapped round each other. They look so happy.