Ruin

by Lila Rose

  It didn’t work.

  About an hour later, a knock sounded on the door. “Yeah?” I called, standing from the bed.

  It opened, and Taro stepped through. I wasn’t the only one who’d showered. He closed the door and stepped further into the room.

  “Jiro been dealt with?” I asked.

  “Yes. He and his sons. The rest of his family have been left with a choice—to leave or stay and follow my rules. They’ll be watched closely though.”

  I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. I didn’t like the distance between us. Why hadn’t he walked right over to me?

  “I’m sorry for the way I acted before,” he started, and my gut tingled in hope.

  “Yeah?” I asked since he wasn’t offering up any more.

  “Yes.” He went to the windows and stared out.

  “I didn’t like being pushed away, Taro,” I told him honestly. “Not sure if you were trying to protect me from things, but I need you to know I can take anythin’. I wouldn’t have been out there at your side takin’ lives if I couldn’t.”

  He dropped his head. “I know.”

  “Then what is this? The distance?”

  His sad eyes connected with mine. “I need you to take Mimi back to Ballarat.”

  My brows shot high. “Why?” I demanded.

  “There could be other rivals Jiro sought out. Not that he admitted to anything more before he died, but I’m not willing to take a chance and have my family vulnerable.”

  I scrubbed a hand through my hair and shook my head. “If you’re worried about Mimi, Cowboy can take her back.”

  “No. I don’t trust many, but I do you. I want you with her.”

  A frustrated growl dropped from my lips. “Taro, you’re not thinking clearly—”

  “I think the separation would do us good as well.”

  “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

  “You need to make sure this is what you want. You’ve only ever been with women, Josh. This, what’s happened here, could only be a…” He shrugged. “…a lonely moment in time.”

  “Don’t say that bullshit, arsehole. You know it’s not only that.”

  He looked away from my angry gaze. “I worry about my business rubbing off onto the Hawks MC, your family, and causing them problems. The club is clean. You are clean. I’m not. You know what I deal in. U-Until I can clear some things up,” his voice wavered, “I need anyone associated to the Hawks MC away from here.”

  “Clear what things up?”

  “Family matters.”

  I was about to open my mouth and say more when he ate up the space between us and wrapped his arms around me. His forehead hit my shoulder. “Please, for me, take this time to make sure you want this. Protect Mimi for me. Mother, my aunt, and Jiro’s daughters are going back to Japan for a while. I’ve spoken to her. It’s just for a little while. I… I have so much going on, and I can’t handle… I won’t be able to handle it if anything happened to anyone I care about. Please, please do this for me.”

  Fuck.

  Christ.

  “I can help,” I tried.

  “I know you can, but it’s not something I can accept right now.” When we didn’t know if I was certain I’d still want him. That was what he’d left out.

  I rested my head against his and said softly, “What about your safety? What about me wanting to stay to protect you?”

  His hands pressed into me. “You saw yourself I have many who have my back.”

  Jesus, he had the right answer to everything, but I still didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give in when it felt like he was.

  I understood why Taro struggled, but I wanted to help him. I wanted to stand by his side and take everything on for him. I just didn’t know if it would be good or bad in the end.

  Did he need time to make sure I was what he wanted? Or was the fear of losing someone consuming him? I knew he hated his father, but his death so close to this incident wouldn’t have helped his thoughts either.

  I didn’t know what to do, what was right.

  I unclenched my teeth, ignored the horrible feeling in my gut, and uttered, “Only for a little while?” Please don’t push me away. Please let me help. I wanted to say both, but I didn’t because he wanted this. He needed this.

  He lifted his head, a sad smile touching his lips. “Yes. Very little.”

  “Fine.” I nodded once. I hoped my answer eased some of his tension before he pressed his mouth to mine. He went to pull back, but I wasn’t having it. I gripped him to me and deepened the kiss. A promise to him that I still wanted this, that I would give him his time, for now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ruin

  The ride home gave me a lot to think about. I understood why Taro pushed me to leave. He was under a shitload of stress, and I added to it since he worried about me. Even though he’d asked me to watch over Mimi, both of us knew the brothers would take care of her. Just like I knew Ryo and his men would protect Taro.

  But fuck, it scared me to leave his side after what happened.

  However, I believed we were strong; we could take on anyone wanting to fuck with us like we already had. Plus, we had good people at our backs, and he would be safe. He would, else I’d kick arse if anything happened to him, and that was exactly what I told Ryo before I left. His dry reply had made me smile when he’d said, “It’s not like I’m new at this.”

  There was also the point of Taro wanting me to have time to make sure what I wanted was him. Yes, we’d moved fast in a way and yes, being with a guy was new….

  But he was who I wanted. I didn’t need time apart to confirm that. I missed him as soon as I left.

  His teasing.

  His smile.

  Him. All of him.

  I hadn’t even fucked him, yet I already knew he was meant for me. He pissed me off, but there was a high chance I’d do the same to him. We’d work through it.

  I’d give him the time he’d asked for.

  Only, I didn’t know how long I’d last. It already felt wrong being away from him.

  In my time away, I’d need to speak with Talon. Taro worried about shit blowing back on the Hawks MC, and I understood his concern, appreciated it even. I would never want any fallout. I’d see what Talon thought, and if it came down to it, I’d step down as a member. The decision was massive and one I didn’t take on lightly. However, if I had to pick between Taro and the club, Taro would always be the choice. No one but Taro had captured my attention, left me wanting, needing more from them like he had. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t be a friend to the club. They would always be my family.

  When we’d arrived at the compound in Ballarat, I felt a sense of home. It was good to see the brothers, but I couldn’t help but think I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. The Hawks were putting on a family barbeque that day, and I looked forward to seeing everyone, but I didn’t feel the normal happiness I held when I stood at the bar looking out and around at everyone.

  Fuck.

  I sucked back the last dregs of my first beer and headed to the exit. I needed to get out of there, maybe catch my family before they left for the family gathering. I’d missed them a shitload, so it’d be good to see them alone before it got too rowdy. The urge to see them had hit me on the ride. I didn’t know if it was just because they were my family or if I’d be spilling the beans about a certain someone. I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell them. Not because I was worried or ashamed. Fuck that. But not having things sorted with Taro, especially not knowing if we had a future, made me unsettled, as did this bullshit of him pushing me away when things got hard for him.

  I pushed through the front door and stopped. “Brother and Bakery Girl,” I called, spotting Coyote and Channa walking towards the door. I made my way over to them and embraced Coyote first. Christ, it was good to see my brother.

  Coyote and I had been close since we were kids. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed the fucker until I actually saw him.
I pulled back and smirked down at Channa. I knew my brother would get his crap together and claim this beauty. A blind man could see the chemistry they had right from the start. Of course I gave him shit about it; it was one of my jobs of being his best friend.

  “So,” I drew out, “he finally manned up and grew some balls to claim you.”

  “S-Sorry?” Channa asked.

  “Yeah, my brother here was pining over you—”

  “All right, enough.” Coyote glared, but it wasn’t at full power. He looked to his woman. “Babe, don’t listen to him. Whatever he says is a lie.”

  With a chuckle, I said, “He’s right. Like the fact he’s the best rider in the club. See, all lies.” Just to taunt my brother some more, I reached out, grabbed Channa’s wrist, and spun her so I could place my arm around her shoulders to lead her inside.

  “That’s my damn woman,” Coyote snarled before he clipped me on the back of the head.

  Grinning, I complained, “Jesus, brother. I was just being nice and showin’ her in.”

  “Bullshit.” He shook his head and wound his arm around Channa’s waist; she seemed amused by our actions.

  I swept out a hand and bowed. “Lead the way with your wonderful woman.” A sudden pang of jealousy had my smile dimming. Coyote could walk in there with his arm around his woman because she hadn’t pushed him away.

  Shit. I wanted Taro there with me, but was I just being selfish and not taking him and his feelings into account?

  I rubbed at the back of my neck, trying to ease some tension, and followed after Coyote and Channa. Coyote glanced over his shoulder and asked, “I thought you were headin’ out?”

  “Yeah, was just gonna head out for a minute, but it’s all good now,” I lied, not really in the mood to party. I was worried about Taro. Worried his other uncle would try something, along with his other rivals.

  I didn’t want to be here.

  Maya stepped up and quickly pulled Channa away to meet the other old ladies in the club. Coyote nodded towards the bar. “Come get a drink with me.”

  With a slap to his back, I said, “Sure, I could use one.” I ordered the drinks at the bar and slid one to Coyote, only he wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were on his woman. “Shit, brother, you’re totally in love.”

  Coyote smirked. “Never really known what love is. Nothin’ like this, at least. So all I’m gonna say is that I think it’s damn close.”

  I knew the feeling. I nudged Coyote’s arm and threw out a thought, one that I questioned myself about as well. “Or it could already be there, and you ain’t willin’ to admit it to a brother before you shared it with your old lady?” I hadn’t really admitted anything to Taro either.

  I called him mine. Did that mean I loved him?

  Maybe.

  Dragging myself from my thoughts, I noticed Coyote hadn’t said anything about what I’d said. In fact, if I was to guess from the way he stared at Channa, my brother was definitely a goner. Christ, it was good to see; his happiness all but radiated off him. She was his one. Leaning closer, I told him quietly, “You didn’t even flinch when I called her your old lady.” Chuckling, I added, “I see weddin’ bells in the future.”

  Coyote ignored my taunting and looked at me. “How’s bein’ back?” We’d been texting since I’d been gone and Coyote knew, like most of the brothers, that I was heading back today, since I’d gotten in contact with them earlier. They didn’t know the real reason why yet. Just thought I was back because the job was done. Mimi’s dad had died.

  Smiling, I shrugged and turned to face the bar, placing my elbows on top so I could grab the beer bottle to play with.

  “Brother” was all Coyote said.

  Emotions suddenly suffocating me, I clenched my jaw. This past month had been a big one, full of shit that changed everything. Sighing, all I managed to get out was “Fuck, brother.”

  “Talk to me,” Coyote said and kicked my boot.

  I drew in a steadying breath. “The whole situation was intense. Fucked up.” It had been when it came to Mimi’s family and their old rules, the way they treated women. “But….” But then there was Taro.

  “You gonna fill me in?” Coyote asked when I said no more.

  I didn’t want to wreck his night by going over what Mimi had to deal with or my revelation. Straightening, I chugged back the rest of my beer and placed the bottle on the bar before I slapped Coyote on the arm. “Another time. Go enjoy yourself with your woman.”

  “Ruin—”

  I grinned but knew it wasn’t a normal one for me. “Nah, brother. It can wait. Seriously.”

  “Fuckin’ bullshit,” he clipped as he dropped his bottle to the bar and clasped me on the back of the neck to give me a shake. He always read me too well. Knew I had shit on my mind. “Channa’s cool. She won’t care if I disappear, but you gotta talk, and we’re doin’ it. Let’s go to my room.”

  Snorting, I told him, “Bossy bastard, aren’t ya?”

  Coyote grinned. “Yep.” He started off to his room, and I followed. Sweat pooled at the back of my neck. He was a brother I could share anything with. Well, what went down with Mimi and her family, but did I want him to know about me and Taro? I wasn’t sure.

  He unlocked his door and entered. I slipped in after him and closed the door as a thought occurred to me. I’d never looked at a guy in the way I did with Taro, so I checked my brother out, and all I got from it was that it felt weird to do so. I was man enough to admit he was good-looking, but he definitely wasn’t my type.

  Not like Taro.

  Coyote sat on the edge of the bed and waited. I didn’t want to sit. My mind was too busy. Instead, I paced and started explaining things that went down. How fucked Mimi’s father and uncles were. How Taro was trying to change things, but it was uncertain everyone would listen, and that there could still be problems.

  “Her uncle was going to bargain off his teenage daughters?”

  “Yep.”

  “Fuckin’ lucky Wolf put a stop to it.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  “Seems like he’ll be a good leader for the family.”

  A small smile touched my lips. “Yeah.” I nodded. He was the best man to run the family. Already he was changing with the times and protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves.

  “Still, it’s a messed-up situation.”

  I hummed under my breath. It was, and it would be for a while, but I believed in Taro.

  “Ruin,” Coyote called.

  I faced him, not realising I’d been staring at the wall.

  “Is there somethin’ else on your mind?”

  I quickly shook my head. “Nope.”

  Coyote sighed and ran his hands down his thighs. “You know you can tell me anythin’, right?”

  “Yeah, of course, brother.”

  He eyed me without saying anything more.

  Shit. He knew I wasn’t being honest.

  “You know how our ’rents always go on about how we’ll find our one. You think Channa is it for you?”

  “I’m close to thinkin’ she is. Why?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. Coyote and I were close. He’d always had my back, and I knew he would when I told him.

  His eyes widened. “You think you’ve found yours?”

  I scrubbed a hand over my face and moaned. “I reckon.”

  “Mimi? I always knew there’d be something if you just gave her more of your time.”

  I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “She’s a great friend, but it ain’t her.”

  “Who?”

  My gut tightened. “Wolf,” I muttered, keeping his gaze with a straight face, so he knew I wasn’t messing around. His head jerked back in shock, his hands lifted, then dropped, and he stood.

  “Wolf? As in Mimi’s brother?”

  “That’d be him.”

  “You’re serious,” he stated. I nodded once. His confused face morphed into one of humour right before he started laughing his arse off.
>
  “What the fuck, man?”

  “Shit, wait.” He waved a hand in my direction, then placed it against his gut while he laughed some more. “Goddamn, the slut of the club fell for a guy.”

  “Hey,” I clipped. “I wasn’t a slut.”

  His laughter settled, and he raised a brow at me.

  Grumbling under a breath, I sighed. “Fine, I was active in the bedroom.”

  He snorted. “Active.” He shifted over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. He shook me. “A guy?”

  “Couldn’t believe it myself, but the fucker wormed his way under my skin and stayed there.”

  Dropping his hand, he placed both on his hips, brows dipped. “Then what are you doin’ back here and not there gettin’ to know him?”

  A “Fuck” slid out before I told him what else went down.

  “Let me get this straight. His dad dies, a few days later, the house gets shot up by a rival gang. You guys deal with it, but he’s worried about it happening again, so he sends his family and you away?”

  I nodded. “He’s under a lot of stress, not only from that but his fuckin’ family wantin’ shit their way or causin’ more trouble. It was his uncle who set that whole rival thing in motion, wantin’ to get rid of Taro.”

  “Taro.” Coyote grinned. “Does he call you Ruin?”

  Glaring, since he’d made me feel like a damn schoolboy with a crush, I clipped, “No. Josh.”

  “Aww,” he teased.

  “Fuck off.”

  “Brother, were you not givin’ me and Channa crap before?”

  I snorted out a laugh. “That’s different. I’m allowed. You really don’t care I’m with a dude?”

  Coyote rolled his eyes. “Don’t ask somethin’ stupid. We were both brought up into a family that didn’t discriminate when it comes to matters of the damn heart.”

  Nodding, I added, “Jesus, are we gettin’ sappy in our old age?”

  Coyote laughed. “Guess we are. But anyway, back to business. What are you gonna do?”

  “I don’t fuckin’ know. He wants time. Do I give it to him? Let him sort the family and business shit out or go back and support him? Help him?”

  I already knew the answer before I even asked. Coyote raised a brow. “I gotta go talk to Talon, then see my family before I head out.”