“Fuck, yes,” I breathe, relishing the feeling of her every nerve ending and ripple of wall sinking down onto me.
Savannah cries out, and I realize I’ve lowered her pretty quickly. “Shit, are you okay, darling?”
“You’re just … so … big.” She shivers, settling down as my cock slips all the way inside her.
A smirk stretches my lips, but I wait until she’s tested a few movements out herself to even think about moving.
Then Savannah plants her hands on my chest and begins to rock. And I swear, I almost pass out. The sensations she’s causing feel so fucking good, I have to actively think about not coming.
It’s my fantasy come true; the one woman I love, riding my cock in the middle of the winery I own, under the stars. I’m a guy, so setting and ambience usually don’t play into how enjoyable sex is for me, but I have to admit, this really adds to the moment.
“Jason …” My name is a plea. “Flip me over.”
She wants me to take control, but I don’t want to give it. She looks so fucking beautiful up there, and this feels too good.
“No,” I grunt, repositioning myself so that I can stroke her harder.
My hips roll every time I’m seated deep, right down to my balls.
With every breath we take together, I feel my heart beat against my rib cage.
“I’m going to come.” Savannah moans loudly, and it’s the sweetest sentence I’ve ever heard.
“Oh, Jason, baby …”
“Yes, darling, yes,” I coax her, watching every expression pass through her face.
It’s the pure ecstasy at the end of her orgasm, written all over those beautiful features, that gets me. I let go, jutting up into her perky ass and feeling the come burst out of my tip as her cheeks slap against my groin.
I lose my breath, white spots dimming my vision, and allow the pleasure to flow over me. Savannah collapses against my chest, and I hold her tight to me, one hand on the back of her neck.
At the exact moment I’m going to reach for her mouth, her lips come down on mine.
I’m not sure how long we stay connected like that, our bodies as one. But as far as nights in my life go, this one was pretty damn close to perfect.
35
Savannah
Jason Whitney was only the second reason I didn’t ever want to return to Hale.
The first? Well, she’s sitting right in front of me.
It had taken me almost three months of being back in my hometown to work up the courage to come out to the graveyard, and now that I’m here, I’m practically quaking in my sandals.
Sure, rationally I know there are no such things as ghosts. I’m not sure I’m the type of person who believes in spirits, either. But there is something about being out here, all alone, that makes me feel like I’m facing a firing squad of my mama’s judgments.
Not that she had them. Yes, she was disappointed when I moved out, but she never held a grudge against me. These are the fears and worries in my own head, the ones I didn’t ever want to deal with.
“Hi, Mama.” My voice is shaky as I start.
Her grave is right next to Daddy’s, in the middle of the Hale Cemetery. It’s a sunny, hot day, and I’ve brought them both sunflowers that I’ve placed on top of their headstones. I’m not a newbie when it comes to talking to gravestones, I’d been doing it for years with my father. Mama used to bring us to his grave weekly, make us tell him about our grades, our friends, our sports.
I remember when he died, she was our rock. She lifted us up, didn’t allow us to be too sad, and supported our family the best she could. My mother was one hell of a strong woman, and I worry that I broke her in those last few months.
My siblings had all moved out, either with their significant others, some married, or they’d gotten their own places and own jobs. It was just Mama and me left, and she was counting on me to be the one who went to college. I know she thought it, because she said it enough to drive me crazy. I’d gotten into the local college, but had no plans to go. My plan was to follow Jason wherever he went, and school would hinder that. I figured I didn’t need a higher education. How stupid I’d been back then.
“I … I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come see you.” Ten years, to be exact. “I hate that this is how we have to talk now. I … the last conversation we had …”
She’d screamed at me. Called me a stupid, ignorant girl who was going to get herself pregnant before she was nineteen. Told me that following a man’s dream was horseshit, and that I wasn’t the daughter she raised if I was throwing away all of my dreams to simply be with Jason. I’d called her a bitch, told her I hated her. Those words burn in my heart to this day, and I’ve cried many nights thinking about them.
I’d stormed out, taking everything I could carry in my arms and throwing it into Jason’s truck. We drove back to our tiny lake house and he held me as I cried. A month later, Jason’s career was over and my mother was dead.
“I didn’t mean any of it, Mama. You were right, you were so right. I was a fool, and I hope that everything I’ve done up until now has made you proud. You were the most amazing mother a daughter could ever have, and you must know that Adeline and Lori are following in your footsteps. I wish I could tell you in person how sorry I am, how lost I’ve felt. But I’m home now … at least back in Hale. I’m not sure if this is home, if it will be forever. I don’t feel grounded. I’ve never felt grounded anywhere. Well, except with him.”
Taking a breath, I touch her headstone, hoping it will make me feel closer to her.
“You were right, all those years ago. I never should have given up my life for his. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. But coming back to Jason is the only time I’ve felt whole in a decade, so I don’t know how else to explain it. Now, I have a life, a different world that I think I want to go back to. I’m not sure how to mesh the two. I’m not sure I can leave this family I’ve just started to become close with again. Your grandchildren would have adored you, Mama.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes, taking a hiccupping breath as I sink down into the grass. Maybe I could just sit with her and Daddy awhile, because the words seem to run out.
Not but two seconds later, a bright red cardinal swoops down, perching on Mama’s grave right in front of me.
Cardinals are a sign of loved ones who have passed coming down to reassure us they’re okay. The red birds have always been associated with a deceased relative or friend coming down to check on you. I used to search for them all over the city; my eyes were always peeled. But it being New York, there weren’t many beautiful red Cardinals fluttering down into the smoke and smog of the city.
But here one is, plain as day, staring me in the eyes. The bird doesn’t flinch; it doesn’t walk around on her headstone or chirp. It just sits there and looks at me for almost a full couple of minutes.
Then it flutters away, a red streak against a bright blue sky.
I look up and the sun twinkles down on me, and a sense of peace washes over me. I have goose bumps, and a gust of air brushes over my shoulder.
It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to the other side, or a spirit, or something that can’t be explained. I close my eyes and smile.
“Hi, Mama.”
This time when I say it, it feels more solid, more confident and content.
I sit in the grass with my parents as the hours tick by, talking to them about anything that pops into my brain. I know now that I don’t have to be scared to come here. Or to talk to them wherever I am.
That cardinal is proof that they’re looking down on me.
36
Jason
“So, I’m thinking maybe we could make Pad Thai tonight. I found a recipe online, and I know you’re missing it.”
My words are fast and jumbled as I set down two maple donuts and coffee next to the stack of papers on Savannah’s table.
“Hmm?” She hasn’t even heard a word I’ve said, her head buried in her laptop.
&nb
sp; “I said, I know you miss Thai food, and delivering takeout at three a.m. in New York. I found some supplies at the grocery store, and I think we could probably pull it off ourselves tonight—”
“I have to work.” She dismisses me with a wave of her hand.
Frowning, I stand, marching over to her side of the table and getting in her face. I plant a kiss on her lips, feeling needy but not caring. I was trying to do something nice, and she’s ignoring me.
“Hey, what the!” Savannah pushes me off, and the few patrons inside The Whistlestop glance over at us.
“Good to see you, too, darling.” I smirk at her.
“Seriously, Jason, this isn’t funny. I have a lot of work today, so I’m staying at my place tonight.” Those hazel eyes are both annoyed yet serious.
“Come on, Savvy, you have a couple of hours until—”
“Just because the majority of your work doesn’t get done on the weekdays doesn’t mean we don’t all have jobs. Really important ones.” She huffs out a breath.
And that hits me square between the chest. I don’t really have a job during the week?
“Well, that’s not really accurate. It’s just that Wednesdays are my slowest days, and I wanted to come down and pay my girl a visit and maybe buy her a donut. But excuse me if my job just doesn’t qualify as important, so I don’t know what real success and struggle look like.”
I’m acting like a five-year-old, but she could give me two seconds to look up and speak to me like a normal human. Savannah has been working around the clock, and the only time she has a spare minute are weekends, which are my busiest time. I’ve been bending over backward to close up shop on time during the Saturday and Sunday rushes to book it over to her apartment, but clearly she can’t take five seconds for me.
Savannah slams her laptop closed, and Rudy looks over with a frown on his face. “Everything okay?”
“It’s fine.” She holds up a hand. “I’m just going to work upstairs.”
But I’m like a dog with a fly buzzing around its head, I just won’t let the annoyance go until it stops fucking with me. So I follow her, stomping up the rickety stairs from Rudy’s coffee shop to Savannah’s rented apartment.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demand, sounding all kinds of needy and jealous.
I know I do, but I can’t stop myself.
Her back is turned to me as she angrily shoves the key in the lock and opens her door. “What the hell is wrong with you? I need to work, I’m in the middle of a very crucial scene, and you’re distracting me.”
Following her inside, I cross my arms over my chest. “Is this how you operated in New York? You’re a complete workaholic, Savannah! Look at you, I haven’t seen you in days, you look like you’ve lost a couple pounds, and you’re short-tempered. I don’t know what you think this is, or where you are, but we don’t operate like that down here in the South. If a job takes that much out of you, you need to scale it back. Does this make you happy?”
Her expression goes from a scowl to pure, raw anger. Oh shit, I hit the wrong nerve.
“You know, it’s been awfully difficult to work out of my normal environment. Without my office or my other writers around. You should appreciate that I’ve been in Hale, attempting to do my job from here, and not hightailing it back to New York.”
Her words feel like a slap. “If it’s so difficult to be here, then why don’t you go again? It’s not like you’re not great at leaving.”
Savannah stumbles back. “Is that what you really want? Or do you just want me to keep putting you and your career ahead of mine? Because I’ve been back here for a month, and you haven’t said one word about that whole compromise thing you promised.”
My mind flashes back to the night in the cabin, when she said she wouldn’t give up her life for mine again.
I’ve given her space, hasn’t she seen that? I haven’t pledged my love again; I haven’t mentioned her moving out of this stuffy apartment and into my home. I’ve been respectful of her career … shit, I’ve been trying to be a better man. And she’s throwing it all back in my face.
“If you can’t see how understanding I’ve been, I’m not sure I can show you any other way. I’ve been compromising, Savannah, yet you’ve been back to your old ways. Working like the hours in the day don’t matter. Ignoring relationships. Slaving away for a career and not bothering to live for happy, simple moments as well.”
My voice reaches another noise level, and we’re officially yelling at each other.
“Well, maybe it’s because you haven’t considered for one second what I’ve given up, choosing to come back here. Nor have you asked if I want to go back! Did you ever think about that, Jason? Ever think about moving away from here to give my career and my life a try? Or is it Hale or bust for you? If I don’t move back here permanently, then we’re done, is that it?”
“Now wait just one second, no one said anything about—” I try to head this fight off before it gets deeper than it needs to.
“No! You know what? I do want to go back to New York, how about that? I miss it, I miss my life there and my apartment. I miss the bustle and the people everywhere. I miss being on my job in person. So, will you give up everything and go?”
She taps her foot, challenging me. My stomach rolls with nausea, because I had no idea when I picked this battle that I’d be waging a war.
“Savannah, I own a business here, I couldn’t just up and leave the winery.”
She looks away, emotion clogging her voice. “Right. So once again, it’s my place to give up my life for yours.”
“Darling, don’t—”
“Get out, Jason. Seriously, I don’t want to talk to you right now. Just go.”
I’ve already stuck my foot in my mouth, practically shoved it down my throat, so I turn and leave. And hope to God that we can calm down enough to figure this out.
Like I said, I’m not letting her go again.
37
Savannah
Do you know how you know you’re in love?
It feels like a fucking semi-truck ran over your heart and body, for that matter.
It’s only been two days since Jason and I got into our knockdown-drag-out, the fight where words can’t be taken back, and I feel like all of my bones and muscles are just decimated. I’ve barely been able to get out of bed, drinking tea and writing horribly romantic or gory storylines for Love General.
And that’s how I know … I’ll only ever love Jason Whitney. I have never felt this way about any other man, not to mention many people. When I broke things off with Perry, I barely even cried.
Now, here I am, slinking around in my robe like a jilted bride or something, watching sappy romantic comedies and eating vanilla chocolate chip by the pint.
I don’t want to break first, to give in and call him or go running back. I’m not that woman, and I made my point. It might have been a fight, it might have been heated, but I meant what I said. I’m not going to be the only one giving up things. I came back to Hale, came back for him, because I wanted to make this work as adults.
We’re more mature now, we have responsibilities in our life that we have to consider before spontaneous acts of love. I thought that Jason and I would be able to do that, to communicate more, but apparently I was wrong. He’s salty and jealous about my work, annoyed that I give all of myself when I’m working on a script. I’ve been on his territory for the entire time we’ve had our reunion, and he’s mentioned nothing about seeing the world I left behind.
So, we’re left in limbo, neither of us wanting to be the one to say “uncle.” It’s been our biggest challenge, always. We’re both stubborn individualists, and this fight is just another version of a hundred fights we’ve had. We love each other to the moon and back, but we want the other to show just how much they love us. Prove their love.
My phone rings and I jump to answer it, but it’s only Cecily.
My family must know about the fight Jason and I got in, becaus
e Lori came over here to drop off some spare ground beef she picked up from a local farmer, and caught me red-eyed in the middle of How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Adeline and Hope texted me no less than twenty minutes later, with lots of question marks and heart emojis included.
I’ve not really wanted to talk to anyone; it’s embarrassing and upsetting, getting into a fight with the man you love, who you haven’t told you love, and don’t even really know if he is your boyfriend yet or ever will be again.
“Hey, Ceci.” I try my best to put a little fake cheer in my voice.
“How you holding up over there?” The concern in her voice is palpable, and I know someone has told her.
“Who let it slip?” I sigh.
“Hope. She had to bring in one of the kids with a rash and told me what happened. Are you okay? Do you need wine?” Ah, focusing on the important things.
“I’ve got all the wine I need, and ice cream, too. Honestly, I’m just sad, Ceci. I’m mad, too, but I … my heart feels like someone put it into a juicer and hit blend on high.” I press a hand to my chest.
“Do you think it’s worth talking to him?” She pushes, and I know she wants the full story.
I sink down onto the worn couch of the apartment. “No. We got in a fight about New York, about my job and him compromising for me to allow me to do my best work. Or to live a life I want. I’m not sure what it is I want yet, but he hasn’t even asked. This is exactly how things went last time, and he was so stubborn that I had to leave to accomplish my own dreams.”
“But you love him, right?” she asks.
I haven’t said it to anyone yet, but it feels useless trying to deny it still. “Yes. I love him. I’m more in love with Jason Whitney now than I probably was back then.”
“Don’t sound so miserable about it.” Cecily chuckles. “He’ll come around. The boy can’t be that stupid twice in one lifetime. He’s not going to let you go again. I think you both just need some space.”
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