“I hope you’re right.” I pick a piece of lint off my pajama bottoms, pouting.
“But, Sav?” she asks, and I perk up.
“Yeah?”
“When he does come back to you, be kind. I know you have New York, and your career, but I think being back here taught you that there is more to life. Am I wrong about that?”
I shake my head like a child, not wanting to admit something. “No, you’re not.”
Cecily makes a satisfied sound. “There are a lot of people who love you here, and we want to see you more than once in the next ten years. I think you and Jason can figure this out. Just make sure I’m in the wedding party.”
That has me choking on a laugh. “You always know how to pack a punch and then smooth it over with sugar.”
“I’m a southern belle, that’s in my job description. All right, honey, I’ve gotta run. But you call me if you need anything?” A car horn beeps in the background.
“Yeah, I will.”
We hang up, and her words echo in my head. Maybe there is a way to figure this all out without anyone having to give up everything.
38
Jason
I stand outside of Savannah’s door, taking a quiet, deep breath before I pound my fist into it.
Three days, that’s what I needed to calm myself down and see reason. I worked my body and mind to the bone at the vineyard, pored over my books and schedules, and came to a conclusion.
And in that time, my heart felt like someone incinerated it with a blowtorch. I could barely eat or sleep, the colors in my vision seemed dimmer, and I had an attitude with anyone who approached me. I’m transforming back into the surly man I was when Savannah was gone, and I’m not going to allow it to happen for one more second.
My fist connects with the door, and I knock three times. I hear some movement behind the door, and then the lock unlatching.
When she opens it up, Savannah doesn’t look surprised to see me.
“Hi,” she says, her voice even as she wavers in the doorway.
“Can I come in?” I ask, my eyes trying to convey the apology I’m about to give.
Savannah opens the door wider. “Okay.”
I follow her into the apartment and notice the cartons of takeout and ice cream overflowing in the trash. Guess she’s been handling our fight about as well as I have.
“I’m sorry, Savvy,” I say, leaving it at that.
Her mama once told me that to give a genuine apology, you need to say those words only and let them sit. Don’t follow them up by a bunch of reasoning and excuses, just let the words sit.
She weighs them, searching my face, and then sighs. “I’m sorry, too.”
I give it another moment and then begin. I’ve thought about what I’m going to say, how I’m going to lay it out. I’m not letting her go again, so we’ll have to find our way through this one.
“Since you came back to Hale, I’ve been a different man. I smile more, the world seems brighter, and my heart … it beats again. In those first few weeks, we were in that tension-filled dance of fixing up the house, but we saw each other almost every day. Then we stepped dangerously close to that line, before you went back to New York, and I saw what could be our future. When you went back, my world darkened. I was a man without a purpose. And then you came back and were fully mine. I wanted every moment with you, whether that was selfish or not. I should have known better. You’re a strong, successful woman, and you learned long ago not to follow your heart before your dreams. I shouldn’t have asked that of you either.”
Savvy looks up, emotion clouding her eyes. “Yes, I did learn that. And it doesn’t mean I don’t want to listen to my heart, but that love also spreads to what I do. I love being a writer, and I’m damn good at it. But I also remembered what we had, coming back here. Being with my family … I couldn’t leave that again.”
She’s still not saying what I need to hear for me to go all in with her, and I lay out the most vulnerable part of myself. This is the part she could shatter.
“I’m not even sure if you love me the way I love you. Even if you didn’t, I’d still want this.” Though I pray to God. she’s still in love with me.
After being with another man, in a relationship I have no idea the seriousness of, I don’t know if Savannah still loves me the way she did when she was eighteen. Our blind, all-consuming connection was the center of our worlds. It’s still like that for me, but I’m not sure if it is for her.
She crosses the room, turning her back to me. She looks like she’s ringing her hands, her shoulders slumping and rising in indecision.
Then my girl turns back to me. “Of course I love you. I’ve been in love with you for most every day of my life. Even when we were apart, I loved you. Seeing you now, as the generous, caring man you are, I think I love you even more. So, yes, it’s the exact same for me. But it still doesn’t mean I’d give up everything to be with you. That’s not rational, and it’s not fair.”
So my mind is set.
“I let you go once, I’m not going to do it again. I was too chickenshit to really go after you when you left ten years ago, and I won’t make that mistake twice. I’m a man who has something to show for himself now, and I’m in love with you. And for those two reasons, I know that this is going to work. Love might not be enough, but determination is. And mine has strengthened tenfold since you came back to Hale. So I’ll work here when the winery is open, and we’ll live in New York during the off season. You can have both worlds, no one has to give up anything.”
I’ve been thinking about the compromise for two days. Yes, it will be extremely difficult to leave my business for three to four months in the winter, to leave the town I love and those I volunteer for. But Savannah is more important. If her work and her needs are in New York, then that’s where we’ll go. We’ll split our lives between the states, having family time and my business in Texas, and allowing her to be in the middle of the action in New York.
Savannah looks shocked and skeptical. “Jason, we can’t just split our lives. How are we going to do that? And you can’t just leave your business, you—”
“We’ll make it work.” I shrug. “We’ll make a plan, talk it out, figure out logistics. We’re two smart people, although we’ve been idiots for the past ten years, staying away from each other. Let’s not do that again. We have a home here, my home. You have an apartment. I’ll run the winery remotely during the winter, it doesn’t take that much upkeep during those months and I have some people who will help out. We’ve already proved you can work remotely, although you drive yourself insane. And who knows where either of us will be tomorrow? We could both be out of jobs, crazier things have happened. The only thing I know is that I want to be next to you wherever we are.”
A laugh bubbles up out of her throat, and I walk toward her. “What’s so funny?”
“This.” She points between us. “This is insane. We’re insane.”
“Yes, we are. But haven’t we always been? Now, get over here and tell me you love me about a thousand more times.”
They’re the last words either of us says before I grab her and haul her to the creaky Whistlestop apartment bed.
39
Savannah
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I look over at Jason, who is still a little pale.
He nods. “Just a little bit shaky still from that landing, but I’ll be okay.”
A smile stretches my cheeks as I pat his hand. “You’ll get used to the flying, it’ll be second hand by this winter.”
Lacing his fingers in mine, he takes a deep breath. God damn, he’s cute. I find it adorably sweet that the man who is literally the size of a hulking tree branch and can fling me across a mattress easily gets queasy on an airplane.
We’re in a taxi, on our way to my apartment. Well, on our way into the city from LaGuardia. I know we have to drop our bags at the apartment, but I want to show Jason something first, really introduce him to the city
that will be his home half the time.
It’s been about two weeks since we decided to compromise with his solution of spending half the year in Texas, and half the year here. At first, I thought he was crazy, and that it would never work. But a couple of sit-down, deep-talk planning sessions later and we’ve got the best plan we could think up.
From October to the beginning of March, we’ll live in New York. It works out kind of perfectly because my shooting schedule for Love General starts in October and ends in January, with a March premiere date. We’ll be packing up to go back to the country just as a new season premieres, and I’ll be able to get a good couple months of remote writing in.
So then, from March to September, we’ll be back in Hale. Jason can run the vineyard and tend to all the events and parties they have slated. I can work from his house, where we’ll live, and spend time with my family. During those winter months, I’ve already made my brother and sisters promise to make a trip to New York, and I’m sure we’ll fly back to Hale more than once.
It’s the best of both worlds, or at least it seems like it. We haven’t gotten through an entire test year yet. Hell, it hasn’t even begun, but I think this will be the compromise we both need. We love each other; we love our worlds, and now we’ll combine them.
I suggested taking a short three-day trip here so Jason could really see what New York is like. I plan to take him to the touristy spots, but more than that, I’m going to show him the spots I love. I’ll also take him to work, to show him just exactly what it is that I do.
It’ll be his introduction to the city, and I pray that he loves it. I hope he falls in love with this chaotic, jumbled mess as much as I did when I showed up here as an eighteen-year-old.
We pull up to the Freedom Tower, and Alana waits out front for us.
“Hey, Savannah, how you doing? Long time no see.” She gives me an air kiss and then waits for me to introduce Jason.
“Alana, so good to see you, thanks for doing this. This is Jason.” Calling him my boyfriend seems silly.
Probably because I’m almost thirty, but also because we are so much more than that. After admitting that I love him, we’ve been stronger than ever. We also haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other, which proved difficult on the airplane as he was trying to frisk me while almost barfing into the seat-back nausea bag.
“Nice to meet you. All right, come on up. We held the time just for you.”
Jason glances at me, because I haven’t told him what we’re doing, and I smile sneakily. This is one of the coolest activities in New York, in my opinion, out of all the tourist traps. And you usually have to wait in a long line or go up with twelve other people who crowd you and such. But not today. No, when Donna, my boss, knows the marketing manager for the Freedom Tower, she pulls some strings to get you a private elevator ride up to the observatory.
“What’re you up too?” Jason leans over, whispering in my ear.
My hand laces through his, and I press up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Trying to make you fall in love.”
“With you? Impossible. Already happened a long time ago.”
I blush. “No, not with me. With the city.”
We walk inside the enormous glass structure, and Jason marvels. “Wow, this place is …”
“Spectacular, right?” I say as we bypass the line of ticket holders.
I feel slightly guilty as we do so, but I need to make this point so that Jason can see he’s not making a mistake choosing this to be with me. I keep feeling guilty, like he’ll hate it here eventually, so I need to do everything in my power to show him otherwise.
“Hmm, got connections, huh?” he says, noticing as we step into the elevator.
“Maybe.” I shrug, and Alana presses the buttons. “Okay, watch this.”
Jason and I press our noses to the glass as it rises, one of the fastest elevators in the entire world. It’s a glass box, showing us the entire borough of Manhattan as we rise up over it. It’s less than a minute, but I hear his intake of breath, the wonder going through his mind and emotions. It’s the same way I felt the first time I took this ride.
The elevator dings, and now we’re at the top. I keep my hand in Jason’s as we walk over to the wall of glass windows in the observatory. It’s a room made of windows, with views looking out to the entire city.
“This is incredible.” His voice is reverent as we look out the windows.
I agree. “It’s one of my favorite views and gives you a bird’s eye of exactly how big this place is. When you’re walking down on the street, it’s easy to feel small. To feel like the whole world is going to consume you. But when I come up here, I feel like I can conquer it.”
I move into his arms, so that I can wrap mine around his waist. “I hope you can learn to love it here, too. Thank you, Jason, for making this sacrifice. I know it wasn’t an easy one, and I think this will be incredible for both of us.”
He looks down at me with those beautiful blue orbs. “Now I just have to find some places to volunteer.”
“I don’t think you’ll have any trouble with that here. Actually, I think a lot of places are in dire need of someone like you.” I lean my head on his chest.
“All right, New York. I think I’m ready for you.” He rests his chin on the top of my scalp.
And I’m ready for the rest of my life with him.
40
Jason
It feels strange, being back in Hale after the intensity of New York City.
As much as I wasn’t looking forward to the trip, I have to admit, I enjoyed it. I’ve never lived anywhere else but Hale, and although I proposed the compromise, I was on edge. New York is a big change, and I’m still trying to figure out what I’ll do or how I’ll fit in the city.
With Savannah’s help and connections, I can definitely find some charities or shelters to help out at while she works, which would mean a lot to me. And I’ll be busy with off-season remote work on the winery, since we’re only expanding more each year.
But I really did enjoy myself. She showed me all of her favorite places, places I can imagine us going while we live there in the winter. It’s a different pace of life, but there is something exciting about it, and something that internally motivates you. You can’t be lazy or unsuccessful in that city, that’s what it feels like.
I’m glad to be back in our hometown, though. The buzzing of noise in my head is replaced by the chirp of birds and the hum of mosquitos. I’m happy to see all the familiar faces and get back to my house with its backyard and quiet street.
Today, I asked Savannah to meet me out at the house. Our house. The thing that brought us back together.
I have a gold-plated number I bought to hang right next to the front door, a finishing touch. That number three is the last thing we need to add to the house to make it ready to sell. Together, we paid off the back taxes and mortgage last week, so as far as financials go, we’re in a place to sell it.
Although, I’m not sure that’s what I want to do now.
I hear her car crunch on the driveway as she pulls up, and a couple seconds later she’s floating through the door. God, she’s gorgeous. I fell in love with a wild, beautiful girl and she’s transformed into an even more beautiful woman.
“Wow, this place looks amazing. I can’t believe we did this.” She looks around at our work.
“I kind of can’t either. Or at least, I can’t believe you did manual labor. You really wanted to get out of Hale that badly,” I tease her.
She rolls her eyes. “At the beginning, yes. I was excited for my apartment in New York. But now, I’m excited for both.”
We’ve talked about getting a bigger place in the same neighborhood she lives in in Manhattan. I actually really like the West Village, it has a little bit of that Hale feel in the middle of the city.
“I thought we could add the number to the door. Together.” I hold up the gold three.
“Oh, let’s!” She claps her hands and goes
out front.
Savannah insisted on painting the front door a bright red, and I have to admit it brings out the cabin. The shingled siding is a dark gray, and with the red door and yellow shutters, the house looks like something out of a storybook.
Together, we nail the number next to the door, and I polish it with a rag.
“So, do we sell or keep it?” she asks, glancing at our hard work as we stand on the front porch.
“Well, that depends. I thought if we kept it, we could save it for the future. It is by the lake, a prime spot for summer swimming. Maybe we could put a few bunk beds on that side of the room, for visitors. Or kids …”
“Oh yeah, and what does that depend on?” Savannah gives me a sly grin.
“On if you marry me,” I tell her, pulling her into me.
“I thought we already agreed on that. Did I not tell you that?” She taps her chin with a taunting expression on her face.
“No, you didn’t. Because I didn’t ask.” I pull the ring from my back pocket, holding it out to her. “But I am now.”
Savannah’s face is pure shock as I bend down on one knee. “Darling, my one and only darling, will you marry me? Spend forever as my partner, my only love?”
She begins to cry, nodding her head vehemently. But yes isn’t the word that pops out of her mouth.
“It isn’t a toe ring,” she garbles through a laugh and tears.
I crack up, hanging my head and then looking back up at her. “No, I’m older and wiser, remember?”
“Yes. And yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”
She bends as I stand, our bodies meeting in the middle. I engulf her in a hug, and at some point, our lips find each other. We get lost in the moment, our kisses heating up, and pretty soon, I’m grinding against her.
That's the Way I Loved You Page 17