Peter Simple; and, The Three Cutters, Vol. 1-2
Page 7
Chapter III
I am made to look very blue at the Blue Posts--Find wild spirits around,and, soon after, hot spirits within me; at length my spirits overcome meCall to pay my respects to the Captain, and find that I had had thepleasure of meeting him before--No sooner out of one scrape than intoanother.
When we stopped, I inquired of the coachman which was the best inn. Heanswered "that it was the Blue Postesses, where the midshipmen leavetheir chestesses, call for tea and toastesses, and sometimes forget topay for their breakfastesses." He laughed when he said it, and I thoughtthat he was joking with me; but he pointed out two large blue posts atthe door next the coach-office, and told me that all the midshipmenresorted to that hotel. He then asked me to remember the coachman,which, by this time I had found out implied that I was not to forget togive him a shilling, which I did, and then went into the inn. Thecoffee-room was full of midshipmen, and, as I was anxious about mychest, I inquired of one of them if he knew when the waggon would comein.
"Do you expect your mother by it?" replied he.
"Oh no! but I expect my uniforms--I only wear these bottle-greens untilthey come."
"And pray what ship are you going to join?"
"The _Die-a-maid_--Captain Thomas Kirkwall Savage."
"The _Diomede_--I say, Robinson, a'n't that the frigate in which themidshipmen had four dozen apiece for not having pipe-clayed their weeklyaccounts on the Saturday?"
"To be sure it is," replied the other; "why the captain gave a youngsterfive dozen the other day for wearing a scarlet watch-riband."
"He's the greatest Tartar in the service," continued the other; "heflogged the whole starboard watch the last time that he was on a cruise,because the ship would only sail nine knots upon a bowline."
"Oh dear," said I, "then I'm very sorry that I am going to join him."
"'Pon my soul I pity you: you'll be fagged to death: for there's onlythree midshipmen in the ship now--all the rest ran away. Didn't they,Robinson?"
"There's only two left now; for poor Matthews died of fatigue. He wasworked all day, and kept watch all night for six weeks, and one morninghe was found dead upon his chest."
"God bless my soul!" cried I; "and yet, on shore, they say he is such akind man to his midshipmen."
"Yes," replied Robinson, "he spreads that report every where. Now,observe, when you first call upon him, and report your having come tojoin his ship, he'll tell you that he is very happy to see you, and thathe hopes your family are well--then he'll recommend you to go on boardand learn your duty. After that, stand clear. Now, recollect what I havesaid, and see if it does not prove true. Come, sit down with us and takea glass of grog; it will keep your spirits up."
These midshipmen told me so much about my captain, and the horridcruelties which he had practised, that I had some doubts whether I hadnot better set off home again. When I asked their opinion, they said,that if I did, I should be taken up as a deserter and hanged; that mybest plan was to beg his acceptance of a few gallons of rum, for he wasvery fond of grog, and that then I might perhaps be in his good graces,as long as the rum might last.
I am sorry to state that the midshipmen made me very tipsy that evening.I don't recollect being put to bed, but I found myself there the nextmorning, with a dreadful headache, and a very confused recollection ofwhat had passed. I was very much shocked at my having so soon forgottenthe injunctions of my parents, and was making vows never to be sofoolish again, when in came the midshipman who had been so kind to methe night before. "Come, Mr Bottlegreen," he bawled out, alluding, Isuppose, to the colour of my clothes, "rouse and bitt. There's thecaptain's coxswain waiting for you below. By the powers, you're in apretty scrape for what you did last night!"
"Did last night!" replied I, astonished. "Why, does the captain knowthat I was tipsy?"
"I think you took devilish good care to let him know it when you were atthe theatre."
"At the theatre! was I at the theatre?"
"To be sure you were. You would go, do all we could to prevent you,though you were as drunk as David's sow. Your captain was there with theadmiral's daughters. You called him a tyrant and snapped your fingers athim. Why, don't you recollect? You told him that you did not care a figfor him."
"Oh dear! oh dear! what shall I do? what shall I do?" cried I: "Mymother cautioned me so about drinking and bad company."
"Bad company, you whelp--what do you mean by that?"
"O, I did not particularly refer to you."
"I should hope not! However, I recommend you, as a friend, to go to theGeorge Inn as fast as you can, and see your captain, for the longer youstay away, the worse it will be for you. At all events, it will bedecided whether he receives you or not. It is fortunate for you that youare not on the ship's books. Come, be quick, the coxswain is gone back."
"Not on the ship's books," replied I sorrowfully. "Now I recollect therewas a letter from the captain to my father, stating that he had put meon the books."
"Upon my honour, I'm sorry--very sorry indeed," replied the midshipman;--and he quitted the room, looking as grave as if the misfortune hadhappened to himself. I got up with a heavy head, and heavier heart, andas soon as I was dressed, I asked the way to the George Inn. I took myletter of introduction with me, although I was afraid it would be oflittle service. When I arrived, I asked, with a trembling voice, whetherCaptain Thomas Kirkwall Savage, of H.M. ship _Diomede_, was stayingthere. The waiter replied, that he was at breakfast with CaptainCourtney, but that he would take up my name. I gave it him, and in aminute the waiter returned, and desired that I would walk up. O how myheart beat!--I never was so frightened--I thought I should have droppedon the stairs. Twice I attempted to walk into the room, and each time mylegs failed me; at last I wiped the perspiration from my forehead, andwith a desperate effort I went into the room.
"Mr Simple, I am glad to see you," said a voice. I had held my headdown, for I was afraid to look at him, but the voice was so kind that Imustered up courage; and, when I did look up, there sat with his uniformand epaulets, and his sword by his side, the passenger in the plaidcloak, who wanted to open my letter, and whom I had told to his face,that he was _no gentleman_.
I thought I should have died as the other midshipman did upon his chest.I was just sinking down upon my knees to beg for mercy, when the captainperceiving my confusion, burst out into a laugh, and said, "So you knowme again, Mr Simple? Well, don't be alarmed, you did your duty in notpermitting me to open the letter, supposing me, as you did, to be someother person, and you were perfectly right, under that supposition, totell me that I was not a gentleman. I give you credit for your conduct.Now sit down and take some breakfast."
"Captain Courtney," said he to the other captain, who was at the table,"this is one of my youngsters just entering the service. We werepassengers yesterday by the same coach." He then told him thecircumstance which occurred, at which they laughed heartily.
I now recovered my spirits a little--but still there was the affair atthe theatre, and I thought that perhaps he did not recognize me. I was,however, soon relieved from my anxiety by the other captain inquiring,"Were you at the theatre last night, Savage?"
"No; I dined at the admiral's; there's no getting away from those girls,they are so pleasant."
"I rather think you are a little--_taken_ in that quarter."
"No, on my word! I might be if I had time to discover which I likedbest; but my ship is at present my wife, and the only wife I intend tohave until I am laid on the shelf."
Well, thought I, if he was not at the theatre, it could not have beenhim that I insulted. Now if I can only give him the rum, and makefriends with him.
"Pray, Mr Simple, how are your father and mother?" said the captain.
"Very well, I thank you, sir, and desire me to present theircompliments."
"I am obliged to them. Now I think the sooner you go on board and learnyour duty the better." (Just what the midshipman told me--the verywords, thought I--then it's all true--and I began to tremb
le again.)
"I have a little advice to offer you," continued the captain. "In thefirst place, obey your superior officers without hesitation; it is forme, not you, to decide whether an order is unjust or not. In the nextplace, never swear or drink spirits. The first is immoral andungentleman-like, the second is a vile habit which will grow upon you. Inever touch spirit myself, and I expect that my young gentlemen willrefrain from it also. Now you may go, and as soon as your uniformsarrive, you will repair on board. In the meantime, as I had some littleinsight into your character when we travelled together, let me recommendyou not to be too intimate at first sight with those you meet, or youmay be led into indiscretions. Good morning."
I quitted the room with a low bow, glad to have surmounted so easilywhat appeared to be a chaos of difficulty; but my mind was confused withthe testimony of the midshipman, so much at variance with the languageand behaviour of the captain. When I arrived at the Blue Posts, I foundall the midshipmen in the coffee-room, and I repeated to them all thathad passed. When I had finished, they burst out laughing, and said thatthey had only been joking with me. "Well," said I to the one who hadcalled me up in the morning, "you may call it joking, but I call itlying."
"Pray, Mr Bottlegreen, do you refer to me?"
"Yes, I do," replied I.
"Then, sir, as a gentleman, I demand satisfaction. Slugs in a saw-pit.Death before dishonour, d----e!"
"I shall not refuse you," replied I, "although I had rather not fight aduel; my father cautioned me on the subject, desiring me, if possible,to avoid it, as it was flying in the face of my Creator; but aware thatI must uphold my character as an officer, he left me to my owndiscretion, should I ever be so unfortunate as to be in such a dilemma."
"Well, we don't want one of your father's sermons at second-hand,"replied the midshipman, (for I had told them that my father was aclergyman); "the plain question is, will you fight, or will you not?"
"Could not the affair be arranged otherwise?" interrupted another. "Willnot Mr Bottlegreen retract?"
"My name is Simple, sir, and not Bottlegreen," replied I; "and as he didtell a falsehood, I will not retract."
"Then the affair must go on," said the midshipman. "Robinson, will youoblige me by acting as my second?"
"It's an unpleasant business," replied the other; "you are so good ashot; but as you request it, I shall not refuse. Mr Simple is not, Ibelieve, provided with a friend."
"Yes, he is," replied another of the midshipmen. "He is a spunky fellow,and I'll be his second."
It was then arranged that we should meet the next morning, with pistols.I considered that as an officer and a gentleman, I could not wellrefuse; but I was very unhappy. Not three days left to my own guidance,and I had become intoxicated, and was now to fight a duel. I went upinto my room and wrote a long letter to my mother, enclosing a lock ofmy hair; and having shed a few tears at the idea of how sorry she wouldbe if I were killed, I borrowed a bible from the waiter, and read itduring the remainder of the day.