Peter Simple; and, The Three Cutters, Vol. 1-2

by Frederick Marryat

  Chapter XIV

  The first lieutenant has more patients--Mr Chucks the Boatswain, lets meinto the secret of his gentility.

  Before I proceed with my narrative, I wish to explain to the reader thatmy history was not written in after-life, when I had obtained a greaterknowledge of the world. When I first went to sea, I promised my motherthat I would keep a journal of what passed, with my reflections upon it.To this promise I rigidly adhered, and since I have been my own master,these journals have remained in my possession. In writing, therefore,the early part of my adventures, everything is stated as it wasimpressed on my mind at the time. Upon many points I have since hadreason to form a different opinion from that which is recorded, and uponmany others I have since laughed heartily at my folly and simplicity;but still, I have thought it advisable to let the ideas of the periodremain, rather than correct them by those of dear-bought experience. Aboy of fifteen, brought up in a secluded country town, cannot beexpected to reason and judge as a young man who has seen much of life,and passed through a variety of adventures. The reader must thereforeremember, that I have referred to my journal for the opinions andfeelings which guided me between each distinct anniversary of myexistence.

  We had now been cruising for six weeks, and I found that my professionwas much more agreeable than I had anticipated. My desire to please wastaken for the deed; and, although I occasionally made a blunder, yet thecaptain and first lieutenant seemed to think that I was attentive to myduty to the best of my ability, and only smiled at my mistakes. I alsodiscovered, that, however my natural capacity may have been estimated bymy family, that it was not so depreciated here; and every day I feltmore confidence in myself, and hoped, by attention and diligence, tomake up for a want of natural endowment. There certainly is something inthe life of a sailor which enlarges the mind. When I was at home sixmonths before, I allowed other people to think for me, and acted whollyon the leading-strings of their suggestions; on board, to the best of myability, I thought for myself. I became happy with my messmates--thosewho were harsh upon me left off, because I never resented their conduct,and those who were kind to me were even kinder than before. The timeflew away quickly, I suppose, because I knew exactly what I had to do,and each day was the forerunner of the ensuing. The first lieutenant wasone of the most amusing men I ever knew, yet he never relaxed from thediscipline of the service, or took the least liberty with either hissuperiors or inferiors. His humour was principally shown in his variousmodes of punishment; and, however severe the punishment was to theparty, the manner of inflicting it was invariably a source of amusementto the remainder of the ship's company. I often thought, that althoughno individual liked being punished, yet, that all the ship's companywere quite pleased when a punishment took place. He was very particularabout his decks; they were always as white as snow, and nothingdispleased him so much as their being soiled. It was for that reasonthat he had such an objection to the use of tobacco. There werespitting-pans placed in different parts of the decks for the use of themen, that they might not dirty the planks with the tobacco-juice.Sometimes a man in his hurry forgot to use these pans, but, as the messto which the stain might be opposite had their grog stopped if the partywere not found out, they took good care not only to keep a look-out, butto inform against the offender. Now the punishment for the offence wasas follows--the man's hands were tied behind his back, and a large tinspitting-box fixed to his chest by a strap over the shoulders. All theother boxes on the lower deck were taken away, and he was obliged towalk there, ready to attend the summons of any man who might wish toempty his mouth of the tobacco-juice. The other men were so pleased atthe fancy, that they spat twice as much as before, for the pleasure ofmaking him run about. Mr Chucks, the boatswain, called it "the firstlieutenant's _perambulating_ spitting-pan." He observed to me one day,"that really Mr Falcon was such an _epicure_ about his decks, that hewas afraid to pudding an anchor on the forecastle."

  I was much amused one morning watch that I kept. We were stowing thehammocks in the quarter-deck nettings, when one of the boys came up withhis hammock on his shoulder, and as he passed the first lieutenant, thelatter perceived that he had a quid of tobacco in his cheek. "What haveyou got there, my good lad--a gum-boil?--your cheek is very muchswelled." "No, sir," replied the boy, "there's nothing at all thematter." "O there must be; it is a bad tooth, then. Open your mouth, andlet me see." Very reluctantly the boy opened his mouth, and discovered alarge roll of tobacco-leaf. "I see, I see," said the first lieutenant,"your mouth wants overhauling, and your teeth cleaning. I wish we had adentist on board; but as we have not, I will operate as well as I can.Send the armourer up here with his tongs." When the armourer made hisappearance, the boy was made to open his mouth, while the chaw oftobacco was extracted with his rough instrument. "There now," said thefirst lieutenant, "I'm sure that you must feel better already; you nevercould have had any appetite. Now, captain of the afterguard, bring apiece of old canvas and some sand here, and clean his teeth nicely." Thecaptain of the afterguard came forward, and putting the boy's headbetween his knees, scrubbed his teeth well with the sand and canvas fortwo or three minutes. "There, that will do," said the first lieutenant."Now, my little fellow, your mouth is nice and clean, and you'll enjoyyour breakfast. It was impossible for you to have eaten anything withyour mouth in such a nasty state. When it's dirty again, come to me, andI'll be your dentist."

  One day I was on the forecastle with Mr Chucks, the boatswain, who wasvery kind to me. He had been showing me how to make the various knotsand bends of rope which are used in our service. I am afraid that I wasvery stupid, but he showed me over and over again, until I learnt how tomake them. Amongst others, he taught me a fisherman's bend, which hepronounced to be the _king_ of all knots; "and, Mr Simple," continuedhe, "there is a moral in that knot. You observe, that when the parts aredrawn the right way, and together, the more you pull the faster theyhold, and the more impossible to untie them; but see, by hauling themapart, how a little difference, a pull the other way, immediatelydisunites them, and then how easy they cast off in a moment. That pointsout the necessity of pulling together in this world, Mr Simple, when wewish to hold on, and that's a piece of philosophy worth all thetwenty-six thousand and odd years of my friend the carpenter, whichleads to nothing but a brown study, when he ought to be attending to hisduty."

  "Very true, Mr Chucks, you are the better philosopher of the two."

  "I am the better educated, Mr Simple, and I trust, more of a gentleman.I consider a gentleman to be, to a certain degree, a philosopher, forvery often he is obliged, to support his character as such, to put upwith what another person may very properly fly in a passion about. Ithink coolness is the great character-stick of a gentleman. In theservice, Mr Simple, one is obliged to appear angry without indulging thesentiment. I can assure you, that I never lose my temper, even when Iuse my rattan."

  "Why, then, Mr Chucks, do you swear so much at the men? Surely that isnot gentlemanly?"

  "Most certainly not, sir. But I must defend myself by observing the veryartificial state in which we live on board of a man-of-war. Necessity,my dear Mr Simple, has no law. You must observe how gently I alwayscommence when I have to find fault. I do that to prove my gentility;but, sir, my zeal for the service obliges me to alter my language, toprove in the end that I am in earnest. Nothing would afford me morepleasure than to be able to carry on the duty as a gentleman, but that'simpossible."

  "I really cannot see why."

  "Perhaps, then, Mr Simple, you will explain to me why the captain andfirst lieutenant swear."

  "That I do not pretend to answer, but they only do so upon anemergency."

  "Exactly so; but, sir, their 'mergency is my daily and hourly duty. Inthe continual working of the ship I am answerable for all that goesamiss. The life of a boatswain is a life of 'mergency, and therefore Iswear."

  "I still cannot allow it to be requisite, and certainly it is sinful."

  "Excuse me, my dear sir; it is absolutely requisite, an
d not at allsinful. There is one language for the pulpit, and another for on boardship, and, in either situation, a man must make use of those terms mostlikely to produce the necessary effect upon his listeners. Whether it isfrom long custom of the service, or from the indifference of a sailor toall common things and language (I can't exactly explain myself, MrSimple, but I know what I mean), perhaps constant excitement may do, andtherefore he requires more 'stimilis,' as they call it, to make himmove. Certain it is, that common parlancy won't do with a common seaman.It is not here as in the scriptures, 'Do this, and he doeth it' (by thebye, that chap must have had his soldiers in tight order); but it is,'Do this, d--n your eyes,' and then it is done directly. The order to_do_ just carries the weight of a cannon-shot, but it wants theperpelling power--the d--n is the gunpowder which sets it flying in theexecution of its duty. Do you comprehend me, Mr Simple?"

  "I perfectly understand you, Mr Chucks, and I cannot help remarking, andthat without flattery, that you are very different from the rest of thewarrant officers. Where did you receive your education?"

  "Mr Simple, I am here a boatswain with a clean shirt, and, I say itmyself, and no one dare gainsay it, also with a thorough knowledge of myduty. But although I do not say that I ever was better off, I can saythis, that I've been in the best society, in the company of lords andladies. I once dined with your grandfather."

  "That's more than ever I did, for he never asked me, nor took the leastnotice of me," replied I.

  "What I state is true. I did not know that he was your grandfather untilyesterday, when I was talking with Mr O'Brien; but I perfectly recollecthim, although I was very young at that time. Now, Mr Simple, if you willpromise me as a gentleman (and I know you are one), that you will notrepeat what I tell you, then I'll let you into the history of my life."

  "Mr Chucks, as I am a gentleman I never will divulge it until you aredead and buried, and not then if you do not wish it."

  "When I am dead and buried, you may do as you please; it may then be ofservice to other people, although my story is not a very long one."

  Mr Chucks then sat down upon the fore-end of the booms by the funnel,and I took my place by his side, when he commenced as follows:--

  "My father was a boatswain before me--one of the old school, rough as abear, and drunken as a Gosport fiddler. My mother was--my mother, and Ishall say no more. My father was invalided for harbour duty after a lifeof intoxication, and died shortly afterwards. In the meantime I hadbeen, by the kindness of the port-admiral's wife, educated at afoundation school. I was thirteen when my father died, and my mother,not knowing what to do with me, wished to bind me apprentice to amerchant vessel; but this I refused, and, after six months' quarrellingon the subject, I decided the point by volunteering in the _Narcissus_frigate. I believe that my gentlemanly ideas were innate, Mr Simple; Inever, as a child, could bear the idea of the merchant service. After Ihad been a week on board, I was appointed servant to the purser, where Igave such satisfaction by my alertness and dexterity, that the firstlieutenant took me away from the purser to attend upon himself, so thatin two months I was a person of such consequence as to create adisturbance in the gunroom, for the purser was very angry, and many ofthe officers took his part. It was whispered that I was the son of thefirst lieutenant, and that he was aware of it. How far that may be trueI know not, but there was a likeness between us; and my mother, who wasa very pretty woman, attended his ship many years before as a bumboatgirl. I can't pretend to say anything about it, but this I do say, MrSimple--and many will blame me for it, but I can't help my naturalfeelings--that I had rather be the bye-blow of a gentleman, than the'gitimate offspring of a boatswain and his wife. There's no chance ofgood blood in your veins in the latter instance, whereas, in the formeryou may have stolen a drop or two. It so happened, that after I hadserved the first lieutenant for about a year, a young lord (I must notmention his name, Mr Simple) was sent to sea by his friends, or by hisown choice, I don't know which, but I was told that his uncle, who was'zeckative, and had an interest in his death, persuaded him to go. Alord at that period, some twenty-five years ago, was a rarity in theservice, and they used to salute him when he came on board. Theconsequence was, that the young lord must have a servant to himself,although all the rest of the midshipmen had but one servant betweenthem. The captain inquired who was the best boy in the ship, and thepurser, to whom he appealed, recommended me. Accordingly, much to theannoyance of the first lieutenant (for first lieutenants in those daysdid not assume as they do now, not that I refer to Mr Falcon, who is agentleman), I was immediately surrendered to his lordship. I had a veryeasy, comfortable life of it--I did little or nothing; if inquired forwhen all hands were turned up, I was cleaning his lordship's boots, orbrushing his lordship's clothes, and there was nothing to be said whenhis lordship's name was mentioned. We went to the Mediterranean (becausehis lordship's mamma wished it), and we had been there about a year,when his lordship ate so many grapes that he was seized with adysentery. He was ill for three weeks, and then he requested to be sentto Malta in a transport going to Gibraltar, or rather to the Barbarycoast, for bullocks. He became worse every day, and made his will,leaving me all his effects on board, which I certainly deserved for thekindness with which I had nursed him. Off Malta we fell in with axebeque, bound to Civita Vecchia, and the captain of the transport,anxious to proceed, advised our going on board of her, as the wind waslight and contrary, and these Mediterranean vessels sailed better on awind than the transport. My master, who was now sinking fast, consented,and we changed our ships. The next day he died, and a gale of wind cameon, which prevented us from gaining the port for several days, and thebody of his lordship not only became so offensive, but affected thesuperstition of the Catholic sailors so much, that it was hoveoverboard. None of the people could speak English, nor could I speakMaltese; they had no idea who we were, and I had plenty of time forcogitation. I had often thought what a fine thing it was to be a lord,and as often wished that I had been born one. The wind was still againstus, when a merchant vessel ran down to us, that had left Civita Vecchiafor Gibraltar. I desired the captain of the xebeque to make a signal ofdistress, or rather I did myself, and the vessel, which proved to beEnglish, bore down to us.

  "I manned the boat to go on board, and the idea came into my head, that,although they might refuse to take me, they would not refuse a lord. Iput on the midshipman's uniform belonging to his lordship (but thencertainly belonging to me), and went alongside of the merchant vessel; Itold them that I had left my ship for the benefit of my health, andwanted a passage to Gibraltar, on my way home. My title, and immediateacceptance of the terms demanded for my passage, was sufficient. Myproperty was brought from the xebeque; and, of course, as they could notspeak English, they could not contradict, even if they suspected. Here,Mr Simple, I must acknowledge a slight flaw in my early history, which Iimpart to you in confidence; or otherwise I should not have been able toprove that I was correct in asserting that I had dined with yourgrandfather. But the temptation was too strong, and I could not resist.Think yourself, Mr Simple, after having served as a ship's boy cloutedhere, kicked there, damned by one, and sent to hell by another--to findmyself treated with such respect and deference, and my lorded this andmy lorded that, every minute of the day. During my passage to Gibraltar,I had plenty of time for arranging my plans. I hardly need say that mylord's _kit_ was valuable; and what was better, they exactly fitted me.I also had his watches and trinkets, and many other things, besides abag of dollars. However, they were honestly mine; the only thing that Itook was his name, which he had no further occasion for, poor fellow!But it's no use defending what was wrong--it was dishonest, and there'san end of it.

  "Now observe, Mr Simple, how one thing leads to another. I declare toyou, that my first idea of making use of his lordship's name, was toprocure a passage to Gibraltar. I then was undecided how to act; but, asI had charge of his papers and letters to his mother and guardian, Ithink--indeed I am almost sure--that I should have laid asid
e my dignityand midshipman's dress, and applied for a passage home to thecommissioner of the yard. But it was fated to be otherwise; for themaster of the transport went on shore to report and obtain pratique, andhe told them everywhere that young Lord A---- was a passenger with him,going to England for the benefit of his health. In less thanhalf-an-hour, off came the commissioner's boat, and another boat fromthe governor, requesting the honour of my company, and that I would takea bed at their houses during my stay. What could I do? I began to befrightened; but I was more afraid to confess that I was an impostor, forI am sure the master of the transport alone would have kicked meoverboard, if I had let him know that he had been so confounded politeto a ship's boy. So I blushed half from modesty and half from guilt, andaccepted the invitation of the governor; sending a polite verbal refusalto the commissioner, upon the plea of there being no paper or pens onboard. I had so often accompanied my late master, that I knew very wellhow to conduct myself, and had borrowed a good deal of his air andappearance--indeed, I had a natural taste for gentility. I could writeand read; not perhaps so well as I ought to have done, considering theeducation I had received, but still quite well enough for a lord, andindeed much better than my late master. I knew his signature wellenough, although the very idea of being forced to use it made metremble. However, the die was cast. I ought to observe, that in onepoint we were not unlike--both had curly light hair and blue eyes; inother points there was no resemblance. I was by far the better-lookingchap of the two; and as we had been up the Mediterranean for two years,I had no fear of any doubt as to my identity until I arrived in England.Well, Mr Simple, I dressed myself very carefully, put on my chains andrings, and a little perfume on my handkerchief, and accompanied theaide-de-camp to the governor's, where I was asked after my mother, Lady----, and my uncle, my guardian, and a hundred other questions. Atfirst I was much confused, which was attributed to bashfulness; and soit was, but not of the right sort. But before the day was over, I hadbecome so accustomed to be called 'my lord,' and to my situation, that Iwas quite at my ease, and began to watch the motions and behaviour ofthe company, that I might regulate my comportment by that of goodsociety. I remained at Gibraltar for a fortnight, and then was offered apassage in a transport ordered to Portsmouth. Being an officer, ofcourse it was free to a certain extent. On my passage to England, Iagain made up my mind that I would put off my dress and title as soon asI could escape from observation; but I was prevented as before. Theport-admiral sent off to request the pleasure of my company to dinner. Idared not refuse; and there I was, my lord, as before, courted andfeasted by everybody. Tradesmen called to request the honour of mylordship's custom; my table at the hotel was covered with cards of alldescriptions; and, to confess the truth, I liked my situation so much,and had been so accustomed to it, that I now began to dislike the ideathat one day or other I must resign it, which I determined to do as soonas I quitted the place. My bill at the hotel was very extravagant, andmore than I could pay: but the master said it was not of the leastconsequence; that of course his lordship had not provided himself withcash, just coming from foreign parts, and offered to supply me withmoney if I required it. This, I will say, I was honest enough to refuse.I left my cards, P.P.C., as they do, Mr Simple, in all well-regulatedsociety, and set off in the mail for London, where I fully resolved todrop my title, and to proceed to Scotland to his lordship's mother, withthe mournful intelligence of his death--for you see, Mr Simple, no oneknew that his lordship was dead. The captain of the transport had puthim into the xebeque alive, and the vessel bound to Gibraltar hadreceived him, as they imagined. The captain of the frigate had very soonafterwards advices from Gibraltar, stating his lordship's recovery andreturn to England. Well, I had not been in the coach more than fiveminutes, when who should get in but a gentleman whom I had met at theport-admiral's; besides which the coachman and others knew me very well.When I arrived in London (I still wore my midshipman's uniform), I wentto an hotel recommended to me, as I afterwards found out, the mostfashionable in town, my title still following me. I now determined toput off my uniform, and dress in plain clothes--my farce was over. Iwent to bed that night, and the next morning made my appearance in asuit of mufti, making inquiry of the waiter which was the bestconveyance to Scotland.

  "'Post chay and four, my lord. At what time shall I order it?'

  "'O,' replied I, 'I am not sure that I shall go tomorrow.'

  "Just at this moment in came the master of the hotel, with the _MorningPost_ in his hand, making me a low bow, and pointing to the insertion ofmy arrival at his hotel among the fashionables. This annoyed me; and nowthat I found how difficult it was to get rid of my title, I becameparticularly anxious to be William Chucks, as before. Beforetwelve o'clock, three or four gentlemen were ushered into mysitting-room, who observing my arrival in that damn'd _Morning Post_,came to pay their respects; and before the day was over I was invitedand re-invited by a dozen people. I found that I could not retreat, andI went away with the stream, as I did before at Gibraltar andPortsmouth. For three weeks I was everywhere; and if I found itagreeable at Portsmouth, how much more so in London! But I was nothappy, Mr Simple, because I was a cheat, every moment expecting to befound out. But it really was a nice thing to be a lord.

  "At last the play was over. I had been enticed by some young men into agambling-house, where they intended to fleece me; but, for the firstnight, they allowed me to win, I think, about L300. I was quitedelighted with my success, and had agreed to meet them the next evening;but when I was at breakfast, with my legs crossed, reading the _MorningPost_, who should come to see me but my guardian uncle. He knew hisnephew's features too well to be deceived; and my not recognising himproved at once that I was an impostor. You must allow me to hasten overthe scene which took place--the wrath of the uncle, the confusion in thehotel, the abuse of the waiters, the police officer, and being draggedinto a hackney coach to Bow-street. There I was examined and confessedall. The uncle was so glad to find that his nephew was really dead, thathe felt no resentment towards me; and as, after all, I had only assumeda name, but had cheated nobody, except the landlord at Portsmouth, I wassent on board the tender off the Tower, to be drafted into a man-of-war.As for my L300, my clothes, &c., I never heard any more of them; theywere seized, I presume, by the landlord of the hotel for my bill, andvery handsomely he must have paid himself. I had two rings on myfingers, and a watch in my pocket, when I was sent on board the tender,and I stowed them away very carefully. I had also a few pounds in mypurse. I was sent round to Plymouth, where I was drafted into a frigate.After I had been there some time, I turned the watch and rings intomoney, and bought myself a good kit of clothes; for I could not bear tobe dirty. I was put into the mizen-top, and no one knew that I had beena lord."

  "You found some difference, I should think, in your situation?"

  "Yes, I did, Mr Simple; but I was much happier. I could not forget theladies, and the dinners, and the opera, and all the delights of London,beside the respect paid to my title, and I often sighed for them; butthe police officer and Bow-street also came to my recollection, and Ishuddered at the remembrance. It had, however, one good effect; Idetermined to be an officer if I could, and learnt my duty, and workedmy way up to quarter-master, and thence to boatswain--and I know myduty, Mr Simple. But I've been punished for my folly ever since. Iformed ideas above my station in life, and cannot help longing to be agentleman. It's a bad thing for a man to have ideas above his station."

  "You certainly must find some difference between the company in Londonand that of the warrant officers."

  "It's many years back now, sir; but I can't get over the feeling. Ican't 'sociate with them at all. A man may have the feelings of agentleman, although in a humble capacity; but how can I be intimate withsuch people as Mr Dispart or Mr Muddle, the carpenter? All very well intheir way, Mr Simple, but what can you expect from officers who boiltheir 'tators in a cabbage-net hanging in the ship's coppers, when theyknow that there is one-third of a stove allowed them to cook thei
rvictuals on?"