Angelfall

by L. Penelope

  She sniffs and looks up, bewildered. “And I’m not sure I want to know, Wren. Or should I call you Granddad? Why now? Why are you here now?”

  I look down at my hands. “Lyrix wanted to meet you before… What I mean is, she has to go away again. This time for good. But she wanted to see you in person.”

  Desi looks around as if Lyrix will pop out of thin air as well. “Then where is she?”

  Each time I asked Lyrix to accompany me to visit Clara, she came up with an excuse. I have a feeling I know why she’s been avoiding this place, but it’s not my place to share.

  “We want to help you. We’ve been trying to find ways to—”

  “Help?" Her voice is small and ragged. "Can you make me normal? Can you take this shit out of my head?" Pleading brown eyes look up at me.

  I shake my head, unable to speak.

  "Then you can't help." She covers her forehead with her palm like she's checking for a fever. “This whole thing is too fucked up. I can feel your sorrow. All your pain. Everyone's pain."

  I take a step back as if that would be enough to stop the assault of emotions she faces.

  "Stop it!" she screams, crouching down, trying to cover her ears, eyes and forehead all at the same time as if assaulted by her senses. "Leave me alone!"

  Clara sits up, her face pale with worry. Desi stands suddenly and runs from the room. I go to follow her, but Clara holds up a hand.

  "What she can do, the intensity comes and goes. It gets worse when she feels strong emotions herself. She needs a little while to wrap her mind around it. She's just had a big shock so it may take some time.”

  I wonder if Clara knows about how Desi deals with stress. How she uses drugs and alcohol to destroy little pieces of herself. But if she's ignorant of it, I don't want to be the one to tell her. Instead, I take Clara’s thin hand in mine and talk to her until she falls asleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Wren bursts through the apartment door to find me sitting on the ground, staring through the sheer curtains at the street. Guilt pulses through the bond.

  “What’s happened?” I ask. He’s rubbing the back of his neck, something he does when he’s agitated. My breath jitters and my skin gets clammy. “Wren, just tell me.”

  His eyes meet mine, pinning me in place. “It’s Desi. I told her.” His hands flex and then fist. The skin over them is tight and strained.

  “You told her what?”

  “Who I am. Who you are.”

  I rear back. His statement is a slap in the face.

  “That wasn’t your right. It wasn’t your call, Wren.”

  “She needed to know. She had to know that someone around here cares about her.”

  I ignore the accusation in his voice. “How did she take it?”

  “Badly. She ran off.”

  “You didn’t follow her?”

  He looks away. “Clara already knew. She’s always known. She could see me.”

  A memory that I hadn’t thought of in years comes to me. A young Clara, sitting in her bedroom, talking to thin air, her visitor not visible through the portal. Her parents urging her to hide what she saw, to try to forget it and act like the visions weren’t real. I can’t believe I’d forgotten that. Pain stutters through me and then Wren wraps his arms around me.

  “Why haven’t you gone to see Clara?” he whispers into my hair. I cover my mouth to hold back a sob. He holds me tight, keeping me together.

  “I can’t.” Something shatters inside me, a thing that I’ve tried very hard to hold together since we arrived in San Francisco. “I failed them. All of them. You.” I shake my head against him. “All of this suffering is because of me. It’s better that they never know me, not really.” I cling to him, though it makes me ashamed. I need him, just for now, just to hold on to. This will pass soon like all the rest and then I will go back to securing a soul for him. Someone to save him from me.

  “Do you think I don’t feel the guilt too?” he says. “The uselessness? It’s no more your fault than mine. We made our choices and we live with them, but while we’re here—”

  “While we’re here, the only thing I can do for you is help you find a soul. Then you can watch over them properly. That’s my contribution. It’s all I can do to right this wrong.”

  My heart breaks at his expression and at everything I’ve put him through. I’ve watched our children suffer and fall through the decades. It’s brought more pain than anyone should have to bear.

  The phone ringing upstairs destroys the silence. Moments later, something crashes to the ground. Light footsteps race across the floor, back and forth. It’s not Desi—she travels exclusively by stomping—but I’ve never known Jessye to be so frantic.

  I reach for her thoughts and drop them quickly, burned by their intensity.

  “It’s Clara,” I say, my voice failing. Wren leans his ear to my lips to hear me. “The nursing home just called. She’s being rushed to the emergency room.”

  Chapter Thirty

  I am invisible, standing next to a blue curtain which separates my granddaughter from the hospital bed next to her. A clear mask covers half of her face. Tubes deliver medication into her veins. Her eyes flutter, never opening, but that movement and the heart rate monitor beeping next to her indicate she is still alive.

  Her illness and pain call out to me, begging for healing. I approach her bed, and she opens her eyes.

  “Grandfather, is that you?” Her voice is muffled by the oxygen mask.

  “I’m here,” I say, meeting her watery gaze. “We can take the pain away, if you will let us.”

  Clara’s eyes take in the space next to me where Lyrix stands, invisible to everyone else. Clara reaches for her, and though I cannot see Lyrix, she must be holding our granddaughter’s hand. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I should have come sooner.”

  Tears fill my eyes. Her concern and sadness echo through our bond.

  “Let us help you,” I say. Something brushes against my free hand, and then Lyrix slides her fingers between mine.

  One wrinkled hand slowly rises and pull down the mask. “It’s my time. The bright ones will be here soon.”

  An Angel of Death is on their way to lead her soul to the Eternal Flame. Perhaps this will be her last life and her soul will join the Flame permanently. Or perhaps it will be deemed not strong enough and she will be sent back to live again. Though I know this is the way of things, I still want to help. My fingers itch to reach for her, heal the old and tired heart beating in her chest. Restore her damaged mind to wholeness. Give her a few more good years.

  Clara shakes her head as if reading my thoughts. “All of us have our time. Some of it here, some of it there. Eighty-three years is long enough, I suspect.”

  Lyrix shivers beside me. “Are you afraid?” I ask.

  Air whistles out of Clara’s lips. “A little.”

  “Don’t be. It isn’t frightening at all,” I say.

  Lyrix clears her throat. “The knowledge you’ve collected, all of your memories and experiences will go to the Hall of Records, where angels will study all that you’ve done and learned. Your life will mean a great deal.” Her voice wavers; I can hear the tears clogging her throat.

  “It’s not an end, but a beginning,” I say.

  Clara licks her lips and tries to speak. Nothing comes out at first, and she tries again. “Thank you. Both.” She turns her head to view Lyrix. “I think he’s coming.”

  The machines around her beep, indicating that Clara is going into distress. Lyrix and I step back as the hospital staff rushes in.

  In the hallway, we become visible again. “We should try Desi again,” I say. Lyrix nods and goes to the nurse's station to make the call, only to return shaking her head. No response.

  I shift to my angel form so I can see who comes for Clara. An Angel of Death called Farrix arrives, his red-orange light blinding. He pulls Clara to him, separating her soul from her body. He spares us a glance and a shimmer of recognition
before leading her away through the portal. I shift back to human and find myself shaking. That last change took a lot out of me. My powers have faded swiftly over the course of the past days and now are nearly gone.

  Lyrix takes my hand, and we watch the doctor declare the time of death. Well, she watches. I close my eyes and think of all the times this has happened before. Lyrix watched our son pass away. Clara’s son and daughter. She has watched humans die for so long—I don’t know how she’s been able to stand it.

  The pounding of running feet behind us makes us turn. Desi tears down the hallway, her face streaked with black where her makeup has mixed with her tears. She stares at Clara’s motionless body, her pupils huge. I can tell by the way she’s standing that she’s high right now.

  Jessye follows behind her, solemn. Desi crumples to her knees at Clara’s bedside, not speaking or shouting, silent tears streaming down her face. Her wide-eyed stare is like that of a doll’s. Lyrix is frozen beside me. Desi doesn't notice us—her eyes are only for her grandmother.

  Suddenly, a horrific wail comes out of her small body. It seems too big a sound to come from such a small person. It vibrates through me, shaking me to the core. She howls again, even louder than before. Two nurses rush towards her, but I get to her first, wrapping her in my arms, trying in vain to provide comfort.

  She wrenches away and flees down the hall. Lyrix’s hands cover her mouth as she watches Desi’s retreat. She is rooted to the spot. I take off after Desi.

  Heavy boots clatter on the linoleum as she careens around corners, narrowly missing collisions with nurses and patients. She races through the glass doors of the emergency room and into the night.

  I’m on her heels, zigging and zagging through the cars in the parking lot, following Desi into the street. One hand grips her forehead, and I wonder how bad the emotions hitting her are. The traffic is stopped at a red light. She weaves through the cars, ignoring me as I call her name. She only pauses when she reaches the opposite corner. Still clutching her head, she looks around, confused.

  Her arms shake, and her breathing stutters; little hiccups escape her lips. When I reach her, she blinks furiously, scrubbing at her eyes. I hold out my hand, but she looks down at it, as if it’s a foreign object. As if she’s never seen me before. Then she steps toward the crosswalk.

  The red hand flashes on the other side of the street, indicating that it isn’t safe to cross. A pickup truck barrels around the corner to the left of us, trying to beat the yellow light. But Desi doesn’t notice any of this when she steps off the curb. I launch myself forward, reaching for her. The screech of brakes pierces the night. I grab Desi around her waist and pull her up, lifting us both into the air.

  But I’m weak, and slow, and the windshield of the truck smashes into my side. My neck cracks back on the corner beam and something snaps. My arms go slack. Desi falls, tumbling across the hood of the still-moving vehicle.

  I hear a thud and another crack and then look up to see a bright light coming towards me. Its rainbow colors are more beautiful than anything on earth.

  Then everything goes black.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I leave Jessye behind in the parking lot of the hospital to take my angel form once I hear the accident. I’m stronger in this form, and the emotions of what’s before me don’t penetrate quite as much. The bond between me and Wren is weaker too; I can shut out everything he’s feeling. This numbness is welcome. My mind is clear and focused on the task at hand.

  Both of them—Desi and Wren—are mangled and bloody. Their injuries become clear to my improved senses. Wren’s neck is broken. Half of Desi was crushed by the wheels of the truck.

  I can heal them both, but not at the same time. And it is very likely that one will die while I tend to the other.

  How can I choose? I love them both beyond measure. And she has a soul—she will live again, while he will not. But if I save him and not her, he will hate me. He would want for it to be her. And I’ve already let him down too many times.

  I’m grateful when her body responds to my power in the way her emotions did not. I knit her body back together from the inside out, repairing blood vessels, muscle, bone and sinew. Even the bruises. Even the addiction. Perhaps that is something I should let her handle on her own, but I once I start, I can’t stop. If I had been around for Micah, then all of them would have known who they were and perhaps she would never have turned to drugs in the first place.

  With Desi mended, I turn to Wren. He’s already grown so much worse in the short time I focused on her. Paramedics strap him to a board and place a collar around his neck. He’s almost gone. I try to fuse his body back together, force as much power as I can into him, but the response is slow. His heart is failing.

  Jessye stands sobbing among the onlookers. I shift back to human directly beside her and startle her by speaking.

  “Do you care about Wren?” I ask.

  She stares at me, her mouth open and quivering. I grab her by the shoulders and shake gently. “I need you to be strong. Do you care about him? Do you want him to die?”

  “Yes. No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t want him to die.”

  “Then say these words and mean them: ‘Wren, I bind my soul to yours for all eternity.’”

  “W-what?”

  “Just say it. Jessye, please.” I’m shaking her harder now, but she’s a scared human witnessing something she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t even know why I’m here and just keeps sobbing and shaking.

  The paramedics pump oxygen into Wren’s lungs, but I can feel his heart slow to a crawl.

  “Say it!” I scream again.

  And then it’s too late. The bond is silent. He’s gone.

  A rumble sounds from somewhere, and I realize it’s from within my own chest. I don’t know what this sound is, but it’s vibrating through me, wreaking havoc.

  Winds pick up. The ground rattles. I clamp down on my feelings, desperate for control.

  Not again. Please, not again.

  The earth shudders and groans. I’m helpless to stop it. Suddenly a force knocks me down and the storm quiets. I look up to see a man floating above me—an angel, but one I don’t recognize.

  “You really must learn to pull yourself together, Lyrix,” he says, then offers me a hand. I stare at his palm for a moment before grasping it. He pulls me to standing, and I float up beside him, completely visible to everyone around us and uncaring.

  “Are you here for him?” I ask.

  “After a manner. I am Helix, did Wren tell you of my offer for your offspring?”

  I stiffen. So this is the Resurrection. “Yes, he told me.”

  “It still stands. I can bring him back right now.”

  My gaze shoots to Desi, who shakes off the paramedics. They've paused their poking and prodding of her to stare up at us. “If you can’t guarantee no harm will come to her, then there is no deal to make, angel.” My heart shudders inside me, but I can’t risk her.

  “Are you talking about me?” Desi asks, standing. The crowd around us is quiet, gaping. First at the two people floating above them in the sky. Then at the girl who had just been hit by a truck, standing and talking, without a scratch on her.

  Desi ignores the crowd and the cell phone cameras trained on all of us. Her eyes are on Helix. I haven’t seen her gaze this clear in a long time.

  Helix focuses on her. “I will save him, bring him back in exchange for you unlocking some of my memories. That is the deal I offered the halfling and the one I offer Lyrix now, as your new protector.”

  Desi looks at me, determination in her eyes. “I know you love him,” she says. “I can feel it. Save him.”

  I shake my head. “He didn’t want this. He's seen you struggle and grow weak restoring Clara's memories. We have no idea what could happen to you if you try it with an angel thousands of years old. Wren would never sacrifice you for his own life. That’s not who he is. Was.” Tears choke me.

  “Shouldn’t it
be my decision?” Desi asks. “If so, then I agree.” She turns to Helix. “Bring Wren back, I’ll do whatever you want.”

  “Desi, please,” I plead. “It might be dangerous.” She cuts her eyes at me.

  “I’m not scared. Look what he did for me.”

  Helix raises an eyebrow at me. He still needs my permission. I begrudgingly nod. She has the right to make her own decisions, even if none of us know what the consequences could be.

  Helix glows brighter, the brilliance taking over his human form, and almost immediately Wren sits up on the board that now rests on a wheeled gurney. Blood still covers him, but all his wounds have closed and he is healed. He stands, pulling off the neck brace and maneuvering around both the paramedics and the crowd, who have been shocked into silence. His confused gaze goes from me to Helix to Desi. Then he looks down at himself and back to me.

  I lower myself so that I’m next to him and grab his hands with both of mine. “She chose this,” I say to his bewildered expression. “She chose to save you.”

  Desi steps up to Wren and throws her arms around him. Tears run down her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry,” she says.

  “For what?” he asks.

  “Getting you killed.” Then she turns to me. “What was it you were trying to get Jessye to say to him?”

  Next to us, Jessye is now in a state of near catatonia. Her eyes are glazed over, even as she watches us.

  “Wren needs a soul. He’s fully human now and the next time he dies…we can't count on Helix to be around.” I turn to Wren. “Ajax will not be able to look away forever.” He nods grimly.

  “What happens then?” Desi asks.

  I look down, my throat thick with dread. “Wren will be sent away. Forever. To a terrible place. I wanted Jessye to bind her soul to his so that he can be reborn.”

  Desi looks from me to Wren again, frowning. I can tell she doesn’t completely understand, but her empathic senses must be firing overtime.