Can't Touch This

by Pepper Winters

  Rupert came up beside me and nudged my shoulder with his. “I figure you understand enough to know who Michelle is? She’s the one who lied and made Ry a laughing stock at school. I don’t like her.”

  “I don’t like her, either.” My voice was venom inside my throat. “Bloody ex girlfriend. What the hell is she doing here? Where did she come from?”

  “Not just an ex.” Rupert lowered his voice. “The ex. But you have nothing to worry about. She never deserved him and she will never be welcome here. Ever. Ryder will give her a piece of his mind and kick her out. Don’t you worry.”

  I swallowed my raging pain, howling at how quickly today had gone from perfect to messy. “Don’t experts say that if you’re still pissed at an ex it means there’s unsolved emotions? That if you can look them in the eye and feel nothing that you’re truly over them?” Angry tears balled in my throat. “Ryder looked at her with rage. Rage is an emotion. Hate is love with a little poison mixed in.”

  Oh God, could he still have feelings for her?

  I didn’t see a wedding ring on Michelle’s finger which meant she had a child and was most likely on the prowl for a baby daddy.

  Rupert took a sip before passing me his beer. I clung to it even though I didn’t like the tangy stuff. “Don’t torture yourself, Ves. I’ve never seen my brother with anyone the way he is with you. You gotta know that he cares a lot for you.”

  Cares but has never come out and said how much.

  Neither had I.

  Did that mean we were both uncertain about the longevity of what lived between us? Were we still on the lookout for something better without even knowing it?

  Without thinking, I tipped the beer bottle to my lips and drank the entire thing. Gross cold stuff mingled with the buzz from the vodka mixes. The moment the bottle was empty, I threw it at Rupert and sprinted after Michelle and Ryder.

  “Hey!” Rupert called, but I didn’t turn around.

  I just kept running like a spy, dodging around the large oak tree, and ignoring the way my heart bled at the sight of a little boy walking in the middle of a woman I hated and a man I loved as if he belonged to both of them.

  * * *

  “And this is Corn and Chip. They’re Chiweenies.” Ryder scowled, unwilling to do any more than the bare necessities of introduction.

  “Oh, they’re so cute!” Nate dropped to his knees and bear hugged the two tiny critters. Instead of running away, the dogs stayed put. One even tentatively licked the little boy’s face.

  Oh my God, it hurt.

  It hurt because I’d earned a whine and terror from that little dog when trying to heal him. And now a complete stranger from a woman who had Ryder’s heart before I ever did earned a lick.

  It was a slap in the damn face.

  Hiding around the door, I spied on the trio.

  For fifteen minutes, Ryder had leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and barked off names and breeds whenever Michelle pointed to one of interest. His voice was cold but Michelle put on the best freaking act of the century.

  “Oh, Ryder,” she cooed. “You have so many. You always did like to fix things.”

  He didn’t reply.

  Scooping up a Yorkiepoo, she smiled. “Remember my mum had one of these? Remember that night it got into bed with us when we were—”

  Ryder snarled, “Stop it. Your kid is present.”

  She waved Nate away who was still obsessed with the Chiweenies. “He’s too young to understand the birds and the bees.” Moving toward Ryder, Michelle murmured, “But we weren’t too young, were we? We understood.”

  Ryder didn’t move but his body language turned colder and blacker the closer she got. “I’m not here to reminisce, Michelle. Your time is running out. I want to get back to—”

  “Your hussy?”

  “Fucking excuse me?” Ryder’s voice slipped into menacing growl that I’d never heard before. “Don’t you ever—”

  “Come on, already. You were screwing her in the corridor. If you loved her, that’s not something you’d do. You’d treat her with kiddy gloves; just like you treated me. You protect those you love, not use them.”

  “Stop it.”

  “No, not until you admit it. You still think about me. About us.” She had the audacity to reach out and touch his chest. “I do. I fantasise about you at night. I miss how gentle—”

  Ryder grabbed her wrist, tearing her touch from his body. “You always did live in a decisional world. Don’t touch me. Don’t speak to me. You don’t know a thing about me. You never did. Time to leave.”

  Michelle bounced on her high heels, swaying into him. In one awful horrifying moment, she kissed him.

  She. Kissed. My. Man.

  The bitch.

  The cow.

  The shock of what happened made time freeze then Ryder made everything crumble. He shoved her away. “Pick a dog and go.”

  “Only if you promise to come and check on him next weekend. We’ll pick up where we left off for old time’s sake.”

  Ryder prowled toward her, grabbed her shoulder, and whispered something violent in her ear.

  I couldn’t hear.

  I strained to hear.

  But all I got were doggy whuffles and curious barks.

  And then he let her go, storming from the barn in the opposite direction. I stood there in shock as Michelle gloated, rubbed her lips, and bent over her son. “You like those two, baby?”

  “Yes, yes, yes! They’re the best. Can I have two not one? Please?”

  “They do look adorable together and the best things come in pairs.” She grinned. “Done. Let’s take them with us before that grumpy man changes his mind.”

  Nate nodded, hastily scooping up Chip while Michelle grabbed Corn. My heart cried, but I didn’t move fast enough and Michelle strode toward the door where I was hiding and jumped when I stood up straight from peering around to spy.

  “Oh, it’s you.”

  I didn’t reply, merely glared at the dogs in her and her son’s arms.

  A snarky gleam filled her gaze. “You know, he’ll never feel the same way about you as he did about me.” Nate dashed past, kissing the Chiweenie as it bounced in his arms.

  Once the boy had flown away, Michelle crowded me against the door. “Do you know why I tracked Ryder down? Do you know why I ran the risk of upsetting him by showing up unannounced?”

  My throat was dry.

  I wanted to know. But I didn’t.

  Just go away.

  I wanted her to never have existed.

  I wanted her gone so I could pretend this never happened. Hell, we all had a past. We all had baggage. I just didn’t want to be on a carousel that proudly displayed said baggage. It was meant to stay with the skeletons and bad decisions of days gone by.

  “Rather the silent type, aren’t ya?” Michelle smirked. “Well, seeing as you’re too polite to ask, I’ll tell you.” Her voice dropped to a secretive whisper. “The truth is, and I’m so sorry to say this because you obviously thought you stood a chance with him, but Nate…he’s Ryder’s.”

  “What?” My mouth hung open. “That can’t be.”

  “Oh?” She tossed her brown hair smugly. “Why not? He fucked me. Actually, that’s a lie. He made love to me. He loved me. He begged me to stay. If I’d been a little smarter when I was younger, there was no way you’d be shacking up with him as a convenient blow-up doll with a pulse.”

  My hand itched to slap her bitchy face. Like literally burned to connect. Hard.

  “Any who, thought you should know. I’m not going to give up because it’s about time he took some responsibility for his own offspring and not just stray dogs, don’t you think? He’s mine. Always has been, so I’d move along and find some other cock to claim.”

  I stumbled.

  No, this couldn’t be happening.

  Ryder…he wouldn’t—

  But what was wrong about him having a kid to another woman? His relationship with Michelle was before me. Be
fore us. His past had every right to make a claim on him.

  But did I have a right to ask for a future when he already had a readymade family wanting him back?

  No, no, no.

  I can’t deal with this.

  I’d opened my heart, my soul to him.

  I’d willingly fallen, believing he’d be at the bottom waiting to catch me. Now I’d found out he’d not only fallen the wrong way but he would never be there to catch me because he’d be playing house with this cow.

  Michelle laughed softly. “I’m not going to stop until he’s mine again. I should never have left it so long but I didn’t know where he’d gone. However, then an old high-school friend came into the salon the other day and told me about this awesome place and who ran it.” She ran her tongue over her lips. “Nate needs his father. I would suggest you stay out of my way.” Brushing past me, she headed up the meadow to her car.

  I stood there, breathing erratic, thoughts colliding.

  Out the corner of my eye, I saw Rupert and Polly on the deck to the side of the house. Polly waved, trying to get my attention. And Ryder appeared from the front door, his body facing me and not the woman of his child.

  He held up his arms in a question. Probably wanting to know what I was doing out here; why he didn’t find me spread legged and waiting for him to slide back inside me after talking with this hoe-bag (and yes the title was entirely apt).

  What does he expect will happen now?

  That I could share him? That I could be step-mum with custody dealings with Michelle freaking Home-Wrecker?

  Hell no.

  I just couldn’t do it.

  I loved him.

  I was in love with him.

  I thought I could keep him all for myself—minus family gatherings and social engagements. I didn’t want to share. With anyone. Let alone an ex-lover.

  It hurt so goddamn much.

  I need…I need.

  I need to think.

  To hide.

  To run.

  Turning around, I bolted.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  ---------------------

  Ryder

  ONE MOMENT, VESPER WAS LOOKING in my direction, the next she’d vanished into the setting sun, the flick of blonde curls the last thing I saw of her.

  My heart lurched. My body moved on its own accord, hurtling me down the stairs to the grass. Everything inside said to charge after her. To fix whatever mess Michelle had caused but anger didn’t let me.

  Instead, I stalked toward Michelle who’d chosen the two Chiweenies that I’d always remember from the night Vesper was sick and the first night she let me care for her. “You can’t have those.”

  I tried to pry Chip from Michelle’s arms but Corn yipped happily from Nate’s embrace. The boundary between doing right and wrong crippled me. I didn’t want to prevent these two awesome creatures from finding a forever home but I couldn’t get past my disgust for this woman.

  What should I do?

  “Still haven’t been able to drop the controlling issues huh, Ry?”

  Don’t you dare call me that.”

  “Touché.”

  I glanced toward the river where Vesper had vanished to. My heart pulled me that way, but I had to finish this business first. “What did you say to her?”

  “Nothing that wasn’t true.” She smirked, her gaze landed on Nate.

  Something itched inside me. Something not nice. Something evil. “How old is he?”

  Michelle blinked, not expecting such a question. “Nate? He’s um…” Her eyes glazed, either unable to remember her own son’s birthday or doing her best to lie about it.

  Nothing’s changed.

  Once a liar. Always a liar.

  But the kid ruined the day or saved it, depending on whose point of view.

  “I’m seven. The puppy was my birthday present for yesterday.”

  “Oh wow, buddy. That’s awesome.” Ignoring the mother entirely, I sank to my hunches by the little guy. “And do you know your address?”

  He beamed. “Yep. It’s 115 Fairview Crescent.”

  I recognised that neighbourhood. It was an hour or so away in the village I used to live in while I was at school. Michelle hadn’t moved far from her parents. It was a nice area. Dogs to play with; kids to chase. As much as I hated Michelle, I couldn’t begrudge the two Chiweenies finding happiness.

  Life was too short.

  So why the hell was I holding onto teenage angst when it was so long ago?

  Who the fuck cared what she did when we were kids. I hadn’t thought about her in years. She meant nothing to me. The anger I felt was residual hurt from ego, nothing more.

  I’ve been an idiot.

  I was too old for this crap. And too in love with my perfect other to give a toss about incidents that meant nothing to me.

  Chuckling under my breath, I took a deep, cleansing breath—surprising myself at how easily it was to go of the past, the lies, and the way Michelle treated me. It was so damn trivial now.

  In fact, it was almost funny.

  I had nothing left but love for the dogs and hope that they were going to a good home. “Nate, I’m going to come visit you next weekend, okay? I’m going to make sure you know how to look after Corn and Chip here. If they’re not walked every day and fed yummy, healthy stuff with an occasional treat and lots of cuddles, I’m going to have to take them off you. Do you understand?”

  Nate’s eyes welled with tears. “But why? I love them. Don’t take them away.”

  “They’re dependent on you. If you don’t pick up after them or keep them entertained, then their quality of life is like you being locked in a room with no PlayStation, dinner, hugs, or a toilet. Get it? Having dogs isn’t all fun and games. They’re hard work. It’s a commitment for life.”

  He nodded solemnly. “I understand. I promise I’ll pick up their poopies and walkies all the time.”

  “Good lad.” Standing straight, I faced his mother. The hate and residual pain from our past had vanished, leaving me free and desperate to find Vesper and sink inside her and finish what we started. “Michelle, thanks for coming down. If you do right by those little dogs, then you’ve redeemed yourself and I’m grateful.”

  She scowled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that whatever stunt you hoped to pull here, it hasn't worked. I forgive you. There, I said it. I truly do. We were just kids. I hope you have a wonderful life.”

  “But Ryder—”

  “I’ll pop around about one p.m. next Sunday to make sure the Chiweenies are happy. Their preferred vet is Vesper Fairfax from Tales of Tails.” Not giving her a chance to ruin my afternoon anymore, I took off running.

  To chase my woman.

  To finish what we started.

  To tell her just how much I fucking loved her.

  How much I wanted her.

  How much I bloody needed her forever.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  ---------------------

  Vesper

  THE LOG I SAT ON was a perfect thinking, crying, plotting stool.

  I stared at the river, where a few weeks ago, I’d been on all fours with Ryder inside me and dogs running recklessly free.

  Now, I was alone and contemplating what was the right thing.

  I should walk away and give him the freedom to claim his child. I should forget about him and put him back into the client box.

  But why should I do that?

  It would only grant me pain. Many couples had children with other people. It was never a simple arrangement with exes who became part of the marriage with holiday custody and collection times but if they could make it work, we could.

  Couldn’t we?

  I wish I’d run to Polly rather than the river. I really needed to talk to someone rather than driving myself crazy with these questions.

  A twig snapped behind me, wrenching my head up.

  Ryder held up his hands. “Just me. I’m not going to bite.�
��

  Images of him lip-locked with Michelle and other stomach curdling thoughts of him screwing his childhood girlfriend to make little Nate overwhelmed me.

  I shook my head and shot up. “I need some time alone.” I followed the river’s edge deeper into shadow.

  However, Ryder didn’t let me go easily. Chasing me, he never broke out of a steady walk but his voice wrapped around me from behind. “She doesn’t mean anything, Ves. She’s part of my past. I’m over it.”

  Could’ve fooled me with the anger boiling off you.

  “I was mad for a long time. She spread some rumours about me when we were kids. It sort of ruined my teenage years. But ten minutes ago, I got over it. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

  I sucked in a breath. Could he mean that?

  “What I do give a shit about though, is why you’re running away from me.” His voice lowered. “Can we talk about this, please?”

  I shook my head again, swallowing tears so he didn’t see them on my cheeks.

  I kept walking.

  He kept chasing.

  “Vesper, stop. This is stupid.”

  “Stupid? Contemplating if I should break up with you for your own happiness isn't stupid, Ryder. It’s the most selfless, painful thing I’ve ever considered.”

  His footfalls stopped. “Whoa, what? Why would you break up with me?”

  “Because—” My throat closed up. I forced my body to keep moving.

  “Because?” Bracken and pebbles sounded louder as he increased his speed, catching up with me.

  Instinct made me break into a jog. “Leave me alone. I need some time.”

  I only earned a few steps before large hands grabbed my shoulders, spun me around, and crushed my back against a weeping willow. The delicate stems and spear-shaped leaves framed us in a curtain wonderland. “Don’t run away from me, Ves, and don’t fucking think about breaking up with me.” He glared. “Who else can I call in the middle of the night for my rescues? Who else can I be myself with?”

  I sniffed. “I’d still be your vet. But our boundaries would have to be very clear.”