Teresa: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.5)

by Neven Iliev

  “Quite dazzling, isn’t it?”

  Keira didn’t respond to Ariebelle’s comment. She didn’t even seem to hear it. She was positively mesmerized by the sparkling gem, her eyes wide open and mouth agape.

  “Uhm, miss Keira?”

  “...”

  “Hello? Are you okay?”

  The elf leaned in and waved her hand in front of the catgirl’s stupefied face.

  “... Oh! S-sorry! It’s just… this is the first time I’m seeing something like this! It’s amazing!”

  “I know. It’s so beautiful I’m almost sad to part with it.”

  “But what is-”

  “Please, take it,” the elf interrupted firmly, “I insist.”

  No, I wasn’t going to give it back, you stupid cow! I just wanted to ask what this thing was made of! Ugh. Whatever. I’ll just roll with it.

  “Th-then I will gratefully accept it. I have to say this is really unexpected. How come Mister Faehorn left this for me? Is there something special about it?”

  “I was hoping it would have some special meaning to you, but I see that isn’t the case. To be frank, I haven’t the foggiest. Uncle never told me where or how he got it, and none of the Wizards, Scribes, or Enchanters examining it could tell me anything about it other than how remarkably un-magical it was. As far as I know, it’s just a pretty rock Uncle picked up somewhere.”

  Boxxy was confident this woman had no idea what she was talking about, except for the last bit. The gem was so exquisite that the monster could almost smell the shininess. However, something else rendered the creature momentarily speechless. While Keira’s eyes and fingers told the shapeshifter that this thing in its hands was definitely there, its MLG vehemently disagreed. It was somehow invisible to Boxxy’s magical perception no matter how hard the creature focused on it, as if peering into a square-shaped hole of nothingness. It was the same surreal feeling that Edward gave off. Were the two connected somehow? Or did they simply exhibit a similar effect?

  Either way, Boxxy wasn’t going to learn anything by pondering the matter there and then. It would eventually look into it, but for the moment it focused on what was important.

  Shiny – GET!

  While initially irritating, the whole funeral business had turned out unexpectedly worthwhile. Surely this was proof that good things came to those who waited.

  “Well, it still makes me happy,” Keira beamed. “I’m not big on jewelry and such, but it’ll treasure Mister Faehorn’s gift forever. Thank you for bringing it to me.”

  “I’m glad you like it. I’m sure putting a smile on that face was exactly what Uncle wanted to achieve with this little stunt. Now then, I feel I should make amends for suddenly whisking you away from your companion. Do you perchance need a lift?”

  “Uhm, if it’s no trouble, could you drop me off by the Central Consortium?”

  Since Boxxy had an excuse to be away from Rowana right now, it decided to see if Reggie sent word regarding his ‘little something-something.’

  “Of course. Driver!”

  The carriage they were in swiftly delivered Keira to her destination. She and Ariebelle exchanged parting words before the elf rode off into the city. The catgirl casually entered the building and climbed to the second floor. On the way, Boxxy realized that it was probably inappropriate to walk around in funeral attire, so it ducked into the restroom to change. Once it was done, it proceeded down the second floor’s north wing into its guild’s office space. But not before checking in with the security checkpoint.

  Well, it may have been called a ‘security checkpoint,’ but it wasn’t that strict. It was like any other guild’s foyer – a few counters staffing attractive receptionists, several couches seating visitors, and some colorful flower pots and paintings livening up the place a little. The two men standing on either side of a set of double doors in the far corner of the room were the only guard-like people. Although, their post was mostly decorative. Only a lunatic would dare openly invade a building with eight whole guilds in it. As such, the guards were mostly around to keep unauthorized personnel from wandering into places they shouldn’t be and to keep visitors from stepping out of line both figuratively and literally. This place was usually quite busy, so it wasn’t unthinkable for altercations to happen when people had to queue up for an hour only to be turned away at the last moment due to a technicality or oversight.

  That was the usual state of affairs before the war broke out. Pretty much all adventurers above Level 20 were drafted into service with the only ones remaining either trainees or special exceptions like Keira. The influx of Quests was also on a sharp decline since the various guilds were all short-handed. As such, the normally bustling entrance hall was eerily quiet. With nothing better to do, the two guards currently sat around a short table playing a friendly game of dice. They greeted the newly arrived Keira with a nod, and she returned the gesture with a smile and a wave. The sole receptionist on duty was a young human girl with brown, braided hair. She was wearing the usual attire of employees of the Hidden Arrow guild, which consisted of an off-white shirt, a bright green vest with an arrowhead patch on the left breast, and a matching knee-length skirt.

  “Good day, Keira!” the receptionist girl said excitedly. “I wasn’t expecting to see you back so soon.”

  “Hey, Clara. How are things?”

  “Mmmm, well… Bored out of my skull. Same as always.”

  “Sounds tough.”

  “Well, it’s nothing compared to what the others are going through out there… Anyway, is there something I can help you with?”

  “Kind of. I was just dropping by to check a few reference books out of the library.”

  Her words weren’t only an excuse to nonchalantly drop by and check if she got any messages from Reggie. While that was one of the reasons Boxxy was there, it also wanted to check on something else. It had realized that it knew next to nothing of the region it was being deployed to in five days’ time, other than it was a dense pine forest. The shapeshifter was quite curious what sort of monsters or animals could be found there, so it came here to gather information. After all, this was a good opportunity to sample some new types of meat. While magical beasts would never be tastier than human flesh, some of them were enjoyable in their own way.

  “My, my. Aren’t we studious today,” Clara grinned playfully. “You aiming for extra credit or something?”

  “I don’t want to hear that from someone who failed Spellcasting 101 because she fell asleep during the written exam,” Keira fired back.

  “At least I can walk up and down the main road without getting lost,” the receptionist retaliated.

  Both her and the nearby guards snickered.

  “Ugh. That’s going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?”

  “Yup!” Clara confirmed Keira’s worries. “Right then, need anything other than the library?”

  “Hmm. Now that you mention it, could you show me if you have any easy Quests I can do.”

  “... You’re supposed to be resting,” the receptionist said sternly.

  “I am! It’s just that it’s been awhile since I got a chance to really move around. And, uh, I’m worried I might grow rusty. Can’t have that, am I right?”

  “You’re bored too, aren’t you?”

  “... Little bit.”

  “Hahahahahaaa, told you so!” one of the guards laughed heartily. “There’s no way someone as lively as the Merry Popper would sit still for a whole week! Wahahahaha!”

  “Ah, crap. That nickname already made it to the capital.”

  “Of course, it did, girly,” the other guard grinned. “You shouldn’t underestimate the power of rumors. They travel faster than a sonic sparrow with diarrhea!”

  “I think it’s kind of cute,” Clara chimed in. “The nickname, I mean.”

  “Thanks, but you’re only saying that because you don’t know the story behind it,” the redhead grumbled.

  “Well, no, I don’t. But if you don’t like it the
n I’ll refrain from using it since I’m not an asshole like Mr. Johannes!”

  Those stern words seemed to make the two bystanders clam up and focus on their game.

  “... Thanks for that,” Keira muttered. “So, um, any Quests?”

  “Hmmm, we’re only giving out menial ones like deliveries, harvesting, manual labor. Nothing that would relieve a critical lack of excitement, I’m afraid.”

  “Hey, Clara!” the guard opposite Johannes piped up. “Don’t forget that personal request from earlier this morning!”

  Those words made Keira start hopping in place excitedly with perked-up ears.

  “Personal request?! For me?! I’ve never gotten one of those before!”

  “Teresa’s tits, Walter! I told you to keep quiet about that!” Clara shouted.

  “Withholding stuff like that is a crime, you know,” the man reminded her. “So is reading it, by the way. Don’t think I didn’t catch you sneaking a peek at it earlier.”

  “That’s exactly why I don’t want her to see it!”

  “Don’t care, I’m still going to report you if you don’t give it to her. It’s only proper.”

  “But it’ll only make Keira upset!”

  “Uhm, I’m right here, you know,” the girl in question pointed out.

  Boxxy’s irritable disposition from earlier rapidly returned. A Level was gained and a shiny was obtained, but the way this idiotic woman thought she could make a call on Keira’s behalf was inexcusable. She was about to learn that abusing her meagre position of authority to violate another’s privacy could have dire consequences. Then again, it was unlikely that she would deduce the relation between her unprofessional behavior and the imminent disappearance of her pet dog. Boxxy needed to figure out a more reliable way to teach Clara to stop poking her damnable nose into other people’s business, but for now it just wanted what belonged to it.

  “Request,” Keira stretched out her hand, “give.”

  “No, trust me, you don’t want to see it,” the receptionist resisted. “There’s no way it’s legit.”

  Hearing this only made Boxxy more convinced that this was a message from Reggie. The senior shapeshifter would have surely used some sort of code to obfuscate names, places, and dates so that nosy busybodies would have no idea what they were looking at.

  “Does it have my name on it?” the redhead pressed.

  “… Yes.”

  “Then. Give. Me.”

  Clara let out a deep sigh, rolled her eyes, and walked into the back room. She came back a minute later with the controversial missive in hand. The envelope’s wax seal was broken and the words ‘Keira Morgana’ were clearly visible on the other side. Clara resentfully slapped it on the counter in front of Keira and crossed her arms indignantly.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  The catgirl ignored her words, pulled the missive from the envelope, and started reading it without delay.

  Private Quest Submission Form B-5

  Hidden Arrow, Central Consortium, Azurvale, Ishigar Republic

  Submitter: Hugh Mungus

  Quest Name: Becoming a cumdump

  Quest Location: At the other end of my giant dick

  Quest Summary: Your virgin pussy needs to learn what it means to love and obey my dick

  Estimated Difficulty: 8=====D~

  Estimated Completion Time: 3 days straight

  Due Date: 9 months

  Reward: A minimum of 50 creampies, with a bonus of 25 more if you get pregnant.

  Other Considerations: These nuts!

  Keira ripped the form into pieces, crumpled them into a ball, and set it ablaze with a pocket lighter. She waited a few moments for the fire to spread before tossing the burning paper to the floor. She stomped on it several times, then spit on it for good measure. She finished off the smoldering pile of trash by kicking at it. The other three in the room watched this transpire with mouths agape. It was a mesmerizing sight to behold, like a miniature tornado in full swing.

  It was over before anyone had time to stop it. Ash was all over the place and the carpet sported a very new and noticeable burn mark. The only sound was Keira’s ragged, furious breathing. Even Clara couldn’t utter so much as an ‘I told you so.’ Once the enraged beastkin calmed down a bit, she turned and faced the others with an angelic smile seemingly holding all of the world’s innocence.

  “Whoops, my hand slipped!”

  Part Five

  Boxxy walked out of the guild hall in an exceedingly bad mood. The ridiculous ‘request’ caught it off guard, causing its mounting frustrations to boil over. It was a miracle the only casualties of the outburst were a simple piece of paper and a bit of carpet. If the matter that set it off hadn’t been so trivial, it might have ripped someone’s head off.

  Thankfully, Keira wasn’t fined or written up regarding the outburst. Apparently, an infuriatingly thoughtful individual had notified the guild staff that the rookie Ranger had experienced significant mental and physical trauma while performing her duties to the Republic. Boxxy couldn’t help but respect whoever came up with that awfully long-winded and misleading way of saying ‘got captured and raped.’ In light of this information, the guild glossed over Keira’s misconduct as a symptom of combat fatigue.

  However, before it could leave, the shapeshifter had to endure a half-hour-long patronizing lecture on matters of self-control and destruction of guild property. Boxxy used that time to consider the piece of paper that triggered the ‘incident.’ It deduced it highly implausible that Reggie was its source. The whole point of making a personal request through the guild was so Keira could have a reasonable excuse to disappear for a while. That piece of hate mail was in no way adequate for the task.

  Indeed, ‘hate mail’ was the best way to describe it. Boxxy had heard that some individuals abused the guild’s private request system to harass certain adventurers. Statistically, attractive females were far more likely to be targeted, and the harassment was nearly always sexual. The receptionist girl Clara knew this, prompting her to violate Keira’s privacy by reading it first. Apparently, she had done so out of concern for the ‘delicate and innocent’ catgirl because she had a bad feeling about the request’s submitter.

  After considering the timing involved, Boxxy figured that the culprit was most likely someone who spotted Keira during that public disturbance two days ago. It could have been the doppelgangers responsible for staging the demonstration, or perhaps a random moron who happened to be present. There was no way of knowing for sure who the perpetrator unless he was dumb enough to show his face in front of Clara a second time. It could have been literally anyone who so much as caught a glimpse of Keira.

  Part of the problem with identifying the miscreant was that tracking down the beastkin’s workplace was as easy as asking around town for a few hours. Though not many knew her name, they would either remember seeing her or had heard of her. Keira had become something of an urban myth in parts of the city. This was mostly due to the fact that, as far as Boxxy was aware, the number of tan-skinned, crimson-haired, gold-eyed, teenage catgirls in Azurvale was zero. Or one, if its alter ego counted, which it technically didn’t.

  It would appear that Boxxy hadn’t fully considered the downsides of Keira’s easily recognizable and singularly unique appearance. She was designed to leave a lasting and favorable impression on people to aid her popularity, which would translate into quicker acquisition of Doppelganger Levels. Though it had expected some unwanted attention, it hadn’t counted on this interest taking the shape of sexual harassment. In retrospect, it was only natural that Keira would receive such filth eventually.

  Wait, maybe that’s why Reggie chose to contact me like this?

  Boxxy had an interesting thought as it mulled things over. Anyone would immediately dismiss the contents of that paper as ‘unfortunately common’ harassment. People were far less likely to look too closely at things that already appeared rotten on the surface, and that most certainly qualified. Come t
o think of it, the form had some oddly specific details. The reward section in particular mentioned 50 things with a bonus of 25 more. It was possible that this was a reference to raising the Level cap on Boxxy’s Warlock Job. The ‘3 days straight’ comment was also suspect because the message had arrived on the third day since its first meeting with Reggie.

  The shapeshifter decided to check in with the senior shapeshifter to ensure this wasn’t simply a coincidence.

  “It’s just a coincidence.”

  Reggie instantly put the matter to rest when Boxxy visited him later that afternoon.

  “I’m not sure exactly what that request’s contents were,” he continued, “but it’s far too early to have you help us out. After all, the ‘problem’ I need you to take care of isn’t even in the city right now.”

  “I more or less expected that,” stated the Keira-shaped monster, “but I wanted to be certain.”

  “Indeed. And while erring on the side of caution was not a bad call, I would appreciate it if you stopped climbing in and out of the window every time you stopped by. It puts my Facade at risk, you know.”

  Granted, this was only their second meeting, but Reginald could easily see this becoming a troublesome habit.

  “Then what am I supposed to do?”

  “You remember K’s appearance when you first got here?”

  The catgirl’s head abruptly sank between her shoulders and then immediately popped back up, having transformed into a replica of the underling in question.

  “You mean this guy?”

  “...”

  Despite their enlightening meeting mere days ago, the sheer speed and accuracy of its shapeshifting shocked Reginald. The exact method was a bit questionable, but it was impossible to argue with the results. Not only had his guest replicated K’s features in mere moments, but it had done so in excruciating detail. The face, the hair, the voice, even the dead-fish-like look in his eyes and his unmotivated manner of speech – all aspects of the henchman were mimicked to perfection. The imitation was so good that even Reginald would have difficulty telling them apart if they were to stand side-by-side.