by Xyla Turner
During the eight years that I was away, mama passed. She had been sick, which is why she had moved, but I didn’t know that until I came home to coordinate the funeral arrangements. Apparently, she had been sick for a while, and never said a thing. This was a tough time for me, because the woman was secretive, but now she was gone. She was the one that encouraged me to take up nursing and to leave Libby. I guess she didn’t want me seeing her sick. I could have helped her, but my mama was proud and would have none of it.
I stayed for awhile, sold her home, banked the money, and then invested it. While I was there for a bit, I ran into Tony and Vicky at the grocery store. At the time, they had three kids and not only were they all boys, but all cute kids. The oldest one looked very determined. The middle one looked like he would be a problem. The baby simply held on to his daddy’s leg while they walked down the aisle. Vicky looked miserable while Tony was the one engaging the kids and playing with them.
“Hey,” I waved to them.
Tony looked up and shook his head, “Well, look what the cat dragged in. Ida Mayfield. Shit, it’s been years.”
There was a huge smile on his face, and I know I was giving him the same back.
“Hey, Tony,” I laughed. “Yeah, it’s been some years.”
“Sorry about your mama.” He tipped his Stetson down, causing me to look away.
“Thanks.” I waved my hands to the kids. “They are gorgeous.”
“Yeah,” Tony beamed but turned his head to see that his wife had all but left us there talking.
I thought he would leave, but he stayed there with me.
“So, a traveling nurse, huh?” he continued. “You just left, Ida. Ain’t say nothing to nobody.”
“I didn’t know there was anyone to say nothing to, Tony,” I shrugged. “The people that needed to know, knew.”
“Damn.” He crossed his arms. “Kinda thought we were cool. My misunderstanding.”
Well, it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. He wasn’t the only person that spoke to me, but he was the one that always stood out.
“I’m sorry, Tony.” I shared with him earnestly. “You know, people move on. Get married, have kids,” I waved at the little boy who stared up at me with his thumb in his mouth. “Travel around the states and help other people. They move on.”
He nodded, then looked at me thoughtfully.
“Well, Ida.” He ruffled the hair on one of his son’s heads. “I’d hope you considered me a friend of sorts. Just good to know you’re doing well. Next time you’re in town, Vicky and I would love to have you over for dinner. Okay?”
I smiled.
This man was always nice. It’s a wonder he married the woman who had yet to greet me and seemed to be depressed or something. Maybe she was sick.
“That sounds like a plan,” I confirmed. “I’m happy for you.”
A look passed over his face, but he quickly covered it up and smiled back.
“Same.” One of his son’s yelled his name. “Don’t be a stranger, Ida.”
“I won’t,” I lied.
I planned to stay as far away from Libby, Iowa as possible. If I had to be subjected to seeing the prom King and Queen with their perfect kids on a regular, I had no intentions of coming back.
Seven years later, I received a correspondence in the mail from a Victoria Sterling. I knew this was Vicky, but why hadn’t she used her married name? I would soon find out that she’d left, divorced Tony, and he had the kids. Her request was that I check in on the boys. What type of horseshit was that? The woman up and left her husband and kids, then sends the one girl she never really talked to a letter to say go and check on them. At first, I thought she was being a racist bitch. Like I should be their nanny or something. Then I got to the bottom of the letter and saw that she felt Tony always took a kindness to me and that maybe he’d listen to me, because he wasn’t doing well.
I damn near threw the letter away. How dare she? Who does that? Come to find out, she’d left him a whole year before she wrote the letter. Later, I found out her parents up and moved away after she pulled that stunt. Then, the year I moved back to Libby, both of Tony’s parents passed away in a car accident with a tractor trailer. This man was not catching a break, and truly I wish I could say I didn’t move back for a man. That would be a lie.
I did.
For him.
A year after receiving that letter, I moved back to Libby, where I continued to work as a traveling nurse, but took jobs that were close and did not require me to be gone for long periods of time. Mom was gone and I still had the money from selling her house. My father had passed away when I was twelve, due to liver failure, I had no siblings that I knew of, so it was just me. I bought a nice house, within walking distance to the farm.
Yes, I sure did.
Sue me.
Fast forward twenty-seven years later. I find myself having this argument with the old, surly Tony. Not the twenty-three-year-old man.
“Who was that damn woman?” I protested, but Tony pulled me out of the house so fast, I forgot I was even coming in. The man was strong, no doubt, but I did not care because I had invested too much time into this man and his family for him to just up and be with some other woman. A little too possessive, maybe, but after listening to Nadine’s advice about dating, that was working. He was jealous. Just not jealous enough to do anything about it.
“What in the hell has gotten into you, woman?” Tony hissed. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“Have you?” I snapped back, ready to unleash all hell on this entire dinner. “Who is she?”
“Hell, if I know.” He scoffed, then countered, “Who were you out on a date with?”
“None of your damn business.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Don’t matter, right?”
“Damn sure do matter.” He punched back with a glare that I’m sure kept those boys of his in line. “Always mattered.”
“Coulda fooled me, old man.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Dammit, Ida.” He shook his head. “What you want me to say now?”
“Want you to say what you feel, you fool.” I glared back at him. “Could that be so hard?”
It was at that moment that I had a flashback of almost twenty years ago.
He and I were arguing about something and we were at a similar standstill. It was about the boys. I came over to help because those boys were on some he-man woman-hating trip like their dad. I needed to put a stop to that. Plus, their mother requested something of me, so I did. Taught them how to treat girls, talk to, and date them. They were young, but to see them now, they had turned out to be pretty good boys. So good, they landed beautiful women who adored them. That father of theirs was so angry, he was instilling that into them. He and I fought because I told him to let her go. He asked me what business of it was mine. I told him, when it came to those boys, it was my business. He crossed his arms and told me that they were his boys and he needed to prepare them for the cruel world and wily ways of women.
To shut him up, I countered and said, “I’m not wily.”
Tony began to sputter as I double-dog-dared him with one look to say otherwise.
“Well, you’re different. Ain’t no woman like you, Ida.” He nodded and stormed off.
Well, I didn’t know if that was a compliment or just a confirmation that I was indeed an old fool. I was different, but not worthy? He was the old fool.
Looking him in the eye, I shook my head and said, “You ain’t learn nothing, huh?” I scoffed. “Let me take my help elsewhere.”
“You talking about going on some more dates, Ida? We going to have a problem.” He moved into my space.
“How do you figure?” I countered. “I’m a free woman.”
That was the moment he decided to have a stare down with me. Those boys, especially Mills, taught me the art of staring down a Timms man a long time ago. After a couple minutes of those piercing eyes on me, he huffed and said, “I can show you better than I can tell ya.”
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Then, once again, he stormed off.
Well, to say that Tony Timms was not a man of his word would be an understatement. He not only delivered but had the dirty nerve to do it swiftly. Somehow he found out what date I had and showed up.
Wilson and I were on a date that next weekend, and when I turned around, who comes barging through Sarah’s Cuisine?
Tony Timms.
“Tony?” I gasped as I saw the old fool come through and look like he was ready to battle a bull.
“Ida.” He acknowledged me with a nod, like I was an afterthought. “Wilson, you know you can’t keep up with Ida Mayfield on that cane.”
“Tony Timms,” I gasped at him. “You dare?”
“I dare,” he scoffed as he narrowed his eyes on Wilson. “He dares, Ida. You going to help him on the toilet?”
“Tony, you got a problem, face me like a man. This ain’t for women folk to hear,” Wilson added to the conversation.
“Excuse me,” I chimed in this time, but my anger was now towards my date, too. “I beg your pardon?”
“Not now, Ida,” Wilson piped in.
This was when Tony went from a standing force to a threat, as he moved quicker than I’d ever seen him into Wilson’s space.
“Watch who you’re talking to like that, Wilson. Ida don’t deserve that from you, and I’ll beat your old, cripple ass,” Tony added. “Talk like that to her again.”
Well, I’ll be.
My head shook as I tried to understand those fools. Both of them. That was when I stood up, nabbed my purse, and decided it was time to leave. Wilson was a big ole fool, and Tony, well, he was an original. An original pain in my ass.
“Ida,” one of them called, but I kept walking.
Who had time for that?
Bet bottom dollar, I did not.
Once I arrived home and saw my newly renovated kitchen with each casserole container that I had seemed to collect, I huffed and walked from the kitchen. It was one thing to have people to come home to, but lately, it was starting to wear me down. I’d done my traveling in my life. Never had any kids, never found love, per se, and didn’t get the unction to adopt until it was too late, and I was tired. My only other refuge was the Timms’ house. Found myself over there more often than not. They were like an extended family of sorts. Mills stayed close, so now I could spoil his little girl when she came. I really liked that woman of his, Nadine. Told him so myself. That first gal of his, Rebecca, she was a tool. Come to find out, she was a dysfunctional tool. Bat shit crazy, is what I heard. Pauline over in the department store said so. Mills was too much of a gentleman to tell me, but that mama of hers sent her far away. I ain’t seen her in over a year.
Tessa and J.D. came to Libby on a regular basis, almost twice a month, but not enough for me to be in the loop. They lived in New York now. Nina and Knox were here more often, but they were not thinking of kids for a while. Knox had already had it rough with his first child, so I knew they were probably taking their time. Nina was smart and a Godsend, because Knox was one hell of a kid. Which meant he was a grown man on wheels. She calmed him, though. Good choice of a woman.
It seemed like all the boys did good with their women. Well, that Troy…I don’t know what to say about him. It’s like he’s married to these gadgets of his. Like, he is not even trying. The last I heard anything about a woman was when he ran out at the table, talking about there was a snake coming from some woman’s ceiling. I overheard Mills say that girl had a kid. Then he showed up to the house with another couple and the same woman with a child. She lived in Libby, but no one knew her. She was a black woman, so I usually made it a point to get to know them. There just weren’t many in the small town. Nothing was confirmed about the two of them, but that is literally the only woman on record that any of us know about with Troy Timms.
Now, just like Nadine advised, I had been dating. It was one soap opera after another.
I swear men hadn’t changed a bit. One would think a cane or help with a ticker would settle these ole fools, but no. Not the likes of Libby men. They were still weighing their options or trying to settle when they had nothing to settle with.
My years as a nurse, I always saved. My mother, God rest her soul, she was a saver, too. The woman constantly warned me about being a negro in any state, meant you needed to own your land, own your property, and everything else that wasn’t nailed down. She, unfortunately, learned the hard way and therefore, as a traveling nurse, I made a lot of money and I made sure to live off thirty percent and saved the seventy. I had a roommate when I didn’t need one. I saved money before I purchased a vehicle in full. I also did not buy frivolous things. I owned everything…outright.
It was one of the things that drew me to Tony. His pops was just like my ma. They didn’t mingle or anything, because, well, she was a mixed woman with a black husband, and Tony and his whole family were on the other side of the tracks. Mama made sure I went to their school because she knew I’d get a good education. This did not make me popular with my neighborhood friends, though most people ignored me at school. Tony, though, he was the only one that talked to me like a human. I probably fell for him then. Been blinded ever since.
I was dating and all, but I hadn’t seen myself with anyone but Tony, if I had to be honest.
I was in my garden picking the green beans off the fence when my house phone rang. The cordless receiver was in my basket and the signal was strong enough, so I picked up and answered, “Hello?”
“Ida?” I heard over the phone.
“Hey-a, there. That you, Beth?”
“Yeah, woman. It’s me. What ya doing?” she asked.
“Picking my beans. Thinking of making my world-famous green bean casserole.” I marveled at the beans on vines that expanded on my property.
“Girl, world famous,” she laughed. “Green beans? You been in Libby too long.”
“Excuse me,” I huffed.
“Girl, white people eat green bean casserole,” Beth whispered in the phone. “Like, only white people, and I mean the whitest of the white people.”
“Stuffing nonsense,” I snapped back. “Some of my suitors have enjoyed it and I dated all races, thank you.”
“The key word is suitors,” Beth explained. “They are trying to impress you. In this case, with how they can swallow green mash that looks like a ghost buster mockup.”
I sighed at her jokes because my day was going so well.
“Did you call for something, Beth?” I huffed her name out.
“Sure, did. You tell Tony Timms that you would go out with him?” she asked with all the sarcasm my new friend could muster up.
She was in the business of hooking people up, because her and Walter had been hot and heavy. He was a catch, but my eyes had always been on Tony. The issue was now that my new friend got the bug, knew how long I’d been swooning over the original Timms’ man, number one, she kept trying to get on me to make something happen. I tried to explain I would not run that old man down. However, she didn’t see it like that.
“It’s not running him down, it’s telling him, make a move or move on so you can be free.”
It sounded simple enough, but I had way too many years in pining over the fool. He needed to come correct.
“Listen,” she cut my thoughts off. “You’re a grown ass woman. Ya pretty, know everyone, can actually cook outside of that green shit. He’d be a lucky man to catch ahold of you, so let that man know.”
She didn’t understand.
“Listen, Beth.” I tried to explain it again. “I’m not from the city like you. I don’t know about Baltimore or anything like that, but it’s big. Libby is not. If, and I mean if, something like that ever went down, I could never live that down. Like ever.”
Instead of understanding, the woman laughed.
“What are you saying, woman?” she challenged me. “Tony going to tell someone that you tried to get with him. He’s been through enough with this town as it is. Just told them the other
day to kiss his pale ass. Hell, I heard it and thought it was hilarious.”
The man did not have many cares, she was right, there. He wasn’t a gossip and didn’t really associate with many of the other folks in town. He done insulted half of them when I went on dates with them. The man threatened to beat one with his own cane. I still cannot believe that.
“Look, Ida.” She was about to stop hassling me and I was thankful. “I want you to be happy and with this virus sweeping this nation, it seems like life could be pretty short. Hell, it is short. I would hate for you to have regrets later on in life. Know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” I answered, reflecting on the news I listened to at six this morning. It was dangerous and people were dying. People like me. Like Tony.
“I understand,” I reiterated to Beth. “Thanks for calling, ya here.”
“Anytime.” She hung up.
The beans remained on the fence as I stared off. Thinking of living my last days with regrets. I was sixty-two years old, had no children, never was married, but did as my mama said and owned everything I had. The problem was, I had no one to share it with or give it to.
Those Timms boys were the closest things to family to me, and deep down, I would have loved to call them sons. Still can’t believe their mama. She wasn’t made for it, but damn. Left everybody. Including Tony, who hasn’t ever got over it.
Well, Beth, accomplished something today, because now I had a bee in my bonnet. The pesky thing had me dropping my beans, washing my hands, and stomping over to the Timms’ property.
“Hey, Tony,” I yelled at him in the barn.
It was around seven in the morning, so I knew he’d be back there. It was his schedule.
“Tony,” I called, but with a little base in my voice.
“Hell do you want, Ida?” he yelled back. “I’m at work now.”
“Need to talk to your stubborn ass!” I yelled back. “And right now.”
He must have picked up my tone, because it’s not one that I have ever used on him really. Outside that one time I walked in his house and saw he was having dinner with the family and Beth. Nobody invited me and I nearly had a fit. Found out they weren’t hooking him up with Beth, but that was after I gave Tony a piece of my mind.