by J. N. Baker
“Baldric was one of us too. Or have you forgotten, Alec?” Jade said, her voice cold as ice.
“That is enough,” Alec snapped. “I don’t want to hear another damn word out of you.”
I sent a silent thank you in Alec’s direction as I sat. He nodded, his eyes staying fixed on Jade. I could see his muscles bunching under his shirt like he was readying for a fight. Would Jade actually attack me? That was a stupid question. She’d probably do it for no more than a fucking Klondike bar.
“Tell us what happened,” William said, ignoring Jade’s outburst. His expectant eyes landed on me, one brow lifting. He’d always made it crystal clear that he didn’t like to repeat himself and he was getting dangerously close to doing just that.
I took a deep breath and blew it out, shaking my head. “I honestly don’t know what happened. We knew we were being watched and decided to head back. But the storm was bad. Really bad. We couldn’t see shit. We were attacked and I got separated from the others. Two vampires and a shift came for me, keeping me from getting back to them.”
“You couldn’t handle two measly bloodsuckers and a shift?” Jade scoffed, crossing her arms over her heaving chest.
“They said they had…” I paused, my eyes flicking to Alec before falling to my hands. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw him stiffen. “They told me they had my man.”
“And you actually believed them?” Jade asked. “How stupid can you be?”
My eyes shot up. “I figured out they were lying, okay? But by the time I’d dealt with them—”
“By the time you dealt with them, the others could have been dead already,” she interrupted. The venom in her words stung. “You let yourself get distracted. Your hesitation might have got them all killed!”
“Silence!” William snapped and Jade seemed to shrink into the wall. “Continue, Zoe,” he said, his voice calm once more.
“Immediately after I’d taken care of Baldric’s men, one of the shadow people appeared,” I said. “The creature prevented me from going to help the others.”
“One of the shadow people?” William echoed in question. There was no change in his hard expression, no surprise in his voice. But there was a lot going on behind those deep blue eyes, of that much I was certain.
“Yeah. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn’t let me get to them.”
Jade snorted where she paced along the far wall. I heard her mumble something under her breath but ignored her, continuing.
“The creature attacked me. It told me there was nothing I could do to save them.” I paused, looking at William, trying to read his unreadable face. “It took control of me, physically stopping me from trying to join the fight. It said it was saving me.”
I shuddered inwardly, remembering the feel of the creature creeping into my mind. Of its hand wrapped around my throat. Of the searing pain shooting throughout my body as I crawled through the snow to reach my people.
“And I think it did,” I said after a moment, realization dawning on me. “I think it brought me back here…”
Jade growled from her side of the room. “And what about the others?” she snapped.
“It said it would try to help them too.”
“And yet here you sit. Alone,” she said. “This is a waste of time. We should be out looking for Ryuu.”
She stormed toward the door.
“Jade, wait—”
William put a hand on Annie’s shoulder. “Let her go,” he told her.
Jade stopped at the door, her shoulders tense. Her eyes, glossy from unspent tears, found mine over her shoulder. “If anything happens to them—to Ryuu—it will be on you.”
I walked down the narrow corridor, the silence and solitude wrapping around me like warm blankets. After what had happened with Jade, I needed to be alone. Alec, of course, wanted to come with me. I knew he was afraid to let me out of his sight. He was probably worried I’d go out and try to find Ryuu on my own. He wasn’t wrong. The thought only crossed my mind about a million times. Alec had finally relented when I’d begrudgingly promised not to leave the inside of the castle. For now.
When I was well and truly alone in the hallway, I propped myself up on one of the window ledges. Looking out into the blackness beyond, I said a silent prayer that Ryuu and the others were okay. God owed me that much at least for all the hell he’d put me through.
I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d been able to get to the others. As much as I hated to admit it, Jade was right. I let myself get distracted by what Baldric’s men had said. But I had good reason to hesitate. I was worried about Alec.
Liar, the voice in the back of my head hissed and I pursed my lips, fighting the guilt that threatened to consume me.
Even if I had been thinking about Josh, what difference would those few minutes have made? Besides, it didn’t matter anyway. The shadow creature had made sure I never stood a chance of getting to them. And even if I had, what would have happened? Would they be here with me now? Would I still be missing along with them? Would we all be dead?
I guess I’d never know. That was the thing about “what ifs,” they always came with hypothetical answers.
My breath fogged up the glass as I pressed my forehead against the icy window. “What if they don’t come back,” I whispered.
“They’ll come back,” a bell-like voice said.
I glanced over my shoulder. Annie flashed me her always-sweet smile, showing off her soft dimples. Her bright eyes had almost a smile of their own. How she was able to stay so cheery and positive when faced with such a grim situation was beyond me.
Annie had somehow managed to maintain her innocence since her transformation, something I’d grown to admire. The fact that she’d yet to take her first life probably played a huge part in that. She was too “young” and inexperienced to fight alongside us during the Great Battle, so William had had her sit it out.
As much as I wished I was wrong, I knew everything would change when she finally watched the life leave someone’s eyes by her own hand. It was only a matter of time. Then and only then would she know what it really meant to be one of the Chosen—to be a cold, heartless killer.
“You’re getting better,” I said, turning back to the window. “I almost didn’t hear you coming.”
She stood beside the window, her presence comforting. She always knew when not to pry. It was one of the many reasons we got along.
“How do you know?” I finally asked, eyes still glued to the window; I wanted to see the second the others returned. “How do you know they’ll come back?”
“I don’t,” she admitted. “But I’d much rather hope for something good than expect something bad. I have to believe they’re okay, just like I believed you would be.”
Annie’s hand covered my own and gave a gentle squeeze. I returned the gesture, hoping just a fraction of her optimism would rub off on me.
“You should get some rest, Zoe,” she told me. “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”
“I’d like to wait up just a little longer,” I breathed. “Can you stay with me?”
“Always.”
I awoke to someone screaming. I tried to block it out, covering my face with a pillow.
What’s going on? Annie’s whispered voice filled my head as she rolled over in the bed beside me.
The screaming continued until it spread throughout the castle like wildfire.
In less than a minute, I was up and dressed with sword in hand, Annie scrambling after me.
“What happened?” she asked again, this time out loud. She threw on her cloak and boots and grabbed her weapon.
“I don’t know,” I said, making my way out of the room with her on my heels. We sprinted down the spiral staircase and into the packed courtyard, trying to push our way through.
“The Chosen.”
“Impossible.”
“It can’t be.”
Hushed voices filled the open-air room, consuming me until I co
uld hear nothing else.
Some of our people were on the ground, either sobbing, hitting something, or throwing up—depending on their species. Holly was standing at the castle gates, her hands over her face and her body visibly shaking. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see whatever it was she was seeing. Alec stepped around her, patting her shoulder in passing. His eyes met mine and I froze. He was as white as a ghost.
It felt like the world was moving in slow motion. Everything faded into the background as Annie and I approached Alec. He reached for me, trying to stop me from exiting the castle, but I pushed past him. I had a feeling it was something I would have to see to believe. Unfortunately, I was right.
Nothing could have prepared me for what awaited me outside the castle gates. Nothing.
I staggered back a step, collapsing into Alec’s arms. Beside us, Annie fell to her knees.
Three wooden stakes were placed in the ground facing the castle, blood spiraling down, splattering against the freshly fallen snow. On top of each stake was a head, the center one all too familiar.
Ryuu.
Dante and Ivanna’s heads were propped up on either side of his. Three pairs of eyes stared back at us, unseeing.
William stood in front of the stakes, his fists clenched and shaking at his sides. Light from the nearby torches illuminated the sorrow and rage etched into his face.
“No!” a female voice shouted and tears welled in the backs of my eyes, begging to be unleashed. “No, it’s not possible! Let me through! Let me fucking through!”
Jade came barreling toward us at full speed, damn near invisible to the human eye. Alec released me, reaching out and latching onto her arm. He yanked her back, turning her away from the gruesome scene.
“No,” she screamed. “Let go of me!”
She fought him until she broke free of Alec’s grip. He growled and spun on his heels, sending his fist through the stone wall behind him. I heard the bones in his hand shatter and he roared.
William turned to face an incoming Jade. He hooked an arm around her waist and held her back with the sheer strength of his age alone.
Jade released the most bloodcurdling scream I’d ever heard and I knew she saw.
“No!” Jade screamed again. “No!” She thrashed against William, trying desperately to pull free of him to get to her dead mate.
I covered my eyes, unable to see any more. I couldn’t bear to see Ryuu’s head sitting on a stake. I couldn’t handle his lifeless eyes staring up at me. I couldn’t stand seeing Jade falling to pieces in William’s arms, sobbing like a broken child. And I sure as hell couldn’t accept that one of us, one of the Chosen, was dead. We weren’t supposed to die. Forever was supposed to be a long time.
Nothing is permanent, nothing truly lasts forever. Not even us.
Ryuu had been right. In the end, I guess everyone died.
Emptiness consumed me. I felt hollow, incomplete, as if someone had tipped me over and poured out any drop of light left within me. I wondered if that was how William felt when the originals had been killed. There were always seven Chosen at one time, regardless of Baldric’s wicked ways.
We were no longer whole.
“Get them out of here,” Alec said to Godfrey, pointing to the stakes before moving past me to help William. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t block out her screams as the two men together struggled to drag her away.
Godfrey nodded. “It will be done.” He moved toward the stakes, a single tear slipping down his pale cheek. One tear to mark the love he had for Ryuu. They had practically lived together for who knew how many decades. That one tear said a lot for a vampire of Godfrey’s age.
I hadn’t even noticed Cody standing behind me until William ordered him to help. The command maddened me. William knew how close Ryuu and Cody had become and, more importantly, how fragile Cody had been since the battle. To ask him to help was downright cruel. What was William thinking?
I looked over my shoulder at Cody, fully expecting to see a broken man. Instead, I found him leaning against the castle wall, a smoldering torch long overdue to be changed flickering at his shoulder. His face was cold and hard in the fading firelight. There were no tears in his eyes, no sadness. Only anger and hatred remained. I’d seen the same look on Alec’s face when his shift, Max, was killed. It was the same look Alec wore now. The same one I imagine I’d worn a time or two.
As Cody made his way forward, he paused beside me, leaning in close. “Baldric will pay for this,” he swore. Our eyes met and I knew his words were a promise. While I’d come to have little faith in promises, I would do everything in my power to help Cody keep this one. We’d have our revenge. We’d have a goddamn revenge party. There was hell to pay.
Cody and Godfrey disappeared behind a sudden wall of bricks, one of William’s illusions. No one needed to see what they were about to do. Especially Jade.
“Take her away,” William said solemnly. He knew firsthand what she was experiencing.
Jade glared at me from Alec’s arms as he carried her back into the castle. “You bitch!” she spat. “He’d still be alive if it weren’t for you! This your fault! Ryuu is dead because of you!”
I sat in my bedroom chamber, hugging my knees against my chest. It was the one place I knew I could go where few would come looking for me. I’d been curled up on the bed for what felt like two hours—who the hell knew—when Annie finally came in.
She sat at the edge of the bed, her red-rimmed eyes resting on me.
“Was this my fault, Annie?” I forced the words out. “Was she right? Did I get them killed?”
“Of course not,” she said, her voice as soft and comforting as it was firm. She reached over and patted my leg. “This was not your fault, Zoe. There’s nothing you could’ve done that would have changed what happened. Even if you’d gotten through Baldric’s men sooner, the shadow creature likely still would have stopped you from joining the fight. And if you had somehow gotten past it, I fear you would have faced the same fate as the others. To take down a Chosen and two experienced vampires…there must have been so many.”
There is nothing you can do. There are too many. They never stood a chance.
“Don’t listen to Jade,” Annie continued. “She’s just hurting and needs to lash out at someone. In time, she’ll see reason.”
I highly doubted she’d ever see the reason in this. “How’s she doing?” I asked, sitting up.
“She won’t talk to anyone,” Annie said, her eyes flashing with pain. “I tried, William tried, even James tried. She won’t have any of it. She just stares at the wall and cries.”
I nodded. I knew how Jade felt. I’d been in those unfortunate shoes. The only difference was Jade had known Ryuu far longer than I’d known Josh…longer than I’d been alive. That and the little bit about them actually being a couple. Still, I understood her pain on a multitude of levels.
It was horrible to think, and I’d never utter the words to Annie, but I’d always figured if any of us went it would be her. Or hell, even me. But never Ryuu. He was hundreds of years old. He knew what he was doing. That anyone would be able to overpower him like that, it baffled me.
“It’s strange to me seeing one of you cry,” Annie said, interrupting my thoughts. “I know it’s easier for me being so new, but it always surprises me when one of you cries.”
My eyes traveled to the fireplace, the fire nearly gone out. I sighed, my breath already visible in the icy room. Neither of us moved to remedy the problem.
Silence consumed us both as we sat side by side on the large bed, lost in our own dark thoughts. What I wouldn’t have given in that moment to be able to cry. Didn’t Ryuu deserve my tears? But after Josh’s death, I doubted I’d ever cry again. I could feel it in my blackened soul; I’d given that man the last of my tears.
The guilt rose within me once more and I wondered if I would be able to cry for Alec if something happened to him.
“Can I tell you something?” Annie asked, breaking the silence.
“Sure.”
“I try to cry whenever I can, whenever the urge is there,” she admitted, red tingeing her cheeks. “Sometimes I even create reasons to cry just so I can. Please don’t tell the others,” she rushed to add.
“I won’t,” I assured her and meant it. I knew it was something the others wouldn’t understand, especially William. He didn’t approve of us hanging on to our human ways; he said it made us weak. And we all knew how he felt about being weak. He was much like Baldric in that regard.
“I don’t want to lose who I used to be,” Annie continued, echoing my own fears, fears that had consumed my very being for the past six and a half years. “Does that make sense?”
“More than you know,” I told her.
“It’s just, William is so strong and powerful, but—”
“You don’t want to become like him,” I finished for her.
Annie nibbled on her bottom lip and nodded. “I respect William a great deal, please don’t mistake that.”
“Only respect him?” I asked, cocking a brow at her.
She blushed further until her cheeks matched her hair. There was a reason Cody called her “Red.”
“I just see the others and they all seem so…hard. Sometimes, when I look into William’s eyes, I don’t see anything and that terrifies me. I’m scared that one day I’ll forget who I used to be and I’ll become just as hard and cold as the rest of the Chosen. Not you,” she hastily added, grabbing my hand. “I don’t mean you.”
I wasn’t so sure.
For so long, I’d been terrified to lose myself—to forget the “old” me. To forget what it felt like to be human. To feel in general. Josh and Cody were the last links I had to that old self, and now Josh was gone. Soon there would be nothing left of me. Just an empty shell with a knack for shedding blood.
I wondered what Annie saw when she looked in my eyes. Was there anything there still?
“I used to feel the same way,” I said with a sigh. “Hell, sometimes I still do.”