by J. N. Baker
“Really?” Surprise filled her voice. “I feel like if I keep hanging on to that little piece of humanity I have left, I might prolong it.”
“You can’t prolong the inevitable,” I breathed.
I watched as Annie’s shoulders slumped in defeat. I had just destroyed all her hopes and dreams in two seconds flat. Guilt shot through me, damn near as painful as the shadow creature’s nonexistent arrows.
I squeezed the hand that still held mine as if that would miraculously take away the pain I’d caused. “I honestly don’t know why you were chosen for this life, Annie, but there has to be some reason. You have a pure heart—the purest I’ve ever known. Others feel it too. People trust you, they lean on you. Hell, they’re drawn to you. You’re like a beacon of light in this never-ending darkness.
“Maybe that’s because you haven’t had to do the things we’ve had to do yet. Maybe not. I really don’t know. But I truly hope you are able to hold on to your humanity. With a heart like yours, maybe it’s possible. Don’t give up. Not yet.”
She smiled weakly at me, a few fresh tears racing down her cheeks. Maybe she would be different. Maybe she could hold on when the rest of us couldn’t. Maybe as the years passed, her old self wouldn’t slowly slip away until she was nothing more than a cold, heartless killer. If anyone could do it, it was Annie.
“I don’t think I want to live forever,” she blurted out, clearly unable to stop the confessions from rolling off her tongue. “But I also don’t want to die like Ryuu did.”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t think anyone wants to live forever. Not really. Forever is a long ass time,” I said, reciting the words that continued to haunt me. “Maybe that’s why our kind—immortals in general—become so heartless. When you live forever, what’s left to surprise you? What more can you experience? What is there to live for?”
“Love,” Annie said without missing a beat. She sounded so sure of herself.
I shook my head. I wasn’t sure that was enough anymore. “I don’t know,” I told her. “Love seems to be a dangerous thing for our kind. We’d probably be lucky if someone came along and chopped off our heads at some point.”
Annie’s gulp was audible, but she didn’t respond. She probably heard the truth in my words.
“I’ll check on Jade in a little while,” I said, forcing a smile that Annie genuinely returned. “I’ll see if she wants something to eat. Maybe she’ll enjoy accusing me of killing Ryuu again.”
“Like I said before, Zoe, it wasn’t your fault,” Annie replied as she rose gracefully from the bed. “I know that.”
“At least someone does,” I mumbled.
Annie made her way to the door, pausing and turning back to me before leaving. “Don’t give up on your humanity yet either. You’re a good person, despite what you might think. If all that comes out of this crazy new life is your friendship, well, it will have all been worth it to me.”
My hand hovered over the door. I took a deep breath and knocked before I could chicken out. When no one answered, I hesitantly entered the room.
Jade’s tall form was curled up in a ball on the bed, her back to me. She didn’t move as I approached. I set the tray down on the foot of the bed—my peace offering. I’d brought with me a loaf of bread and a small bowl of Annie’s famous rabbit stew. The bread was a little stale, but the meat was fresh and the stew was hot.
I sat beside her on the bed. “How are you holding up?” I asked and then cringed, realizing how stupid the question was as it left my mouth. I couldn’t imagine someone asking me how I was “holding up” after Josh died. It wouldn’t have shocked me if she reached out and strangled me for it.
But she didn’t. She didn’t speak. She didn’t move. She just stared blankly at the stone wall, her eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed from crying. Much like me, I doubted Jade would ever cry again in her lifetime. Though, I wasn’t sure how long that lifetime would be now. Baldric was proving he could kill us, and that he had no problem doing so.
I sighed, scooting the tray of food closer to her. Hopefully she would eat it later. Lord knew we couldn’t afford to waste it.
“I’m sorry, Jade,” I whispered, my eyes fixed to the same spot on the wall as hers. “I wish I could have been able to get to them. I’m just…I’m so sorry.”
When I stood from the bed, I glanced back at her one more time only to find her hate-filled eyes burning through me.
“You should be sorry,” she said, voice low and cold. “If you had fought like a true warrior, maybe none of this would have happened. But you were weak. You left him and the others there to die in order to save yourself. Their blood is on your hands. This is all your fault.”
“I was attacked too,” I snapped, finding my voice. “They weren’t the only ones fighting. And if I could have gone back, I would have. I didn’t have a choice. The shadow creature wouldn’t let me.”
“The shadow creature,” she scoffed. “It should have saved him instead. You are a waste of a Chosen. He would have fought to get to you. Ryuu would have found a way. And you just let him die.”
I turned away from her, heading for the door on shaky legs.
“It should have been you,” she called after me. “It should have been you that died instead of him!”
I paused at the door. “Story of my life,” I said and took my leave.
I rolled over for the umpteenth time. Despite my absolute exhaustion, sleep evaded me. Each time my eyes drifted shut, I saw Ryuu’s lifeless eyes staring back at me.
After leaving Jade’s room with my tail tucked firmly between my legs, I’d just wanted to be alone. My first thought was to leave the castle, but I knew Alec would lose his shit if I did. Plus, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d come back. Whether of my own volition or Baldric’s.
Since then, I’d been hunkered down in Annie’s and my room, hiding from everything and everyone.
The room was darker than usual, and quiet. Almost too quiet. And fucking cold. I shivered under the blankets, glaring at the offending fireplace, the fire completely gone out. My breath misted in front of my face as I sighed, flinging off the warm covers to tend to the neglected fire. The cold was one thing, but the silence was a different beast altogether.
I knelt in front of the fireplace and made quick work stacking kindling in a crisscross fashion, ignoring the fact that the floor felt like ice beneath me. It was a pity flame throwing wasn’t a Chosen ability. That would’ve been handy—a hell of a lot handier than seeing into the future and not being able to do shit about it. Though, with my luck, Jade would be the flamethrower.
Scratch that, flame throwing was a horrible idea. That woman would burn this whole godforsaken world to the ground, all while eating her precious Klondike bar.
She’d make Baldric look like a damn saint.
Once the fire was properly roaring and crackling in front of me, filling the room with both warmth and blessed sound, I stood, soaking in the heat, letting it chase away the chill that had taken root under my skin. I was so fixated on the growing flames that I failed to notice the new presence in the room until they grabbed me.
A large hand covered my mouth, effectively muffling the shout as it left my lips. I struggled against the man’s hard body but he held firm with a strength that shouldn’t have been possible.
“Be quiet,” a deep voice whispered and all fight left me.
“Josh?” I breathed.
He whipped me around, slamming me into the wall. His icy blue eyes burned through me, igniting a fire that had been all but snuffed out. And then his lips were on mine, setting my whole body ablaze. Heat flashed over me, so fast and so hot, I thought the flames from the fireplace had leapt out and enveloped me.
It was like I was standing on the damn sun—wherever the hell it was.
Josh’s hands tangled in my long hair, his muscular frame pressed against mine, pinning me to the cold stone wall. A chill raced down my spine despite the inferno raging within me and I sighed against his mouth, savoring the intense sensat
ion.
My legs wrapped around his waist, climbing him like a damn tree. His hand fisted in the top of my shirt, yanking until my breast was nearly exposed. His mouth moved to my jaw, trailing tantalizing kisses down my neck and over my collarbone, sending goose bumps rippling across my sensitive flesh.
“We’ll be caught,” I said, my voice dripping with need. Before I realized it, my fingers were in his messy brown hair, tugging his head down farther.
“I’ll protect you,” Josh purred, his teeth grazing the top of my breast. My head rocked back against the wall, a moan escaping my lips.
I should have been less concerned with being caught and a hell of a lot more concerned with the fact that Josh was dead.
“This is a dream, isn’t it?” I asked, though I wasn’t sure why. I damn well knew it was. In the hazy depths of my mind, I remembered slipping into my freezing room and hiding under the covers. I remembered when the sweet release of sleep came over me.
I knew it wasn’t real. And I didn’t care. I would take Josh however I could get him. I’d savor every goddamn second of it too.
“I told you I’d come back to you, Zoe,” he said, his smooth voice doing things to my insides. I squeezed my thighs together, trying to relieve the ache that was building there.
“I promised you,” Josh continued. “I would never break a promise to you. Never. No matter what happens in this world, I will always come back to you. One way or another.”
Even if that way was only in my dreams.
Josh carried me to the bed as if I weighed nothing at all, depositing me onto it. He loomed over me and I squirmed under his fiery stare. I could feel his eyes raking over me, searing my flesh and drinking in their fill. I bit the corner of my lip and pushed up on my elbows, having a feast of my own.
The muscles in his arms flexed as he reached down and grabbed hold of his shirt. In one fluid motion, he yanked it over his head and tossed it to the floor, making my stomach flutter in the most amazing ways. The firelight flickered over his half-naked body, accentuating his strong chest, the hard plane of his stomach, his narrow hips. My eyes dipped lower, falling to those delicious muscles pointing lower still.
Heat pooled between my legs, my breath coming a little faster. With great effort, I pried my eyes from his low-hanging pants and dragged them back to his beautiful face. I pulled my shirt off—fair was fair—and kneeled on the bed before him. I needed him to touch me, I needed it like I’d never needed anything before.
But he didn’t move. Why the hell wasn’t he moving? If he whipped out that bloody dagger now of all times and ended this dream, I’d take a card from Jade’s book and bring his ass back to life just to kill him all over again.
Answering my unspoken prayers, Josh shoved me back, pushing me into the mattress with the sheer weight of his solid body alone. And damn it all to Hell and back if the feel of him on top of me wasn’t heavenly. Ironic, what with me going to Hell and all.
Josh’s lips crashed into mine once more, fanning the already blazing fire within me until I was sure I would spontaneously combust. I wasn’t standing on the sun, Josh was the goddamn sun. And I was soaking in every bit of heat he could give, letting his flames lick my blackened soul.
Like a magnet, Josh’s hand molded to my breast. His fingers played with the lace edge of my bra, teasing me until my senses were all but gone. I arched into his touch, silently begging him to slip those fingers under the sheer fabric. He smirked against my lips and then his mouth and hand were gone.
Before I could cry out in protest, he was back. He moved down my body, his tongue trailing between my breasts, placing wet kisses over my stomach, across my hips. When his hands found the top of my pants, I nearly forgot what was inevitably going to happen—what always happened in these dreams. But it was always there, in the back of my mind.
Josh made quick work of the button, his eyes glued to mine as he oh-so-slowly slipped the pants over my hips and down my legs. His lips resumed their torture, traveling languidly over the thin fabric of my underwear. My hips bucked in response, my body aching with need. Josh’s mouth slipped to the inside of my thigh, nipping at it until I cried out.
He crawled back up my burning body. Two could play that game. With one quick roll, I was on top of him. I straddled his hips, his need for me pressing against my core. I could feel how big his desire for me truly was. Wiggling on top of him, I’d say damn near enormous. Cody wasn’t kidding. The man was hung. Or maybe just Dream Josh was.
Biting back my own moan, I ground my hips against his, watching his eyes roll to the back of his head. I did it again, this time unable to stop the whimper that left my lips. Josh growled deep in his throat and my stomach clenched.
His hand shot up and I flinched, looking for the dagger that wasn’t there. It was coming. I knew it was. It never got past this point. It never got to where I so desperately wanted it to go. Instead, his hand rounded my back, finding my bra strap. With nimble fingers, he unhooked it, freeing my breasts.
I sucked in a breath as the cold air brushed against my nipples. Josh quickly replaced the black fabric with his warm hands, kneading my flesh in a way that had me grinding against him all over again. I’d never let a man touch me like this, not even Alec. Only Josh. It was the touch I’d longed for when we’d escaped the arcade in Santa Cruz; the touch my body ached for when we first kissed at Stonehenge. I needed his touch like I needed air.
Only…he wasn’t really touching me, was he? No matter how hot my body burned, how wild with desire I felt, it wasn’t real.
But in that one moment, I couldn’t get myself to care.
My hands found his chest, savoring the feel of his smooth skin. I ran my fingertips down the hard plane of his stomach, loving the way his body shuddered and his muscles contracted under my touch. Loving the effect I had on him—that we had on each other. My hands slipped a little farther, skimming along the edge of his pants before popping the button open.
As I tried to slip my hands under the band, Josh grabbed both of my wrists in one large hand, his eyes boring into mine.
He flipped me back over so that he was on top of me once more. Yanking my arms over my head, he pinned them to the bed. I was at his mercy. He was in charge. Something about that excited me. Hell, it was the hottest damn thing I’d ever seen. I squirmed against him.
He fell into me, his mouth claiming mine in a powerful, punishing kiss that left my lungs breathless and my body trembling.
And then it happened.
His lips left my mouth and found my ear. “One day you’ll understand,” he whispered, his voice husky with want.
He sat back, releasing me. The dagger flashed in his hand as he brought it down.
I winced as the tip of the blade kissed my skin. My arms shook as I gripped his wrists, fighting to hold them back, to control the dream.
Josh’s icy eyes met mine, alarm flickering across his face. He continued to thrust the dagger down, trying to finish what he’d invaded my dreams to do.
“Please,” I begged as the dagger broke through the surface of my skin. A trail of blood snaked between my breasts and down my side, staining the snow-white sheets beneath me. “Don’t do this. Not yet, not now. I need you, Josh. I’d give anything—my own life—just to have you back. I’m sorry that I didn’t protect you like I should have. I failed you. You never should have died for me. It should have been me. It always should have been me.
“Please,” I said again, tears slipping down my cheeks—people often said anything was possible when you dreamed. “Don’t do this yet, Josh. I just need…I just need this dream to last a little while longer. I just need more time.”
The moment that lingered between us seemed to last a lifetime. And then the dagger slipped from Josh’s hand and he was on me once more.
His lips brushed against mine, soft and tender, like we had all the time in the world. And, God, how I wished we did. I’d stay in the dream with him forever if I could, and forever wouldn’t be long enough.
>
“I loved you,” I mumbled into his lips. “I loved you so damn much.”
Hearing those words leave my mouth, knowing the reality of it all, it hurt more than any dagger ever could. The truth didn’t just hurt, it fucking killed.
Josh pressed his forehead to mine, breathing me in.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
The dagger plunged into my chest.
My eyes blinked open as a man approached the bed. Groggy with sleep, I reached out to him.
He crawled onto the bed, stretching his long body out beside me. I snuggled into his warmth, savoring the feel of his body pressed against mine. As his fingers danced along my side, I grabbed them, directing them farther south until they landed at the apex of my thighs.
I sighed. “Josh…”
The man stiffened, his breaths suddenly coming hard and fast. A growl reverberated through him and my eyes shot open.
I’d made a horrible mistake.
Alec hovered over me, the fury of Hell blazing in those amber eyes, hurt etched into his face.
“No,” I breathed. “I’m sorry.”
He pushed away from me, shoving off the bed. I cursed under my breath and chased after him. “I’m sorry, Alec!” I said again.
He rounded on me and I stopped dead in my tracks. “He’s dead, Zoe!” he bellowed. “I won’t live with another man in our life, or in our bed. I told you before: I won’t share you with some fucking ghost.”
I took a small step back, recoiling from his words. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him so angry, and that was saying something. Then again, he’d basically caught me fantasizing about my dead best friend. Not basically—he had. Guilt consumed me.
And the shittiest “mate” award goes to…
“What did the vampires tell you?” he snarled, his voice dark.
“What?”
“You heard me,” he snapped. “The vampires from the ambush. What were their exact words?”
“They said they had my man.” I was quick to reply as I took yet another step back.