by J. N. Baker
“Stop!” I shouted almost immediately, grabbing my head. I clawed my fingers through my hair, desperately trying to rake away the horrid sensation.
“Please,” I begged, “make it stop.”
Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Annie’s voice. “Alec, no. Leave her. Don’t touch her. She’s fine, I promise.” She didn’t sound so sure.
The ground rushed up at me as I fell hard on my knees. Pressure expanded against my skull. My brains had to be leaking from my ears. I hadn’t felt this sort of blinding pain since the shadow creature, Litharo, crawled into my head and took control over me. I pressed my palms to my temples. What was she doing to me?
“Zoe.” It was Annie. She sounded close. I thought she was about to touch me. I almost wished she would. Anything to make the agony subside. “Stop fighting it. You need to keep your mind open to me or this won’t work.”
I whipped my head back and forth until dizziness overtook me.
“Stop fighting me!” Annie snapped and I flinched away from her. Had to get away from her. Had to keep her out. “Do you want it to work or not?”
Did I want it to work? Did I really want to forget Josh, forget everything he was and how much he meant to me? How he’d turned on me and tossed me aside like garbage?
I squinted my eyes tighter, jaw clenched. I gave Annie a stiff nod. With every bit of mental power I had left, I pushed past the strange sensation and pain and focused on what had to be done. A growl erupted from somewhere deep within me so primal that I wasn’t sure it even came from me.
The more I opened up, the more the Chosen within me fought, and the more painful it became until I was seeing white behind my eyes. I reminded myself that I could handle the pain. My entire existence was about handling pain. I could do this. I had to do this.
Think about Josh.
Not hard to do. He was always on my mind, even now.
I pictured him standing in the doorway of my hospital room, just as perfect as I remembered and there for me like he’d always been—back before he’d betrayed me for Baldric. His ice-blue eyes, normally so kind, were filled with worry and regret—and some unspoken thing. I’d forgotten just how tall he was. His muscles contracted beneath his wet T-shirt as he moved toward me and I wondered how his body would fit against mine. Something told me I already knew.
Did I know him? I thought I did. His name was right on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t get it out. He had a name, right? Everyone had a name, what was his? No, I must not know him. He looked at me for a hard minute. Just when I thought he’d say something, he slowly backed toward the exit.
I wanted desperately to call out for him to stop, but something in me knew I shouldn’t. I had to let him go, he must have been looking for another patient. I didn’t know him. Though I found myself wishing I had.
The man began to fade away until I could barely see him. And then there was just black—nothingness.
Who was he?
No one.
“I knew you could do it,” a deep male voice said. I hadn’t noticed Alec come in. He was staring at me from the door of the rundown cabin, his golden eyes burning a hole straight through me.
I turned away from him, ashamed of myself for what I’d done. There was no way anyone could love someone like me, a murderer—a monster. I would be alone for the rest of eternity. I looked down at my bloodstained hands, another sob wracking my body. Alec would never love me now. How could he? How could anyone?
“Don’t look at me,” I begged, curling into a ball in the corner.
“Don’t hide from me, Zoe,” Alec whispered, suddenly kneeling beside me. “Never from me.”
“I k-killed him,” I said between sobs.
Alec dipped a rag I hadn’t realized he was holding into a bowl of water. He wrung it out and got to work, wiping the combination of blood, tears, and vomit from my face.
“The first time is always the hardest,” he told me, kissing my cheek once it was clean. “Every Chosen who has come before you has gone through this, including me. Like everything else, it will get easier.”
“How could you ever love me now?” I asked, my entire body trembling.
Alec put the rag down and held my face in his large hands. His bright eyes pierced my now-tainted soul. Did I even get to say I had a soul anymore? “You’re mine and I’m yours,” he said. “We are one and the same, you and me. You don’t have to be ashamed of anything with me. There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less. You’re the light of this world and I will see to it that you never burn out. I will love you until the end of time, and longer still. There is nothing in this world that will ever make me stop loving you, Zoe. Do you understand me? Nothing.”
I opened my eyes, startled to see Alec and Annie staring down at me intently. I shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, realizing I was lying on the floor of the great hall. Pushing myself up to sit, I realized my clothes were soaked through with sweat.
“What happened?” I asked no one in particular. My muscles ached and my head was pounding. I winced as I crawled the rest of the way to my feet, swaying for a moment before the hall stopped spinning.
Annie was twirling her curls through her finger, her usual tell. Based on how tightly her hair was wound around her index finger, I’d say she was well past nervous and verging on full on panic. “You, um, you don’t remember anything?” she asked.
“No,” I drawled. Should I have remembered something? I thought back, retracing my memories. What was the last thing I’d done? There was that damn shadow creature out in the snow but, after that, it was like there were holes. “What happened to me?” I asked again.
Annie’s face registered shock. “I did it,” she breathed.
“Did what?”
Alec put a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention to him. “She took care of you,” he said. “You came into the castle with a fever and collapsed. But it looks like the fever has finally broken,” he added, pulling me into his arms. “I’m sure you’ll be fine now. Everything is okay.”
I furrowed my brow, tightening my fingers in the back of Alec’s shirt. God, he smelled good. I wasn’t sure how someone could smell so good at the end of the world. “So, I was sick?” I asked, reluctantly pulling out of his embrace.
Annie nodded, flashing me a smile that didn’t come close to reaching her eyes. I pushed the confusion aside and released a breath I’d been holding for what felt like forever. Whatever had happened, I felt worlds better. It felt like a weight had been lifted. Must have been the fever breaking. Strange, though, I hadn’t been sick since my transformation.
I crawled back into Alec’s arms, standing on my tiptoes to place a soft kiss on his mouth. “I’ve missed you,” I murmured against his lips. I wasn’t exactly sure why I felt such longing for him, I just knew I did.
Alec tightened his grip on me. “I’m right here, Zoe. I’ve always been right here. Always and forever. I will never leave you,” he promised. “Come on, I’ll take you back to my room. You should probably get some rest so the…fever doesn’t return.”
Annie took her cue to leave, but not before giving me a quick hug. She disappeared out of the great hall and Alec took my hand, leading me back to his bedroom chamber.
I thought over Alec’s words and remembered that forever was a long time, and that I didn’t quite like promises. But I couldn’t help but wonder if I was supposed to be remembering something else.
Alec closed the door softly behind us as we entered his room, which was right beside Annie’s and my room. Maybe it was time for me to let Annie have it to herself.
I turned to face Alec, his rich honey eyes smiling down at me, warming me to the very core. He closed the distance between us and I wondered how on this godforsaken Earth I ended up with such a man. I sure as hell didn’t deserve him.
He stopped in front of me, brushing stray hairs from my face before planting a kiss on the corner of my mouth. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered into my ear, making me shiver.
He had that effect on me. From the first moment I laid eyes on him in the mountains of California, I was under his spell. I was his and he was mine. As far back as I could remember, I’d never loved anyone the way that I loved Alec.
Something gnawed at the back of my mind, unrelenting. “Alec,” I breathed, my fingers tugging softly on the back of his dirty blond hair.
“Mm?” He kissed my jaw, his fingertips drawing circles down my arms.
“Is there something I’m supposed to remember?”
Alec’s body stiffened against mine momentarily. “You have nothing to worry about. Everything is fine,” he assured me. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and breathed me in, his body relaxing. “You’re fine. Better than fine, even.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t entirely sure that was true. I knew I was happy, of that much I was certain. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. It was like there was this big gaping hole in my memory—in my heart. I felt almost…incomplete, like a puzzle missing a piece.
I gazed into Alec’s eyes and all of my worries melted away.
If there was such a thing as true love, this was it. Deranged and insane at times, but true nonetheless.
Alec took my hand, leading me farther into the large room until we were standing in front of his fireplace. The flames flickered gently, not a raging inferno, but not out either—a steady burn. I savored the warmth they gave off, and the even greater heat coming from Alec’s body pressed behind mine.
I ran my fingers over Alec’s arms as they coiled around my middle. So strong, so protective.
“I love you so much,” he whispered into my ear, his lips grazing the top of my earlobe, sending little shockwaves throughout my body. “Nothing in this world will ever change that. Nothing. I will never leave you. I promise you that.”
Again, the word “promise” rubbed me the wrong way. I pushed the feeling away and leaned into Alec, letting his warmth and love soak into me.
The way our world had become, the loss of Ryuu, of the others, nothing was a guarantee. Even for the Chosen, tomorrow wasn’t promised—not while Baldric still lived. I didn’t want to waste another moment with Alec, not when forever could end with the swing of a sword.
I spun around on him and yanked his head down to mine until our lips crashed into one another like waves slamming into the shore. My mouth moved over his as if it were our first kiss and our last kiss all rolled into one fleeting moment. Alec’s hands ran wild over my body until they landed on my ass. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, sitting me on the edge.
My breath came faster as he stepped back, pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the floor. The action seemed so familiar and yet so new. The fire reflected across his chiseled stomach and I drank him up like he was the tall glass of water I’d been desperately craving.
I reached out a trembling hand, letting my fingertips brush across his many markings—markings I no longer bore—following each one until my hand hit the top of his pants. My lips followed quickly after, placing delicate kisses down his hard stomach, feeling his muscles flex under my touch. His breath seized as my mouth inched closer to the pants my fingers still lingered over.
Alec leaned forward, tilting my face up and capturing my mouth with his. He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me, all without ever breaking the kiss.
He’d been a lot more patient with me since finding out about the “accident.” I remembered the way his face had paled when I’d finally told him. And then the anger, so much anger on my behalf.
I knew I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell him, but it wasn’t an easy thing to talk about. There wasn’t exactly a How to Talk to Your “Mate” About Rape and Other Horrible Shit handbook. Still, after the Great Battle was probably a little too late. If I’d just told him sooner, maybe we wouldn’t have had has many issues in the intimacy department as we did.
I will never let that happen to you again, he’d told me. I will always take care of you. Everything in your own time.
His attempts for sex had greatly gone down since then but they most definitely weren’t nonexistent. The man wanted me, he’d made that point very clear. And often. Still, he’d given me the time I’d asked for. But it had been long enough. The accident was over six years ago. I wasn’t that same weak girl anymore. It was time to move on.
A girl had needs.
Alec’s breath was hot against my skin as he trailed kisses down my neck. His hand slipped over my chest, rough thumbs teasing my nipples through my clothes. My entire body trembled beneath his. His eyes found mine, begging for what I’d always denied him. The nod I gave him was all the permission he needed.
In a blink, Alec had my shirt up and over my head. My breath hitched in my chest as he started working on my pants, tugging at them with a desperation that did glorious things to my insides. The second my pants were out of the way, I grabbed hold of his shoulders and rolled on top of him, my hips grinding against his of their own volition. Alec growled deep in his throat at the motion and I went to work on his pants.
I was eager. I needed this man. I couldn’t figure out why the hell I hadn’t taken it to this point before—why I’d always stopped him from taking what was always meant to be his. What in this godforsaken world could have ever stopped me from being with this man? I pushed the thoughts aside as I popped open the top button.
Before I could get into any more mischief, Alec flipped us so he was once again on top. His lips claimed mine all over again and I melted into him. He set my body on fire in ways I didn’t think were possible. I sizzled blissfully beneath him.
The air subtly changed around me and I opened my eyes.
Long black hair fell around me as lips released their hold on mine. A metal hand pressed into the bed beside me, digging into the black sheets. I stopped breathing.
“You are stunning,” he said as he pulled away from me. He walked to the nearby window and stared out into the darkness. “The ocean cliffs are a beautiful sight, and not even they hold a candle to you, my queen. How was your walk?”
Baldric returned to the bed, sitting beside me. His blackened eyes smiled down at me as he leaned down and kissed me once more.
“No!” I screamed, thrashing against Alec’s near-naked body. He scrambled off me, eyes wide.
“Whoa,” he started. “It’s okay, Zoe. We don’t have to right now. Maybe you should just rest.”
I curled up in a ball against the headboard, hugging my knees against my chest. I hadn’t blinked since the vision ended. I couldn’t risk closing my eyes and seeing Baldric’s face so close to mine again. The mere thought made me sick. My stomach churned until I couldn’t hold it down anymore. I scrambled to the edge of the bed and lost what little food was in my stomach and, when that was gone, I dry heaved.
“What’s wrong?” Alec asked, scooting closer but still not touching me. “Did you have a vision?”
With a nod, I forced the word out. “B-Baldric.”
Alec turned into a statue beside me, his stillness a sharp contrast to the way my body trembled. That one word was all I had to say. There was only one thing Baldric could do to elicit such a reaction from me and Alec knew it.
Carefully, Alec wrapped a long arm around me and pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly as if he could make the tremors stop with sheer force alone. “Tell me,” he finally said.
The thought crossed my mind to lie to him. But what would that solve? It wouldn’t stop the vision from coming to pass. Besides, he’d figure it out eventually. Like when Baldric took me.
“He had me,” I told him, not liking how shaky my voice was. “He called me his queen, Alec.”
His hold on me tightened until it bordered on painful. “Are you sure?”
I nodded against his shoulder. “I was in his kingdom, lying in a bed with him,” I added. “He was calling me his, asking me how my walk was as if I wasn’t being held against my will. It was almost like he thought I wanted to be there. How is that even poss
ible, Alec?”
It wasn’t until Alec tightened his grip on me that I even noticed I was shaking again. For anyone, the mere thought of belonging to Baldric was terrifying, one’s worst nightmare—Hell itself. I couldn’t wrap my head around how I would possibly not want to get away from him. Would he brainwash me, tricking me into wanting to stay with him? Could he do that? I suppose with enough torture, anything was possible.
“I can’t be his,” I said to Alec, pulling away from his warm embrace. I looked deep into his eyes, seeing my own fears reflecting back at me. “I will die before becoming his. You can’t let him take me. You can’t let this happen. Please, Alec.”
“I won’t let it,” Alec assured me, running his hands over my bare shoulders. His touch was a much-needed comfort. “I won’t let him have you. You are mine. I’ll protect you, Zoe. I will keep you safe. I won’t let this happen. This is one vision I refuse to let come to pass.”
I almost believed him. But I knew the harsh truth. William had spent the last half a decade drilling it into me. Once a vision was seen, it could not be stopped. Alec had about as much control over what the future held as I did, which was none. Still, it was easier to pretend otherwise, to believe that Alec was going to keep me safe and make sure that Baldric would never lay a finger on me.
“We will talk to William. Maybe he knows something, anything, we can do to change this. There has to be some way to change it.”
“Alec,” I called for him as he scooted to the edge of the bed to retrieve his shirt. He turned to look at me with a sadness in his eyes that I rarely saw. He knew what was coming. “There is one way to change it,” I said, my eyes glued to his. “Kill me. If it comes down to it, kill me before he can have me.”
“Zoe…”
“Promise me,” I told him. Despite my strange discomfort with promises, I had to hear him say the words. “I will die before being his. Once he has me, he has all the powers that come with me. He will use me against you, all of you. I can’t live with that, Alec. Promise me that you won’t let that happen. Promise me that if he comes for me, you will kill me so he will never be able to have me.”