Works of E F Benson

by E. F. Benson

  “It seems so,” said Bertie, with a fine determination not to draw inferences.

  “Ah, but don’t you see — —” said Jack.

  “Oh, it’s all right,” said Bertie. “He is devoted to her, and she is clever and stimulating. Personally I shouldn’t like a stimulating wife. I don’t like stimulating people, I don’t think they wear well. It would be like sipping brandy all day. Fancy having brandy at five o’clock tea. What a prospect, you know! Dodo’s too smart for my taste.”

  “She never bores one,” said Jack.

  “No, but she makes me feel as if I was sitting under a flaming gas-burner, which was beating on to what Nature designed to be my brain-cover.”

  “Nonsense,” said Jack. “You don’t know her. There she is. Ah!”

  A dog-cart had stopped close by them, and a girl got out, leaving a particularly diminutive groom at the pony’s head. If anything she was a shade more perfectly dressed than the rest of the crowd, and she seemed to know it. Behind her walked another girl, who was obviously intended to walk behind, while Dodo was equally obviously made to walk in front.

  Just then Dodo turned round and said over her shoulder to her, —

  “Maud, tell the boy he needn’t wait. You needn’t either unless you like.”

  Maud turned round and went dutifully back to the dog-cart, where she stood irresolutely a few moments after giving her message.

  Dodo caught sight of the two young men on the chairs, and advanced to them. The radiant vision was evidently not gifted with that dubious quality, shyness.

  “Why, Jack,” she exclaimed in a loudish voice, “here I am, you see, and I have come to be congratulated! What are you and Bertie sitting here for like two Patiences on monuments? Really, Jack, you would make a good Patience on a monument.

  “Was Patience a man? I never saw him yet. I would come and sketch you if you stood still enough. What are you so glum about? You look as if you were going to be executed. I ought to look like that much more than you. Jack, I’m going to be a married woman, and stop at home, and mend the socks, and look after the baby, and warm Chesterford’s slippers for him. Where’s Chesterford? Have you seen him? Oh, I told Maud to go away. Maud,” she called, “come back and take Bertie for a stroll: I want to talk to Jack. Go on, Bertie; you can come back in half an hour, and if I haven’t finished talking then, you can go away again — or go for a drive, if you like, with Maud round the Park. Take care of that pony, though; he’s got the devil of a temper.”

  “I suppose I may congratulate you first?” asked Bertie.

  “That’s so dear of you,” said Dodo graciously, as if she was used to saying it. “Good-bye; Maud’s waiting, and the pony will kick himself to bits if he stands much longer. Thanks for your congratulations. Good-bye.”

  Bertie moved off, and Dodo sat down next Jack.

  “Now, Jack, we’re going to have a talk. In the first place you haven’t congratulated me. Never mind, we’ll take that as done. Now tell me what you think of it. I don’t quite know why I ask you, but we are old friends.”

  “I’m surprised,” said he candidly; “I think it’s very odd.”

  Dodo frowned.

  “John Broxton,” she said solemnly, “don’t be nasty. Don’t you think I’m a very charming girl, and don’t you think he’s a very charming boy?”

  Jack was silent for a minute or two, then he said, —

  “What is the use of this, Dodo? What do you want me to say?”

  “I want you to say what you think. Jack, old boy, I’m very fond of you, though I couldn’t marry you. Oh, you must see that. We shouldn’t have suited. We neither of us will consent to play second fiddle, you know. Then, of course, there’s the question of money. I must have lots of money. Yes, a big must and a big lot. It’s not your fault that you haven’t got any, and it wouldn’t have been your fault if you’d been born with no nose; but I couldn’t marry a man who was without either.”

  “After all, Dodo,” said he, “you only say what every one else thinks about that. I don’t blame you for it. About the other, you’re wrong. I am sure I should not have been an exacting husband. You could have had your own way pretty well.”

  “Oh, Jack, indeed no,” said she;— “we are wandering from the point, but I’ll come back to it presently. My husband must be so devoted to me that anything I do will seem good and charming. You don’t answer that requirement, as I’ve told you before. If I can’t get that — I have got it, by the way — I must have a man who doesn’t care what I do. You would have cared, you know it. You told me once I was in dreadfully bad form. Of course that clinched the matter. To my husband I must never be in bad form. If others did what I do, it might be bad form, but with me, no. Bad form is one of those qualities which my husband must think impossible for me, simply because I am I. Oh, Jack, you must see that — don’t be stupid! And then you aren’t rich enough. It’s all very well to call it a worldly view, but it is a perfectly true one for me. Don’t you see I must have everything I want. It is what I live on, all this,” she said, spreading her hands out. “All these people must know who I am, and that they should do that, I must have everything at my command. Oh, it’s all very well to talk of love in a cottage, but just wait till the chimney begins to smoke.”

  Dodo nodded her head with an air of profound wisdom.

  “It isn’t for you that I’m anxious,” said Jack, “it’s for Chesterford. He’s an awfully good fellow. It is a trifle original to sing the husband’s praise to the wife, but I do want you to know that. And he isn’t one of those people who don’t feel things because they don’t show it — it is just the other way. The feeling is so deep that he can’t. You know you like to turn yourself inside out for your friend’s benefit, but he doesn’t do that. And he is in love with you.”

  “Yes, I know,” she said, “but you do me an injustice. I shall be very good to him. I can’t pretend that I am what is known as being in love with him — in fact I don’t think I know what that means, except that people get in a very ridiculous state, and write sonnets to their mistress’s front teeth, which reminds me that I am going to the dentist to-morrow. Come and hold my hand — yes, and keep withered flowers and that sort of thing. Ah, Jack, I wish that I really knew what it did mean. It can’t be all nonsense, because Chesterford’s like that, and he is an honest man if you like. And I do respect and admire him very much, and I hope I shall make him happy, and I hear he’s got a delightful new yacht; and, oh! do look at that Arbuthnot girl opposite with a magenta hat. It seems to me inconceivably stupid to have a magenta hat. Really she is a fool. She wants to attract attention, but she attracts the wrong sort. Now she is in bad form. Bertie doesn’t look after his relations enough.”

  “Oh, bother the Arbuthnot girl,” said Jack angrily. “I want to have this out with you. Don’t you see that that sort of thing won’t do with Chesterford? He is not a fool by any means, and he knows the difference between the two things.”

  “Indeed he doesn’t,” said Dodo. “The other day he was talking to me, and I simply kept on smiling when I was thinking of something quite different, and he thought I was adorably sympathetic. And, besides, I am not a fool either. He is far too happy for me to believe that he is not satisfied.”

  “Well, but you’ll have to keep it up,” said Jack. “Don’t you see I’m not objecting to your theory of marriage in itself — though I think it’s disgusting — but it strikes me that you have got the wrong sort of man to experiment upon. It might do very well if he was like you.”

  “Jack, you sha’n’t lecture me,” said Dodo; “I shall do precisely as I like. Have you ever known me make a fool of myself? Of course you haven’t. Well, if I was going to make a mess of this, it would be contrary to all you or anyone else knows of me. I’m sorry I asked your opinion at all. I didn’t think you would be so stupid.”

  “You told me to tell you what I thought,” said Jack in self-defence. “I offered to say what you wanted, or to congratulate or condole or anythi
ng else; it’s your own fault, and I wish I’d said it was charming and delightful, and just what I had always hoped.”

  Dodo laughed.

  “I like to see you cross, Jack,” she remarked, “and now we’ll be friends again. Remember what you have said to-day — we shall see in time who is right, you or I. If you like to bet about it you may — only you would lose. I promise to tell you if you turn out to be right, even if you don’t see it, which you must if it happens, which it won’t, so you won’t,” she added with a fine disregard of grammar.

  Jack was silent.

  “Jack, you are horrible,” said Dodo impatiently, “you don’t believe in me one bit. I believe you are jealous of Chesterford; you needn’t be.”

  Then he interrupted her quickly.

  “Ah, Dodo, take care what you say. When you say I needn’t be, it implies that you are not going to do your share. I want to be jealous of Chesterford, and I am sorry I am not. If I thought you loved him, or would ever get to love him, I should be jealous. I wish to goodness I was. Really, if you come to think of it, I am very generous. I want this to be entirely a success. If there is one man in the world who deserves to be happy it is Chesterford. He is not brilliant, he does not even think he is, which is the best substitute. It doesn’t much matter how hard you are hit if you are well protected. Try to make him conceited — it is the best you can do for him.”

  He said these words in a low tone, as if he hardly wished Dodo to hear. But Dodo did hear.

  “You don’t believe in me a bit,” she said. “Never mind, I will force you to. That’s always the way — as long as I amuse you, you like me well enough, but you distrust me at bottom. A woman’s a bore when she is serious. Isn’t it so? Because I talk nonsense you think I am entirely untrustworthy about things that matter.”

  Dodo struck the ground angrily with the point of her parasol.

  “I have thought about it. I know I am right,” she went on. “I shall be immensely happy as his wife, and he will be immensely happy as my husband.”

  “I don’t think it’s much use discussing it,” said he. “But don’t be vexed with me, Dodo. You reminded me that we were old friends at the beginning of this extremely candid conversation. I have told you that I think it is a mistake. If he didn’t love you it wouldn’t matter. Unfortunately he does.”

  “Well, Jack,” she said, “I can’t prove it, but you ought to know me well enough by this time not to misjudge me so badly. It is not only unjust but stupid, and you are not usually stupid. However, I am not angry with you, which is the result of my beautiful nature. Come, Jack, shake hands and wish me happiness.”

  She stood up, holding out both her hands to him. Jack was rather moved.

  “Dodo, of course I do. I wish all the best wishes that my nature can desire and my brain conceive, both to you and him, him too; and I hope I shall be outrageously jealous before many months are over.”

  He shook her hands, and then dropped them. She stood for a moment with her eyes on the ground, looking still grave. Then she retreated a step or two, leaned against the rail, and broke into a laugh.

  “That’s right, Jack, begone, dull care. I suppose you’ll be Chesterford’s best man. I shall tell him you must be. Really he is an excellent lover; he doesn’t say too much or too little, and he lets me do exactly as I like. Jack, come and see us this evening; we’re having a sort of Barnum’s Show, and I’m to be the white elephant. Come and be a white elephant too. Oh, no, you can’t; Chesterford’s the other. The elephant is an amiable beast, and I am going to be remarkably amiable. Come to dinner first, the Show begins afterwards. No, on the whole, don’t come to dinner, because I want to talk to Chesterford all the time, and do my duty in that state of life in which it has pleased Chesterford to ask me to play my part. That’s profane, but it’s only out of the Catechism. Who wrote the Catechism? I always regard the Catechism as only a half-sacred work, and so profanity doesn’t count, at least you may make two profane remarks out of the Catechism, which will only count as one. I shall sing, too. Evelyn has taught me two little nigger minstrel songs. Shall I black my face? I’m not at all sure that I shouldn’t look rather well with my face blacked, though I suppose it would frighten Chesterford. Here are Maud and Bertie back again. I must go. I’m lunching somewhere, I can’t remember where, only Maud will know. Maud, where are we lunching, and have you had a nice drive, and has Bertie been making love to you? Good-bye, Jack. Remember to come this evening. You can come, too, Bertie, if you like. I have had a very nice talk with Jack, and he has been remarkably rude, but I forgive him.”

  Jack went with her to her dog-cart, and helped her in.

  “This pony’s name is Beelzebub,” she remarked, as she took the reins, “because he is the prince of the other things. Good-bye.”

  Then he went back and rejoined Bertie.

  “There was a scene last night,” said Bertie. “Maud told me about it. She came home with Dodo and Chesterford, and stopped to open a letter in the hall, and when she went upstairs into the drawing-room, she found Dodo sobbing among the sofa cushions, and Chesterford standing by, not quite knowing what to do. It appeared that he had just given her the engagement ring. She was awfully-pleased with it, and said it was charming, then suddenly she threw it down on the floor, and buried her face in the cushions. After that she rushed out of the room, and didn’t appear again for a quarter of an hour, and then went to the Foreign Office party, and to two balls.”

  Jack laughed hopelessly for a few minutes. Then he said, —

  “It is too ridiculous. I don’t believe it can be all real. That was drama, pure spontaneous drama. But it’s drama for all that. I’m sure I don’t know why I laughed, now I come to think of it. It really is no laughing matter. All the same I wonder why she didn’t tell me that. But her sister has got no business to repeat those kind of things. Don’t tell anyone else, Bertie.”

  Then after a minute he repeated to himself, “I wonder why she didn’t tell me that.”

  “Jack,” said Bertie after another pause, “I don’t wish you to think that I want to meddle in your concerns, and so don’t tell me unless you like, but was anything ever up between you and Dodo? Lie freely if you would rather not tell me, please.”

  “Yes,” he said simply. “I asked her to marry me last April, and she said ‘No.’ I haven’t told anyone till this minute, because I don’t like it to be known when I fail. I am like Dodo in that. You know how she detests not being able to do anything she wants. It doesn’t often happen, but when it does, Dodo becomes damnable. She has more perseverance than I have, though. When she can’t get anything, she makes such a fuss that she usually does succeed eventually. But I do just the other thing. I go away, and don’t say anything about it. That was a bad failure. I remember being very much vexed at the time.”

  Jack spoke dreamily, as if he was thinking of something else. It was his way not to blaze abroad anything that affected him deeply. Like Dodo he would often dissect himself in a superficial manner, and act as a kind of showman to his emotions; but he did not care to turn himself inside out with her thoroughness. And above all, as he had just said, he hated the knowledge of a failure; he tried to conceal it even from himself. He loved to show his brighter side to the world. When he was in society he always put on his best mental and moral clothes, those that were newest and fitted him most becomingly; the rags and tatters were thrown deep into the darkest cupboard, and the key sternly turned on them. Now and then, however, as on this occasion, a friend brought him the key with somewhat embarrassing openness, and manners prevented him from putting his back to the door. But when it was unlocked he adopted the tone of, “Yes, there are some old things in there, I believe. May you see? Oh, certainly; but please shut it after you, and don’t let anyone else in. I quite forget what is in there myself, it’s so long since I looked.”

  Bertie was silent. He was on those terms of intimacy with the other that do not need ordinary words of condolence or congratulation. Besides, from his ow
n point of view, he inwardly congratulated Jack, and this was not the sort of occasion on which to tell him that congratulation rather than sympathy was what the event demanded. Then Jack went on, still with the air of a spectator than of a principal character, —

  “Dodo talked to me a good deal about her marriage. I am sorry about it, for I think that Chesterford will be terribly disillusioned. You know he doesn’t take things lightly, and he is much too hopelessly fond of Dodo ever to be content with what she will grant him as a wife. But we cannot do anything. I told her what I thought, not because I hoped to make any change in the matter, but because I wished her to know that for once in her life she has made a failure — a bad, hopeless mistake. That has been my revenge. Come, it’s after one, I must go home. I shall go there this evening; shall I see you?”

  CHAPTER TWO.

  Jack went home meditating rather bitterly on things in general. He had a sense that Fate was not behaving very prettily to him. She had dealt him rather a severe blow in April last, which had knocked him down, and, having knocked him down, she now proceeded in a most unsportsmanlike way to kick him. Jack had a great idea of fair play, and Fate certainly was not playing fair. He would have liked to have a few words with her on the subject. The world had been very kind on the whole to him. He had always been popular, and his life, though perhaps rather aimless, was at least enjoyable. And since the world had been kind to him, he was generous to the world in general, and to his friends in particular. It had always held a high opinion of him, as a thoroughly healthy-minded and pleasant companion, and he was disposed to hold a similar opinion of it. Consequently, when Dodo had refused him that spring, he had not thought badly of her. He did not blame her, or get bitter about it; but though he had flattered himself that he was used to Dodo’s ways, and had always recognised her capabilities in the way of surprising her friends, he had not been quite prepared for the news of her engagement. In fact, he was surprised, and also rather resentful, chiefly against the general management of mundane affairs, but partly also against Dodo herself. Dodo had not told him of her engagement; he had been left to find it out for himself. Then, again, she was engaged to a man who was hopelessly and entirely in love with her, and for whom, apart from a quiet, unemotional liking, she did not care two straws, except in so far as he was immensely rich and had a title, two golden keys which unlocked the most secret doors of that well-furnished apartment known as Society, which constituted Dodo’s world. Hitherto her position had been precarious: she had felt that she was on trial. Her personality, her great attractiveness and talents, had secured for herself a certain footing on the very daïs of that room; but she had always known that unless she married brilliantly she would not be sure of her position. If she married a man who would not be always certain of commanding whatever money and position — for she would never have married a wealthy brewer — could command, or, worst of all, if in her unwillingness to accept anything but the best she could get, she did not marry at all, Dodo knew that she never would have that unquestioned position that she felt was indispensable to her. Jack knew all this perfectly well — in fact Dodo had referred to it that morning — and he accepted it philosophically as being inevitable. But what he did not like was being told that he would not have done on general grounds, that he was too fond of his own way, that he would not have given Dodo rein enough. He had known Dodo too long and too well, when he proposed to her, to have any of a lover’s traditional blindness to the faults of his love. He knew that she was, above all things, strongly dramatic, that she moved with a view to effect, that she was unscrupulous in what she did, that her behaviour was sometimes in questionable taste; but this he swallowed whole, so to speak. He was genuinely attached to her, and felt that she possessed the qualities that he would most like to have in his wife. Bertie had said to him that morning that she was stimulating, and would not wear well. Stimulating she certainly was — what lovable woman is not? — and personally he had known her long, and she did wear well. The hidden depths and unsuspected shallows were exactly what he loved her for; no one ever fell in love with a canal; and though the shallows were commoner than the depths, and their presence was sometimes indicated by a rather harsh jarring of the keel, yet he believed, fully and sincerely, in the dark, mysterious depths for love to lose itself in. Besides, a wife, whose actions and thoughts were as perfectly calculable and as accurately calculated as the trains in a Bradshaw, was possessed of sterling qualities which, however estimable, were more suited to a housekeeper than a mistress.