Willard finished his tea, as did Lilith and Alfred, then the three headed out to the waiting carriage.
CHAPTER TEN
The wheels of Roderick’s carriage clattered over the rough roads. The sound of it thundered in his ears, as though demons were chasing him down, determined to tear his heart from his chest. The heart, which he now realized was falling in love with Emily, was beating remorsefully.
He had introduced her to the touch of a man, with little concern for her sensibilities! The thought of his actions brought him bitter shame. She should despise him in the same way he despised himself. He had made a mess of this from the beginning, and it wasn’t getting any better!
Every time he thought of Emily, he could see the sneer on Willard’s face as he told Roderick about Abigail meeting James in secret. The pain that shot through him like a sword cutting him asunder with the knowledge that he had learned to love Abigail in vain, still pierced his heart. Trying to make the best of his situation had not worked for him back then. Then the shocked look on James face when the bullet slammed into his heart, and he staggered forward crumpling to the ground, would never leave him. He lived that nightmare time and again, knowing he could never change the outcome. It would haunt him till his death, holding him away from everything he held dear. Keeping him at bay from allowing anyone to love him, for how could they love someone who snuffed out a life over a woman that didn’t even love him? He should have divorced her let the two find their own happiness, and be damned with the scandal! Only his stubborn pride took over.
Was his estate and having Emily worth the pain of knowing that even if he allowed her to love him, he could not fully give his heart to her in return? Willard would always be there to remind him, to taunt his inner demon that pushed everyone away from him. He knew it was not Willard’s fault. Abigail would have loved James in spite of Willard’s part in the affair. Only it was Willard who wanted him to lose the estate and encouraged Abigail.
Now Roderick was sure Willard would encourage Emily to mistrust him as well. He would find a way to put a wedge between Roderick and his new wife. Then, when he finally offered her his heart she would turn away from him, the same way Abigail had. Roderick believed he had been fooling himself into thinking he could turn the tides, and make his future meaningful for once in his life.
Roderick brooded for several hours, as the carriage rumbled farther away from Windridge Hall. He could still see the pained look on Emily’s face when he left her in the room and stormed out to the stables, wanting to get as far away from her as he could. It was not her fault. Only he couldn’t face her. He couldn’t endure the look in her eyes if he told her how he killed a man who didn’t deserve to die. James’ only crime was loving the woman that Roderick’s father had forced him to marry.
Now she would hate him double for just walking out on her like that, without explanation, on top of the way he had handled her the night before. He was no good for her or any woman. Once he accepted the fact, his suffering would come to an end, he hoped.
All Roderick wanted to do was drink himself into oblivion, but he hadn’t thought to bring anything with him. He still wore the dinner clothes he had been wearing the night before. He was so upset, he hadn’t thought out what he was going to do. He gave into his first reaction. It was a replica of so many years ago when he rode out on his horse after learning that his father had chosen him a bride. History was repeating itself! He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do, once he arrived in London? He was sure Emily would not be there when he returned if he ever returned! At the moment, he never wanted to lay eyes on Windridge Hall again. It brought nothing but bad memories. The only silver lining was bringing Emily there, and he found a way to ruin that as well.
His carriage was approaching a tavern, and Roderick tapped the roof of the carriage for the driver to stop. He would now have the means of drinking himself into numbness that would erase all the memories that haunted him, and all the worries of his future that taunted him. As he jumped down from the gig, he noticed a black mare tied to the post along with other horses.
Something about the horse drew his attention. Roderick went closer to inspect it. Pushing the long, flowing mane back, he inspected the ear of the horse. He was not surprised to see the small brand that his father had always marked his horses with. This was the horse that Emily’s father had bought her for her 16th birthday. The mare was older, but still had the good constitution of its breed, and had been well taken care of. He lifted the horse’s feet to check them, and smoothed his hands over the legs, inspecting the horse as though it was on the auction block and he was about to bid on it.
“I beg your pardon,” the voice behind him brought Roderick to attention.
Roderick turned to see a man a few years older than himself, glaring at him.
“Why are you inspecting my horse?” the man wanted to know.
“I am sorry sir. Let me introduce myself.”
Roderick knew he looked rumpled and had a days growth of beard on his face, so he was not surprised at the way the man raised his eyebrows at him.
“I am Lord Winlock of Windridge Hall, and I do believe that your horse used to be from my father’s stable.”
“So? I did not steal that horse if that is what you are insinuating.”
“No. My father sold it several years ago to a man who was going to give the horse to his daughter for her birthday. But then he died, leaving his daughter destitute, and she was forced to sell the horse. It just so happens that I am now engaged to that woman, and I would dearly love to present the horse to her as a wedding present. I will pay any price you ask for the horse, regardless of its worth. My fiancé loved the horse dearly and it would make her so happy to be able to have it back.”
“Well, you certainly do not drive a hard bargain, my friend. I shall sell the horse to you for the same price I paid for it. I got it at a bargain because the woman was desperate at the time. I felt sorry for her. Didn’t have the money the horse was worth, and she sold it to me anyway. Lovely young thing, and you are marrying her? That is splendid!”
“I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this,” Roderick told the man.
“Name’s Joe Radcliff.”
He put out his hand and Roderick grasped it in a hearty handshake.
“Glad to make your acquaintance,” he said.
“Likewise,” Roderick offered. “Let’s go inside and get a glass of ale, while we do business.”
The two walked into the tavern together, and Roderick suddenly realized he had just bought Emily’s horse back for her, which meant he would have to return to Windridge Hall and present it to her. Somehow fate was taking over where his impulsive behavior had left off. It seemed to him, though, had he not acted so hastily and ran off the way he did, he never would have discovered Emily’s horse. Perhaps the angels were guiding him instead of his demons, he marveled.
Instead of drinking himself under the table, as he had planned, Roderick only had a couple of drinks with Joe Radcliff, as they exchanged money and tall tales. They visited for a good hour. Roderick sheepishly admitted he had taken off without thinking, in the heat of the moment, leaving his intended without explanation of where he was even going. The gift of the horse should surely smooth things over for him, he projected. Joe slapped him on the back and told him he completely supported his decision to return the horse to her. He had seen how she hated parting with it when he purchased the mount. He tried giving her the money and not taking the horse, but she would not hear of it, insisting she did not take charity.
Yes, that was the way Emily would have responded, Roderick thought, and wondered how he ever could have left her like that, over his own self-loathing? She needed an explanation, and he planned to give it to her, as soon as he returned. After that, he would just have to take his chances. He only hoped that she was still there, and would find it in her heart to forgive him.
When he and Joe parted, Roderick decided to get a room, clean himself up, stay the nigh
t, and return to Windridge hall in the morning, which would assure he would arrive by mid-afternoon. Now all he had to do was worry about what Emily would say, once he returned.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Emily threw herself into the arms of Lilith, the moment she stepped out of the carriage. Willard gave Alfred a knowing look and suggested they leave the two women to catch up on gossip while they had a drink in the study. Alfred was happy to agree since he did not want getting caught up in the emotional side of events. He knew that Emily and Lilith could work that part out together, once they had a long talk. Emily and Lilith went to the garden and Willard told Della to take some lemonade out to them while they visited.
The garden was a myriad of flowering bushes, exotic plants, lovely shade trees, flower beds spilling over with color and perfume from the blooms, all accessed by a maze of trails that led through it. Emily took Lilith to a bench under a willow tree.
“Tell me all,” Lilith encouraged. “I can tell by your face that your affairs are not going so well. This sudden trip that Lord Winlock has taken seems strange, so I want to hear what you have to say about it.”
“Everything is strange, Lilith. I wonder how I got myself into this, and yet I do not want to withdraw yet. Not until I can speak to Roderick about it all.”
“So what happened?” Lilith encouraged.
“Willard told me the story about Roderick’s marriage. According to Willard, it came about through the insistence of his father, which we already knew. What we didn’t know, was that Abigail was in love with another man, by the name of James Stewart, who was, by the way, a lousy shot.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Emily began explaining the circumstances of the marriage and the duel. She told how Roderick had ended up shooting James.
“Oh, how horrible!”
“Yes it was, and to make matters worse, Abigail washed up on shore the next day. Some people believe that Roderick pushed her over the cliff into the ocean, and others believe she jumped because she could not live with the man who killed her lover. Only I know Roderick did not kill his wife, and he didn’t mean to kill James.”
“How do you know?”
Emily, once again went into the story of Roderick’s dream, as Lilith listened intently. When she finished, she looked worriedly at Lilith.
“I didn’t know what to do and sent for Willard, who offered to be host while Roderick was away. He suggested I continue with my plans of having you and Alfred come and visit me. I am so glad you are here!”
“How could Roderick do that? This business about killing James must have affected him deeply. Why else would he give up his estate, and you, to his hated cousin?” Lilith voiced, and then a smile came over her face. “You know, I called Willard the hated cousin to his face! He informs me that he is not as hated as I believe him to be.”
Emily laughed.
“Actually, he is rather endearing. He seems wholly repentant to his part in the entire, ugly affair with Abigail and James. He insists he wants to make amends to Roderick for his part in it. I only hope he is being honest.”
“He is so dashing, and I think he likes me,” Lilith admitted, with a self-conscious giggle.
“Don’t tell me you are setting your hat for him,” Emily exclaimed.
Lilith shrugged and rolled her eyes.
“Who knows what fate will bring?” was all she said.
“I guess we are all going to have to wait and see what fate brings. I was so devastated when Roderick took off the way he did. I didn’t know what to think or feel. I do love him, Lilith, and I realize he did not mean to kill James. I just wish he would explain to me what happened. I could never think badly of him. He was only nineteen at the time, for heaven sake!”
“Willard claims he thinks Roderick loves you as well, but just won’t admit it. Men are so stubborn sometimes. They do not want to admit to having silly feelings like love.”
“I don’t think love is a silly feeling. I think it is a wonderful feeling. Roderick told me he did not want to force me into marrying him, by compromising me, and I should marry him willingly. Only right after telling me that, he tells me Willard can have the estate, and me along with it, so what am I to believe?”
“Men! I don’t think we will ever understand them! And speaking of men, we have left two of them on their own for much too long. No telling what unimaginable mischief they will get themselves into if we do not join them soon,” Lilith chuckled.
“You are right. We need to find something to entertain us and get us out of this gloomy mood. I am sure Alfred and Willard could come up with some ideas.”
The two stood up from the bench and headed back towards the house to join Alfred and Willard. Emily and Lilith found the two in the billiard hall, caught up in a game, and they watched with amusement, cheering when each made a point and giving their condolence when they missed a shot. When the game was finally over, they retired to the music room, the men insisting the girls take turns playing the pianoforte and singing for them. Both women had lovely voices, and both could play expertly.
As Willard listened and watched Lilith sing, his heart swelled at the sound of her voice. He could not remove his eyes from her. Alfred, on the other hand, was wondering why he had ever only thought of Emily as a good friend? She was strikingly beautiful, and she had been right under his nose all those years. However, this was the first time he had noticed her as a true woman, with beauty to be reckoned with. The problem was, he sadly realized it was a little too late for him to have loving feelings for her all of a sudden. He could have kicked himself! Well, at least he could protect her from Roderick, if Roderick’s intentions were not honorable, he decided. He should have offered for her hand himself, he admitted, belatedly.
After several songs, Emily and Lilith cried off, saying they sang all the songs they knew, and there must be something else that would interest the men, instead of listening to them sing. Therefore, they retired to the card room and decided to play cards until it was time for dinner.
Willard shuffled, as they sat around the table.
“What are you going to do about this man you claim you are going to marry, who has ridden off to leave you on your own without any instructions?” Alfred asked Emily, as Willard dealt the cards out.
“It must have been something important, for him to leave so suddenly,” Emily replied, lowering her eyes.
She wasn’t sure how much Willard had told Alfred.
“We are all friends here, Willard put in. Alfred knows a little about what is going on, and I am sure that you have told Lilith, much more. No use beating around the bush. Your friends need to know what you intend to do, even if none of us know what Roderick will decide.”
Emily let out a sigh.
“I have made such a mess of all this. I should never have agreed to marry Roderick before spending more time with him.”
“That is not true,” Lilith pounced. “You know very well that you agreed because he just swept you right off your feet, and you couldn’t help yourself. Besides, you both needed the other.”
“And you have to admit, that Roderick had you where he wanted you, considering you were left destitute, the way you were,” Willard put in.
“I should have offered for your hand,” Alfred said without thinking.
Emily gave him a surprised look.
“How kind of you to say so, Alfred. Of course, you did not offer for my hand, so here I am, about to marry a man who flees from me the moment I ask him to be honest with me. He won’t trust me with his pain or a reasonable explanation about the death of his wife. I suppose it was just too much to ask of him.”
“He is a damn fool, if you ask me,” Willard insisted. “The man doesn’t know when he is well off. He has never appreciated his position in life, and now he wants to throw it all away because of some self-loathing, and silly pride.”
“I only hope he comes to his senses,” Emily said wistfully. “I will still marry him if he wants me.”
“Entirely stupid of you,” Alfred accused.
“What is so stupid about it, dear brother?” Lilith inquired.
“The fool doesn’t appreciate Emily, and Emily allows him to convince her to marry him, despite him treating her rudely. It appears all he wants out of this marriage is an heir. If he wants to marry her, he had damn well be able to trust her! I would trust you, Emily. You should marry me instead, and it would serve Roderick right!”
There, he had said what he was thinking! Willard smiled as he looked from Emily to Alfred. Lilith raised her eyebrows and stared at her brother in disbelief.
Emily’s mouth had fallen open.
“I…I don’t know quite what to say, Alfred. Had you offered a few months ago, I may have considered it, but I am already promised to Roderick. It is unethical not to honor that promise, regardless of how he feels about me now. He will have to release me from the promise officially before I could even think of accepting another offer. But I do appreciate your offer, all the same,” she said blushing in spite of herself.
“Oh, you know you do not love my brother,” Lilith put in. “I can see how your eyes sparkle when you talk of Roderick.”
“She’s right. Your eyes have never sparkled for me,” Alfred agreed.
“And I have seen the look in Roderick’s eyes when he looks at you,” Willard added. “It appears we have a man and woman who don’t know what is best for them. However, in a way, Roderick did release you from your promise when he said I could have you, along with the estate.”
“You know he didn’t mean that, Willard, and there is no way I can drag Roderick back here and make him admit it!” Emily insisted.
“True,” Willard agreed. “Only, mark my word, he will come back. He will regret his impulsive act, the moment he is away for a couple of days. Then he will come crawling back. And if he doesn’t, I will hunt him down and drag him back for you.”
They all laughed.
A Bride For Windridge Hall Page 13