Light Freights

by W. W. Jacobs

  Talking of prize-fighters, sir," said the night-watchman, who had nearlydanced himself over the edge of the wharf in illustrating one of Mr.Corbett's most trusted blows, and was now sitting down taking insufficient air for three, "they ain't wot they used to be when I was aboy. They advertise in the papers for months and months about theirfights, and when it does come off, they do it with gloves, and they'reall right agin a day or two arter.

  "I saw a picter the other day o' one punching a bag wot couldn't punchback, for practice. Why, I remember as a young man Sinker Pitt, as usedto 'ave the King's Arms 'ere in 'is old age; when 'e wanted practice 'isplan was to dress up in a soft 'at and black coat like a chapel ministeror something, and go in a pub and contradict people; sailor-men forchoice. He'd ha' no more thought o' hitting a pore 'armless bag than Ishould ha' thought of hitting 'im.

  "The strangest prize-fighter I ever come acrost was one wot shipped withme on the Cavendish. He was the most eggstrordinary fighter I've everseen or 'eard of, and 'e got to be such a nuisance afore 'e'd done withus that we could 'ardly call our souls our own. He shipped as anordinary seaman--a unfair thing to do, as 'e was anything but ordinary,and 'ad no right to be there at all.

  "We'd got one terror on board afore he come, and that was Bill Bone, oneo' the biggest and strongest men I've ever seen down a ship's fo'c's'le,and that's saying a good deal. Built more like a bull than a man, 'ewas, and when he was in his tantrums the best thing to do was to get outof 'is way or else get into your bunk and keep quiet. Oppersition usedto send 'im crazy a'most, an' if 'e said a red shirt was a blue one, you'ad to keep quiet. It didn't do to agree with 'im and call it blue even,cos if you did he'd call you a liar and punch you for telling lies.

  "He was the only drawback to that ship. We 'ad a nice old man, goodmates, and good grub. You may know it was A1 when I tell you that mostof us 'ad been in 'er for several v'y'ges.

  "But Bill was a drawback, and no mistake. In the main he was a 'earty,good-tempered sort o' shipmate as you'd wish to see, only, as I saidafore, oppersition was a thing he could not and would not stand. It usedto fly to his 'ed direckly.

  "The v'y'ge I'm speaking of--we used to trade between Australia andLondon--Bill came aboard about an hour afore the ship sailed. The restof us was already aboard and down below, some of us stowing our thingsaway and the rest sitting down and telling each other lies about wotwe'd been doing. Bill came lurching down the ladder, and Tom Baker put'is 'and to 'im to steady 'im as he got to the bottom.

  "'Who are you putting your 'ands on?' ses Bill, glaring at 'im.

  "'Only 'olding you up, Bill,' ses Tom, smiling.

  "'Oh,' ses Bill.

  "He put 'is back up agin a bunk and pulled his-self together.

  "''Olding of me--up--was you?' he ses; 'whaffor, if I might be so boldas to arsk?'

  "'I thought your foot 'ad slipped, Bill, old man,' ses Tom; 'but I'msorry if it 'adn't.'

  "Bill looks at 'im agin, 'ard.

  "'Sorry if my foot didn't slip?' he ses.

  "'You know wot I mean, Bill,' ses Tom, smiling a uneasy smile.

  "'Don't laugh at me,' roars Bill.

  "'I wasn't laughing, Bill, old pal,' ses Tom.

  "''E's called me a liar,' ses Bill, looking round at us; 'called me aliar. 'Old my coat, Charlie, and I'll split 'im in halves.'

  "Charlie took the coat like a lamb, though he was Tom's pal, and Tomlooked round to see whether he couldn't nip up the ladder and get away,but Bill was just in front of it. Then Tom found out that one of 'isbootlaces was undone and he knelt down to do it up, and this youngordinary seaman, Joe Simms by name, put his 'ead out of his bunk and heses, quiet-like:

  "'You ain't afraid of that thing, mate, are you?'

  "'Wot?' screams Bill, starting.

  "'Don't make such a noise when I'm speaking,' ses Joe; 'where's yourmanners, you great 'ulking rascal?'

  "I thought Bill would ha' dropped with surprise at being spoke to likethat. His face was purple all over and 'e stood staring at Joe as though'e didn't know wot to make of 'im. And we stared too, Joe being asmallish sort o' chap and not looking at all strong.

  "'Go easy, mate,' whispers Tom; 'you don't know who you're talking to.'

  "'Bosh,' ses Joe, 'he's no good. He's too fat and too silly to do any'arm. He sha'n't 'urt you while I'm 'ere.'

  "He just rolled out of 'is bunk and, standing in front of Bill, put 'isfists up at 'im and stared 'im straight in the eye.

  "'You touch that man,' he ses, quietly, pointing to Tom, 'and I'll giveyou such a dressing-down as you've never 'ad afore. Mark my words, now.'

  "'I wasn't going to 'it him,' ses Bill, in a strange, mild voice.

  "'You'd better not,' ses the young 'un, shaking his fist at 'im; 'you'dbetter not, my lad. If there's any fighting to be done in this fo'c's'leI'll do it. Mind that.'

  "It's no good me saying we was staggered; becos staggered ain't no wordfor it. To see Bill put 'is hands in 'is pockets and try and whistle,and then sit down on a locker and scratch 'is head, was the most amazingthing I've ever seen. Presently 'e begins to sing under his breath.

  "'Stop that 'umming,' ses Joe; 'when I want you to 'um, I'll tell you.'

  "Bill left off 'umming, and then he gives a little cough behind the backof 'is 'and, and, arter fidgeting about a bit with 'is feet, went up ondeck again.

  "'Strewth,' ses Tom, looking round at us, ''ave we shipped a bloomin'prize-fighter?'

  "'Wot did you call me?' ses Joe, looking at 'im.

  "'Nothing, mate,' ses Tom, drawing back.

  "'You keep a quiet tongue in your 'ed,' ses Joe, 'and speak when you'respoken to, my lad.'

  "He was a ordinary seaman, mind, talking to A. B.'s like that. Men who'dbeen up aloft and doing their little bit when 'e was going aboutcatching cold in 'is little petticuts. Still, if Bill could stand it, wesupposed as we'd better.

  "Bill stayed up on deck till we was under way, and 'is spirit seemed tobe broke. He went about 'is work like a man wot was walking in 'issleep, and when breakfast come 'e 'ardly tasted it.

  "Joe made a splendid breakfast, and when he'd finished 'e went to Bill'sbunk and chucked the things out all over the place and said 'e was goingto 'ave it for himself. And Bill sat there and took it all quiet, andby-and-by he took 'is things up and put them in Joe's bunk without aword.

  "It was the most peaceful fust day we 'ad ever 'ad down that fo'c's'le,Bill usually being in 'is tantrums the fust day or two at sea, andwanting to know why 'e'd been born. If you talked you was noisy andworriting, and if you didn't talk you was sulky; but this time 'e satquite still and didn't interfere a bit. It was such a pleasant changethat we all felt a bit grateful, and at tea-time Tom Baker patted Joe onthe back and said he was one o' the right old sort.

  "'You've been in a scrape or two in your time, I know,' he ses, admiringlike. 'I knew you was a bit of a one with your fists direckly I seeyou.'

  "'Oh, 'ow's that?' asks Joe.

  "'I could see by your nose,' ses Tom.

  "You never know how to take people like that. The words 'ad 'ardly leftTom's lips afore the other ups with a basin of 'ot tea and heaves it allover 'im.

  "'Take that, you insulting rascal,' he ses, as Tom jumped up splutteringand wiping 'is face with his coat. 'How dare you insult me?'

  "'Get up,' ses Tom, dancing with rage. 'Get up; prize-fighter or noprize-fighter, I'll mark you.'

  "'Sit down,' ses Bill, turning round.

  "I'm going to 'ave a go at 'im, Bill,' ses Tom; 'if you're afraid of'im, I ain't.'

  "'Sit down,' ses Bill, starting up. ''Ow dare you insult me like that?'

  "'Like wot?' ses Tom, staring.

  "'If I can't lick 'im you can't,' ses Bill; 'that's 'ow it is, mate.'

  "'But I can try,' ses Tom.

  "'All right,' ses Bill. 'Me fust, then if you lick me, you can 'ave a goat 'im. If you can't lick me, 'ow can you lick 'im?'

  "'Sit down, both of you,' ses young Joe, drinking Bill's tea to make upfor 'is own. 'And mind y
ou, I'm cock o' this fo'c's'le, and don't youforget it. Sit down, both of you, afore I start on you.'

  "They both sat down, but Tom wasn't quick enough to please Bill, and hegot a wipe o' the side o' the 'ead that made it ring for an hourafterwards.

  "That was the beginning of it, and instead of 'aving one master we foundwe'd got two, owing to the eggstrordinry way Bill had o' looking atthings. He gave Joe best without even 'aving a try at him, and ifanybody else wanted to 'ave a try, it was a insult to Bill. We couldn'tmake 'ed or tail of it, and all we could get out of Bill was that 'e hadone time 'ad a turn-up with Joe Simms ashore, which he'd remember all'is life. It must ha' been something of a turn, too, the way Bill usedto try and curry favour with 'im.

  "In about three days our life wasn't worth living, and the fo'c's'le wasmore like a Sunday-school class than anything else. In the fust placeJoe put down swearing. He wouldn't 'ave no bad langwidge, he said, andhe didn't neither. If a man used a bad word Joe would pull 'im up thefust time, and the second he'd order Bill to 'it 'im, being afraid of'urting 'im too much 'imself. 'Arf the men 'ad to leave off talkingaltogether when Joe was by, but the way they used to swear when hewasn't was something shocking. Harry Moore got clergyman's sore throatone arternoon through it.

  "Then Joe objected to us playing cards for money, and we 'ad to arrangeon the quiet that brace buttons was ha'-pennies and coat buttonspennies, and that lasted until one evening Tom Baker got up and dancedand nearly went off 'is 'ead with joy through havin' won a few dozen.That was enough for Joe, and Bill by his orders took the cards andpitched 'em over the side.

  "Sweet-'earting and that sort o' thing Joe couldn't abear, and Ned Davisput his foot into it finely one arternoon through not knowing. He waslying in 'is bunk smoking and thinking, and by and by he looked acrossat Bill, who was 'arf asleep, and 'e ses:

  "'I wonder whether you'll see that little gal at Melbourne agin thistrip, Bill.'

  "Bill's eyes opened wide and he shook 'is fist at Ned, as Ned thought,playful-like.

  "'All right, I'm a-looking at you, Bill,' 'e ses. 'I can see you.'

  "'What gal is that, Ned?' ses Joe, who was in the next bunk to him, andI saw Bill's eyes screw up tight, and 'e suddenly fell fast asleep.

  "'I don't know 'er name,' ses Ned, 'but she was very much struck onBill; they used to go to the theayter together.'

  "Pretty gal?' ses Joe, leading 'im on.

  "'Rather,' ses Ned. Trust Bill for that, 'e. always gets the prettiestgal in the place--I've known as many as six and seven to--'

  "'WOT!' screams Bill, waking up out of 'is sleep, and jumping out of 'isbunk.

  "'Keep still, Bill, and don't interfere when I'm talking,' ses Joe, verysharp.

  "''E's insulted me,' ses Bill; 'talking about gals when everybody knowsI 'ate 'em worse than pison.'

  "'Hold your tongue,' ses Joe. 'Now, Ned, what's this about this littlegal? What's 'er name?'

  "'It was only a little joke o' mine,' ses Ned, who saw 'e'd put 'is footin it. 'Bill 'ates 'em worse than--worse than--pison.'

  "'You're telling me a lie,' ses Joe, sternly. 'Who was it?'

  "'It was only my fun, Joe,' ses Ned.

  "'Oh, very well then. I'm going to 'ave a bit of fun now,' ses Joe.'Bill!'

  "'Yes,' ses Bill.

  "'I won't 'it Ned myself for fear I shall do 'im a lasting injury,' sesJoe, 'so you just start on 'im and keep on till 'e tells all about yourgoings on with that gal.'

  "'Hit 'im to make 'im tell about me? ses Bill, staring 'is 'ardest.

  "'You 'eard wot I said,' ses Joe; 'don't repeat my words. You a marriedman, too; I've got sisters of my own, and I'm going to put this sort o'thing down. If you don't down 'im, I will.'

  "Ned wasn't much of a fighter, and I 'alf expected to see 'im do a boltup on deck and complain to the skipper. He did look like it for amoment, then he stood up, looking a bit white as Bill walked over to'im, and the next moment 'is fist flew out, and afore we could turnround I'm blest if Bill wasn't on the floor. 'E got up as if 'e wasdazed like, struck out wild at Ned and missed 'im, and the next momentwas knocked down agin. We could 'ardly believe our eyes, and as for Ned,'e looked as though 'e'd been doing miracles by mistake.

  "When Bill got up the second time 'e was that shaky 'e could 'ardlystand, and Ned 'ad it all 'is own way, until at last 'e got Bill's 'eadunder 'is arm and punched at it till they was both tired.

  "'All right,' ses Bill; 'I've 'ad enough. I've met my master.'

  "'Wot?' ses Joe, staring.

  "'I've met my master,' ses Bill, going and sitting down. 'Ned 'asknocked me about crool.'

  "Joe looked at 'im, speechless, and then without saying another word, or'aving a go at Ned himself, as we expected, 'e went up on deck, and Nedcrossed over and sat down by Bill.

  "'I 'ope I didn't hurt you, mate,' he ses, kindly.

  "'Hurt me?' roars Bill. 'You! You 'urt me? You, you little bag o' bones.Wait till I get you ashore by yourself for five minits, Ned Davis, andthen you'll know what 'urting means.'

  "'I don't understand you, Bill,' ses Ned; 'you're a mystery, that's whatyou are; but I tell you plain when you go ashore you don't have me for acompanion.'

  "It was a mystery to all of us, and it got worse and worse as time wenton. Bill didn't dare to call 'is soul 'is own, although Joe only hit 'imonce the whole time, and then not very hard, and he excused 'iscowardice by telling us of a man Joe 'ad killed in a fight down in oneo' them West-end clubs.

  "Wot with Joe's Sunday-school ways and Bill backing 'em up, we was allpretty glad by the time we got to Melbourne. It was like getting out o'pris'n to get away from Joe for a little while. All but Bill, that is,and Joe took 'im to hear a dissolving views on John Bunyan. Bill said'e'd be delighted to go, but the language he used about 'im on the quietwhen he came back showed what 'e thought of it. I don't know who JohnBunyan is, or wot he's done, but the things Bill said about 'im Iwouldn't soil my tongue by repeating.

  "Arter we'd been there two or three days we began to feel a'most sorry,for Bill. Night arter night, when we was ashore, Joe would take 'im offand look arter 'im, and at last, partly for 'is sake, but more to seethe fun, Tom Baker managed to think o' something to put things straight.

  "'You stay aboard to-night, Bill,' he ses one morning, 'and you'll seesomething that 'll startle you.'

  "'Worse than you?' ses Bill, whose temper was getting worse and worse.

  "'There'll be an end o' that bullying, Joe,' ses Tom, taking 'im by thearm. 'We've arranged to give 'im a lesson as'll lay 'im up for a time.'

  "'Oh,' ses Bill, looking 'ard at a boat wot was passing.

  "'We've got Dodgy Pete coming to see us tonight,' ses Tom, in a whisper;'there'll only be the second officer aboard, and he'll likely be asleep.Dodgy's one o' the best light-weights in Australia, and if 'e don't fixup Mister Joe, it'll be a pity.'

  "'You're a fair treat, Tom,' ses Bill, turning round; 'that's what youare. A fair treat.'

  "'I thought you'd be pleased, Bill,' ses Tom.

  "Pleased ain't no name for it, Tom,' answers Bill. 'You've took a loadoff my mind.'

  "The fo'c's'le was pretty full that evening, everybody giving each othera little grin on the quiet, and looking over to where Joe was sitting in'is bunk putting a button or two on his coat. At about ha'-past sixDodgy comes aboard, and the fun begins to commence.

  "He was a nasty, low-looking little chap, was Dodgy, very fly-lookingand very conceited. I didn't like the look of 'im at all, and unbearableas Joe was, it didn't seem to be quite the sort o' thing to get a chapaboard to 'ammer a shipmate you couldn't 'ammer yourself.

  "'Nasty stuffy place you've got down 'ere,' ses Dodgy, who was smoking abig cigar; 'I can't think 'ow you can stick it.'

  "'It ain't bad for a fo'c's'le,' ses Charlie.

  "'An' what's that in that bunk over there?' ses Dodgy, pointing with 'iscigar at Joe.

  "'Hush, be careful,' ses Tom, with a wink; 'that's a prize-fighter.'

  "'Oh,' ses Dodgy, grinning, 'I though
t it was a monkey.'

  "You might 'ave heard a pin drop, and there was a pleasant feeling wentall over us at the thought of the little fight we was going to see allto ourselves, as Joe lays down the jacket he was stitching at and justputs 'is little 'ead over the side o' the bunk.

  "'Bill,' he ses, yawning.

  "'Well,' ses Bill, all on the grin like the rest of us.

  "'Who is that 'andsome, gentlemanly-looking young feller over theresmoking a half-crown cigar?' ses Joe.

  "That's a young gent wot's come down to 'ave a look round,' ses Tom, asDodgy takes 'is cigar out of 'is mouth and looks round, puzzled.

  "'Wot a terror 'e must be to the gals, with them lovely little peepersof 'is,' ses Joe, shaking 'is'ead. 'Bill!'

  "'Well,' ses Bill, agin, as Dodgy got up.

  "'Take that lovely little gentleman and kick 'im up the fo'c's'leladder,' ses Joe, taking up 'is jacket agin; 'and don't make too muchnoise over it, cos I've got a bit of a 'ead-ache, else I'd do itmyself.'

  "There was a laugh went all round then, and Tom Baker was near killinghimself, and then I'm blessed if Bill didn't get up and begin taking off'is coat.

  "'Wot's the game?' ses Dodgy, staring.

  "'I'm obeying orders,' ses Bill. 'Last time I was in London, Joe 'erehalf killed me one time, and 'e made me promise to do as 'e told me forsix months. I'm very sorry, mate, but I've got to kick you up thatladder.'

  "'You kick me up?' ses Dodgy, with a nasty little laugh.

  "'I can try, mate, can't I?' ses Bill, folding 'is things up very neatand putting 'em on a locker.

  "''Old my cigar,' ses Dodgy, taking it out of 'is mouth and sticking itin Charlie's. 'I don't need to take my coat off to 'im.'

  "'E altered 'is mind, though, when he saw Bill's chest and arms, and notonly took off his coat, but his waistcoat too. Then, with a nasty lookat Bill, 'e put up 'is fists and just pranced up to 'im.

  "The fust blow Bill missed, and the next moment 'e got a tap on the jawthat nearly broke it, and that was followed up by one in the eye thatsent 'im staggering up agin the side, and when 'e was there Dodgy'sfists were rattling all round 'im.

  "I believe it was that that brought Bill round, and the next momentDodgy was on 'is back with a blow that nearly knocked his 'ead off.Charlie grabbed at Tom's watch and began to count, and after a littlebit called out Time,' It was a silly thing to do, as it would 'avestopped the fight then and there if it 'adn't been for Tom's presence ofmind, saying it was two minutes slow. That gave Dodgy a chance, and hegot up again and walked round Bill very careful, swearing 'ard at thesmall size of the fo'c's'le.

  "He got in three or four at Bill afore you could wink a'most, and whenBill 'it back 'e wasn't there. That seemed to annoy Bill more thananything, and he suddenly flung out 'is arms, and grabbing 'old of 'imflung 'im right across the fo'c's'le to where, fortunately for'im--Dodgy, I mean--Tom Baker was sitting.

  "Charlie called Time' again, and we let 'em 'ave five minutes while we'elped Tom to bed, and then wot 'e called the 'disgusting exhibishun'was resoomed. Bill 'ad dipped 'is face in a bucket and 'ad rubbed 'isgreat arms all over and was as fresh as a daisy. Dodgy looked a bittottery, but 'e was game all through and very careful, and, try as Billmight, he didn't seem to be able to get 'old of 'im agin.

  "In five minutes more, though, it was all over, Dodgy not being able tosee plain--except to get out o' Bill's way--and hitting wild. He seemedto think the whole fo'c's'le was full o' Bills sitting on a locker andwaiting to be punched, and the end of it was a knock-out blow from thereal Bill which left 'im on the floor without a soul offering to pick'im up.

  "Bill 'elped 'im up at last and shook hands with 'im, and they rinsedtheir faces in the same bucket, and began to praise each other up. Theysat there purring like a couple o' cats, until at last we 'eard asmothered voice coming from Joe Simms's bunk.

  "'Is it all over?' he asks.

  "'Yes,' ses somebody.

  "'How is Bill?' ses Joe's voice again.

  "'Look for yourself,' ses Tom.

  "Joe sat up in 'is bunk then and looked out, and he no sooner saw Bill'sface than he gave a loud cry and fell back agin, and, as true as I'msitting here, fainted clean away. We was struck all of a 'eap, and thenBill picked up the bucket and threw some water over 'im, and by and byhe comes round agin and in a dazed sort o' way puts his arm round Bill'sneck and begins to cry.

  "'Mighty Moses!' ses Dodgy Pete, jumping up, 'it's a woman!'

  "'It's my wife!' ses Bill.

  "We understood it all then, leastways the married ones among us did.She'd shipped aboard partly to be with Bill and partly to keep an eye on'im, and Tom Baker's mistake about a prizefighter had just suited herbook better than anything. How Bill was to get 'er home 'e couldn'tthink, but it 'appened the second officer had been peeping down thefo'c's'le, waiting for ever so long for a suitable opportunity to stopthe fight, and the old man was so tickled about the way we'd all beendone 'e gave 'er a passage back as stewardess to look arter the ship'scat."

  THE RESURRECTION OF MR. WIGGETT