CHOKE: A Dark Bad Boy Romance
Page 15
Perhaps that made us bad people, but I was coming to find that, in this life, bad was a subjective term. We were doing what it took to survive and to live a life without being weighed down by the wrongful actions of others. We couldn’t possibly hope to right all the wrongs done to us without playing a little dirty.
Yes, I was happy with our efforts, and I knew Knox was as well, though he was a little more reserved than I was. In fact, he seemed to be getting more aggravated, the further we drove away from the club. I didn’t know if I was imagining it, but, by the look on his face, I was getting more concerned the further we drove.
“Knox?” I asked finally. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, unconvincingly and unsurprisingly.
Well, that was a load of garbage if there ever was one. If I knew Knox like I thought I did, then he was probably thinking about what was to come, about finding his crew, and getting even. There might also be a chance he was thinking about what we’d done to Cassetti. It would be natural for either one of them to be distracting him, and I didn’t blame him for a second for being slightly preoccupied. I would be too, but I wished I knew what he seemed aggravated about. Was something wrong that I hadn’t thought of or anticipated?
“Is this about finding your crew?” I probed. That was the only explanation for his emotions. If my girls had betrayed me, then I would be feeling exactly the same. It was different for Knox, though. The way he was affected by his crew’s betrayal made me think that they weren’t so much his friends as they were his family. I could understand why he was upset, if they had betrayed him.
Knox nodded heavily to my question. “I have to. I have to do it. They betrayed me. My childhood friends, basically my family, just betrayed me like it was nothing. How can I let that go?”
I was right about what he was thinking, but I was still worried. Knox shouldn’t be dealing with it all on his own.
“Nobody expects you to let it go,” I said. “It’s okay to want vengeance.”
“But I don’t. I want revenge. I want them to pay for framing me, and for almost ruining my life.”
“Knox, you can’t let your emotions get the better of you. That’s what you’re always trying to tell me, right? I believe that you’ll do the right thing, but just make sure you think things through before we go find them.”
Knox locked his jaw and kept his eyes on the road.
“You’re not coming with me,” he said firmly. “I have to do this on my own.”
My mouth dropped open, but I found myself unable to say anything. I knew what he was saying, and I knew why he was saying it. I’d blackmailed him into doing my bidding, but I couldn’t keep controlling him.
I wasn’t ignorant enough to think that he’d just let me come along this time. No, this was something I knew he had to do on his own, and I wouldn’t try to get in the way. Not this time.
“Okay,” I agreed.
Knox released a breath and turned to me gratefully.
“No arguing?” he asked, the slightest trace of humor in his voice.
“No arguing,” I affirmed.
Knox had to find his own way, and if he didn’t want me around for that, then I wouldn’t be. As much as I wanted to go with him, to be with him, and support him, there were just some things that I would have to let him do on his own. We weren’t attached at the hip. We had our own lives to live and decisions to make. I’d have to accept that I couldn’t be part of every aspect of his life. I just had to trust him, and I would have to trust that he’d come back to me.
# # #
The next night, after Knox had left, the neighborhood had become silent, all the lights had gone out, and when I was at my most alone, I began doing a little thinking.
When I’d come to Knox with my plans for getting our lives back to normal, I’d told him that I had planned everything out so well and covered all the bases. In actuality, I hadn’t quite done that yet.
I hadn’t mentioned it to Knox, but I was still undecided on how I was planning to deal with the Milano situation. He’d given Knox an ultimatum—kill or be killed—and that was a difficult situation to get out of. I wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t occur to me while we were interrogating Cassetti that it would just be easier for everyone if we killed him. I wouldn’t lie and say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, despite how terrible that might be. It wasn’t my fault that my loyalties lay with Knox, especially in an ultimatum like the one Milano had proposed.
An ultimatum like that wasn’t one to just be ignored. An ultimatum like that wasn’t one to just go away either. If we knew anything about Milano, it was the fact that we couldn’t underestimate him.
He’d carry out his promise, and that was a fact. We couldn’t just put it off and hope that maybe he’d forget about it, or change his mind. No. Vincent Milano was a serious man, and if he gave the order for Knox to be killed, then I had no doubt it would happen.
The thing was, I wasn’t exactly sure how we were supposed to work our way out of this one. It didn’t matter that I got my money back from Cassetti, or that Knox was out there getting vengeance on his crew. None of that mattered if Knox was just going to be killed. We had to do something to convince Milano that keeping Knox alive was in his best interests.
It didn’t slip my attention that I was still thinking, ‘we,’ and, ‘us,’ despite Knox not even there. I knew what it meant, and I knew how I felt.
Knox and I had long ago passed the fucking stage, and we both knew it. We weren’t even friends at the beginning, but our entire relationship had changed. We were both out, risking our lives and doing what we could for the other. Maybe he didn’t consider us in a relationship, but that’s definitely what we were. Either that, or we’d somehow moved into the strange zone of best friends who have sex.
I wouldn’t need a lot of convincing to enter a relationship with Knox. Hadn’t we been through hell together already? Surely every argument we would ever have would pale in comparison to what we had gone through. At that moment, I didn’t even know if we’d both come out the other end alive.
Milano was the main variable in the equation. We didn’t know enough about him to know how he would react to certain things, what deals he would make, and how he’d enforce them. All we really knew about him was that he was a serious businessman who didn’t mess around. Maybe that was all we really needed to know about him.
Regardless, Milano expected either Cassetti or Knox to turn up dead in a few days, and, I knew Knox wouldn’t be killing anyone. He’d had the opportunity back at the club, and he hadn’t taken it. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to do it in front of me, or maybe he had wanted to come back after he’d taken care of his crew, but, for some reason, I had a very strong feeling that Knox wouldn’t be going after Cassetti again. That only left the option of Cassetti killing Knox, but, again, I didn’t think he would let that happen either.
If I knew Knox like I thought I did, then somewhere in that strange brain of his was the idea that he would still be leaving town after all of this, so that he wouldn’t become a murderer, and so that he would live. It was exactly the kind of thing Knox would do, and he probably wouldn’t even tell me until it was too late to stop him.
Maybe I was overreacting or thinking too hard, but Knox was definitely a Plan C kind of man, and, unless he had another idea that he hadn’t told me about, I didn’t know what would be happening to him.
An image of Knox’s cold, lifeless body flashed before my eyes, and I let out an involuntary shudder. No, I wouldn’t let Knox be killed, and especially not by Cassetti.
But what could I do about it?
There was only one way to change Milano’s mind. I wasn’t sure if it was ridiculous, or just plain stupid, but it was the only option I had at that moment, and I was just crazy enough to follow through with it.
I wasn’t entirely certain, but I thought that Milano had a bit of a soft spot for me. Maybe I could use that to my advantage and offer my life for Knox’s. It was a crazy idea, but I
was willing to do it.
If sacrificing my life for Knox’s was what it took to keep him alive, then it wasn’t even a question. Of course, I would do it.
My only problem, then, was wondering if Milano would go for it. He seemed like a reasonable man, and one that would understand loyalty. He would understand why I would want to offer my life, if it would mean that Knox’s would be spared. I knew he would understand it, and respect it even. It was my decision, and, for once, I was glad that Knox wasn’t here to talk me out of it.
If Knox were here, he would definitely give me the whole talk about impulsiveness and doing things that I didn’t need to do. It wouldn’t matter, though, even if he were here. This was something I had to do, and nobody would be able to change my mind about it. It wasn’t as if I was walking to my death, because I had an inkling that Milano liked me a little too much to kill me. Knox wouldn’t understand that, but he wasn’t here right now, and my mind was already made up.
Surely, considering how Knox had wanted to leave town to spare me, as well as his generally noble and chivalrous attitude, I didn’t think it was too far a stretch for him to understand. Maybe he wouldn’t like it, but he would definitely understand. He would understand that I cared about him enough that I wanted nothing more than to protect him.
Knox would surely come back and be angrier than I’d ever seen him before. That wouldn’t come as a shock. But I wouldn’t change my mind. This was just something I had to do. I could only hope one day that he’d forgive me, regardless of the outcome, because I knew I sure as hell wasn’t going to get permission.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Knox
For the first and only time since I’d known Cassetti, I was grateful for something he’d done. Even though it was completely under duress, Cassetti had still told me where to find my old crew, and, without him, I would still be aimlessly searching for them.
The address that I’d arrived at, an old and partially dilapidated house on the outskirts of town, was a place that I wouldn’t have found on my own, even though, now that I arrived, I immediately recognized it as someplace my old friends would likely occupy. It was a general rule of the crew to only ever occupy places that didn’t look like much on the outside and that were uninviting enough that they wouldn’t draw any attention, apart from pitiful looks and the casual comment every so often as someone walked by. It was in the perfect location, too. It was not suspiciously isolated, but not crowded enough that someone might start to pay too much attention.
It worried me that I could still fall so easily back into the mindset of my crew, but, then again, I used to be one of them.
Though I’d been preparing for this moment since I had learned that they had betrayed me, I hadn’t specifically planned out what I would actually do once I found them. I felt a little like Skye, impulsively making plans without arranging all the details. Standing outside the old house, I let my anger build inside me and act as a motivator to go in. I finally stepped inside, completely set on getting vengeance, though still not entirely sure how.
I wasn’t sure why the inside of the house shocked me as much as it did. From the outside of the house, I should have been able to predict what I would see inside, but I hadn’t. It had nothing to do with the house, either, and everything to do with the people in it.
It was definitely my old crew in the house, that much was for certain. The moment I stepped past the threshold, I spotted a sleeping or unconscious Sammy to the right of me. A few more steps in, and there was Joseph, sitting absently in a chair and seeming totally transfixed by the blank wall in front of him. Further in, there was Danny, Ryan, and Tim, all in various stages of unconsciousness. I wasn’t unfamiliar with the use of drugs from my past, but never like this. A strong odor lingered in the air and seemed to hand heavily over them all.
It was amazing how quickly the bulk of my anger began to dissipate at the sight of them, as I kept walking through the house. At the end of the room, sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, was Donald. I approached him carefully, wondering if he was asleep, unconscious, resting, or the last option that I couldn’t even imagine.
“Donald?” I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a light shake.
“Knox?” he called out uncertainly. “Hey, man! Good to see you!” I didn’t know how he could sound so cheerful and look so depleted.
“Don, what’s going on?” I didn’t want to waste time, when any idiot could see that there was something really wrong with the situation that I had stepped into.
“What do you mean? I’m so glad to see you. Hey, everyone! It’s Knox!”
Though there was no response, Don acted as if a large cheer had sounded out and was grinning goofily up at me. He reminded me of a child seeking approval from an adult, but the worst part was that I was meant to be the adult in the situation. How had Done ended up like this?
I felt my entire viewpoint shift as I stared down at the shell of a human being before me. I’d never seen any of my friends as bad off as they were now. It was hard to believe that they were all hooked on drugs, every single one of them. How did I not notice that the last time I saw them? They looked completely different, from their skin to their eyes. I should’ve noticed something was wrong. Maybe I would have, if I hadn’t felt so monumentally betrayed.
Don pushed himself off the stairs shakily and wobbled a little on his feet, but managed to lean forward and place his mouth at my ear. I almost drew back at the vile odor coming off of him, but I held my ground, wanting to hear the apology that I was sure was coming.
“Knox. Knox. I know you can help us. Do you have a little money you wanna throw our way?” He gave me a wide smile that I thought he intended to be convincing, but I just stared back in disgust and disbelief.
So, this was what my friends’ lives had come to. They were hooked on an arsenal of drugs and desperate for money. I didn’t know how to react, or how to process. All I’d come here for was to get even for their betrayal, but I might not even be able to do that; not when any revenge I got would either not be worth it or be too extreme.
“Don, you and the crew betrayed me. I’m not helping you,” I said angrily. That much I was sure of. There was no way I was fueling their problem. Not when it was so obviously already out of hand.
“Oh, man! That’s not fair. We feel bad about it. We really do! But the money, man. It was so much.”
I realized, in that moment, that the man standing before me wasn’t the Donald I knew. He was a shell of the man that had once been my friend. Selling me out for more money for drugs? That wasn’t something I could ever forgive. But, strangely, all desire for revenge had completely left me, and so I was just able to stand there in shock and disappointment.
I’d never said or felt it before, but I was incredibly glad I wasn’t part of the crew anymore, now that I’d taken a good, long look at them. Why would I be part of a bunch of drugged up criminals, a group of people who would willingly betray one of their own, if it meant they could get money to further their drug habit. No, I was glad I was on the outs, even if I never thought I would see the day when I was.
How could I even think about revenge on them, being as they were? Would I even get any satisfaction out of it? Half of them barely realized I was there, and the rest probably wouldn’t even notice after I’d come and gone. After searching for so long, waiting so long for answers, and trying my hardest to control the overwhelming sense of betrayal that had been hanging heavily over my head for quite some time, I felt a strange sense of freedom wash over me. Not because I had finally found them, or because I finally understood how they could’ve done something like that. I felt freedom because I knew there was nothing to get revenge on. I could just walk away and feel confident in the fact that they had already punished themselves enough. In a way, they were their own worst enemies.
“Do you want to come meet everyone again?” Donald asked, not waiting for a response before walking away and speaking with a person lying face down
on the floor. The man lying there didn’t even attempt to respond, but Donald continued carrying on a conversation anyway, most of it sounding like nothing more than incoherent gabble.
I was getting sick of this now. This wasn’t how it was meant to turn out. I’d expected, no, I’d hoped, for some semblance of my old friends. They would apologize for betraying me and give me a reason that I could understand. Finding out it was just for the money for more drugs was a low blow that would be hard to recover from.
“Don, I know who everyone is,” I interrupted tiredly.
“But I wanted everyone to be awake when I told you that we wanted to give you a job in the crew again!” he called out in a huff.