Blackwing Beast

by T. S. Joyce

“Fine to run away whenever the wind switches directions,” Dustin muttered.

  “I want my stuff back,” she gritted out to the wolf.

  “You have stripper clothes. Are you a stripper?”

  “Why did you go through my things?”

  Dustin looked offended that she’d ask such a silly question. “Because it’s fun. If you are a stripper, can you teach Emma how to dance on one of those poles? I can get one installed in our trailer.”

  “Not a stripper, Dustin. I’m a cocktail waitress.”

  “She said cock,” Emma said proudly.

  When Beast sighed a tired sound, Kiera hid her smile by giving her attention to filling her plate. Those two didn’t need any encouragement.

  “So you really don’t know how to pole dance?” Dustin sounded so disappointed.

  “I can remember a fifteen drink order like it’s nothing, but nope. No pole training for me.” Kiera plopped a rack of ribs onto her plate and dished out some salad because she actually did like the stuff. “I did dance in one of those clear cages once at this fancy bar called Barky’s in a ritzy part of Chicago. I lived with three roommates at the time. We all worked there, and we had to ride the L every night to get there.”

  “What’s the L?” Winter asked. She was leaning over the table with her cheek on her fist, attention riveted on Kiera like it was story time.

  “It’s an elevated train that travels through the city. It was fun. That was the longest I stayed in one place. I liked my roommates.”

  “And you liked dancing in clear cages,” Dustin said.

  “I only did that on Thursday nights. The other nights I served drinks, and when I did dance, I was fully clothed.”

  “Why did you move?” Kane asked.

  “Uuuh…” How did she explain Justin? “Boy problem, and then the city didn’t feel as safe anymore. I just moved away from there a couple months ago. Been bouncing around a bit since, trying to figure out what to do next.”

  “Perfect timing,” Kane said. “We have an RV with your name on it. Literally. Dustin, for whatever fucking reason, wrote your name in purple crayon on the wall like a toddler.”

  “Bitches love purple.”

  Kane slapped him upside the head so hard Dustin coughed out a piece of food.

  Beast strode up the stairs in a blur and dropped his plate on the table. “I dare you to say bitch again.”

  “Okay, clearly this is a cultural misunderstanding,” Dustin said, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m a wolf, and female dogs are called bitches. Don’t eat me.”

  Kiera made her way to Beast and rested her hand on his back. To Dustin, she asked, “How are you still alive?”

  “That’s still a mystery to most of us,” Rowan said around a bite of baked potato.

  “These guys wouldn’t really kill me. They like to threaten, choke, and bite me, but at the end of the day, they love me.”

  “I don’t,” Beast muttered, sitting down in an empty chair.

  Logan raised his hand like he was in school. “Also don’t love you.”

  “I tolerate you,” Kane said.

  “You’re growing on me,” Winter said cheerfully. “I only want to claw you fifty percent of the time now.”

  “I love you,” Emma said, clamping her teeth gently onto the werewolf’s shoulder.

  Dustin ran his hand through his shoulder length hair, draped his arm around the back of his mate’s chair, and grinned like he’d shown them all. “See?”

  Beast offered Kiera a dead-eyed look and a tired shake of his head before he shoved the seat next to him out from under the table for her.

  “Thanks,” Kiera said breathlessly, flattered at his sweet gesture.

  When she sat down, Beast dragged her chair closer to him. One fiery warning glance at Logan, who sat on her other side, and then Beast dug into his dinner.

  Rowan was smiling big at her and Beast with giant, happy blue eyes. Emma and Dustin were now making out. Logan was snarling to himself as he ate, while Winter nuzzled her face against her mate’s arm like he wasn’t a growly psycho-person. Kane was staring at Kiera as if he expected her to bolt, and Beast was glaring at the salad on her plate with a suspicious grimace, like she might as well be eating bugs.

  Kiera giggled. She couldn’t help it. These people were just as crazy as she’d assumed them to be when she’d been stalking them. But…she kind of liked them. Beast especially.

  As the conversation ebbed and flowed, Beast relaxed beside her, and twice, he even brushed her leg with his and cast her a quick smile that gave her an immediate warm sensation between her thighs. For a man who didn’t like touch, he was warming up slowly to her. And for as little as she had needed touch in her own life, she got the biggest butterfly flutters in her stomach when Beast gave her even the slightest affection.

  He liked her. She could tell by the things he did. He offered to refill her plate when she finished and immediately defended her choice of bottled water when Dustin tried to pressure her into taking a shot of tequila. He leaned back in his chair and fiddled with her hair almost absently while he listened to Dustin drone on about how he was going to make an obstacle course along the edge of the trailer park so he could prove he was some sort of ultimate ninja-shifter. She caught Beast watching her a couple dozen times, but he always looked away quick. And when everyone was clearing their plates to end the night, he stayed in his seat and gently rested his palm on her thigh as though she was fragile.

  “Don’t go yet,” he said low. “I’m not ready.”

  That admission drew another smile from her lips, and she scooted her chair closer to his.

  “Cold?” he asked with a slight frown.

  “A little. Dustin stole my jacket.”

  “Dustin, put her stuff in her car,” Beast barked out.

  “Fine, but I’m keeping the sparkly booty shorts for Emma,” Dustin said over his shoulder as he walked his mate across the dirt road toward a doublewide trailer.

  Fine with Kiera, she didn’t fit into them anymore.

  She curled up her legging-clad knees under her baggy sweater and faced Beast, then wrapped her arms around herself to stay warm.

  “I never wished I was like Dustin before,” he said, shredding a napkin on the table. When he cast her a quick glance, his frown was deep. “But tonight I kind of did.”

  “Why?”

  “Emma used to be human. Recently, actually. He’s good at touching her. She smiles when he does it right. I can tell she feels safe with him. You still smell nervous, maybe even a little scared sometimes.”

  “That’s not because of you. That’s because of stuff going on in my head.”

  “What stuff?”

  “Leaving.” She fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of her sweater and shrugged. “Staying. It’s scary either way.”

  Beast inhaled deeply. “I understand that. I haven’t registered to the crew yet. I have the paperwork all filled out, but I can’t bring myself to take them to the courthouse. Kane’s getting upset. Demoting me. Relying on Logan more. He’ll boot me out of the running for Third in the crew soon.”

  “Do you want Third?”

  He huffed a humorless sound. “I was alpha of a big pride for a decade, Kiera. What do you think?”

  “That you wouldn’t do well at the bottom of a crew.”

  He shook his head slowly.

  “Well,” she murmured, hugging his big bicep and resting her cheek against his strength. “Why don’t you go to the courthouse and secure your spot under the dragons?”

  He swallowed audibly and relaxed under her embrace. He leaned closer and rubbed his whiskered cheek against the top of her head. She smiled because her mother used to do that. It was a quick sign of affection for lions. She wondered if Beast even realized he’d done it.

  “I’m scared of getting close to them.”

  “To the D-Team?”

  He gave a single nod.

  “Because you lost your pride?” she asked, her throat tightening
over the words.

  “I thought I would be safe in this crew. I thought they wouldn’t touch me, wouldn’t make me feel. It wasn’t a pride, no lions, so I thought I would just hide out here in Kane’s Mountains for the rest of my days. Wait to die, you know?”

  “Yeah.” She hugged him tighter. “I know that feeling.”

  “It was a bachelor group that did it. Not me.” Beast wouldn’t meet her gaze, but she could see the gold color from here. “It was twelve on one. They wanted the pride. These bachelors, though…” Beast gritted his teeth. “They would destroy it from the inside out, and my females fought back, fought beside me. I wanted them to run, so they could live, but they wouldn’t leave me. They died trying to keep me king.”

  “Oh, my gosh,” she whispered. “But…why? Bachelor groups aren’t allowed to make moves like that.”

  “They felt justified.”

  “Why?” she asked, sitting up straight.

  Beast angled his head toward her, and his eyes were ancient as he murmured, “Because I didn’t make cubs. Couldn’t do it. Tried for a decade.” He ran his hands down his scruff and sighed as he stared at the dark woods beyond the trailer park. “And I wanted them so fucking bad, Kiera. Wanted to raise them good, like Callum raised me. I wanted to give my females the families they wanted. I wanted to make them happy.” He eased out of her grip, slid his hands over his short hair, and stayed like that, head angled down, hiding his face from her. “Do you know about the council?”

  The lion council? Yes, they were ruthless assholes who had their hand in all affairs to do with lion shifters. Nosy, dominant males who liked to make up rules. They’d been relentless in pressuring her mom to pick a pride. “Yes,” she whispered. “I know them.”

  “Well, they started putting pressure on me to have cubs, like I wasn’t trying hard enough, and I could see it. There was unrest with our people because I had this huge pride, but no offspring. Other males thought they could do better. I treated my females well, though, and nobody asked them if they wanted a power-shift. We were all still trying. I didn’t know, but there was a coup going on behind my back. I should’ve seen it coming. I couldn’t do the one fucking thing I was supposed to do and couldn’t hold the pride forever. It happened in the night. I tried to save them, but it was a fucking massacre, and I was left for dead. God, I wanted to die. I was lying there with them.” Beast buried his face deeper into his arms, cradled the back of his head. “I couldn’t move, I was so bad off, just…waiting to go, listening to silence. No heartbeats, no breathing.” His shoulders jerked once like he’d been hit in the stomach, and a long, heartbroken snarl purged from his body.

  Kiera rubbed his back in circles and forced her crying to stay silent because this was his moment, not hers. “What happened to the bachelors?”

  He inhaled sharply. “Four got away. I hunted them as soon as I was recovered enough. I killed three. I’m still hunting the fourth. He’s the one who started the rumors, and the council backed him up. They spread them through our people, and I just…let it happen. No one wanted to be around a rumored murderer after that, and I’d shut down from people completely, so win-win. They left me alone, and I left them alone. I waited for the council to kill me, but they never came. Even when I killed the three bachelors. I thought avenging my pride would fix me. I prayed vengeance would fix me.” But it didn’t. He didn’t have to say that last part. It was there in the emotion in his voice. “Logan came here to have Kane put him down.” Beast rolled his face toward her, and he looked so tired. “I came for the same reason. As soon as I finish the fourth bachelor, I plan to ask Kane for an honorable death.”

  “Beast,” she whispered, her face crumpling. She’d been in a bad spot when her lion had been taken from her, but never had she wanted her life to end.

  “If I can just keep separate from the D-Team, I can go through with it, but they keep making me feel shit. They keep trying to open me up, and it fucking hurts. I got so good at not feeling, and now I watch them, happy with each other, always trying to include me, touching me, making me want connections I have no business wanting. With every day that passes, I hurt more, but my survival instinct is growing. I don’t know why. But I know my window to have Kane put me down is closing, and sometimes I get scared I’m going to be stuck in this hell forever. Alone.”

  Those words sang to her heart. Alone. She knew all about that—being stuck between the shifter world and the human one.

  “What a pair we make,” she said thickly, hugging his bicep again and following his gaze into the dark woods.

  He let off a soft, single laugh. “Yeah. Pair of misfits.”

  She smiled and nuzzled his strong arm. Being a misfit didn’t seem so bad when he was lumping them together. Mmm, Beast smelled good. Familiar already. “Do you want to show me the RV?”

  He jerked a frown at her. “Really?”

  “Yeah, but swear not to tell Kane. Tricky asshole dragon doesn’t need to be thinking my decisions are based on him.”

  “What are they based on?”

  “Tonight?”

  Beast nodded once, hope pooling in his gold eyes.

  Kiera offered him a slow smile and whispered, “You.”

  Chapter Eight

  She should tell him about the pregnancy. It didn’t feel right that he’d told her so much, and she had this huge secret. He couldn’t father cubs? Kiera was heartbroken for him. She couldn’t imagine what that did to an alpha lion like Beast. In lion culture, everything depended on the next generation. The prides revolved around the cubs.

  And here she was carrying one she hadn’t even tried for. It was this huge white elephant in the room that Beast was unaware of and cast a wave of consuming guilt over Kiera’s shoulders.

  But tonight had been perfect, and she didn’t know Beast well enough to guess his reaction. What if he bolted? What if he didn’t want another lion’s offspring in the territory and chased her away? Shit. Maybe she should’ve been more upfront with all of this in the first place, but she’d wanted to make sure this was an option she wanted to explore before she told anyone about the baby. Until she trusted them fully, she couldn’t risk her whereabouts getting back to Justin. He would bring hell to earth to get his cub back. Not because he had good paternal instincts. Quite the opposite, in fact. The second Justin had scented she was with child, he’d promised he would separate her from the baby and give it to one of the lionesses in his own pride to raise if she didn’t pledge fealty to him. He was an awful father, completely absent other than the thirty seconds he spent making the cubs.

  She’d just wanted a claiming mark from him to fix her broken lion, but everything had gone sideways.

  Kiera followed behind Beast to the silver, metal Airstream trailer, while subtly cradling her belly. She wanted so much better for this baby. For her baby. Maybe she wanted these mountains.

  Beast pulled open the door and stood to the side, his expression unreadable. Kiera smiled timidly and stepped past him up the two creaking stairs and into the little home on wheels.

  There was a light switch that actually worked when she flipped it on.

  “Kane must’ve parked it near the gazebo so he could run electricity to it for you,” Beast murmured.

  “Oh. Smart.” And convenient. She hadn’t expected it to have electricity.

  Kane hadn’t been lying when he’d said he got the deluxe suite. It had polished wooden floors, and the interior walls were the same polished silver that matched the exterior. On one end of the home, there was a sitting area and table. A counter and small kitchen ran along the opposite wall, miniature fridge, sink, and four-burner stove included. A small flat screen television was mounted on the wall, and on the opposite end, a comfortable looking bed took up almost a third of the living space. The wooden cabinets, floors, and table in the home were a glossed rich walnut color, and the appliances were stainless steel, like the walls. It was rustic meets modern. It was perfect.

  “I like that smile,” Beast said low from
where he’d perched in the open doorway. “You don’t smile much, but when you do, it’s beautiful.”

  She loved his compliment, but it also made her a little sad. It was the first time anyone had pointed out how little she smiled, and funny enough, she’d noticed how much her face had transformed into a grin since she’d come here. Her cheeks were sore. Beast would really think she was pitiful if he’d known her before she came to the Smokies.

  She ripped her gaze away from him so he wouldn’t see how stung she felt at that realization. She made her way through the RV, opening cupboards, trying out the television, running her fingertips along the edge of the plush comforter on the bed. She didn’t mind small spaces. In fact, she preferred them.

  “I don’t really feel safe when I sleep,” she admitted, giving him something in place of the pregnancy announcement. That she wasn’t ready for, but she could gift him this.

  The trailer rocked as Beast climbed inside and let the door swing shut behind him. He settled onto the seat cushions by the table and asked, “Why not?”

  “Since my lioness got taken, I feel different.”

  “Different how?”

  “It’s hard to explain,” she drew out. Kiera sank onto the mattress and pulled her legs in crisscross-applesauce, like one of her elementary teachers had called it. “It’s like I constantly feel like I’m forgetting something. Does that make sense?”

  “Is it your lioness you feel like you’re forgetting? Because you can’t feel her anymore?”

  “Yeah. So I wake up all the time, and my senses are always on alert. It’s like I can’t settle down enough to let my body go into a deep sleep. I move around during the night a lot, just doing dumb shit. Checking window locks or investigating every little sound. I feel like something’s going to happen to me all the time.” She shook her head helplessly. “I’m tired, Beast.”

  “Do you sleep in big rooms?” he asked, leaning onto the table. His blond brows were lowered in a worried expression that she wanted to smooth from his face. “I can’t sleep in big rooms. If your lioness was dominant, and she’s still in there somewhere, she won’t like big spaces. You need a smaller den.”