by K. G. Reuss
“I know.” I chewed my lip nervously as my hands shook.
She squeezed me quickly and nodded to the men at the doors who returned her nod. A man’s deep voice boomed out, and the music stopped.
“Announcing her royal highness, Queen Emmeline Valentina of Dar’ish.”
My mother glided into the room before her subjects as they bowed to her. Once she made it to her throne, the announcer cleared his throat before speaking again. “Announcing her royal highness, Princess Analia Rose of Dar’ish.”
I breathed in deeply and took the first step as my mother had instructed me. Then another step. I kept my eyes focused on my family at the end of the aisle. My brother smiled encouragingly at me, and I walked toward him as people bowed before me. There was a general murmur of wonder throughout the room as I floated slowly in. Soran held out his hand when I reached him. Gratefully, I took it, not knowing how much longer I could do it on my own.
“A job well done, Sister,” he complimented softly as I stood in front of my throne. “You look beautiful. You clean up nicely.”
“As do you,” I whispered back, noting his blue and gold suit.
He reminded me of the prince from Cinderella, and I had to stifle a giggle. He smirked at me and turned his attention to the hundreds of people before us. My father motioned for the music to play again, and everyone began dancing and mingling to the orchestra.
I stared out in wonder at the sea of beautiful dresses and robes of the guests. It was a breathtaking sight. I caught a few people staring at me, and I beamed politely at them. They returned my smile with their own. I noticed Rowan in the room. Brena was at his side. He gave me a thumbs up which I wanted to return. Instead, I grinned at him.
“Soran,” I asked after the band, composed of various string instruments, had played through three songs. “Where’s Kellin? You said he’d be here tonight.”
“I thought he would be. I haven’t heard from him since he arrived early this morning and said he was tired.” Soran frowned and scanned the crowd. “It’s unlike him to be this late.”
I was just about to ask my father if he’d heard anything when he rose to his feet, clearing his throat. The crowd immediately went silent, the band stopping mid-song.
“People of Dar’ish,” his deep voice boomed out. “Our summer court. Tonight, we celebrate Prince Soran’s one hundred and thirtieth birthday.”
The crowd applauded loudly, and Soran tilted his head politely at them.
“However, it’s not just a party for him. It’s also a celebration for Princess Analia. She’s finally returned to us. We had her hidden for far too long for her safety. She comes back to us ready to save us from the treachery which has been afoot all these years.”
The crowd applauded louder, and I smiled nervously at everyone, catching the eye of Tarek in the crowd. He didn’t applaud. Rather, he stood in his all black attire and studied me through the mass of people. I shifted my gaze away from him and glanced to my father, breathing in deeply at what I knew was coming. Soran reached out and squeezed my hand, and I cast him a sad look.
“You promised,” he mouthed to me, and I nodded.
I had promised. That didn’t mean I wanted to do it, though.
“It’s tradition in Dar’ish for the king to choose his daughter’s future husband,” my father continued.
The crowd drew in a collective breath, waiting for his announcement. My mother cast me a quick look before turning back to my father. I clenched Soran’s hand, afraid to hear our father’s next words.
“It is with great pleasure that I announce the engagement of our daughter and your princess to Prince Niall Andrew Kellington of Bornia, of the spring court.”
I peered at the heavy doors I’d entered through and nearly fell over. Kellin strolled through them, looking as perfect as he ever did, his dark coat and pants making his sapphire eyes pop.
What was Kellin doing, coming in when my father was announcing my engagement? Kellin calmly sauntered down the aisle as people bowed to him, his eyes focused on me.
“I don’t understand,” I breathed out, my voice barely audible. “Where’s my betrothed?”
“You’re looking at him,” Soran whispered back, a grin fixed on his face.
And then it dawned on me. Kellin was Prince Niall. The conversation we had in my bedroom all those months ago flashed through my mind, his words about being the prince of Bornia hitting me. My father had promised my hand to Kellin. We’d been engaged this entire time.
I swallowed thickly as Kellin approached my throne and bowed to me.
“Princess,” he said, his voice not how I remembered it at all. He had an accent. It sounded odd to me now that I was fully conscious. He held out his hand for me to take, and I peeked at my parents and brother as they nodded encouragingly to me.
I slid my palm against his, and he pulled me out to the dance floor. His warm hand landed on the small of my back. Nervously, I rested my free hand on his shoulder. A soft, sweet tune began to play.
“Surprised?” he asked softly as he guided me around the room.
“Yes,” I breathed out, still trying to wrap my head around it all.
“I’m sorry for not telling you. I swore to King Lauris I wouldn’t speak of it to you,” Kellin continued in his thick accent. “He asked me to pretend there was nothing between us. To live like I was a free man. I’m so sorry, Ana. Do you forgive me?”
“I-I don’t understand,” I stammered. “I don’t know. Why would he do that?”
“I think he wanted you to have your freedom in the event we saved ourselves. I think he intended on leaving you to your own happiness. Things went south though. Now, we’re here. I’m sorry,” Kellin spoke again as we danced. I didn’t say anything as he continued to glide me through the room. “You look stunning tonight, Ana.”
“T-thank you,” I said, my cheeks reddening.
“No, thank you for not running out when King Lauris announced my name,” Kellin replied.
“The night isn’t over,” I murmured.
Kellin spun me quickly and dipped me as the song ended.
“We have a lot to discuss. Will you give me the honor of your time?”
I nodded wordlessly as he righted me. With my hand tucked in his, he pulled me across the dance floor as the guests began dancing again.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Outside,” he replied, leading me out a set of French doors to the beautiful gardens which were alit with fireflies.
We strolled in silence, him never releasing my hand. We were deep in the gardens when Kellin finally turned to me.
“You’re upset,” he commented, gazing down at me from beneath the full moon.
“Well, yeah,” I said with a sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I already told you why. I made a promise not to.”
“Is that what you meant when you said all those things to me in the woods the night after Kevin’s party?” I asked, the memory sparking his words in my mind. “Is this what you meant? You said you wanted me, you wanted that, but it was forced, and it wasn’t right.”
“I did.” He nodded solemnly. “Our fathers met and agreed for us to marry. Neither of us had a choice in it.”
“Kellin,” I started, but he held up his hand to silence me.
“Ana, listen. I’ve loved you for a very long time. I was in love with you the night I kissed you. I want this. I want you. I wanted that moment with you. I just couldn’t bring you into this life if there was a way to save you from it. We truly did want to take out Zaros before this happened. Saving you has always been our priority.” He blew out a breath before continuing. “I never loved Courtney. I had a part to play. I put up with a lot of shit to make this as believable as I could. I knew if I came at you all single, I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. I’d have loved you so hard, Ana. It would have ruined everything if we took Zaros out and I had to leave you without an explanation.” He gave me a sad smile that made my hear
t flip flop.
He grew quiet for a moment and looked to the moon before speaking again. “We’ve both been through so much since then. When I lifted your limp body into my arms on that cliff, I thought I’d lost you forever. It broke me inside. I’d only ever felt that kind of pain one other time in my life, and it was when you told me you and Calix were dating. I want you to know I’m deeply saddened by Calix’s passing. Not because I liked him. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m saddened because you are. I know how you suffer, Ana. It’s written on your face. I want you to know I understand that. I’m here for you and always will be. You need to know I still want you, and I still love you just as much as I ever did.”
“Kellin,” I breathed, wiping at my eyes. “I-I’m not ready for all of this. I-I can’t. I love Calix—”
“And Calix is dead, Ana. Gone. I checked him myself. I don’t want to be the one to remind you of this, but it’s the truth, as painful as it is.” Kellin squeezed my hands tightly. “I’m what you’re left with. Is that so bad?”
Kellin gently wiped at a fallen tear cascading down my cheek and gazed at me, his baby blues nettled with sadness and pain, a mirror of my own.
“I don’t expect you to love me today, Ana. Not even tomorrow. I just want to be here with you. Allow me that comfort, and I won’t pressure you further about our marriage. I swear I’ll be good to you. I know I’ve done some things in the past to make you lose faith in me. It was me, confused and afraid, playing a part I didn’t understand. Forgive me, please.”
“I forgive you,” I whispered.
“And this.” He gestured between the two of us. “Will you allow me to be here for you? Will you try?”
My heart flopped madly in my chest, Calix’s face painting my vision. I loved him. I would always love him. I’d always felt something for Kellin too, though. Maybe not as strongly as Calix, but then again, Kellin and I never really had a chance before. The decision was a heavy one, one that created tears and more pain. Calix had told me to let go. To love another. But how?
“Please don’t ask me to try, Kellin. I can’t decide it. Not right now. If I said yes, it would be a lie. If I said no, that would also be a lie. Instead, can you just dance with me?” I pleaded.
Without another word, Kellin swept me into his arms and moved us slowly in time with the soft music that wafted out to us, his embrace of me tight. I finally succumbed to his touch and let my head rest on his chest, the beating of his heart echoing in my ears.
Chapter 25
“Princess,” a nervous voice called out, pulling me from the moment with Kellin.
“Yes?” I asked, squinting through the darkness to see one of the guards standing awkwardly in front of us.
“The king requests your presence in the ballroom.”
I glanced up at Kellin who studied the guard carefully, a sour look on his face. He quickly righted his expression with a small smile and wrapped his arm around my waist.
“Let’s go humor your father,” Kellin said, leading me back through the gardens.
“What do you think he wants?” I asked, wondering if some tragedy had occurred in the time we’d been gone.
“I expect he wants to make sure you haven’t killed me and buried me someplace on the grounds,” Kellin mused as we approached the ballroom.
“Oh,” I mumbled, allowing him to guide me back into the ballroom, his hand not leaving my waist.
“Father.” I knelt in front of his throne as he surveyed the guests.
“My daughter.” He beamed, grinning at Kellin then me. “I was just making sure you two were getting along. I was worried.”
“We’re fine,” I said, rising to my feet. I cast a quick glance at my mother who gazed sweetly at us.
“Wonderful. I was just about to announce the feast.” Father clapped his hands together briskly.
Kellin and I stepped aside as Father rose to his feet.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is a celebration. What good is a celebration without a feast? Come. Join us outside.”
My parents stepped out first, followed by Soran. Kellin and I fell in line behind them and made our way out to the large stone area which was laden with a vast assortment of delectable looking foods. The scents wafting to my nose made my stomach grumble.
We sat at a long table, overlooking many smaller ones. Kellin made sure to pull my seat out for me.
“Thank you,” I murmured.
He reached out and squeezed my hand, not bothering to release it as the servers came and set heaping plates of food in front of us.
“Would you like some wine?” Kellin asked softly.
“Can I have wine?” I whispered back.
“Of course you can. You can have anything you want.” He chuckled. “This is Winterset, not Earth Realm.”
“Then yes, fill my glass,” I murmured.
He laughed softly again and nodded to one of the servers who filled my goblet. I drank deeply, finishing it before placing it back down in front of me.
“More, your grace?” the server asked.
“Please,” I nodded.
Kellin laughed and took my hand in his again. “Pace yourself, Ana. We have a long night ahead of us.”
“Which is why they should just leave the wine here,” I grumbled, taking a smaller sip this time.
My father rose and made another speech, wishing Soran a happy birthday and promising that happy times were ahead of us. We raised our glasses and drank to it. I moaned a little as I took the first bite of food.
“Good?” Kellin asked.
“It’s amazing,” I said swallowing. “The food here is better than anything I ever tasted back home. Mabel is the best.”
“I don’t know,” Kellin mused. “I liked the meat lover’s pizza at Crust Lust and their BLTs.”
“Those were good,” I agreed, suddenly wishing for either of those to go along with my platter of food. “Do you miss it?”
“Miss it?” Kellin asked. “The food there? Yes, like I said, the meat lover’s—”
“No.” I shook my head and made eye contact with him. My stomach flip flopped at the intensity in his eyes. “I mean, do you miss Earth Realm?”
“No, I don’t. Everything that made Earth Realm wonderful is beside me.” He brushed my cheek tenderly with the backs of his fingers.
The butterflies danced faster in my stomach. I felt sick. I wasn’t supposed to have butterflies in my stomach when I was with Kellin. It was confusing, and I wanted to cry as I pictured Calix’s face in my mind again.
I went back to picking at my food and was grateful when the music started again, and people began dancing. It seemed the party had moved outside.
“Dance with me?” Kellin asked after we finished our dinner.
“Yes,” I said, taking his hand.
He pulled me to my feet, and we glided across the dance floor, all eyes seemingly on us. When the song ended, I started to move away, but Kellin pulled me tighter to him.
“Stay,” he murmured in my ear. “I like dancing with you.”
I peered up into his eyes as the music moved to another song, wondering what he could possibly want with me. I was broken, not even a fraction of the person I once was, and I was still in love with someone else. And yet, he gazed down at me like I was his entire world.
“So, what do you want me to call you?” I cleared my throat.
“Call me?” he asked, bewildered.
“Your name. No one knew who Kellin was,” I said.
“You were asking for me?” he sounded pleased, making me blush.
“No-yes. I was just wondering where you were.” I shrugged as we danced.
“Well, you can call me whatever you like.”
“But what would you like?”
“Say my name,” he said softly as I looked up to him.
“Kellin?”
“No, my given name,” he replied, his accent sending a ripple through my body.
“Niall,” I murmured, my eyes locked on his.
“I like the way it sounds coming from you,” he whispered, leaning down so his forehead rested against mine. “Call me Niall. Call me Kellin. It doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s you that’s saying it.”
“Niall,” I said, easing away from him. “I-I need a break.”
Before he could reply, I rushed away from him and made my way back to the gardens. Once I was safe from all the stares, I sank to a bench next to the large stone fountain. This was too much. I was feeling things in the pit of my stomach that I didn’t want to feel. That I couldn’t feel. It was wrong.
Calix.
I loved him. I missed him.
Angrily, I swiped at the tears that had fallen, noting what a despicable creature I was. He told me to move on. He said to forget him. But that was a dream, and he was gone. How could I forget my entire world?
“Love is a game,” a voice said from behind me, and I turned to find Tarek lurking in the dark.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, wiping my eyes again. The last thing I needed was to listen to a lecture on shedding tears I hadn’t earned.
“I saw you leave, and I wanted to make sure you were well, especially after your episode yesterday.” He stepped into the moonlight and looked down at me.
“I’m fine. Can you please go away?”
“I could, but I don’t see why I would. It’s obvious you’re upset.” Tarek knelt in front of me, pulled out a handkerchief, and handed it to me. I took it and dabbed at my eyes. “What troubles you?”
“Nothing. I’m just overwhelmed.” I sniffled, patting my eyes again. “And don’t tell me to stop crying either.”
“No, you’ve earned these tears,” Tarek said. “Do you wish to talk about it?”
“I’m confused,” I whispered. “Kell-Niall is a good man. He’s kind, gentle, caring, and a hundred other wonderful things. It’s just—”
“You aren’t in love with him,” Tarek finished.
I nodded sadly. “It’s not that I don’t feel anything for him, because I do, and maybe someday I will love him. I can’t right now, though.”
“Because of Calixto,” Tarek affirmed, nodding. “What would you do if he were here? Calixto?”