by K. G. Reuss
“We’re here?” I mumbled, opening my eyes and looking around.
“Ana,” Kellin said softly, his large, warm hand giving me a gentle squeeze. “Look to your right.”
I followed his command and parted my lips in wonder. I moved off Starfall’s back, not giving Kellin time to help me, and walked slowly in stunned silence to what Kellin had intended me to look at.
Wildflowers.
It was the field from my visions. My field of wildflowers spread out in front of me, real, tangible. Some of the flowers were waist high, their brilliant shades unlike anything I’d ever seen before. The colors were more vibrant than imaginable. Just beyond the field was the forest I’d seen. It was real. All of it. Suddenly, I realized the impact of it all.
“I thought you’d want to see this,” Kellin murmured, coming to my side and winding his arm around my waist. He kissed my hairline gently as I continued to stare in wonder. “Say something,” he chuckled softly.
“Thank you,” I breathed out.
Chapter 33
I stepped forward, my feet carrying me deeper into the field of wildflowers. With my arms stretched out, I let the colorful flowers brush past my fingers. It was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen. My visions didn’t do it justice. When I turned around, Kellin was staring at me, his eyes glassy with an emotion I wasn’t sure I wanted to explore right then. He smiled at me, the curve of his lips working deep into my heart. I returned his grin with my own shy one and turned back to the field. The dark forest was just beyond, and I stood gazing at it, wondering if Calix was somewhere deep within.
I quickly pushed the thought out of my head. Calix was gone. He wasn’t coming back. I had to let go and do what I had to do. My job was to save Winterset, not mourn the loss of the one I loved. I had to choose a side.
Loved.
Did that mean I was finally moving forward? I searched my mind quickly and found the seed of pain buried deep within my heart. A tear touched my eye before trickling down my cheek. I wasn’t even sure if the Calix I knew was real. He’d been feeding me his blood. He’d lied to me.
But he’d sacrificed himself for me and spoke to me in a vision, begging me to not bring him back. I knew the look in his eyes—it had been honesty. He didn’t want to come back. He didn’t want to hurt people. To hurt me. He had to love me. I knew it deep within my heart that what we had together had to have been real. I had so many questions, questions I’d never get to ask him.
“Don’t cry,” Kellin murmured, coming up behind me and tentatively wrapping his arms around my midsection. “Please don’t cry. That wasn’t my intention when I brought you here. I thought you’d be happy to see this place.”
“I am,” I whispered. “I-I was just remembering to forget.”
“Don’t forget, Ana,” Kellin replied softly. “It’s important that you always remember, even the most painful stuff. It’s what drives you. It’s what makes you who you are. Let the pain in. Feel it. Just don’t become it. You have to acknowledge it, Ana. If you don’t, you’ll never heal.”
“I’m afraid,” I answered, another tear falling from my eye. “Zaros is still out there, hurting people, killing. And here I am, staring at a field of flowers, afraid of my destiny. Afraid of everything.”
“I know,” he answered painfully. “I know. I’m here, Ana. I’ll always be here.”
“Do you promise?” I asked, squeezing my eyes closed, pushing thoughts of Calix and Tarek out of my mind for that moment, even if it was brief.
I felt Kellin move, and when I opened my eyes, he was staring down at me, his brilliant blue eyes filled with so much warmth my heart did a somersault in my chest.
“Yes,” he breathed out, his hands moving up to cradle my face. He thumbed away my tears, his eyes never leaving mine. “Always.”
“Kellin?”
He wiped at another of my tears and waited for me to continue speaking. “Is-is there anything you want to tell me? Anything you haven’t told me that maybe you should?”
“Of course not,” he answered, his smile shaky. “Why would you ask me that?”
“I was just wondering. We know so little about one another, or at least I know so little about you—the real you.”
“Are you saying you’d like to get to know me?” He smirked down at me, his eyes filled with hope.
“Yes,” I breathed out, nodding. “I want to get to know you, Kellin. Prince Niall.”
“Ana.” His eyes wavered as he peered down at me. “Come. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” He pulled me down to lie beside him in the flowers, a moment all too reminiscent of an encounter we’d had long ago. This time, I knew it wouldn’t end the same.
“What’s your favorite color?” I asked, starting out easy.
“Green. The color of your eyes,” he replied immediately.
I looked at him and rolled my eyes.
“You laugh, Ana, but it’s absolutely the truth.”
“Fine, Romeo.” I chuckled, loosening up more. “Do you have any siblings?”
“Yes,” Kellin answered, surprising me.
I’d assumed he was an only child.
“I have a younger brother and sister. My brother is eighty years young, and my sister is a mere twenty-five. That’s Winterset years.”
“Really?” I asked, intrigued.
“Yes.” Kellin smiled at me. “My brother is named Casimir, and my sister is Zaria. Both reside in Bornia with my parents at the palace. Casimir is a general in our army, and Zaria is, well, she’s a princess and a bit extravagant. Both are wonderful. I think you’ll really like them once you get to meet them.”
“What about the Silent Sentries? You’re one, right?”
“I am.” Kellin nodded. “We’re simply members of a specific court who do the bidding of kings. For instance, I do the bidding of my father and yours.”
“And you never knew any of the other sentries?”
“No, I never knew Calix,” Kellin replied, giving me a kind smile before turning his head back to stare up at the passing clouds. “I know that’s what you’re asking, Ana. Sentries typically didn’t know one another. We’re like secret agents in a way. We exist. We do things for our rulers, and then we back up into anonymity, making sure to remain unseen and unknown always. Calix could very well have been part of Zaros’s sentries. In fact, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t, considering how powerful he was. My brother is also a sentry for our father. He stands guard over the palace and carries out tasks as my father sees fit. There isn’t much to say about it. We just do what we’re asked.”
“No matter what it is?” I pressed.
“No matter what it is,” he agreed tightly. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it anymore, and I wondered what he’d done.
I wasn’t going to press it. We were quiet for a moment as the clouds passed overhead.
Finally, Kellin spoke again. “I was sent with you to Earth Realm as one of my tasks. I left you with your parents there. Throughout the years, I checked in on you. When you started high school, I stayed.”
“I thought Soran asked you to do it,” I replied, frowning. I had no idea he’d been assigned to it. That he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He lost many years of his life looking out for me. “Wait… you said you were in Earth Realm the whole time I was. That you never returned to Winterset. You said you’d stayed with me.”
He fidgeted uncomfortably as he looked to the forest.
“No.” He shook his head, finally speaking, “I was assigned to you. Soran did ask, but I also knew I couldn’t refuse. He’s my best friend. Those were the two determining factors in it. I-I did come back here. It was stupid. I was worried about Winterset, and because I can portal, I knew I’d be within arm’s reach within a moment. No one knew I came back. I stayed with an old friend.”
“What did you leave behind to take me as an assignment?” I whispered, hearing the heartache in his voice when he’d spoken. “Who was the friend?”
“Nothing tha
t couldn’t be replaced.” Kellin breathed out uneasy. “The friend doesn’t matter anymore. We aren’t friends now. Next question.”
“Wh-what about ex-girlfriends?” I asked, clearing my throat nervously, wanting to ask him more about his friend and why he’d lied. I supposed I understood if he was worried about his world. I didn’t want to push it, so I continued, “Any of those I should know about?”
“Well…” Kellin shifted uncomfortably beside me again. “There’s Courtney, I guess. There are a handful of other women I have courted. None of them worth mentioning, though.”
“None of them have names?” I laughed.
“None of them have names worth mentioning,” Kellin corrected, his voice breathless as he swallowed thickly.
“OK,” I murmured, not really buying it. He was being vague. Too vague. He knew everything about my past, who owned my heart, owned my memories, my pain. Yet he was keeping me in the dark about his past, all while expecting me to try. And he wanted me to trust him?
“Ana, listen.” He turned over to look at me. “They don’t matter because they aren’t a part of the now. They helped shaped me into the man I am today, and I’ll forever be grateful for that, but I let them go a long time ago. I moved on. You are my now. My forever. You’re what matters to me. Anyone else was just to pass the long years. You’ll be my first wife. My only wife. My queen,” his voice shook.
“Are you sure about this, Kellin?” I asked, rolling over to face him. “About us?” I fought the urge to try to See all the things he was holding back. If there was any hope of us working, I had to try to trust him.
“I am,” he replied solemnly. “I wasn’t at first. You know that. But now, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I want you, Ana. I want you so bad it hurts. I’ve done terrible things I wish I could change, but I can’t. I just want you to know that you mean the world to me.”
I stared into his eyes, my heart beating like a jackhammer in my chest. Tarek was wrong. Kellin wanted me. He wasn’t hiding anything from me. I repeated that over and over in my head, wanting to believe it even if his admission made a knot form in my stomach.
“Say yes to our future, Ana. To the possibilities,” Kellin whispered, reaching out and caressing my cheek. “Please, Ana. Say yes to me.”
I bit my bottom lip nervously, rolling over Kellin’s words in my mind. He said he let go of the past. That now was what mattered. Calix had helped shape me, but Kellin was my now, just as I was his. I had to let Calix go. He’d always be a part of me that I’d cherish, but I had to make room for what was happening in this moment, things that would happen in the future. I knew leaving Kellin one day might be something that happened. But I also knew all the Shadowmoore men were dead. So leaving him might now be something that could never happen.
Kellin leaned into me slowly, his eyes searching mine for permission. When I didn’t pull away, he came closer, his warm breath gentle on my face. We lay staring into each other’s eyes, and I swore time stopped. Slowly, his lips came nearer. Finally, there was a warm, gentle brush as they made contact with mine.
Kellin kissed me sweetly, softly, his hands still cupping my face tenderly. We slowly explored each other’s mouths. Kellin’s tongue gently probed against my own, touching, feeling. Breathless, I parted my lips and let him in further. A small moan escaped me as we kissed, the softness turning into heat, into desire. His hands traveled down to the small of my back, and he pulled me closer, our bodies flush against one another. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my hands wander up to his thick hair. I ran my fingers through the softness as he emitted a low groan.
I didn’t know what I was doing, but I did it anyway, wanting peace and hoping this provided me with some. I closed my eyes as Kellin’s lips found my neck, my collarbone, then back up to my mouth, his lips leaving a streak of desire along my skin.
“I’m yours, Ana,” he murmured, stopping to stare down at me, his eyes searching mine. “Always.”
I let out a deep breath. This was what moving on was like. Painful. Terrifying. Heart-wrenching. I closed my eyes for a moment, silently saying goodbye to the past.
I finally parted my lashes and nodded.
Kellin’s lips crashed into mine, and I let him sweep me away with more of his gentle kisses.
Chapter 34
The days turned into weeks, then months, and I found myself happy with Kellin. My feelings for him had grown exponentially over time. Now my heart grew giddy with excitement whenever I saw him. We hadn’t progressed beyond kissing and touching, but I knew things were close to going farther.
We worked hard on my training. We’d started working on my wind element. I couldn’t summon a storm like Kellin, but I was getting damn close. I was able to steer my fire more easily with the gusts, feeding the flame the oxygen it desperately needed.
Just like Calix wanted.
I was really beginning to get good with the sword and had even managed to disarm Soran during practice once. He’d lifted me off the ground like I’d just won us the World Series. He’d spun me around with Kellin and Rowan laughing and clapping on the sidelines. I still wasn’t the greatest with wielding Earth and Water, but I’d progressed a lot since I’d first arrived back in Winterset because of many hours spent with Kellin attempting to work on it. He’d explained it was hard since he didn’t wield either of those elements.
Tarek did though. At least earth and wind. But I never asked him to show me anything. We still worked together, but he hadn’t made mention of anything from our earlier conversation and neither had I. The butterflies still rushed to my stomach whenever I saw him, and he’d cast me a small smile, almost like he knew what I was feeling. I’d blush and duck my head, embarrassed I felt anything at all for the enigmatic grouch of a man. I considered the one day we’d spoken a fluke, and he was only toying with me. Although, I still worried about the binding and the altera. I knew I had to figure out how to become unbound from Calix, but I had no solid leads. But for once, I allowed myself to be content and happy, surrounded by my family, friends, and Kellin.
Weeks passed where I had no visions. I’d almost forgotten I’d ever had them. Kellin and I spent a lot of time in the field of wildflowers. It was my favorite place. We’d lie with each other for hours—laughing, practicing, and sometimes reminiscing about our Earth Realm days.
Sometimes, like now, Kellin and Soran left for days on end, fighting off some of Zaros’s army as they skirmished on the edges of the kingdom. It always stressed me out, wondering if I’d ever see them again. But they always returned home, victorious. I waited anxiously until their return each time.
I was practicing in the yard with Rowan when Kellin ran across the grass, having just returned. He scooped me into his arms and planted kisses all over my face. I giggled, so happy to have him back home and safe.
Much to Tarek’s annoyance, Kellin whisked me away to the wildflower field moments after his arrival.
We lay among the colorful blooms and caught up on the events of the past few days. A wolven came out of the forest and made his way over to us. He was bigger than the mama and cubs we’d encountered before. He was just as fluffy, with a cute white spot on his chest, but beneath his fur I could feel the tight cords of muscle.
“I’m going to name him,” I said thoughtfully, petting the wolven’s head as he sat beside me, his pink tongue lolling out from the warmth of the day.
“Name him?” Kellin chuckled, giving me a quick kiss. “This I have to hear.”
“Mm, I think he looks like a Max. What do you think?” I asked, rubbing the wolven who leaned into my hand affectionately.
“No,” Kellin groaned. “He’s a fierce warrior. He needs a beast-like name like… Four Paws.”
“Four Paws.” I laughed uproariously. “Like ‘Faux Pas’?”
“Yeah.” Kellin grinned, rubbing the wolven’s head. “You like that name, don’t you?
The wolven wagged his nubby tail and gave Kellin’s hand a lick. Kellin smiled at me triump
hantly.
“Four Paws it is.” I giggled, letting Four Paws lick my cheek. “I can’t imagine what you’ll want to name our kids.”
We both became silent, and I slapped my hand over my mouth. We’d never spoken of children before, and I just sort of blurted it out.
“You’ve thought about having kids with me?” Kellin asked softly, his blue eyes searching mine.
“Well, yeah, I guess,” I answered, my face hot from my embarrassment. “I mean, not right away, but I figured if we’re married it’ll happen someday.”
“I love you,” he whispered, smiling at me, his eyes shining brightly.
“I-I love you, too,” I replied, my heart thrumming in my chest. The words tumbling from my mouth were mostly the truth. They were ones I hadn’t wanted to admit before but felt like now was the time to finally say them. I felt deeply for the beautiful man staring down at me. But love? Was this love? It was different than what I had with Calix. Could loving a different person create a different feeling? I didn’t have a lot of time to ponder it because Kellin’s voice broke into my troubled thoughts.
“Come here,” he growled, pulling me to him and kissing me deeply, his hands all over my body and mine on his.
He pushed my dress down my shoulders, his lips never breaking contact with my skin. My breath hitched as he carefully cradled a breast in his large, warm hands. His hot mouth on the sensitive peak made a soft moan escape my lips. We were pushing further than we had before.
He swirled his tongue over the sensitive bud, sucking and kissing as he gently cupped my other exposed breast. Tingles ebbed through me as he moved a hand to my thigh beneath my silk dress. In a matter of moments, his hand was trailing against the delicate material of my panties.
“Can I touch you?” he whispered hoarsely against the shell of my ear.
I clamped my eyelids closed tightly, trying to calm my breathing. Calix was the only one to ever touch me there. But he was gone now. This was my new life.