The Silent Suspect
Page 29
I had to lean on the wall for support, or I thought I might be sick. What had I done? That was why Forest had been so pleasant to me, because she was waiting to drop that bombshell. She was the only one who had known that Rav told me about the cuckooing, so she must have reported him. How could she do that to one of her own team? Did she hate me that much, that she had to destroy the career of someone I cared about?
In a daze, I left the interview room and glanced around. I couldn’t go hunting for him – I didn’t know my way around the police station – so I went back out into the car park and looked for his car. Once I found it, I leant against it, sent him a text to let him know I was there, and waited.
It took about twenty minutes for him to come outside. When he saw me waiting by his car, he stopped and shook his head.
‘Not now, Paige.’
‘Rav, please. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I can do to make this better.’
He held up a hand. ‘You can’t. It’s done now.’
‘You’ll be okay, won’t you? She can’t have you suspended because of this?’
He swallowed, and I realised he hadn’t looked me in the eye yet. ‘I don’t know. Forest has been gunning for me for a while, and now she’s got the perfect ammunition.’
Ammunition I had given her. He might not have said it out loud, but we both knew that was what he was thinking. After everything we’d been through together, after everything he’d done for me, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I reached out to touch his arm, but he took a step back so he was out of my reach.
Again, I felt as if the ground had lurched beneath me. Throughout the last couple of weeks, I felt like he and I had been getting closer; I knew I hadn’t imagined him kissing me back the other night. But suddenly a chasm had opened up between us, and what made it worse was that it was a chasm I had created.
‘Rav, you know I never meant this. It was a stupid comment I made to Forest, and I am so sorry, but I didn’t mean for this to happen.’
He pushed past me and opened the back door of his car, putting the bag he was carrying in there, then looked up at me.
‘I know you didn’t mean to do it. But that doesn’t change the fact that you did, and now I need to be careful. I can’t be seen talking to you, Paige.’ He was battling to keep his voice even, but I could see him almost shaking with the effort.
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to burst into tears. He was so angry, and it shook me that I was the cause of it.
‘She can’t make these things stick,’ I said, not even convincing myself, and he let out a harsh laugh that felt like a stab to my heart.
‘I’m glad you have confidence in that, because I don’t.’ He paused, then took a deep breath. ‘Excuse me, I’d like to get in my car now.’
He reached past me to open the door and as he did, I grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn and look at me. The look in his eyes was a mixture of hurt and frustration, and I was about to step back when he closed the gap between us and kissed me. Before I had time to react, he’d pulled away again, shaking his head.
‘I’m sorry, Paige. I can’t lose my job. Try not to get in any more trouble.’ He forced a smile but I could see the pain in his eyes as he got in the car.
I watched as he drove away, knowing there was nothing I could do to change what had happened, but also feeling certain of what I wanted. My lips still felt warm from his impulsive kiss, and I was in a daze as I walked up the road to where Anna was picking me up. I’d thought things were looking good between Rav and me, but what would the future hold for us now?
Acknowledgements
Writing the acknowledgements is nearly as difficult as writing the book itself, and if I wrote everything I’d like to say to everyone who’s supported me it would also be nearly as long.
Firstly, huge thanks to my wonderful agent, Juliet Mushens. Even after two years I pinch myself when I remember she’s the one who chose to represent me.
Also, much love and appreciation to editorial partners-in-crime Tilda McDonald and Beth Wickington, who together manage to figure out exactly what it was I was trying to say, and who always make me laugh on video calls.
Thank you to everyone else at Avon and Harper 360 who work so hard to make sure the books they publish are a success: Ellie Pilcher, Sabah Khan, Catriona Beamish, Caroline Bovey, Georgina Ugen, Alice Gomer, Charlotte Brown, Jean Marie Kelly, Emily Gerbner, Peter Borcsok and Helena Newton.
Thank you to Sarah Whittaker for yet another sensational cover – I love them so much, and I spend rather a lot of time looking at them when I should be doing something else.
I’m really lucky to have an amazing independent bookshop nearby – The Rabbit Hole, in Brigg. Nick and Mel Webb are hugely supportive of local authors and poets, and have continued to do their best to involve themselves in the local community during the challenges of 2020. I can’t wait to hold a launch party there again in future, whenever it might be allowed.
Faye Robertson always deserves a special mention, for answering my complicated and confusing questions about police procedure, then forgiving me when I ignore her answers completely. All flights of fancy and drama are mine, please try to suspend your disbelief!
Thank you also to those people who have invited me onto their platforms to promote my books in the last year, whether on blogs or YouTube or via Zoom interviews for literary festivals. I’ve enjoyed taking part in all of these, but I can’t wait to meet readers in person at events in the future!
Thank you to every single person who has read this book or the two that came before it, whether you already knew me, you saw something about the series online, or you picked it up at random in a bookshop, supermarket or library. Without readers, writers are pretty stuck. I also really appreciate all of the reviews online, whether they’re from bloggers or seasoned reviewers, or just people who enjoyed the book.
The list of friends and family I want to thank for their support is now getting so long I’m terrified of missing someone, so I might just have to pretend I’m on PopMaster on Radio 2 and go for ‘anyone else who knows me’. Seriously, though, I’ve been absolutely blown away by the enthusiasm with which people have been talking about my books. I’ve reconnected with old friends who’ve seen something about me on social media and have then gone out to buy one of my books, as well as meeting many new people, both writers and readers. Most of all, though, I cannot put into words how much it means to me when I see my friends recommending my books to their friends again and again, tirelessly championing my work and going above and beyond what I would ever expect from them. I’m very lucky to be surrounded by these people.
Finally, as always, to Stuart and Albert. I love you both so much, and you make me the best version of myself.
Keep Reading …
If you loved The Silent Suspect, don’t miss Paige Northwood’s first mystery
UK readers, click here to buy now.
US readers, click here to buy now.
If you loved The Silent Suspect, don’t miss the second Paige Northwood mystery
UK readers, click here to buy now.
US readers, click here to buy now.
Seven friends.
One killer.
You can run,
but you can’t
Hide
The unputdownable new thriller from Nell Pattison is coming soon.
UK readers, order here
US readers, order here
About the Author
After studying English at university, Nell Pattison became a teacher and specialised in Deaf education. She has been teaching in the Deaf community for 14 years in both England and Scotland, working with students who use BSL, and began losing her hearing in her twenties. She lives in North Lincolnshire with her husband and son. Nell is the author of novels The Silent House, which was a USA Today bestseller, and Silent Night, featuring British Sign Language interpreter Paige Northwood.
By the same author:
The Silent House<
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Silent Night
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