Cooper

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  “I’ll never want her back. How could I want the woman back when she nearly destroyed my daughter?”

  He yanked his body away from me and stormed toward the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I sighed and glanced at Knight.

  “Would you forgive her?”

  “I don’t forgive anyone,” he said before he walked away.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Becky

  I hadn’t slept in days. My body was exhausted and my eyes burned with the need for sleep, but every time I laid down, all I saw was Kayla and the guilt ate away at me. It was all my fault that she was out there that night. There was no going back from what happened. Coop would never forgive me and Cap probably wouldn’t either. As for Kayla…my mind was too muddled to figure out what I should do about her. I wanted to see her so badly. I wanted to make sure that she was okay, that she wasn’t…I had no idea what. I just needed to see her for myself. But Cap wouldn’t allow me onto the property, and even if he did, there was no way that Coop would let me near his daughter.

  I sat by the window, staring out at the street, waiting for the sun to rise. I didn’t know what I was going to do today. I hadn’t been to work since that day and I had no desire to go back anytime soon. My business had come to a halt and I doubted I would ever get it off the ground now. How could I run a business when I made such poor decisions?

  Delaney’s door opened down the hall and Tony walked out, pulling his shirt down over his chest. He paused when he saw me and scowled. Tears stung my eyes at his obvious rejection and it took everything I had not to cry in front of him. But I couldn’t help the tears that slipped down my cheeks when he walked up to me.

  “Don’t look so fucking pitiful. You weren’t the one that was raped.”

  It was a well placed dagger and it did exactly what he intended. I felt like my heart was spilling out on the floor. I swiped at my face and tried to regain control. “I never meant for it to happen.”

  “Who’s the fucking adult?” he sneered. “You were supposed to be the one that made the logical decisions. She had no right asking you to help her sneak out, and you should have realized that.” His voice grew louder as he spoke until he was almost yelling. “It’s your fucking fault that she was out there. What the fuck were you thinking? We have security measures in place for a reason. You knew that and you made it impossible for us to protect her.”

  “Tony!” Delaney shouted. His eyes flew to her and he stepped away from me. I don’t think he even realized how close he had gotten to me. Not that it mattered. He could have torn me to shreds and I would have deserved it.

  Tony stormed for the door, slamming it when he left. Delaney walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug as I burst into tears. I couldn’t help it. I felt so shitty about myself already, but to have my mistakes thrown in my face was almost more than I could take. And it wouldn’t stop anytime soon. All of those people that I used to work with, who I used to think of as family, they would never stop hating me. And I would never stop hating myself.

  “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. He said that Kayla’s home and she’s doing okay.”

  “But is she really?” I asked, not feeling like she was really telling the truth.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I have no clue if any of them really know what’s going on with her. But you have to find a way to work past this. When was the last time that you ate or slept?”

  I scoffed. “That’s the last thing on my mind.”

  “Becky, I know you hold yourself responsible for what happened, but the truth is, you’re not the only person that fucked up. Of course what you did was wrong, but Kayla made her own choices.”

  “She’s a fucking kid. When you’re that age, you think you’re indestructible. You think that all the evil shit in the world will never touch you. But I knew better. I knew that it could be dangerous. I knew that she could get herself into trouble, but I wanted her to feel like a kid. I told myself that she needed the freedom to make mistakes. Well, she did and it was way worse than I ever imagined.”

  She didn’t say anything to that, just sat there with me as I stared out the window.

  “Cap banned me from the property,” I said after a minute.

  “I know.”

  “Do you think I should call him?”

  She sighed and rubbed my back. “I think you should give it some time.”

  “But-”

  “But calling is only going to make you feel like shit when they tell you to fuck off,” she said rather bluntly. “Look, I get that you want to apologize to Cap for hacking his system. And I get that you want to apologize to everyone for everything from the fact that those sensors were out on the property line to the fact that you couldn’t track Kayla fast enough. But nothing you say right now is going to make everything better. Give them some time to cool down.”

  I nodded, even though my fingers were itching to pick up the phone and call. “Maybe I should get out of the house.”

  “There you go. That sounds like a good idea. Where should we go?”

  “The Pub.”

  “It’s six o’clock in the morning,” she said incredulously.

  “They’re open for breakfast. Besides, I need a drink,” I said, standing and heading to my room to change.

  “Becky, I don’t think-”

  “That’s precisely the point,” I said as I spun around. “I don’t want to think. Just for five fucking minutes, I would like to forget about the role I played in getting a teenager raped, and I would like to forget that I know anybody in this town.”

  She nodded and headed to her room, though I knew she didn’t want to go with me. I didn’t bother with doing much other than dressing. My face was gaunt and my hair was filthy, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

  Within a half hour, I was at the bar drinking. Gus, the bartender, didn’t want to serve me. He said it was too early for drinking, but then I pointed down the bar to a man that was clearly on his third or fourth shot. I drank a few shots, and then I drank some more. Delaney was talking with me, trying to get me to slow down, but the more I drank, the more I felt like the weight was finally lifting from my shoulders.

  The one thing I didn’t really count on was how fast I would get drunk. It occurred to me after I lost count of my drinks that I hadn’t eaten in days, and this was probably a really fucking bad idea.

  “I think you should slow down,” Delaney said, waving off the bartender.

  “Yeah,” I scoffed. “Slo-ow down.” I stared around the bar, watching all the people watch me. I turned to them with a sweeping arm and bowed. “Yes, it’s me. The royal fuck-up. Watch your children around me, cuz I’m gonna screw them over,” I muttered. One of the customers sneered at me and I sneered right back. “Yeah, judge me all you want,” I slurred. “I deserve it.”

  Delaney grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the stool. “Okay, we’re paying the tab and leaving.”

  “No. I want to drink some more.”

  “Gus cut you off, so we need to leave before you claim that you’re a pedophile or something.”

  “Why would I do that?” I asked, looking at her two heads in confusion.

  “Because you practically just announced that you fuck around with kids. God, I knew this was a bad idea.”

  She tossed some money down and tried to move me, but I fell flat on the floor, my face squishing against the wood. As I laid down there, I saw the dirt that hadn’t quite gotten cleaned up and some spots that really needed a good scrub down. I licked my thumb and started cleaning the floor. I couldn’t move, so I might as well be useful down here. Delaney tried grabbing my arm and dragging me, but it was no use. I was dead weight, just like I was in life. Someone just needed to cut the rope and let me go. I was dragging everyone down.

  I let my eyes slip closed and drifted off as the low hum of the bar lulled me to sleep. It was peaceful. Something about not giving a shit about anything was very freeing. That is, until I was hauled up off the floor and thr
own over someone’s shoulder. I vaguely realized that whoever was carrying me off had a really nice ass. I thought about saying something about it, but what was the point? As soon as he knew who I was, he would want nothing to do with me. Before I could tell him what a huge mistake he was making, carting me off the floor of the bar, I was set in a truck. I couldn’t move my head if I wanted to. It could be a serial killer hauling me off and I wouldn’t care at the moment. I let my head drop to the window and passed out.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  The bright light was killer on my head, but the nausea bubbling up in my stomach was worse. I rolled over and tried my best to run to the bathroom, but I got tangled in the sheets and fell to the floor. Arms lifted me off the ground and set me upright. I didn’t bother to see who it was. I just took off for the bathroom and puked until it felt like nothing else could come out. My whole body was shaky and I wasn’t sure that I could make it back to bed, but the thought of laying down and closing my eyes was just too tempting.

  Shoving myself off the ground, I held onto the wall as I made my way back to my room. When I got there, I was shocked to see Cap sitting in a chair near my bed. His arms were crossed and he glared at me like he was pissed. Get in line.

  “What are you doing here?” I muttered as I walked carefully to my bed. God, my head was pounding out of control. I gently laid down and closed my eyes, waiting for him to respond.

  “Well, I had to drag your ass off the floor of the bar, and Delaney got called into work, so she couldn’t stay and make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit.”

  “Well, I just threw up everything in my stomach, so you can go.”

  “What the fuck is going on with you, Becky?”

  “I think you know the answer to that.”

  “Drink this.”

  I peeled my eyes open and grimaced at the water that he held out to me. I snatched it from him, along with the pills, and drank a few sips, but when I tried to set it down, he shoved it back at me and waited for me to drink all of it.

  “Becky, what were you thinking?”

  His voice was calm, free of anger, but disappointment was evident. I wished that I had a good answer for him. I wished that I could tell him that my body was possessed or something, but the truth was, I had just behaved stupidly. There was no excuse for what I had done.

  “You know, Knight’s pretty pissed that you were able to hack into the system without him knowing.”

  I smiled just the smallest smile at that. “Well, he always thought he was better than me.”

  “You’ve proven your point.”

  That made my smile drop and I sank back down in bed. “She was suffocating and I thought I could make it better. I know it was stupid, but it’s done now and I only have myself to blame.”

  He sighed and leaned forward in his chair. “Becky, give him time. He’s not thinking clearly right now.”

  “I think he’s seeing things exactly the way he should. I don’t know why he let me near his daughter in the first place. I’m not a parent. I made decisions based on how I felt when I was a teenager. I had no right making those decisions. She’s not my kid.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “What does that matter?” I snapped.

  “Do you want the best for her?”

  I refused to answer, not seeing what difference it would make.

  “Becky, just answer the fucking questions.”

  “Of course I do,” I said, hating that even though I loved her, I had still done the wrong thing for her.

  “He’s going to see that eventually. I’m not guaranteeing that he’ll forgive you or want to be with you again, but he will come around and see that you didn’t intentionally put her in danger.”

  I swiped at the tears falling from my eyes and sniffled. “It’s not like it matters. I broke his trust and he won’t ever forgive me for that.”

  “Maybe not, but you can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing over the past few days. You need to eat and sleep, and you need to keep moving on with your life. How the fuck is Coop ever supposed to forgive you if you can’t forgive yourself?”

  “I don’t want to forgive myself.”

  He nodded. “Look, I told a friend of mine this once before and now I’m telling you. I found my old man dead on the floor. He passed out and choked on his own vomit after one of his drinking binges. I don’t want to ever walk in on what I did in that bar. If you’re feeling low, you call me. I don’t give a fuck what time of day or night it is, but you call me and I’ll be here. You don’t go out drinking anymore and you start taking care of yourself or I’ll send Maggie over.”

  “Ooh, I’m really scared,” I said mockingly.

  “With Claire,” he added and the smile slipped from my face. Claire was too…she was great, but everything spilled out of her mouth when she was nervous. And seeing a woman fall apart would send her into one long speech after another. That was something I definitely didn’t need. My brain couldn’t tolerate that right now.

  “Fine.”

  “Good. Now, get some sleep. I’ve made some food and put it in the fridge for you. I expect you to eat it.”

  He turned and headed for the door and I muttered as he walked out about following his stupid rules. He poked his head back in the room and grinned at me.

  “Oh, and Becky? I’ll know if you aren’t doing what I say.”

  He left and I slipped back into bed with a smile, even though he was pissing me off with his commands. It was nice to know that he still cared.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Coop

  Another week passed and I barely left the room. I couldn’t. I was so scared that Kayla would need something from me and I wouldn’t be there with her. I was shocked the first time she came out of her room and walked right up to the couch where I was sitting and snuggled up against me. She stayed like that for hours. I ended up sending one of the guys out to get us food, but after we ate, Kayla snuggled back up to me, like she was afraid I would disappear if she let me go.

  That afternoon almost killed me. While I loved having my daughter by my side again, I hated that she was doing it out of fear. She was too young to know that kind of fear and understand the way the world really worked. Not everyone was bad, but you had to learn to keep your guard up. Some people were liars and cheats. Some people manipulated. Others hurt just for the sake of hurting. The list went on and on. I knew it and so did the other men and women that worked here. But my kid? She was just seventeen, and way too fucking young to be realizing all this.

  A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts as I drank my morning coffee. I quickly answered the door so it didn’t wake up Kayla. Maggie was standing on the other side with bags in her hands.

  “Move aside. My arms are about to break.”

  “What are you doing here?” She wiggled under my arms, forcing me to take a step back against the door to allow for her and her belly.

  “I’m here to have a girls day with Kayla.”

  “Look, I appreciate that, but I don’t think she’s ready. It’s just been the two of us hanging out for the week.”

  “And that’s exactly why I’m here. If she’s going to move on with her life, she needs to do something to make herself feel pretty again. Don’t worry, we’re not going anywhere.”

  “I doubt looking pretty is something she wants right now,” I said irritatedly.

  “Putting on a face and looking pretty is our armor. She needs to feel worthy of herself again. She needs to know that that asshole didn’t take anything from her. First step is making sure that she realizes that they didn’t take away her beauty with what they did to her. She’s still desirable and still beautiful inside and out. So, we’re going to have a home-treatment spa day and I’ll make sure that she’s relaxed and refreshed by the end.”

  “And what’s the second step?”

  She quirked an eyebrow at me, like the answer was so fucking obvious. “The second step is to make her feel empowered again. She’s going
to train against the women at first, and when she’s strong enough, she’ll go up against the men. Trust me, she needs this if she’s going to move on.”

  I couldn’t argue that it wasn’t a good plan. It seemed well thought out and I could tell that Maggie really thought this was for the best.

  “Fine, but if you don’t think she’s handling it well, you stop and call me right away.”

  “Of course. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Kayla.”

  Fuck, she was on Cap’s side and she was trying to let me know it. But I was nowhere near even considering that Becky was worthy of forgiveness. In my mind, all I could see was a woman that betrayed me and let the worst happen to my daughter.

  When Kayla came out, she didn’t seem very thrilled about having a makeover, so I did something that went against every instinct. I lied to my daughter, despite her tears, so that Maggie could have a chance to make this work.

  “I have to go into work today. I won’t be gone all day, but I have shit that I need to take care of. I’m only a phone call away, okay?”

  Kayla’s lip was trembling, but she nodded with tears in her eyes. I pulled her close to me and hugged her tight. “I’ll be in the building. I swear, I won’t be far. And if it’s too much, you call me and I’ll be back here in a flash.”

  She nodded against my chest, but the tears that soaked my shirt almost broke me. I didn’t want my daughter to be broken and incapable of living life. I wanted her to be able to work through this and move forward. That wouldn’t happen if I didn’t move out of her comfort zone and allow others to help.

  It practically killed me to walk away from her, but I knew that Maggie was right. Kayla needed this so she could move on. I grabbed my gun and my gear, like I was heading out to work, though I wasn’t sure I would actually get anything done today.

  When I reached the main building, my anxiety was through the roof. I was sweating and I felt like I would jump out of my skin. This was so wrong. I shouldn’t have left her.

  “Relax,” Cap said as he walked up to me. “She’s protected here. Rob’s gone over every inch of the security and put new features in place. There is no way that she can get out or anyone else can get in.”