Yours to Keep

by Diana Fraser

  Tears sprang to Amber’s eyes. Damn him. David was using her to make sure everyone else was safe. Damn him. She shook her head. “He used me, Zoe. From the first moment I saw him, while I was believing all sorts of other things, which he let me do, he was scheming to use our… friendship, for his own purposes. How can I ever trust him again?”

  “He did a stupid thing, Amber. There’s no getting around that. It was mean, and it was stupid, but he did it for all the right reasons. He did it to prevent anyone else from getting hurt. Now, I’m pretty sure there are all sorts of ethical dilemmas and reasoning which would both speak for and against David as being a good or bad man.” She shrugged. “But I’m no academic, no theologian. All I know is that he’s a good man, and he did something stupid in the act of trying to do something good, and he now regrets it with all his heart.”

  The heart which she’d accused him of not having, Amber thought. “I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me this.”

  “Maybe because he doesn’t think it should excuse him. Maybe that now he reflects upon what he’s done, he agrees with you. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you. Yes, he did tell me that that’s what you told him. He’s placed you high on a pedestal and doesn’t believe you can do any wrong, and he equally doesn’t believe you should be with anyone as flawed as he is. But he’s my brother, and I know him inside and out, and, while he might be flawed, he’s a good man, with a kind heart. He’d do anything for the people he loves. Anything. And I’m just hoping that you might find it in your heart to see him again.”

  “You want me to forgive him.”

  “I didn’t say that. Just see him again. He’s so upset about what’s happened. Look, there’s much more to his story, and mine, than I’ve told you, so if you ever want to hear more, give me a call. In the meantime, please, just see him?”

  Amber moved her head, but it didn’t form a straight nod or a no. And it obviously didn’t convey a straight answer to Zoe either, who shrugged.

  “Well, I’ve said my piece and it’s over to you. I’ll leave you now.”

  Amber felt shell-shocked and simply nodded. She followed Zoe as she carefully maneuvered the wheelchair out of the room. As Amber opened the door and helped her over the threshold, Zoe stopped on the path.

  “You have an amazing view here, right around the water to those lights in the distance.”

  Zoe’s gaze lingered on the lights of Belendroit, almost wistfully. Amber stepped forward beside Zoe. She pointed to the distant promontory with its two chimneys peeping out from behind the high trees. “That’s Belendroit. One of the original homesteads.”

  “Oh, that’s the place! I’ve always thought it looked pretty special. Very mysterious. And at night… those lanterns! I can see them from my house.”

  “It is special. Mum started it all. She died when I was twelve.” She turned to Zoe with a bright smile, forcing away the sad memories. “My mum insisted that lanterns always be lit for her children, to light their way home.” She blinked. “I never like to be far away from them. If you’re ever lonely, you’ll know a Connelly isn’t far away. In fact, you should pay Pop a visit. He loves meeting new people.”

  Zoe’s face brightened. “I’d love that. I know so few people in Akaroa.”

  “Well, you know me now, and I’m just around the corner, and you know Pop. Or you will do.”

  “Thank you. You’re very kind.” Zoe extended her hand to Amber. “Thanks for letting me say my piece, Amber. I appreciate it. Whatever you decide over David, I hope we can catch up some time.”

  Amber shook Zoe’s hand and then impulsively bent down and kissed her cheek. “That would be nice,” Amber said, speaking, as usual, from the heart and not giving herself time to think it through.

  But, after watching Zoe approach the taxi and the driver help her into the car, she closed her door and couldn’t help wondering whether it would be nice, or acutely painful. Because there was no doubt about it, Zoe was a mirror image of her handsome brother. And, if she couldn’t have David, would she want a constant reminder of a love that had gone wrong before it had had a chance to begin?

  10

  David approached Belendroit with trepidation. He’d arranged to meet Rob there but had got held up in Christchurch. He walked up to the quiet façade of the beautiful building, its lanterns clearly visible on the vines which were only just beginning to bud, and knocked on the door.

  He could hear a radio being turned off and feet stomping up the hallway. His heart sank. It had to be Jim. The door swung open and Jim stood there, his face dark with anger.

  “You’ve a damn cheek turning up here!”

  So, Amber had told him. Of course she had. She didn’t have secrets, unlike him.

  “Is Rob here?” David asked Jim, dispensing with the usual formalities.

  Jim looked grim and, for the first time, not in the least intimidated by David.

  “No, he’s not. I believe he said he had business with Flo.” Jim stepped outside. “You’re not welcome here, David. You tried to use our Amber for one of your business schemes. That’s despicable. Leave here and don’t come back. You’re not welcome. And don’t try to see my daughter ever again.”

  With that, Jim slammed the door closed on David’s face. David blinked at the colored paned glass which still rattled in its frame. He’d had doors slammed on him before. He didn’t get to be so rich or powerful without garnering some bad feeling, but he’d never felt so small in all his life.

  “Right,” he said to himself, turning away and looking at the rutted driveway, bereft of Amber’s rundown car. “Right,” he said, looking up to the steep hills which surrounded Lantern Bay. The mist had already descended on it, blocking out any late sunshine, shrouding the whole place with a mournful light which David couldn’t help think was wholly appropriate. It was as if someone had turned off his own light, leaving him floundering, rudderless, like the pontoon out at sea where the family would swim to. Except he wasn’t moored. And, without that anchor, for the first time in his life, he felt he could easily slip away, taken by the current out to the sea, to be lost in its mad confusion.

  It was a strange feeling. He’d lived a rigidly controlled life for so long that he didn’t know if he could live any other. But he had to try, because he had to face his fears, exactly as Amber had had to do. Different fears, but they could be conquered in the same way, by not allowing them to run his life. It was as if the fulcrum upon which his life was balanced had changed—it was no longer fixed into an uncompromising position, unyielding to any influence, but was a basis of what was right. At fourteen years of age, the only right he had known was routine and control. But he was older now, and he could rely on a different guide. He knew what was right now.

  Flo heard the knock on the door. He was here again. She knew it without having to see him. Rob. The man from her past, the man who’d broken her heart years before and seemed intent on not letting her forget it. She’d even kept a low profile at the French Festival the previous day in order to avoid him. But it seemed Rob wasn’t about to let her.

  She busied herself emptying the dishwasher, even as she was aware of the shouts of greeting from the backpackers who were staying at her hostel. Her place was an open house. She listened to the footsteps coming toward her, ringing on the bare floorboards of the hallway. He was a tall, broad man with a steady step which quickened the tempo of her heart.

  “Flo,” greeted Rob.

  Flo stood up, sighed, and turned around. “Rob,” she said. “What is it you want?”

  “I want to help.”

  “I don’t need your help, so you can leave.”

  “You’re getting it, anyway.”

  “What part of ‘I don’t need your help’ don’t you understand?”

  “The part which ignores the fact that you most definitely do need help and money. Look around you.”

  She didn’t look around.

  “I might need help and money, but not your help and money.”
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br />   He grunted. “Well, sorry to say, but that’s what you got.” His phone buzzed. He pressed a button, barked in a command and looked out the window. “Good, he’s arrived.”

  “Who has? What’s going on?”

  Rob walked to the window and waved. He turned to Flo. “It’s David. I’m bringing him in to help advise us on some of the construction issues.”

  “What the hell?”

  “Haven’t you understood by now? Flo, you always used to be so quick.”

  She eyed him dangerously. Much more of that and she’d put into use the right hook which she’d once used on him.

  He ignored her warning scowl and took a further step toward her, and her heart beat a little faster. It had nothing to do with anger.

  “Flo, you signed the partnership papers the other day, right?”

  She nodded. “How do you know?”

  “Because I, Flo, am your new partner.”

  He didn’t wait to see her response, which was just as well, as she wasn’t sure if she’d scream, thump him or burst into tears. Instead, he went to the front door which rarely got used, and opened it for David.

  “Morning, Rob. Flo,” greeted David. “An interesting place you’ve got here,” he said, looking around. “It’s great you’ve kept it untouched all these years. We’ll be able to keep all this after ripping it apart and strengthening it.”

  “Ripping?” She looked from one to the other of them. “No one, and I repeat, no one, will be doing any ripping. In fact”—she strode over and pushed them toward the door—“you can both leave right now.”

  She reached around them, opened the door and pushed them out. “And, gentleman, don’t bother coming back.”

  David looked from the door to Rob. “What’s going on? I thought you’d bought into the business with Flo?”

  Rob shrugged. “Yeah, I have. I just forgot to tell her. I couldn’t quite figure out how to, so I reckoned I’d let it take its course. Must say that I didn’t imagine it going like that. But Flo always was on the fiery side.”

  David grunted. “Well, as we’ve got some time on our hands, do you fancy going out to Christchurch and looking at some property there?”

  “Sure. But I heard all that was underway.”

  “Change of plan.”

  “Nothing to do with a certain woman who happens to be my sister, is it?” asked Rob with a grin.

  “Might be,” said David. He didn’t grin.

  Rob looked puzzled and shook his head. “But—”

  “I know, don’t ask,” said David.

  Rob cocked his head to one side and shook his head again.

  “Don’t,” warned David.

  Rob took a deep breath as they walked to their cars.

  “I’m sorry, David, but I don’t understand.”

  “Look, I’ll level with you. You know my business, it’s always been about knocking down damaged houses and putting good, solid modern buildings in their place.”

  “The opposite to me.” Rob grinned.

  “Yeah, well, I’m changing my business model. That’s why I wanted to work with you.”

  Rob grunted approvingly. “You have changed. So the building Amber’s cooperative rents from you—EarthFoods—that’s not going to be demolished now?”

  “That’s right. My structural engineers are working on plans right now to upgrade and reinforce. To do whatever they have to do to make the building safe.”

  Rob raised his eyebrows in surprise. “That is a change in direction. This will rock the Christchurch building scene bigger than the earthquake.”

  “I intend it to. I want everyone to know about the changes I’m making.”

  “And all this is because of our Amber?”

  Our Amber? Rob’s sense of family possession over Amber jarred. She wasn’t their Amber, she was his. Or, at least, she would be his, because he couldn’t imagine life without her. She had to be his. And so he would show her that he’d reinvented himself; he’d show her that she could trust him, he’d earn that trust. He’d become the man she’d first fallen for.

  “Amber!” Jim Connelly said, jumping up from the verandah where he’d been reading the paper in the warm afternoon sun. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

  Amber ran up the last steps from the beach and petted Stanley and Boo, who’d been sleeping at Jim’s feet and hadn’t heard her approach. So much for being the guard dogs which Jim claimed them to be.

  “I took a day off work.”

  Jim’s glasses slipped down his nose as he looked over them in surprise. “You did what?”

  Amber sat down and Boo jumped onto her lap and settled down for a good cuddle. “I took a day off work. Mental health day.”

  “What’s wrong with your mental health?”

  “Nothing. Well, nothing much. It’s just a thing you can do these days for sick leave. You know, you don’t have to be dying to take sick leave. If you feel stressed or burned out, you can take sick leave.”

  “Why are you feeling stressed? What’s happened?” His eyes narrowed as he sat down. “Is this about a boy?”

  “If you call David a boy, then yes it is.”

  “I doubt even David’s mother called him a boy.”

  “You happen to be right there. I’ve just come back from visiting a new friend, Zoe.”

  “Who’s that? I haven’t heard of her before.”

  “Zoe is David’s sister. And she was telling me that David has had to be a man since his mid teens because of what happened to their parents. To cut a long story short, after David’s mother died, their father lost the plot, and it was left to David to raise Zoe and their younger brother, Adam. You’re right, he hasn’t been allowed to be a boy since he was fourteen.”

  “Good heavens!”

  “I know. Tough, eh?” Amber felt the tears that she’d shed when Zoe had told her what had happened to their family, prick her eyes again. Zoe had told her how David had made sure they were kept together as a family and that Zoe and Adam had everything they needed to gain a good education and career, despite their father’s fall into alcoholism and subsequent disappearance. David had run the household like clockwork, everything regimented, everything controlled, because he’d had to. David had been scared to let anything slip, Zoe had explained. And that need for control had only been compounded by Zoe’s accident.

  Jim pulled off his glasses and rubbed suspiciously watery eyes. “That explains a lot.”

  Amber didn’t answer but, instead, rubbed Boo’s tummy as Boo lay, blissful, on her back, legs splayed in the air. “Yes.” She gently moved Boo onto the sofa and rose. “It might go some way to explaining why he wanted to use me to stop opposition to the demolition of the EarthFoods building.”

  “He underestimated you.”

  “Exactly. He thought I was some hippy pushover, to be wooed and used.”

  Jim wriggled on his chair, obviously angry at the thought. “If I see that man anywhere near here again, I’ll—”

  “You’ll what?” interrupted Amber. “Make a scene? There’s no point, because I’ve told him I’m not interested in someone I can’t trust. And there’s also no point because I understand he’s moving to Akaroa, so you’ll be seeing him a lot, I should imagine. As will I, whether I want to or not.”

  “He’s what? What the hell does he want to move here for?”

  Amber shrugged. “Who knows? Anyway, I’m not here to talk about him.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, I wanted to run something by you. You know the money you’ve kept in trust for me. I wondered if you’d release it.”

  “Why? What for? You’re not thinking of going away, doing something silly, are you, because of this David mess?”

  “It’s not a ‘David mess’, and no, I’m actually thinking of doing something quite serious. I want to buy the café.”

  “Your café.”

  “Yes, my café. In a way it is a response to David. After what happened five years ago, I think I’ve been
running scared. Making all my decisions based on fear.”

  “Oh, darling,” Jim said, putting his arm around her. “We’ve all tried to protect you, to keep you safe, that’s all.”

  “I know, and I love you for it. But in the long run, it’s not helping me. I want to do something for myself now, and it took David to make me see that. For all that he wanted to use me, he ended up making me believe in myself, making me think I could take control of my life. And that’s exactly what I want to do. I want to buy the café, use it for exhibitions of my own, and other things I’m interested in. It’s the right venue for it. There’s enough touristy places already in Akaroa, and my work isn’t right for upmarket Christchurch venues. No, the café is perfect. I know the owners have been considering selling for some time and they’d be keen for me to take over.”

  “Goodness. I can see that it would make sense. But running the café, Amber, the business side would be quite…” He trailed off, obviously unsure how to express the fact that he had no faith in Amber’s business acumen.

  Amber smiled. “I know. I’d be hopeless at the business side, that’s why I thought of Maddy. She’d be the perfect partner.”

  “Madeleine!” Jim nodded. “That could work. Is she interested?”

  “I haven’t spoken to her yet. I wanted to check with you first to see if you think it’s a good idea and if the money is available.”

  He looked at her with a smile. “I do. I think it’s a great idea. Perfect, in fact.” He grunted a laugh. “All my girls following in their mum’s footsteps—chefs.”

  It was Amber’s turn to laugh. “Not me, Pop, you know that. I’ll leave the cooking to someone who can do it well. I’ll be there to hang out with people, make it into my kind of place.”