Are you done being angry with me? I asked, brushing wrinkles out of my skirt. I think we have unfinished business.
16
Sar-enna-nem
THE PRIESTS DO MENTION THE GODS WAR sometimes, mainly as a warning against heresy. Because of Enefa, they say. Because of the Betrayer, for three days people and animals lay helpless and gasping for air, hearts gradually slowing and bellies bloating as their bowels ceased to function. Plants wilted and died in hours; vast fertile plains turned to gray desert. Meanwhile the sea we now call Repentance boiled, and for some reason all the tallest mountains were split in half. The priests say that was the work of the godlings, Enefas immortal offspring, who each took sides and battled across the earth. Their fathers, the lords of the sky, mostly kept their fight up there.
Because of Enefa, the priests say. They do not say, because Itempas killed her.
When the war finally ended, most of the world was dead. What remained was forever changed. In my land, hunters pass down legends of beasts that no longer exist; harvest songs praise staples long lost. Those first Arameri did a great deal for the survivors, the priests are careful to note. With the magic of their war-prisoner gods they replenished the oceans, sealed the mountains, healed the land. Though there was nothing to be done for the dead, they saved as many as they could of the survivors.
For a price.
The priests dont mention that, either.
* * *
There had in fact been very little business to discuss. In light of the looming ceremony, the Enefadeh needed my cooperation more than ever, and sowith palpable annoyanceKurue agreed to my condition. We all knew there was little chance I could become Dekartas heir. We all knew the Enefadeh were merely humoring me. I was content with that, so long as I did not think about it too deeply.
Then one by one they vanished, leaving me with Nahadoth. He was the only one, Kurue had said, who had the power to carry me to and from Darr in the nights few remaining hours. So in the silence that fell, I turned to face the Nightlord.
How? he asked. The vision, he meant, of his defeat.
I dont know, I said. But its happened before. I had a dream once, of the old Sky. I saw you destroy it. I swallowed, chilled. I thought it was just a dream, but if what I just saw is what really happened Memories. I was experiencing Enefas memories. Dearest Skyfather, I did not want to think about what that meant.
His eyes narrowed. He wore that face againthe one I feared because I could not help wanting it. I fixed my eyes on a point just above his shoulder.
It is what happened, he said slowly. But Enefa was dead by then. She never saw what he did to me.
And I wish I hadnt. But before I could speak, Nahadoth took a step toward me. I very quickly took a step back, and he stopped.
You fear me now?
You did try to rip out my soul.
And yet you still desire me.
I froze. Of course he would have sensed that. I said nothing, unwilling to admit weakness.
Nahadoth moved past me to the window. I shivered as he passed; a tendril of his cloak had curled round my calf for just an instant in a cool caress. I wondered if he was even aware of this.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish in Darr? he asked.
I swallowed, glad to be on another subject. I need to speak with my grandmother. I thought of using a sigil sphere, but I dont understand such things. There could be a way for others to eavesdrop on our conversation.
There is.
It gave me no pleasure to be right. Then the questions must be asked in person.
What questions?
Whether its true what Ras Onchi and Scimina said, about Darrs neighbors arming for war. I want to hear my grandmothers assessment of the situation. And I hope to learn I felt inexplicably ashamed. More about my mother. Whether she was like the rest of the Arameri.
I have told you already: she was.
You will forgive me, Lord Nahadoth, if I do not trust you.
He turned slightly, so that I could see the side of his smile. She was, he repeated, and so are you.
The words, in his cold voice, hit me like a slap.
She did this, too, he continued. She was your age, perhaps younger, when she began asking questions, questions, so many questions. When she could not get answers from us with politeness, she commanded themas you have done. Such hate there was in her young heart. Like yours.
I fought the urge to swallow, certain he would hear it.
What sort of questions?
Arameri history. The war between my siblings and I. Many things.
Why?
I have no idea.
You didnt ask?
I didnt care.
I took a deep breath and forced my sweaty fists to unclench. This was his way, I reminded myself. There had been no need for him to say anything about my mother; he just knew it was the way to unsettle me. I had been warned. Nahadoth didnt like to kill outright. He teased and tickled until you lost control, forgot the danger, and opened yourself to him. He made you ask for it.
After I had been silent for a few breaths, Nahadoth turned to me. The night is half over. If you mean to go to Darr, it should be now.
Oh. Ah, yes. Swallowing, I looked around the room, anywhere but at him. How will we travel?
In answer, Nahadoth extended his hand.
I wiped my hand unnecessarily on my skirt, and took it.
The blackness that surrounded him flared like lifting wings, filling the room to its arched ceiling. I gasped and would have stepped back, but his hand became a vice on my own. When I looked at his face I felt ill: his eyes had changed. They were all black now, iris and whites alike. Worse, the shadows nearest his body had deepened, so much that he was invisible beyond his extended hand.
I stared into the abyss of him and could not bring myself to go closer.
If I meant to kill you, he said, and his voice was different, too, echoing, shadowed, it would already be too late.
There was that. So I looked up into those terrible eyes, mustered my courage, and said, Please take me to Arrebaia, in Darr. The temple of Sar-enna-nem.
The blackness at his core expanded so swiftly to envelop me that I had no time to cry out. There was an instant of unbearable cold and pressure, so great I thought it would crush me. But it stopped short of pain, and then even the cold vanished. I opened my eyes and saw nothing. I stretched out my handsincluding the hand that I knew he heldand felt nothing. I cried out and heard only silence.
Then I stood on stone and breathed air laden with familiar scents and felt warm humidity soak into my skin. Behind me spread the stone streets and walls of Arrebaia, filling the plateau on which we stood. It was later in the night than it had been at Sky, I could tell, because the streets were all but empty. Before me rose stone steps, lined on either side by standing lanterns, at the top of which were the gates to Sar-enna-nem.
I turned back to Nahadoth, who had reverted to his usual, just-shy-of-human appearance.
Y-you are welcome in my familys home, I said. I was still shivering from our mode of travel.
I know. He strode up the steps. Caught off guard, I stared at his back for ten steps before remembering myself and trotting to follow.
Sar-enna-nems gates are heavy, ugly wood-and-metal affairsa more recent addition to the ancient stone. It took at least four women to work the mechanism that swung them open, which made a vast improvement over the days when the gates had been made of stone and needed twenty openers. I had arrived unannounced, in the small hours of the morning, and knew that this meant upsetting the entire guardstaff. We had not been attacked in centuries, but my people prided themselves on vigilance nonetheless.
They might not let us in, I murmured, drawing alongside the Nightlord. I was hard-pressed to keep up; he was taking the steps two at a time.
Nahadoth said nothing in reply and did not slow his pace. I heard the loud, echoing sound of the great latch lifting, and then the gates swung openon their own. I groaned, realizing
what hed done. Of course there were shouts and running feet as we passed through, and as we stepped onto the grassy patch that served as Sar-enna-nems forecourt, two clusters of guards came running forth from the ancient edifices doors. One was the gate companyjust men, since it was a lowly position that required only brute strength.
The other company was the standing guard, composed of women and those few men who had earned the honor, distinguished by white silk tunics under the armor. This one was led by a familiar face: Imyan, a woman from my own Somem tribe. She shouted in our language as she reached the forecourt, and the company split to surround us. Very quickly we were surrounded by a ring of spears and arrows pointed at our hearts.
Notheir weapons were pointed at my heart, I noticed. Not a single one of them had aimed at Nahadoth.
I stepped in front of Nahadoth to make it easier for them, and to signal my friendliness. For a moment it felt strange to speak in my own tongue. Its good to see you, Captain Imyan.
I dont know you, she said curtly. I almost smiled. As girls we had gotten into all manner of mischief together; now she was as committed to her duty as I.
You laughed the first time you saw me, I said. Id been trying to grow my hair longer, thinking to look like my mother. You said it looked like curly tree moss.
Imyans eyes narrowed. Her own hairlong and beautifully Darre-straighthad been arranged in an efficient braids-and-knot behind her head. What are you doing here, if youre Yeine-ennu?
You know Im no longer ennu, I said. The Itempans have been announcing it all week, by word of mouth and by magic. Even High North shouldve heard by now.
Imyans arrow wavered for a moment longer, then slowly came down. Following her lead, the other guards lowered their weapons as well. Imyans eyes shifted to Nahadoth, then back to me, and for the first time there was a hint of nervousness in her manner. And this?
You know me, Nahadoth said in our language.
No one flinched at the sound of his voice. Darren guards are too well-trained for that. But I saw not a few exchanged looks of unease among the group. Nahadoths face, I noticed belatedly, had begun to waver again, a watery blur that shifted with the torchlight shadows. So many new mortals to seduce.
Imyan recovered first. Lord Nahadoth, she said at last. Welcome back.
Back? I stared at her, then at Nahadoth. But then a more familiar voice greeted me, and I let out a breath of tension I hadnt realized that I felt.
You are indeed welcome, said my grandmother. She came down the short flight of steps that led to Sar-enna-nems living quarters, and the guards parted before her: a shorter-than-average elderly woman still clad in a sleeping tunic (though shed taken the time to strap on her knife, I noted). Tiny as she wasI had unfortunately inherited her sizeshe exuded an air of strength and authority that was almost palpable.
She inclined her head to me as she came. Yeine. Ive missed you, but not so much that I wanted to see you back so soon. She glanced at Nahadoth, then back at me. Come.
And that was that. She turned to head into the columned entrance, and I moved to followor would have, had Nahadoth not spoken.
Dawn is closer, here, to this part of the world, he said. You have an hour.
I turned, surprised on several levels. You arent coming?
No. And he walked away, off to the side of the forecourt. The guards moved out of his way with an alacrity that might have been amusing under other circumstances.
I watched him for a moment, then moved to follow my grandmother.
* * *
Another tale from my childhood occurs to me here.
It is said the Nightlord cannot cry. No one knows the reason for this, but of the many gifts that the forces of the Maelstrom bestowed upon their darkest child, the ability to cry was not one of them.
Bright Itempas can. Legends say his tears are the rain that sometimes falls while the sun still shines. (I have never believed this legend, because it would mean Itempas cries rather frequently.)
Enefa of the Earth could cry. Her tears took the form of the yellow, burning rain that falls around the world after a volcano has erupted. It still falls, this rain, killing crops and poisoning water. But now it means nothing.
Nightlord Nahadoth was firstborn of the Three. Before the others appeared, he spent countless aeons as the only living thing in all of existence. Perhaps that explains his inability. Perhaps, amid so much loneliness, tears become ultimately useless.
* * *
Sar-enna-nem was once a temple. Its main entrance is a vast and vaulted hall supported by columns hewn whole from the earth, erected by my people in a time long before we knew of such Amn innovations as scrivening or clockwork. We had our own techniques back then. And the places we built to honor the gods were magnificent.
After the Gods War, my ancestors did what had to be done. Sar-enna-nems Twilight and Moon Windows, once famed for their beauty, were bricked up, leaving only the Sun. A new temple, dedicated exclusively to Itempas and untainted by the devotion once offered to his siblings, was built some ways to the south; that is the current religious heart of the city. Sar-enna-nem was repurposed as nothing more than a hall of government, from which our warrior council issued edicts that I, as ennu, once implemented. Any holiness was long gone.
The hall was empty, as befitted the late hour. My grandmother led me to the raised plinth where, during the day, the Warriors Council members sat on a circle of thick rugs. She took a seat; I took one opposite.
Have you failed? she asked.
Not yet, I replied. But that is only a matter of time.
Explain, she said, so I did. I will admit I edited the account somewhat. I did not tell her of the hours I wasted in my mothers chambers weeping. I did not mention my dangerous thoughts about Nahadoth. And I most certainly did not speak of my two souls.
When I was done, she sighed, the only sign of her concern. Kinneth always believed Dekartas love for her would safeguard you. I cannot say I ever liked her, but over the years I grew to trust her judgment. How could she have been so wrong?
Im not certain she was, I said softly. I was thinking of Nahadoths words about Dekarta, and my mothers murder: You think it was him?
I had spoken with Dekarta since then. I had seen his eyes while he spoke of my mother. Could a man like him murder someone he loved so much?
What did Mother tell you, Beba? I asked. About why she left the Arameri?
My grandmother frowned, taken aback by my shift from formality. We had never been close, she and I. She had been too old to become ennu when her own mother finally died, and none of her children had been girls. Though my father had managed against all odds to succeed her, becoming one of only three male ennu ever in our history, I was the closest thing to a daughter she would ever have. I, the half-Amn embodiment of her sons greatest mistake. I had given up on trying to earn her love years before.
It was not something she spoke of much, Beba said, speaking slowly. She said she loved my son.
That couldnt possibly have been sufficient for you, I said softly.
Her eyes hardened. Your father made it clear that it would have to be.
And then I understood: she had never believed my mother. What do you think was the reason, then?
She was full of anger, your mother. She wanted to hurt someone, and being with my son allowed her to accomplish that.
Someone in Sky?
I dont know. Why does this concern you, Yeine? Its now that matters, not twenty years ago.
I think what happened then has bearing on now, I said, surprising myselfbut it was true, I realized at last. Perhaps I had felt that all along. And with that opening, I readied my next attack. Nahadoth has been here before, I see.
At this, my grandmothers face resumed its usual stern frown. Lord Nahadoth, Yeine. We are not Amn here; we respect our creators.
The guard have drilled in how to approach him. A shame I wasnt included; I could have used that training myself before I went to Sky. When did he come here last, Beba?
> Before you were born. He came to see Kinneth once. Yeine, this isnt
Was it after Father recovered from the Walking Death? I asked. I spoke softly, though the blood was pounding in my ears. I wanted to reach over and shake her, but I kept control. Was that the night they did it to me?
Bebas frown deepened, momentary confusion becoming alarm. Did to you? What are you talking about? You werent even born at that point; Kinneth was barely pregnant. What did
And then she trailed off. I saw thoughts racing behind her eyes, which widened as they stared at me. I spoke to those thoughts, teasing out the knowledge that I sensed behind them.
Mother tried to kill me when I was born. I knew why, now, but there was more truth here, something I hadnt discovered yet. I could feel it. They didnt trust her alone with me for months. Do you remember?
Yes, she whispered.
I know she loved me, I said. And I know that sometimes women go mad in childbearing. Whatever it was that made her fear me then I nearly choked on the obfuscation. I had never been a good liar. it faded and she became a good mother thereafter. But you must have wondered, Beba, what it was that she feared so. And my father must have wondered
I trailed off then, as awareness struck. Here was a truth I had not considered
No one wondered.
I jumped and whirled. Nahadoth stood fifty feet away at the entrance of Sar-enna-nem, framed by its triangle design. With the moonlight behind him he was a stark silhouette, but as always, I could see his eyes.
I killed anyone who saw me with Kinneth that night, he said. We both heard him as clearly as if he stood right beside us. I killed her maid, and the child who came to serve us wine, and the man who sat with your father while he recovered from the sickness. I killed the three guards who tried to eavesdrop on this old womans orders. He nodded toward Beba, who stiffened. After that, no one dared to wonder about you.
So youve decided to talk? I would have asked him, but then my grandmother did something so unexpected, so incredible, so stupid, that the words stopped in my throat. She leapt to her feet and moved in front of me, drawing her knife.
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms Page 16