Lethal

by Robbins, Cassandra

  “Fuck.” I sit up and reach for a cigarette and grab Eve’s phone, slipping out the French doors to my deck. It’s fucking freezing out, but there is no way I’ll smoke in front of Eve.

  As I glance down at her phone, there it is like a rock has been thrown at my chest because I know what’s coming. “Christ.” I enter her code to unlock then push on the button to the nursing home.

  “Dove’s Grey Nursing Home.”

  I exhale and my smoke dances in front of my face as it swirls upward.

  “This is Jason Mc—”

  “Oh hey, Blade, it’s me Sarah.” Her tone gives it away before I even have to ask. “He just passed away.” I look up at the stars. The cool air seems to wake up every cell in my body. “June said he was peaceful.”

  June is the nighttime nurse. “Thank you. Did the mortuary come get him?”

  She clears her voice. “They are on their way. I’m sorry. He was kind of like our miracle patient. And Blade?”

  “Yeah?” I smother my cigarette and lean against the wooden railing.

  “Tell Eve that we all are sorry.”

  “I will. Thank you, Sarah.” I hang up. My life is about to change. The last months have been something I had no idea existed. I certainly haven’t seen it. My parents didn’t have it. My brothers don’t have it. So to feel this happy, this content… well, it’s changed me. I have a mate, a partner, and she loves and accepts me. I want it all with her, everything. But first we need to get through this. Fuck, taking a bullet for her was easier than what I’m about to do. I open up the door and the warmth of my room cocoons me and I breathe in the scent. It’s coconut, vanilla, and Eve and I could bathe in it and still want more. I stare down at my Angel. Her hair is spread onto my pillow like spun gold as it shines in the moonlight, her stunning face so peaceful, so god damn happy. Tears sting my eyes.

  This is going to be bad. I almost slide into bed and put it off. Instead I turn on the light and pull on some jeans. Then I sit next to her on the bed. Her long, dark lashes flutter open and she smiles and closes them again as her hand reaches for mine. She’s come so far these last months. Made it through the trial like a champ and all I had to pay was a hefty fine. The FBI has been quiet since they are charging Sandy with the murder of Doc. Her trial is set later this year. She swears it was Benny, Eve’s brother, who killed him. But without Benny, Sandy is left with all her prints and crazy confessions. The bitch tried to shoot Eve. I don’t give a shit that she was out of her mind on drugs. I do not forgive. She can fucking rot in jail for all I care.

  I reach over and stroke her cheek. “Eve, baby?” My voice is gravelly with pent-up emotion, my mind on alert. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. This is going to be bad, so fucking bad.

  “Babe.”

  Her eyes jerk open and she sits up, or at least she tries to sit up. Eve is all stomach.

  She looks at me almost wild, and I know she knows, so I don’t say anything.

  “No,” she croaks.

  “Baby, it’s okay.” I reach for her, but she slaps my hand away.

  “No.” She throws her legs over and stands. Her pregnant belly and beautiful breasts make me realize that I should have told her I love her. She was brave enough to tell me. Hell, she tells me all the time.

  “No.” This time she screams. “Just no!” She goes toward the bathroom and I know her. She’s going to lock herself in and crawl into a corner. I won’t allow it. Not now—not ever.

  I grab her arm and bring her to my chest cradling her head as the hot, wet tears run down my chest.

  “He can’t be gone… he’s all I have,” she sobs out, and for a moment, I almost shake her. How dare she say that?

  “He died peacefully and you’re never alone. I’ll be with you until one of us buries the other.” She pulls back, her beautiful blue eyes swimming in tears. I cup her face. “I’m here and I’m never letting you go.” My thumb wipes her cheek as she shakes her head and backs up.

  “You… You were supposed to keep him alive.” She lifts a finger at me. “You promised me. You promised!” Her hands are in fists and her long golden hair is wild.

  “You need to calm down. You don’t want to hurt the baby.” I walk toward her and she snorts and attacks me. Her long nails go straight for my face and chest, and there’s a stinging sensation as she rips her nails down my chest.

  “What the fuck?” Grabbing her wrist before she can get my face, I hold her hand back.

  “You promised… you don’t love me.”

  “I’m not God, Eve. I know you thought I was keeping him alive. But it was you, Eve. He fought to the end for you.” My voice is calm and I marvel at how well I’m keeping it together.

  “What am I to do?” Her body shakes with her anguish coming in loud, stuttering gasps.

  “Stop it.” I shake her.

  “Fuck you, Blade. You don’t scare me. I gave you everything. I’ve done everything to make you love me, but you don’t love me.” She takes a small gasp. “I’m alone. Don’t you see? He was it. I thought you and I, well… I thought that you and I were…” She stops as if she’s too tired to hold herself up. I reach for her. Her nails dig into my forearm. “And the one person in this world who loved me is dead. Oh my God.” She jerks a hand free and puts it over her mouth. “What am I to do? I’m nothing but a whore.”

  “Enough. You’re making yourself sick. You’re mine—that’s all you need to know.”

  She shakes her head, the sobs making her stomach jiggle. “I’m not yours! You don’t love me,” she snarls in my face.

  “If you can’t settle down, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

  “I don’t care.” She laughs. Her eyes search the room. “I’m done, and I want to see my father. You can take me or I’ll walk because if you try to stop me…”

  I don’t move.

  “If you try… and stop me…” Her voice sounds confused. Then she sort of crumbles as I catch her. Lifting her into my arms, I carry her to our bed, her loud sobs making my heart bleed. I’ve killed men and felt remorse, yet watching my girl’s pain is unbearable. I turn her so that I can spoon her tightly letting her cry and hiccup into the sheet. Finally, the tears stop and she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

  “Why? Because you loved your father? You’re devasted. Don’t apologize.” I snuggle my nose deeper into her neck. Her hands are warm as they cling to me and her coconut smell weaves around me.

  “No, because I said those things to you,” she stutters out. “I want you to love me, but I can’t make you and—”

  I turn her face to mine and cup her chin. Her cheeks are splotchy and her lips and eyes are red, but to me she’s never looked more beautiful. “Who took a bullet for you?” My voice is gravelly as I stroke both sides of her face. “Who?”

  Her eyes well up with tears. “You.”

  I bend to kiss her swollen lips. “I took a bullet for you because I don’t want to live without you.” I look at her, deep into her eyes seeing everything, and I want it all. I don’t give a shit if she likes to steal or needs a marriage certificate to feel loved. I like everything about her.

  “I took a bullet, Eve, because I love you more than I love myself and if you’re not by my side…” Her eyes are spilling hot tears and I reach down to lick and kiss them up. “Then my life, my reason for being is gone.”

  She lifts her hand and traces my lips. “Really? You love me?”

  I nip at her fingers. “I don’t know what more I can do to prove that to you. I’ve loved you the moment I saw you at sixteen, with legs to die for and a mouth to kiss.”

  She closes her eyes and shivers as I reach down and pull up the covers. “You won’t ever be alone. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  She grabs my hand and places it on her swollen belly. Our baby kicks. “I thought you could save him.” She shakes her head. “I know it sounds crazy, but I did.”

  I pull her tightly against me, my pants a barrier I wish was gone, but her hands cling to
me. “I know you did, baby, but he lived way longer than anyone ever believed he would. He’s at peace. The way he was living… wasn’t living.”

  Shaking her head, she whispers, “I know, but I miss him. Who am I going to talk to? He wasn’t even that old.”

  I pull away yet she reaches for me. “I’m going to turn off the light and take off my jeans,” I say. “We’re gonna be okay, Angel.” As I turn off the light, she sniffs and sighs and I slip back into bed, the cool sheets underneath me a cruel reminder that I will always be looking over my shoulder. Always worried about my children and Eve.

  “Sleep, babe. You need all the rest you can get.”

  She sighs into my arms and drifts off as I stare up at the dark ceiling wondering how I’m going to keep her calm. Christ, she was so sure he was going to be able to see his grandchild. I close my eyes and try to sleep, knowing the next few days are going to be hell.

  EVE

  I’m in a white room—at least I think it’s a room. It’s all white and I’m alone, which bothers me because I’ve hated being alone lately. “Jason?” I yell, but he doesn’t answer me.

  “Hey, baby girl.”

  I turn. “Daddy?” He stands right in front of me and he’s cured. Strong and handsome, he smiles at me and I throw myself into his arms. I guess I’m crying, which is silly because he’s not sick anymore and he’s not dead, so why am I crying?

  “Oh God, I thought you died, and I didn’t know how to go on without you.” I laugh, but it comes out a sob.

  “You listen to me, Evie. You take that baby boy of yours and you raise him to be strong and fierce.”

  Shaking my head, I look up at his beloved face. “I don’t understand.”

  “You do.” He nods and backs up, a frown on his face like he’s aggravated. “You stop mourning me, and get on with livin’. You love that man of yours. He loves you. Together you both will be unstoppable. I have to go now. Let me go in peace.” Smelling like cigarettes, he moves forward and hugs me again. “I need you to believe in your brother too. I know he’s done some bad things, but he’s your blood, baby girl.”

  “He’s killed people, Daddy.” He pulls back and starts to walk away again. “Wait!” I try to move but can’t. Why can’t I move? “Wait, Daddy, please… don’t go. I need you.”

  He turns and waves. “You’re my pride. I love you.”

  “Eve… Baby… wake up.” My eyes bolt open as I gasp for air and sit up. Jason is next to me, his warm strong hands caressing my hair as if I’m a wild creature he doesn’t want to spook.

  “You’re okay… you’re dreaming.” Taking a breath, I look at him and around the room.

  “My dad just came to me, like it was him.” Suddenly hot, I throw the sheet off and sit up.

  “I’m serious, he came to me, Jason.”

  “Okay… that’s good, Eve.” He lifts my chin to give me a kiss. “We need to get up and get ready anyway.” He’s using that tone again—the one I’ve come to hate.

  “Stop talking to me like you think I’m crazy.” I jerk away and stand. “I hate you talking to me like I’m insane or… fragile.” Hands on my hips, I stare at him. “I hate it.”

  He looks confused and at a loss. Momentary guilt runs through me and I sigh.

  “I don’t think you’re crazy,” he says. “You were having a dream, Eve. That’s it.”

  I shake my head. “No, he came to me.” I wave my hands, his eyes following my movements as he frowns. “He asked me to let him go and to live… be happy with you. Oh my God it was so real.”

  Suddenly I’m encircled in warm arms and his lips are on my temple. He lets out a deep sigh. “Well, then you better do what he says.”

  I pull back to look at him. “So you believe me?” I don’t know why this is important, but it is.

  He looks down at me and our eyes lock. Time stands still. “Of course.”

  I sag into his chest as I rest my forehead on him. “Thank you.”

  He kisses the top of my head telling me to get ready for my father’s funeral. It’s today. Jason is having him buried in the same cemetery where his father and brother are laid to rest. I’m numb. I’ve cried so much that I don’t remember fixing myself up. A flutter and sharp kick in my stomach bring me back to the present. Gazing down at my large stomach, I straighten my black dress, which Dolly brought over yesterday while I was taking a nap. I miss Dolly and Doug and haven’t seen anyone but the funeral director, Amy, and Jason. All the decisions: What color flowers? Does he have a suit that he wanted to be buried in? All of it has been overwhelming especially since I have no idea what I should answer. I finally told Amy to do what she thought everyone would enjoy foodwise for the gathering after the funeral.

  We’re at the clubhouse today. It’s easier to answer all the questions while Jason is nearby. I lean over the sink to get a good look at my face. Despite the black circles, I seem okay. My father’s voice drifts over me. He loves you. Let me go. I shudder because that dream was so real. It had to be my dad coming to me. I touch my stomach. Jason and I need to start discussing names.

  “You ready, babe?”

  “What?”

  He walks over to me and pushes my hair off my shoulder. “I asked if you were ready. It’s time to go.”

  I nod and look at him. “Are you allowed to wear that?” My heart flutters as I admire the man standing in front of me. Jesus, he’s wearing a suit. It’s black with a white shirt and I want to die he’s so gorgeous.

  “That’s the great thing about being the president—I can do anything I want.” He winks and opens his suit jacket so I can see his black leather Disciples vest underneath.

  “You’re so handsome.” I reach up to stroke his honey-colored hair. He catches my hand. Bringing it to his lips, he sucks on my finger.

  My breath catches. “Jason.” It comes out in a whisper.

  He smiles and lightly bites me. “And you’re stunning. Let’s go.”

  Jason helps me into my coat and takes my hand. Warmth from his hand transfers to my cold hand making all of today seem more bearable as we go downstairs. The sound of chairs being moved and feet shuffling make me take notice: all the men have come to their feet. My eyes sting as I nod. Somehow I’ve become part of this crazy family of tatted men.

  Amy comes out of the kitchen, teary-eyed yet smiling. As we walk by, every single man says they’re sorry. It’s surreal, like I’m truly their queen. Jason’s expression is serious. He gets like this every time we go out. I guess being shot will do that to you.

  “Eve?” I jump. Jason is frowning.

  “Sorry, I’m fine. Please stop looking at me like that,” I snip.

  “I hate that I can’t take away your pain. It makes me feel helpless and that’s an unacceptable emotion for me.” He kisses my forehead as I slide into the back of a dark Cadillac SUV and Jason follows. Ox waits for us, smoking a cigarette. After a deep breath, I close my eyes. They sting from days of crying.

  “I love the way a new car smells.” Opening my eyes, I blink away more hot tears so I can hold Jason’s hand again.

  “I guess I’ll have to make sure I get a new car for us every six months.”

  “My dad probably never smelled a new car before.” I reach for his hand and pull my bag close as I look out the window, the tears spilling onto my cheeks.

  The scenery goes by. I don’t notice or maybe I don’t care. It’s winter but still sunny. My father would like that. At one point I wanted to bury him next to my mom. The sad thing is I don’t remember where she is. Maybe Minnesota. When I used to ask my dad, he would get that faraway look and change the subject. I blink back the tears. That part of my life is over, done. Jason, my baby, and I guess the Disciples are my future. I blink, forcing my tears away now that we’re pulling into the cemetery.

  “Prez, I’ve got men everywhere.” Ox shuts off the Cadillac and turns to glance at us.

  “Good.” Jason looks at me, his eyes caressing my face. “Let’s go.” We step outside and a gust o
f wind whips my hair back as I inspect the graveyard. It’s beautiful, calm, and has green grass. My dad would never believe he’d be buried in such a beautiful place. One time, he told Benny and me to leave him at the hospital and have them deal with his remains.

  A tall man, maybe Ryder’s size, except probably a hundred pounds lighter, stands in a black suit talking to Leah. The funeral director notices us and nods our way. Leah hurries over. Hugging me, she says to Jason, “He’s nervous so please put him at ease, Jason.”

  She wasn’t kidding. The poor man is sweating—not that I blame him. This quiet graveyard of beauty and tranquility is being taken over by bikers. The rumble of their bikes causes me to look at the entrance.

  “Prez, the Devil’s Aces are here from San Francisco. So are the Demons from Arizona to pay respects.”

  Jason looks around. Actually Jason is gone. It’s Blade who stands before me. He grabs my arm and I shiver at his touch. There’s something exciting when Jason becomes Blade, yet I’m disgusted with myself. I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I’m getting ready to say my final farewell to my father. “Give me a second.” I watch as he shakes the funeral director’s hand and turns back toward us. I suck in my breath at his physical beauty.

  “I did good, didn’t I?” Leah has a small smile as she watches her son come back to us.

  “You did, Leah, you definitely did,” I whisper as Blade takes my hand.

  “Let’s go.” He walks us down a path—not too fast since both Leah and I are in heels. I cling to his arm as we get closer to the burial spot. White chairs have been set out and Leah squeezes my hand as she sits in one. It’s truly happening. I’m at my father’s funeral. There are flowers everywhere and the sweet scent floats through the air.

  “Who are all these people?” My voice cracks as my eyes take in all the different arrangements. I spy Edge and Dolly in the parking lot. They look like they are arguing and I feel like a bad friend. I haven’t even talked to her this week.