by B.A. Savage
< Commercial Break >
Coming this fall to our already exciting Monday night line-up is a show that has the critics already raving!
“Skipping Stone” says, “It’s good, it’s great! Now where’s our money?!”
Television guide said, “A can’t and don’t wanna miss with a twist.”
Player Boy said, “A show that doesn’t need smut or sexual images. Thank God!”
Coming this fall to the Fred Dumper Network, watch young Chris and Max as they fall in love in Hermaphrodite Love! Here are a few screens from this instant classic.
The First Meeting
Chris walks up to Max who is sitting at a table in a night club and asks, “Care to Dance?” Max replies, yes. Once both are on the dance floor, a dance hall tune plays. Max insists that Chris leads, “You lead.” but Chris insists that Max leads, “No you can lead.”
“But I insist you lead.”
“No thank you, you lead.”
Shopping
Chris is standing inside the bathroom accessory section of a department store. Chris seems puzzled. A sales clerk approaches, “Can I help you sir...maa...oh, um...can I help you?”
Chris looking at some bath towels, replies, “I don’t know if you can. I’m trying to decide either to get his or her towels or both.
Clubbing
Chris and Max are standing at the front of a long line leading to the entrance of a live nightclub. The bouncer/door man has a few dollar bills in his hand and an angry look on his face, “Look, I don’t know how many times I got to explain this to you two, but it’s four dollars for ladies and six dollars for the men, so why do you two keep insisting on giving me ten dollars each?!”
Childhood
Chris and Max sit at a table inside a new age cafe enjoying coffee and each other’s conversation. Chris says, “I can’t believe how much we have had in common, especially our childhood. Wait, I got one. Here’s a question. If this was the same I’ll be truly shocked.”
Max says, “Go ahead.”
“Okay, when you were growing up, what one place, club actually, did you join that was a big miss-advertising fiasco and huge disappointment to you? If this happened to you too, oh boy!”
Max ponders for a moment, then answers, “Boy and Girls Club?”
“Yes! Oh my! I can’t believe it. I was so disappointed when I joined.”
With a grin Max adds, “Me Too!”
Those were just a few of the thousands of entertaining scenes you’ll see this fall on WEBS, a Fred Dumper Network. Hermaphrodite Love, check it out!
Believe it or not I’ll probably catch that show this fall. I mean with all the crappy reality T.V. shows, it’ll be a pleasant change to have something completely different to watch, and believe me if you don’t know or didn’t know, Hermaphrodites are completely different. On that subject of completely different. This next match, the second of our triple main event is a match that is completely different. Our plus size owner is about to take on S.A.W. ’s plus skilled Heavyweight Champion of the World in a steel cage match, with a ten minute time limit.
< Rich Inc’s Music Plays >
There’s their music. I wonder what outfit Tex’s gonna wear this time. There he is and he’s wearing the same outfit from last show. That’s good news and bad news. Good because there’s no more eye shock like that last time, but the bad news is that it’s still spandex, Yuck! Well, as he makes his way to the ring by himself, they’re lowering the cage. I can’t believe Tex, he must really believe he can beat The Stud. He actually came down to the ring by himself. Once the cage is locked, he’ll be one on one with The Stud. I guess I do have to give him some credit.
< Stud’s Music Plays >
There he is fans, doing his trademark poses, the Heavyweight champion, S.A.W.’s world champion, the man the fans voted S.A.W.’s most sexiest man, did I already mention I was a close second? Anyways, coming to the ring accompanied by his bodyguard, Crowd Control, it’s...The Stud!
< Match - Stud vs Tex Rich - Steel cage - Heavyweight Title Match - 10 minute limit -
Once the cage is locked, Tex lifts his mic, “First, we need the big screen to display the ten minute countdown.” The big screen turns completely black with ten minutes in big white numbers. Tex continues, “Second. My fans all around the world and here in attendance, I have some bad news. You see that illness bug that I said was going on backstage. Well, I must have caught it from being so close to the Flying Jalapeno earlier.” The crowd boos. The Stud looks at Tex across the ring and shakes his head in disbelief as Tex musters a cough. Tex motions for the crowd to quiet, “Hold on, fans. I promised you three great matches and being an honest, hardworking Texan, that I am. I think everyone deserves a shot, so I got a replacement.” Unnoticed by The Stud, Rick rolled out from under the ring and slid in the ring behind him, Tex yells, “That replacement is my son Rick!” Rick nails The Stud from behind and Tex motions frantically for the timer to start, which it does. Crowd Control is furious outside the steel cage and tries to rip it apart. Inside the cage, The Stud is having a difficult time. Tex, with his supposed illness, manages to trip up The Stud every time he gains decent momentum. As time was running out, with less than two minutes left, The Stud nails Rick with a reverse atomic drop and immediately goes after Tex who was standing on the ring apron with a steel chair that he got from under the ring. Tex drops the chair and The Stud chases him around the ring. Rick rolled out and followed The Stud. Suddenly, Crowd Control uses unbelievable force and punches through the steel cage and grabbed Rick by his tights, preventing him from saving his father. Tex rolled back in the ring and was tripped by The Stud. When Tex stands, his clock is cleaned by The Stud’s finisher “Light’s Out” super kick. The Stud gains the very easy 1, 2, 3, victory. Rick rolled back in after escaping the big man’s grasp and tried to clothesline The Stud, who ducked and nails Rick with “Light’s Out” also, leaving both father and son out cold.
The Stud wins! Don’t worry, I’m not gonna keep repeating it, that’s reserved for the final main event. Can you believe it? Every trick Tex has tried has failed miserably. Sickness huh? Yeah right, but I can tell you he’s probably gonna have a headache now. Ha! Look, Crowd Control’s hand is a bloody mess from punching through the cage. That’s gonna need stitches for sure. I still can’t believe he had the power to punch through a steel cage. That’s freakish strength! Whoa! It just dawned on me, Rick is in the next match and he just had his lights put out! Rick is now up but he looks dazed and he’s leaning over Tex
who’s sitting up on his rump, a good sturdy base to balance on. Ha! Wow, it looks as if he’s talking. I mean Rick’s actually speaking in public! Rick never talks and it’s probably
a good thing you fans can’t hear what he’s saying. Let’s just say he seems fed up with his father’s botched plans. I can’t say exactly what he just said but it was something that sounded like, “ What the bucc-aneers is going on?!” Ha!
< Nathan “Unique” Taylor’s Music Plays >
Well, with the broken cage lifted and Tex finally out of the ring, looks like the match is now. Making his way to the ring, the very entertaining, the very unusual, it’s... Nathan “Unique” Taylor! Rick is in the ring but looks tired. Whoa! He charged Unique from his backside and looks like he’s trying to finish the match before the other two make it to the ring. Tex, who’s groggy outside the ring, just rang the bell. I guess the match just started.
< Match - Bruno vs Thunder vs Rick vs Unique - Fatal Four Way Match -
Unique didn’t expect Rick’s vicious and desperate attack, so within a minute Rick has him locked in his finisher “A Little R & R” sleeper hold. As the referee starts to drop Unique’s arm the second time. Bruno, who had made his way to the ring, attacked Rick from behind breaking the hold. Thunder eventually makes his way to the ring and into the match. Throughout the match, the unfortunate Unique seems to be everyone’s target, seemingly the easy pin. Out of desperation, Unique rolls outside the ring and Rick gives chas
e. Seeing the action heading outside, Thunder and Bruno exit the ring also but ended up fighting each other. Meanwhile, Rick tries to grab Unique, when a man in the crowd behind Rick tries to hit Rick with the steel chair that he’s been seated on. Tex, between moments of grogginess, notices the man and yells. Rick ducks the chair shot and the man nails Unique dead in his face. The man in the crowd seems stunned that he nailed Unique.
Rick takes advantage of this, and rolls the semi-conscious Unique back into the ring for the pin fall victory while Thunder and Bruno had continued to battle unaware of the outside interference.
Rick wins! Rick wins! Rick wins! He finally wins! Who could have guessed it after he already wrestled The Stud minutes before. Who was that man in the crowd? He looked like he was trying to hit Rick with that chair shot. Does Tex have another enemy? Does Nathan have a mystery friend? What’s really going on? Well, you have to catch us at our next Sensational show, the Cutting Edge this Friday. Until then, I’m Wil B. Creamin, God Bless and I’m out!
S.A.W. Book 1 Chapter 5 (The Cutting Edge)
Welcome every female and male, to the show that entertains well. S.A.W. Sensational American Wrestling, as we proudly bring to you live from the sold out King’s Stadium in Morristown, the Cutting Edge. I’m your host with the most, who loves to boast and known from coast to coast, Wil B. Creamin! Tonight’s show is brought to you coast to coast and around the world and will be simply sensational! At our last show, the Final Cut, we had our first ever triple main event and man, every match was dynamite! First, Raoul survived his fatal four match and pinned Rage, thanks to hooking his tights and using the ropes. He will now move on to face Bobby Rich for his title at Buzz S.A.W. , our first ever Pay Per View. Next, Tex had his lights put out compliments of The Stud. Rick who had unexpected double duty, managed to win his fatal four way to assure a title match, again versus The Stud at the P. P. V also. That was largely in part to outside interference by a man whom after the show Unique said he didn’t even know. Also, with Tex not being here, due to injuries, and probably a hurt ego too, we’ll have no comment on that subject from him.
< In The Ring >
The Dollar Dollar Bills are standing in the ring. Big Tyme Billy has something the shape of a ruler in the back pocket of his blue jeans. After they do a little posing with the tag titles, they each pull out a mic.
“How you doing Seattle, Washington!” yells Big Tyme. The crowd erupts in boos.
Big Shot corrects him, “Hey Billy, this ain’t Seattle. I believe it’s Morristown.”
Right on cue, Big Tyme replies, “Oh, that explains why it smells so bad!” The crowd boos louder than before. Once the crowd quiets a little, Big Tyme continues, “Well, you’re all probably wondering why we are wearing these white cowboy hats. It’s in honor of our fallen leader, Tex. Let’s pause for a moment of silence.”
Both DDB’s stand with their hands behind them and heads down as the crowd boos, “You see, Tex couldn’t be here because of a neck injury he sustained at the hands of that loser, The Stud.” says Big Shot.
“Or as Simon said, “The Dud,” adds Big Tyme. They both laugh.
“Well anyways, since we don’t have ANY control over who wrestles who, as explained by Tex last show. We aren’t gonna be able to wrestle tonight as we had hoped.”
They both try to appear saddened about this fact.
“But...” says Big Tyme, “Since we are running the show tonight and because of Tex’s condition, he lifted that rule for tonight only, so you’ll get to see us in a match, tonight with the Rockstars!”
The crowd starts to cheer, then Big Tyme interrupts them, “Yes! As guest referees!”
“Tonight, the Rockstars will take on Flaming Desire, the winners will face us at the Pay Per View for our tag titles.”
Proud that they pulled a fast one on the fans, the DDB’s smile while the crowd boos. Imitating a news broadcaster, Big Shot says, “And in lesser news, none of the wrestlers whose Pay Per View fates have been determined will wrestle here tonight, they have the night off.”
“So that means no Stud tonight!” adds Big Tyme.
< DDB’s Music Plays >
Those two are just full of jokes huh? Obviously full of themselves too. Guest referees? Next they’ll probably be guest popcorn vendors, everything but defending those titles in the ring. Plus, this is so fishy and I mean Cynthia Cash fishy, if you know what I mean. Ha! I bet the Rockstars can’t be happy about this and what about the wrestlers who have matches at Buzz S.A.W. having the night off? I guess no one told them because I saw Raoul backstage earlier.
< Backstage >
The DDB’s are walking down a hallway, laughing uncontrollably about something. They arrive at a dressing room. Big Tyme takes the object out of his back pocket as Big Shot slides out the name plate out of its stationary place on the door. Big Tyme slides James “Boogie Down” Brown’s name plate in its place.
The DDB’s are laughing quietly but so hard that they pass by Raoul; not noticing that he was leaning against a wall watching the whole thing. Raoul doesn’t say a word to them as they pass, he just smiles.
Why did they do that? Whose room did they switch that nameplate with? These guys think they’re funny. I know that they’ve been kicked out of several different wrestling organizations because of their antics. They better be careful. Well, I guess one of our Pay Per View guarantees is here for an interview, let’s go back with Cynthia Cash and Bobby Rich. Be careful Bobby or you might leave the interview as Bobby Itch instead of Bobby Rich. Ha!
< Backstage>
Cynthia is so upset by Wil’s comments, that she yells at Wil like he’s standing there, “I’m getting so tired of all the rude comments. I don’t even know you and don’t want to know you either and by the way I go by Cyn, damn it!”
Bobby Rich who doesn’t seem like he wanted this interview in the first place, clears his throat, hoping to give her a hint to start the interview. She looks at him rudely for a brief moment then starts the interview. “Hi, I’m Cyn and I’m standing by with Bobby Rich, our owner’s less attractive son.”
Bobby interrupts her, “Listen tramp! I’m the more talented son for sure and my record and this belt prove it!”
“Why I never!”
“What?! Give refunds unless they’re repeat customers?”
She stands shocked and speechless, while Bobby grabs the mic, “Listen to me dad, while you’re sitting at home nursing your fat neck. You can do whatever you want to me and put me in all kinds of matches but I’m the only real and true champion of the family. Always have been, always will be. So plan all you want! Bring on the ‘Tough Love’!” Bobby storms off the set.
See Cynthia, I’m not the only one who thinks you’re a tramp. Ha! It looks as if Tex’s attempt to break his son’s spirit has failed and has actually added fuel to his fire. While speaking about fire, that’s what I meant by itch. “Why is my thing-thing burning like this?” Ha! That was a line from an old school rap song. Hey anyways, we are going backstage again as there seems to be another development.
< Backstage >
The Brooklyn Bombers are walking as a group on a mission. Bruno says, “Looks like we gotta teach this punk another lesson!” The other BB’s say in unison, “Yeah!”
They walk until they found a door with James “Boogie Down” Brown’s name plate. Bruno directs, “On three. One, two, three!” He swings the door open rapidly and to their collective surprise, it’s Mikeal. Mikeal lets out a little girl-like scream as their exploding lunge came to a stop realizing he’s not their intended target. He falls off his folding chair and holds his chest like he just had a heart attack. The BB’s look at each other, then burst out laughing at the now sprawled out Mikeal.
Bruno asks the others with a smile, “You see the look on the old geezer’s face?”
The other three in the middle of their laughing manage to get out a, “Yeah!”
Bruno says, “Must be some kind of mix up. Don’t worry we’ll get him. H
e’s bound to show up sooner or later. Let’s go play some bones.”
The BB’s leave the door way and Mikeal, who’s now on his knees, is gasping for air.
I see what the Dollar Dollar Bills were up to now. Poor ol Mikeal. I have to admit, it is kind of funny, but I do know how he must feel. I’ve had many doors opened unexpectedly by angry husbands/boyfriends. You can never get used to it no matter how many times it’s happened to you. Well, it’s time for a commercial break, but coming up later tonight the Rockstars will face Flaming Desire with the DDB’s as the guest refs. The winner will face the same DDB’s at Buzz S.A.W. Also, in other tag team action, Thunder and Lightning will face the Varsity All-Stars plus a whole lot more!