by FJ Campbell
Milo, Livvy and Henry arrived shortly before five o’clock, when the first few people trickled in. Livvy accosted them in the foyer, arranged them into girl-boy pairs and gave them all a script and a time slot. They settled down to watch the stage.
They found their Flora Poste fairly quickly, a girl called Alice in the fifth form, pretty, petite, with sharp features and neat, straight hair. Henry auditioned for Charles Fairford, a small but important part, and he was great. Guy didn’t read from the audition pages but did a hilarious Aunt Ada Doom monologue, which Beth wasn’t sure about, but the others voted her down. They had all the Pioneers-O and the Starkadders, except for Seth. None of them were satisfied that anyone they’d seen had the right ‘raw, animal sexiness,’ as Livvy put it, giggling.
‘Milo, why don’t you do it?’ asked Henry.
‘Me? No, no way. I can’t act. At all.’
‘Oh, go on, give it a try,’ pleaded Livvy.
Milo looked at Beth. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
‘No, I can’t. All those people looking at me, I’d shit myself.’
‘Chicken.’
Disappointed, Livvy and Henry cleared up their notes and lists.
Beth kept glancing up towards the door at the back, and the clock at the side of the auditorium. ‘I’ll see you at dinner,’ she said, shuffling through the scattered pages on her seat and not meeting their eyes. ‘I want to write down some stuff before I forget it.’
The other three trudged up the steps and left her there, flicking through a pile of paper. As soon as the door slammed shut, she breathed out and sat down. She stood up again, fiddling with her fingers. Exasperated, she stuffed all the paper into her bag and walked down the aisle towards the stage to collect the scripts that had been left there. In the distance she heard a boom of thunder, so loud that it echoed in her ears and made her throat thud. Hailstones were pounding on the roof. There had been a storm warning on Ceefax that lunchtime.
She sat on the edge of the stage with her legs dangling down, looking out towards the rows and rows of seats. She thought of Milo, and how he couldn’t face performing in front of all those people. She was the same. She wanted to be behind the camera, not in front of it.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a creak at the back of the stage. She whipped her head round and saw Zack standing by the wings, with that same arrogant, mocking stare. She was agitated and at the same time relieved that she was alone with him and that the others had gone.
‘You’re too late. Auditions are over.’
‘I wanted to show you what I can do alone. I couldn’t imagine you’d want the others to see it too.’
Beth hesitated. She had heard that he could act, and had been annoyed to say the least that he hadn’t turned up to the auditions. And now here he was, clearly having waited until everyone else had gone. He was so irritatingly sure of himself. She couldn’t give in, she mustn’t.
‘No, you’re too late, the others have gone. I don’t have time.’
‘It won’t take five minutes.’
He was near her now, and she shook her head, but not in a very convincing way. Lightning flashed beyond the narrow windowpanes in the doors to the foyer and she felt a shiver run through her. She tried to hide it.
‘Close your eyes.’ It was almost a whisper. She obeyed. For a moment she thought he’d left, but she heard him move towards her and his clear, slow voice drifted to where she sat.
‘She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes…’
Beth began to open her eyes and felt his fingertips softly close them. She couldn’t… she mustn’t… what was she supposed to do? Dizzy, weak, she gave in.
‘Thus mellow’d to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress…’
His hand ran through her hair gently, and she shivered again as he stroked it off her neck. She tried to move, but it was as if she was pinned down to the edge of the stage.
‘Or softly lightens o’er her face…’
His lips were almost touching her neck, and without noticing how, she knew she was pressing her face towards the sound of his voice, wanting his touch.
‘Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent…’
She could feel his breath over her face and his lips touched her forehead as he spoke the words.
‘The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!’
She dragged her eyes open, his face was so close, his eyes bright and mocking; she reached up to him and held the back of his neck, pulled him to her and they kissed.
CHAPTER 12
Milo had been wondering, ever since Beth had returned from her trip to Cornwall, about the change in her. She had a strange new glint in her eye. Could something have happened between her and Edward? She’d said at New Year that she wasn’t interested in him, which had alleviated Milo’s jealousy and made it easier for him to stick to his New Year’s resolution to waste less time thinking about her. But by now Milo knew Beth well enough to know that he could never be sure what she was going to do next. He had the impression that she didn’t even know herself. It wasn’t that Milo thought she had lied to him about her feelings for Edward, only that she might have changed her mind. She did that a lot. He wanted to talk to her about it, but was wary of starting another argument. She only talked about meeting Stella Gibbons’ friend and the new ideas she had about the play. One minute she was babbling, spilling out ideas so quickly he couldn’t keep up, the next she was silent, her eyes darting over his shoulder, or with a glazed-over look that made him feel uneasy.
*
When he left the theatre on Thursday night, fat raindrops became heavier and harder and the storm began. He grabbed an umbrella that was lying near the dining-hall door and sprinted back through the hail towards the theatre to take it to Beth. He entered the foyer as a rumble of thunder burst. Leaving the umbrella on the floor, he reached out to open the door to the auditorium, which had a thin strip of glass in it. What he saw made him freeze. Beth was sitting on the stage, her legs dangling down, her arms by her sides, her head tilted back, and she was being kissed by a boy on her neck.
Milo felt cold all over and his heartbeat slowed. He gripped the door handle until his knuckles were white, wanting to leave, his legs like lead. He turned his head away, but looked back again as Beth raised her arms and held the boy to her as she kissed him back. It was a strange feeling he had, of being revolted and yet fascinated by the sight. He couldn’t stop looking. He had the same sick feeling of joy that he’d felt that night when he saw her swimming naked in the pool.
Milo finally managed to tear himself away and, forgetting the umbrella, trudged through driving hailstones to dinner. Without a word, he sat down opposite Henry and Livvy and mechanically chewed at his food, his mouth so dry he had trouble swallowing. A few minutes later, Beth rushed in, sat down next to him and he couldn’t even look at her.
‘There was one more person to audition; he’s brilliant, for Seth, I mean.’ Her voice was husky and excited.
‘Who? Who’s going to be Seth?’ asked Livvy.
And Milo, in the second before she said it, realised that he recognised the boy she’d been kissing and gripped the edge of the bench with horror.
‘Zack Smythe. He’s perfect,’ sighed Beth.
*
Later that night, around midnight, Milo gave up on sleep, tried to read, couldn’t concentrate and lay in his bed, feeling like he�
��d been knocked out in a fight. He went to the loo and on his way back, saw a light under Guy’s door. He knocked softly and went in. Guy was sitting up in bed with his Walkman headphones on, reading a copy of Sports Illustrated with Michael Jordan on the front cover.
‘Hey, big man.’ Guy took off his headphones and closed the magazine.
‘I can’t sleep.’
‘Something on your mind?’
Milo sat down on a beanbag next to Guy’s desk and thought. Guy waited patiently.
‘I saw… I saw Beth getting off with Zack this evening.’
‘Oh. Bummer.’ Guy knew how he felt about Zack. And how he felt about Beth. ‘What’re you going to do?’
‘Nothing. What can I do? I mean, I want to do something. But I don’t know what.’
‘Yes. Well, that’s clear then.’ Guy grinned.
‘It’s complicated. I don’t want Beth to think I still like her—’
‘Even though you do?’
‘No. I mean, yes. But not really. But I want to tell her what a tosser he is. Just so she knows.’
‘A need-to-know situation?’
‘Don’t take the piss. I’m serious. You know how he is. He’ll break her heart into tiny pieces.’
Guy considered this. ‘Beth’s a big girl. Maybe she’ll break his heart. That’d be worth seeing. This isn’t part of the charming Virgin Project is it? Is she…?’
‘How would I know?’
Guy raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.
‘Livvy says she is.’ Milo felt sick.
‘Look, I know you think the sun shines out of her arse. And she is very hot. And she smells so good—’
‘Is there a point to this?’
‘Yes. Don’t interrupt. My point is, she is a truly wonderful girl and you’ve put in a lot of spadework with her. But you’re so rubbish at showing your feelings that she probably doesn’t have a clue you’re still after her. Then in swoops some other dickhead and sweeps her off her feet. This was bound to happen.’
‘But I did ask her out.’
‘Yeah, but when was that? Years ago. The trouble with you is, you’re too chickenshit. You won’t convince her if you keep backing off every time she knocks you back.’
‘Well, thanks for that excellent advice, Guy, but that’s actually not my problem at the moment. There is this small matter of trying to make her see what an evil bastard Zack is. What am I supposed to do?’
‘Just go and talk to her and tell her about his virgin-chasing. That’ll do it, I reckon. And it’s not even lying; he really has given us all the material we could ever need, in those interesting chats we used to have after rugby training. We’ll see if he can charm his way out of that one – or into that one, in this case. Sorry.’ Guy gave Milo an encouraging smile. ‘Come on, this might be your last chance. It’s not difficult – here, I can make a list for you if you like.’
‘No, that’s OK, I can manage. Thanks,’ Milo sighed as he got up from the beanbag and padded back to the door. He knew Guy was right, but he wasn’t looking forward to this conversation.
As he closed the door he heard Guy say, ‘Ahh. Young love.’
*
In the morning, Milo tried to figure out how to get Beth alone and what exactly he was going to say to her. He couldn’t tell her about Zack and Bonnie, but he could tell her all the other stuff that would horrify her. He had to talk to her soon, before Zack got his hooks into her, before – Milo’s blood went cold at the thought – he slept with her.
He was supposed to have dinner with the Tomses that night, but he asked if he could skip it as he wanted to go to the cottage and check everything was all right after the storm. It wasn’t easy to convince Mrs Toms that he was OK; she was, as ever, on the lookout for Signs of Grief and he was pale and exhausted from a sleepless night. Milo felt a flash of shame that, instead of grieving for his mum and dad as she thought he was, his only thoughts were for Beth. He put on his tracksuit after dinner and ran through the woods, jumping over several fallen tree trunks, splashing through the mud, until he reached the cottage, where everything was fine. He waited for about an hour until he knew everyone would be in their houses, put on a pair of boots and a warm coat, gloves and a hat, grabbed a torch and headed back through the woods.
He knew that Beth liked to go night-wandering, leaving her house through a window after lock-up time to go for a smoke in the woods. He’d shown her the best places and knew which ones were her favourites. She also used to sneak away from The Island on Saturday afternoons, take the bus or a taxi to Melchester and go to the cinema. These excursions kept her sane, she said. Being ‘locked up’ gave her the shivers. Milo was worried about her running into a teacher and had introduced her to the eleventh commandment of The Island: Thou shalt not get caught. She didn’t intendeth to.
Usually he wouldn’t have needed the torch to find his way about, but tonight was a new moon and the woods were changed after the storm. Fallen branches cracked under his feet and once he tripped over a tree that had come down. Through the thick, dripping trees, towards the river, he saw a red glow in the dark boathouse window. He nudged open the door.
‘Beth. It’s me.’
‘Milo? You scared me. What are you doing here?’
‘Looking for you.’
‘Huh. Come and sit. You OK?’ She turned the torch around and shone it in his face. ‘Why are you always so grubby?’
He sat down near to, but not touching her. There was a long silence. He’d been trying to decide what to say all day, but now he was here, the words had disappeared from his brain. He wished he’d taken Guy up on his offer of that list.
‘Did you have something you wanted to say to me? It’s just, I’m sort of meeting someone tonight.’
‘Oh. Who?’
She was flicking the torch on and off, on and off. ‘Actually, it’s Zack. He’ll be here any minute.’ He thought he heard her voice tremble as she said it, which did not bode well at all.
‘Well, I’ll make it quick. It’s about Zack. I don’t think he’s good enough for you.’ Milo rushed the words out before he could change his mind.
Silence.
‘Go ahead,’ said Beth eventually.
‘He’s not nice to girls; I don’t think he’ll treat you well.’
‘Unlike you or Edward, I suppose?’
He sighed. ‘I’m not talking about me or Edward, or if I am, then only in the sense that neither of us would wish you any harm. And Zack is going to hurt you, sooner or later. He always does.’
‘I can take care of myself.’
‘I know you can, I’m not trying to interfere, but you don’t know him like I do. He’s basically a liar. He uses people and he won’t be faithful to you.’ Milo wasn’t sure how far to go. Could he tell her about the revolting things Zack had said? What if they’d already done some of them together?
‘It’s OK, I know about his reputation with the ladies. I just like him.’
‘What’s wrong with Edward, anyway? I thought you liked him? Don’t you think he’d be better for you? He’s such a nice bloke.’
‘God no, not Edward. He’s really not my type,’ she sighed, and lay back on the blanket.
‘You have a type?’
‘I do now.’
‘Oh shit, Beth, please don’t do this. Not with Zack. He’s going to use you and then throw you away, just like all the others.’ Milo was panicking. He was whispering, so they didn’t get caught by any of the teachers, but his voice was harsh and desperate.
She laughed. ‘Don’t be so melodramatic. You know, you don’t have to try and save me every time you think I’m in danger. Sometimes I think you’re trying to protect me from the big bad world, but you don’t get it, do you? I want to find out everything for myself. You’re not my dad, Milo. You should just back off and let me make my own mistakes. It’s really quite boring of you. I mean, what’s the big deal about Zack? Why does everyone think it’s so wrong to sleep with anyone who’s slept with someone else?’
‘It’s not just that, it’s—’
‘You’re such a sheltered child. You’ve been stuck here on The Island your whole life. You’ve never even been to London. You’ve never been abroad.’
‘I have – to Jersey.’
‘Jersey doesn’t count. You think you know what’s right and wrong, but it’s not that simple. We’re almost adults now; there are no goodies and baddies.’
‘I never said there were,’ he mumbled.
‘Listen. Bad people can sometimes do good things. And good people can sometimes do bad things. There’s really no harm in it. The world keeps turning. You need to get over it. It’s funny, Milo, but I somehow get the feeling that you’re living your life vicariously through me.’ She paused, and he knew from the look on her face that she was wondering if he knew what ‘vicarious’ meant.
‘That’s not what I’m doing, I’m telling you – I know this guy and he’s no good for you. He’ll take advantage of you. I don’t like him.’
‘Well, I most certainly do. What makes you assume it’s him that’s going to be doing the advantage-taking? Now please, get lost, because I’m waiting for Zack and I’m not sure your delicate eyes will want to see what’s going to happen.’
‘Please, Beth.’
‘Off you go. Look sharp.’
In the dark, Milo was fighting off tears. He had totally failed. But he couldn’t betray Bonnie and Edward, so there was nothing left but to go and hope that somehow Zack couldn’t make it. He stumbled away from her, a hard, painful lump in his throat, forgetting his torch, thankful for the darkness, and crashed through the woods towards his cottage.
*
Beth lit a cigarette and waited for Zack. She didn’t have long to wait.
‘Hello, sweetheart, fancy meeting you here. Who was that?’
‘Nobody.’
He sat down behind her and wrapped his arms and legs around her, took a drag from her cigarette and, gently taking her chin and twisting her head round to him, kissed her for the second time.
CHAPTER 13
Despite her bravado with Milo, Beth was worried about Zack’s reputation, or rather his greater experience, with the ladies. She didn’t care that he’d slept with loads of other girls. In fact, it made him more exciting. What niggled her was that the next inevitable step for them was sex and she didn’t know if she’d get it right, or if he’d lose interest in her once they’d done the deed.