by FJ Campbell
They always met outdoors at night and as his lips, cold on the outside, kissed hers, she felt herself warming up and then he’d blow on his hands and rub them together before he slid them up underneath her coat and layers of jumpers. When he touched her skin she melted, her stomach turned to hot liquid, her head boiled. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to hold him off much longer, or even if she wanted to.
*
On the morning of Valentine’s Day, Beth gathered up her larger-than-usual pile of post and stuffed it all in her bag on the way out of her house for breakfast. On the grass slope above a low wall to the side of the road sat Zack and Justin, hunched down together and talking in low voices. When Justin saw her coming down the hill, he stood up, slapped Zack on the back and slouched away.
Zack waited until she was level with him before he took her hand, pulled her to him and whispered in her ear, ‘Happy birthday.’ She felt a tingle run down her body and back up again.
‘I didn’t know you knew.’
‘The whole school knows when your birthday is,’ he replied with a smile on his lips. ‘I’ve got something for you. Close your eyes.’
She was expecting a kiss, but felt something heavy, metallic and cold in her hand.
‘Like it?’
She opened her eyes. ‘A watch?’
‘Not just any watch. I had it inscribed, see, here on the back…’
Beth read the inscription. ‘I can’t accept… It’s too much – a TAG? It’s beautiful, but you can’t give me this.’ She held it out, offering it back to him, but he jumped up and sprang down onto the road, laughing, walking away from her. ‘Please, Zack – I don’t even wear a watch. Don’t tease. It’s too expensive. I’ll lose it or break it or something.’
She ran after him and put her arm through his, slipping the watch into his coat pocket. He turned towards her. He held the tops of her arms, slid his hands down to take hers, let go of one of them, fished the watch out of his pocket and put it on her wrist.
‘Take it, it’s yours. Don’t break it, don’t lose it.’
She searched his eyes and saw something new there, like she was seeing him for the first time with all the confidence and the sarcasm gone from him, and the gift was so special to her because it came from him in that moment, from something that she thought might be love.
*
At breakfast they sat close to each other, opening her presents and cards.
‘Who’s Moneypenny?’ Zack said as he read James’ birthday card over her shoulder. ‘Whoever she is, she doesn’t like you very much. She’s sent you a book, of all things. You’re seventeen, not seventy. A Prayer for Owen Meany. How utterly depressing.’
Beth noticed the inside cover as he dismissively flicked through it. ‘Let me see. Holy shit. He’s signed it himself.’
‘Who?’
‘John Irving.’
‘Who’s John Irving?’
She tapped the front of the book, but it made no impression on Zack. It was probably better that way – she couldn’t explain how James and John Irving would know each other. Get him, though – her shy Uncle James hobnobbing with famous authors.
She started opening the other envelopes. There were love poems, quotes from song lyrics, even a card that said, Marry me. They laughed until their stomachs hurt, despite the fact that the dining hall was full and everyone was watching them.
‘I don’t think you’re going to get many cards next year; I’m getting some very sulky looks,’ he murmured into her ear.
‘I don’t want many next year. Only one, in fact.’
‘Here’s the last one,’ said Zack, looking at a small box-shaped parcel. ‘Hang on, it’s from Berlin. Now…’ He pretended to rack his brains. ‘Which one of your many admirers is in Berlin?’ He tossed the box from hand to hand, pretending to drop it.
Beth snatched it from him. It felt disloyal to Edward, but she couldn’t read the card without Zack seeing it too. She felt a pang of guilt as he read out loud in a snide voice, ‘Darling Beth, I can’t wait to see you on 4th March. Have a nice birthday. All my love, Edward.’ Zack mimed a yawn.
She slowly tugged the cream ribbon off the box, glancing at Zack, who lifted his eyebrows snarkily. She opened it and inside was a watch. Beth frowned and looked uncomfortably at Zack. He was smirking.
‘Well, you can never have too many watches.’
They both burst out laughing again.
*
Milo came to breakfast, saw Beth with Zack and bit his lip. He found Guy and Theo sitting together. Guy, uncharacteristically, had his arm round his little brother. Theo said a small ‘Hi’ to Milo and left.
‘He all right?’ asked Milo.
‘Nope, not really. He’s gutted actually. Atkinson and Smythe are sitting over there taking the piss out of all her Valentine’s cards. Theo’s got such a crush on her. I can’t concentrate on my breakfast; the noise of breaking hearts is fucking putting me off.’ He got up angrily and stomped away, as if he blamed Milo. He came back a minute later. ‘Oh, by the way, you know that Swatch watch you were going to give her? Don’t. She got an obscenely expensive one from Smythe and apparently Ed Markham’s sent her a watch too. Don’t give them the satisfaction.’
‘Thanks for the heads-up.’
‘Honestly, Milo, stop me if you’ve heard this before, but I can’t understand why you’re so gaga about Atkinson. Lately, she’s turned into a right bitch.’
‘I thought you said she was hot, and the girl of your dreams?’
‘Yeah, well, I have very low standards.’
*
Milo took Guy’s advice about the watch, but he had another surprise for Beth, which he and Anne had been arranging for weeks. He needed to get her away from Zack, but they were stuck together like glue. At lunch break he found them in the sixth-form common room watching TV, her arm around his shoulders and his hand resting on her thigh. It’s like he’s marking his territory or something, thought Milo with a wrench in his stomach, which he tried to ignore.
‘Hi, happy birthday,’ he said in a quiet voice as he towered over them.
‘Hmm… what? Oh, hi, Milo, didn’t see you there. Thanks. I’m having a lovely birthday. D’you like my new watch?’
‘Yes, it’s very nice,’ Milo said mechanically, and he saw Zack sit up and study him with a malicious grin on his face. ‘Can I talk to you alone, please?’
‘What’s up, West? Don’t tell me you bought her a watch too?’
Milo couldn’t help blushing, even though he was sure it was just a wild guess on Zack’s part.
Zack looked delighted to have hit the mark. He sat back in his chair, stretched out and laughed. ‘It’s absolutely my favourite thing to be in the middle of this love triangle, or hexagon, or whatever it is these days.’
Beth dug him in the ribs and mouthed, Be nice. When he ignored her, she stood up and smiled awkwardly at Milo. He inclined his head towards the door.
She nodded and then turned to Zack. ‘See you later.’ She bent and kissed him lightly on the mouth, but he held her neck and pulled her to him, prolonging the kiss. Milo blinked and looked away.
‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, West.’
Outside the common-room door, Milo heard a loud burst of laughter. He turned to Beth. ‘You’ve got a couple of hours now, haven’t you?’
‘I have to be at swimming by 2.30.’
‘OK, well, let’s get a move on, then.’
‘Where to? The secret garden?’
‘Nope. Follow me, please.’
Now that he was away from Zack, he could enjoy the moment he’d been planning. Round the back of the school, through the woods towards his cottage, there was an easy silence between them, their discord about Zack forgotten. The woods were silent too, as if they were helping Milo keep the secret. Once they’d reached the main gate, he took her a little further around the back of his cottage, where there was a wider track that led to a row of low wooden sheds, behind which was a high hedge
bordering the cottage’s garden on the other side. Milo stopped, dangling two keys in front of her face.
‘Happy birthday. Joint present from Anne, James and me. Well, it’s really from them; I’m just the middleman.’
Beth raised her eyebrows and her face broke out into a grin. ‘What is it?’
‘Open the shed with the key and you’ll find out.’
‘Tell me first.’
‘Nope. My lips are sealed. Open the door.’
‘Will I be surprised?’
‘Open the door, will you?’
‘’Cause I don’t like surprises.’
‘Shame, this is a good one. Are you going to open the door or not?’ He was tapping his foot, waiting for her to make up her mind.
She took a deep breath and stepped towards the door. She reached out her hand, slotted the larger of the two keys into the padlock on the shed door, closed her eyes and clicked it open. With a slow creak, the door swung open, and there stood an ancient pale green VW Beetle.
She squealed with joy. ‘A car. Oh wow. Is it really for me?’
They climbed in and Milo explained that the present was three things: the car was from James; driving lessons from Anne; and the shed, Milo’s contribution, was its secret parking space while she was at school. She wanted to take it for a ride straight away, but Milo reminded her that swimming started in fifteen minutes. She locked the padlock and, before they began walking back up to school again, she put her arms around Milo and kissed him on the side of his chin. He blushed, and his heart pounded through his jumper.
‘Thanks so much. This is my favourite birthday ever.’
As they walked, Milo asked her to keep the shed a secret. She mustn’t get caught taking the car in or out of there, because he’d promised the headmaster that this sort of thing wouldn’t happen. Beth agreed. Milo thought to himself, First Beth’s parents, then Bonnie and Zack, now this: I’m quite the secret-keeper these days.
*
That weekend, Zack went back to London to stay with his mother, who was having a party at her house. Beth was invited but couldn’t make it. She had a swimming gala on Saturday, which Zack was bunking off, and she was singing a solo in the school choir concert on Sunday. She was disappointed she couldn’t meet his mother, but Zack said there’d be plenty of time for all that. He said he’d miss her and asked for a photo of her, which she thought was sweet. She gave him one that Livvy had taken with her camera before the Christmas party.
When he’d gone, she rushed through her homework, which she’d been neglecting these past few weeks, and caught up on some sleep, which she’d also not had much of. She wrote a long-overdue letter to Edward.
17th February 1990
Dear Edward,
Thanks for your birthday card and the watch. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I have to return it to you. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s really a lovely watch, but I can’t accept a gift like that from you.
I’ve told you all along that I want to be friends with you, and I know you want more but I’ve made up my mind that I can’t be your girlfriend.
I’m not sure whether I should tell you this, but it’s going to be more difficult if you hear it from someone else. I’m going out with Zack Smythe – it’s one of the reasons I can’t accept the watch from you. He gave me one for my birthday too. I hope you can return yours to the shop without any problems.
I hope you understand, and that we can be friends.
Please write and tell me how you are, and how Berlin is. I’ll give Caspar and Gilbert a kiss from you.
Beth
That should do it, she thought. He can’t argue with that.
*
On Sunday night, after the concert, she waited in her room, hoping Zack would be back on an early train. She hadn’t changed out of the dress she’d been wearing for the concert and, as she looked in the mirror in her and Livvy’s room, she was pleased with her reflection. She wanted to see him so badly. Since they’d got together twenty-four days ago, this was the first time they had spent apart, and this weekend she’d thought about him every minute.
Later that evening, when Beth had decided he wasn’t coming, she and Livvy sat in Livvy’s bed in their pyjamas.
‘How’s it going with the lovely Zack? I don’t see much of you these days,’ asked Livvy.
‘Great. Really good.’ She paused. ‘I got a lecture from Milo about him. I thought he was going to force me into a chastity belt.’
‘Have you…? You know, have you done it with him? Zack, I mean, not Milo.’
Beth swallowed. ‘Livs… promise you won’t tell anyone about this?’
Livvy nodded solemnly and drew her finger and thumb across her mouth.
‘I really want to, but I’ve never… I’ve never slept with anyone before. What’s it like?’
‘Search me.’
‘Really? You’ve never had sex either? Really?’ Beth was astonished. She’d thought everyone but her had done it.
‘Nope. I nearly did once, but it didn’t quite work out. I was having a delightful snog with Henry and we thought it might be fun, and then it was just too embarrassing, when we got our clothes off. We did a bit more snogging and left it at that.’
‘So let me get this straight. You and Henry kissed when you were naked and then… stopped?’
‘Yep. Then we went to sleep and it was lovely.’
‘Livs, I’ve got to talk to someone about it or I’ll burst. I am absolutely begging for it with Zack; I can’t even think about anything else but him. He makes my knees go wobbly. If I were naked with him, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I can’t resist it for much longer.’
‘So why don’t you give it a whirl?’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing. What if I’m rubbish and he doesn’t like me afterwards?’
‘Well, as I understand it from my oversexed brothers, it really isn’t like that at all. You sort of go with the flow – I believe that was the gist of what they said; not entirely sure because they make me want to throw up when they talk about sex. But listen. There’s one thing I think I should tell you about Zack. It’s what I said before, about his… umm… penchant for younger girls. He sort of has this reputation – how do I put this? – for dumping girls after they’ve had sex with him. And,’ she took a deep breath, ‘also, he gave one girl trich.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Trichomoni… trichomosis, or something like that. It’s an STD. It’s really minging, and it’s so unfair because the girl gets it badly, pus and pain and everything, and sometimes the boy doesn’t even notice he’s got it.’
Beth thought about this for a moment. ‘I don’t believe it. It’s bullshit. He told me he’s never had sex without a condom. So that can’t be true, can it?’
Livvy shook her head.
‘Do you think that’s true? About him sleeping with girls and then chucking them?’
Livvy nodded.
‘But maybe… I don’t mean to sound conceited, but if he’s always gone for younger girls, with me it’ll be different. Don’t you think?’
Livvy shrugged.
‘Oh, can’t you say something helpful?’
Livvy groaned. ‘I don’t know what to say. You’ll get so cross with me. You’re obviously crazy about him, so if I criticise him you’ll hate me now, and if I sugar-coat it you’ll hate me later, when…’ She clammed up.
‘So you do think this is like with all the other girls. Well, it isn’t. He told me about the others. He likes me because I’m older than him and we can talk, we’re on the same level. It’s different.’ She got out of Livvy’s bed and climbed into her own.
‘Don’t get into a ginormous huff with me. You always do this – you ask me what I think and then you completely disagree with me. So what’s the point of asking me in the first place? You’re so arrogant, you treat me like a servant. Stop acting like everyone is so inferior to you. Especially me. I’m fed up with it…’ Livvy ground to a halt with a shocked expression
, as if she couldn’t believe she’d dared to say all those things to Beth. She lay back in bed and pulled the covers over her head.
There was quiet for a few seconds before Beth’s footsteps padded over.
‘Hey.’
‘Hey what?’ came Livvy’s muffled voice.
‘You’re so sweet when you’re angry. I promise I won’t be arrogant and superior any more.’
‘Or scary?’
‘Or scary.’
Livvy poked her head out from under the covers and took a deep breath. ‘OK. But you should carry on being scary to Zack otherwise he’ll have his wicked way with you. I agree with Milo – the longer you keep your legs together, the better.’
CHAPTER 14
‘Ready for your first lesson?’ asked Milo, a smile fixed on his face as he unlocked the shed.
‘Yes. You look more nervous than I am,’ said Beth, patting him on the shoulder. ‘Which is kind of insulting.’
He rolled his eyes at her and waited for her to unlock the passenger door before folding himself into the tiny space.
‘You make this look like a toy car.’
He showed her how to start the car, reverse, use the clutch and the accelerator, change gears and brake. She practised on the track for an hour until he was sure she was ready, then they set off to Melchester.
‘What are you doing this half-term? Jet-setting off to Italy again? Watch the red light,’ he said.
‘Nah, I’ve got a ton of homework to do and then I’m going up to London for a couple of days. Shopping and a party.’
‘Who’s having a party? Slow down, watch that car.’
‘A friend of Zack. Or Zack’s sister. Or someone.’
‘Zack has a sister? Change into second.’
‘I thought you said you knew him from way back? How do you know him anyway?’