Revenge on the Rye

by Alice Castle

  Beth nudged Katie and they wandered a little away from Belinda’s orbit, Colin collapsing at their feet after his hectic walk down the hill. Teddy, thank goodness, was nowhere in evidence – probably chewing Michael’s expensive loafers back in Court Lane.

  ‘Listen, I’ve just thought. Are you getting Charlie something smart to wear for the interviews? Ben will go nuts if I try and put him in a tie or something.’

  ‘No, why bother? I was thinking that their uniform would be fine. After all, they’ll be going back to school after they’ve been seen, won’t they?’ said Katie. ‘Unless you’re planning to get him some chinos or something… You’re not, though, are you?’ she added anxiously.

  ‘No, uniform would be brilliant. I was wondering how I’d persuade Ben into a proper shirt. He’s been wearing the school tracksuit bottoms and sweatshirt for so long, I don’t think he could cope. Which might be a problem next year, but we’ll get to that when we have to.’ Beth sighed.

  Although she had now seen shoals of hopefuls touring Wyatt’s for the various entry points at Year 7, Year 9, and Year 12, she’d never taken much notice of what they were wearing. It was always different when it came to your own turn. And taking Katie’s tip of sticking to the uniform would save Beth a fortune.

  However, when the boys erupted into the playground minutes later, Beth did slightly shudder at the sight of Ben’s sweatshirt. Once upon a time it had had the Village Primary’s little crest emblazoned on it in white flock, but now there was a balding grey mess in place of the logo. She wondered if there was time to order another before the interviews. As he got closer, she grabbed his top unceremoniously and studied the design. Then she scratched at it with a finger. Thank goodness, the grey was coming off.

  On closer, and revolting, inspection, it turned out to be largely caused by matted black and white hairs from Magpie, which seemed to have stuck fast on the raised surface. Beth flushed a little guiltily, while Ben, affronted, tugged out of her clutches and ran on ahead with Charlie. Ben had been wearing the sweatshirt like this for months. She’d been washing it, yes, but she now realised she hadn’t been studying it very closely.

  She hoped Katie hadn’t noticed. But, shooting a glance over at Charlie, she could see his uniform wasn’t exactly pristine either. And, if she wasn’t mistaken, his book bag bore distinct signs of having been enthusiastically chewed.

  ‘Where is Teddy today?’ she asked Katie as they started out of the gates. Her friend gave her what looked like a very guilty glance.

  ‘Oh Beth, I’ve done something I’m not proud of,’ she said, faltering.

  ‘What on earth do you mean?’ Beth asked.

  ‘Well, look at you and Colin,’ said Katie evasively. ‘You’ve just taken to dog ownership like a duck to water, and you didn’t even want Colin. He adores you and does everything you say.’

  ‘Hang on, Katie. First, I don’t own Colin. I’m just looking after him for today, maybe for tomorrow, but very soon he’s going somewhere else, definitely. And second, he’s not really doing anything I say, he’s just too blooming knackered to disagree.’ They both looked down at his smooth head, and Colin looked up, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he plodded calmly along.

  ‘God, I can’t wait for Teddy to grow up. I never thought I’d say this, Beth, but I’ve made a massive mistake. He’s so naughty all the time, and Charlie doesn’t even seem that bothered about him any more. I thought they’d be best friends. You know I’ve always felt guilty about him being a lonely only. But Teddy ate his PlayStation console yesterday and Charlie actually shouted at him. I think if I said I was going to give him back to the breeder, he’d be quite pleased.’

  ‘No, surely not? Charlie will forgive him, won’t he?’ asked Beth, though secretly she wondered what her Ben would say when he found out about the controller. Losing a bit of kit like that was a major calamity in a boy’s life. And, of course, if Charlie only had one controller, how could they play all their games? ‘You won’t really give him away, will you?’

  ‘I can’t. What on earth would that say to Charlie about sticking to decisions? And also, Michael is still dotty about Teddy – because he spends the least time with him.’

  ‘Look, Katie, obviously I know nothing about dogs, but age seems to be a big factor. I bet even Colin here was a terror when he was Teddy’s age. I think if you’re super-patient and try to stick it out, then he’ll settle down and really become part of the family.’

  They came to a halt at the junction of Pickwick Road. ‘Listen, do you want to come back to ours for a cup of tea? Might give you a chance to get some Teddy-hate off your chest before you have to go back to him. And we still have two controllers. Colin here prefers table legs.’

  Katie thought for a moment, then looked at Charlie’s hopeful little face. It was amazing how the boys, able to tune out so much of grown-up conversation, always zeroed in on anything to their own advantage.

  ‘Oh, that would be lovely. But we can’t be too long. We’ve got to get back to the monster,’ Katie said out of the corner of her mouth as the boys raced ahead.

  ‘What have you done with him? He won’t be eating the house, will he?’

  ‘That’s what I was getting round to telling you. Trouble is, I feel so bad about it I don’t really want to say it out loud. But here goes. I’ve bought him a cage,’ Katie said, peering down at Beth to judge her reaction.

  ‘A cage?’ Beth was a little stunned.

  ‘It’s not quite as awful as it sounds. Apparently, it makes them feel more secure. And it definitely makes my house feel a lot more secure, that’s for sure.’

  Beth was slightly stunned. She wanted to be supportive – and what did she know about bringing up dogs, anyway? She found boys hard enough – but it really did sound a bit Guantanamo Bay. She had a sudden vision of Teddy crammed into an orange jumpsuit, but suppressed it hurriedly.

  ‘Well, if it gives him a bit of a refuge, then it’s probably a really good idea,’ she managed eventually. She jingled Colin’s lead and the old dog turned to her and gave her a big Labrador smile, ninety per cent tooth and fifteen per cent drool, which thankfully hit the pavement rather than her shoes. She might never have expected to be in charge of a dog for more than five minutes, but life with Colin was working out a lot better than she’d expected.

  Or so she thought, until she swung open the front door at home and discovered that, in her absence, Magpie had knocked over a vase in the hall and left what looked suspiciously like the remains of half a mouse in the kitchen. Magpie was a very sporadic huntress, scarcely bothering with stalking anything more active than her bowl of disgracefully expensive cat pellets. So, the rodent offering, so hard on the tiny claws of the last victim to be laid out on these very tiles the other morning, was puzzling.

  Beth sent Katie, Charlie, and Ben into the sitting room while she whisked round with the Flash spray and kitchen roll. Wrapping the remains in an enormous swaddling of paper towels, she rushed out into the garden to perform a cut-price funeral service by hurling the poor old creature into the nearest wheelie bin. She then had a quick pang, wondering if it should go into the food caddy as organic waste. But confronting a mouldering carcass every time she disposed of a clutch of teabags was far too disgusting an idea to contemplate.

  When she got back inside, Katie was sloshing boiling water into two mugs. ‘I wonder if Magpie meant that mouse for you as a special present to say she’s forgiven you for bringing Colin home?’

  Beth snorted. ‘That just shows your lovely nature, Katie. I reckon it means, “Why do you need that mangy dog when you’ve got me and this delicious snack?” Or something along those lines. There’s no fathoming Magpie, really. Colin is easier to work out.’

  Colin, snoozing in the corner of the kitchen, whacked his tail against the tiles in automatic response to his name, but otherwise looked as though he was embarking on a long recovery process from a very full day’s work.

  ‘You’re getting really attached to Colin, aren�
��t you? I think you’re going to be pretty heartbroken when he finds a new home.’

  ‘Hmm,’ said Beth, through narrowed eyes. ‘It’s true that he’s a lot less bother than I thought he’d be, and so far they don’t seem to mind him being in my office at the school. But I don’t think I’m really cut out for dog ownership long term. Well, it’s a lot to take on, isn’t it?’

  Katie sighed. ‘You’re telling me. I don’t suppose you’d do a swap, would you? Teddy for Colin?’

  ‘I think Michael would have something to say about that,’ said Beth, not quite answering the question but privately thinking there would have to be an interconnecting system of skating rinks in hell before she contemplated that deal for even one second.

  Just then, with a glint of green eyes, Magpie exploded through the cat flap, took a long look around the kitchen, glared hard at Beth – and even harder at Colin and Katie – whipped round, and jumped out again.

  ‘She’s in such a mood,’ sighed Beth. ‘I’m not sure what she expects me to do with half a mouse, but I’m guessing a quick interment in the bin is not nearly appreciative enough for her. Mind you, having Colin around is really keeping her fit. I haven’t seen her moving so fast for ages.’

  ‘I’ve nearly had it with Ted, I tell you. These animals,’ said Katie in uncharacteristic gloom, stirring her tea thoughtfully.

  ‘I know Michael’s against it, so I wouldn’t normally suggest it, but what about my idea of signing up with a dog whisperer? You could do it on the sly? Or at least have another go at trying to talk Michael round. I’m sure if he had any idea how upset you are he’d be the first one to put Teddy’s name down. There are probably loads of clever ways to cope with puppies, you just need to know a few techniques, I expect. After all, you’re not the first person with a bit of a scamp on your hands,’ said Beth.

  ‘You’re right, I’ll have to talk to Michael again. I know it’s silly, but I sort of feel I’m letting him down by needing more help. He’s convinced that everyone is just born with all these dog skills that I haven’t got at all. We didn’t have dogs when I was growing up. It’s all making me feel a bit inadequate.’

  To Beth’s horror, Katie’s beautiful blue eyes filled with tears, but she fanned her face rapidly with her hands and that glazed, over-bright look receded. A big swallow and she was a close approximation of her usual chirpy self again.

  ‘Don’t mind me, Beth. I promise I won’t sit blubbing in your kitchen, I know how you hate that. I’ll talk to Michael again and sort out some dog control people. I’m sure Belinda will know someone – she knows everyone, after all. I’ve got to get on with that. At the moment, just getting through the day with the little, erm, chap is taking all my concentration. But what about you? Are you still looking into that business, you know?’

  From Katie’s shuffling in her seat, and her evident discomfort, Beth deduced she was talking about the mysterious death of Mark Smeaton. It was odd that her friend was taking the conversation in this direction, but maybe anything was better than the subject of Teddy and his appalling manners.

  ‘Well, I am. I’m going to ask my mother if she knows those two friends of Mark’s we bumped into in the park, or even his parents. Or that woman, Rebecca Grey. You were pretending you weren’t there, but she said her son, John, was a friend of his, remember? Then I’m not sure where to take it next. Any ideas?’

  ‘I have been giving it some thought…’

  This time Beth was so astonished, she couldn’t help breaking in. ‘That’s not like you, Katie. You’re usually trying to tell me to drop stuff like this like a stone and pretend it’s not happening. Don’t tell me you’re finally getting the detecting bug?’

  ‘No, I am not! Certainly not,’ said Katie vigorously. ‘Michael would never forgive me if I did anything more dangerous than a really tricky yoga move, you know him. It’s just that, I suppose I must admit, thinking about it has distracted me a bit from the whole Teddy business. I can see why you get so into it. It’s like having a crossword to solve, or a really big jigsaw or something.’

  Beth, who still bore a scar from the stitches she’d had after being hit over the head not so long ago, and who had grown sickeningly used to very unpleasant surprises, contented herself with a gentle, ‘Hmm.’ But far be it from her to decry the merits of displacement activities. Her whole life was based around them, after all. She managed a gentle smile.

  ‘Have you got any leads then, Miss Marple?’

  ‘Well, I know we should both be focusing on the boys’ interviews, or even our jobs or whatever, but it did strike me that Michael’s got quite a big friend in the art world.’

  ‘Has he? Who’s that?’ asked Beth, deciding she’d pretend she hadn’t heard the list of things they both ought to be getting on with.

  ‘It’s Andy Kuragin. You know, the guy who owns the only edgy gallery in Cork Street, the Red Square.’

  ‘The man who specialises in all the uber-trendy British artists?’

  ‘Yep. And he’s coming to lunch tomorrow. Want to join?’

  ‘Oooh, yes please.’ Beth was delighted. A lovely long Saturday lunch with Katie meant many fewer hours than usual kicking a football around in the park with Ben. It was also the promise of a meal that was neither sourced, prepared, cooked or washed up by her, which was a massive treat in itself. Knowing Katie, it would be delicious into the bargain, although frankly Beth sometimes felt she would eat a battered bathmat if she hadn’t had to grill it herself. Ten years into her job as head chef for one unadventurous small boy, and any interest Beth had ever had in nutrition was long gone, beyond ensuring they didn’t both get scurvy. Better still, Ben would have a lovely time. And best yet, Beth herself might well be able to make a bit of progress on the Smeaton business.

  ‘Have you met Kuragin before? What’s he like?’

  ‘I’ve seen him at a few gallery openings and things,’ said Katie casually. As usual, Beth marvelled at the way everyone except her seemed to go out all the time, to exciting parties and soirees that just weren’t on her radar at all. She upbraided herself for getting so set in her ways and resolved to try harder to make use of London, right on her doorstep, and filled with as much cultural promise as an overflowing jewellery box. She could always ring Zoe Bentinck down the road and ask her to babysit. Zoe loved the extra pocket money and got on really well with Ben. And her big sister had just graduated from Uni and was looking for work – she’d be happy to help if Zoe had too much schoolwork.

  But Beth needed someone to go to these events with. Was Harry really going to enjoy exhibitions and shows? Would he ever have the time, even if he did have the inclination? And if he did, would he then be called away by a last-minute crisis, leaving her twiddling her thumbs with an empty seat next to her, feeling like a spare part yet again in a sea of couples? She felt a little glum at the all-too-familiar mental picture. But Katie was still musing about this Kuragin bloke. Beth dragged herself back to attentiveness.

  ‘He’s very Russian, if you know what I mean. The accent, the sense that he’d say really deep things, if he just knew our language a bit better. That feeling that he’s been ripped away from his homeland and yearns for the frozen Steppes…’

  Beth looked at Katie. ‘Are you sure you’re not reading a lot into things?’

  ‘I probably am, but just wait until you meet him and tell me you’re not immediately thinking about horse-drawn sledges and velvet ball gowns. It’s something about those cheekbones. Honestly, you could slice cheese on them. A really hard Parmesan. And the way he bends over your hand and kisses it. It’s like something out of War and Peace.’

  ‘Is it now?’ Beth smiled. ‘I’m surprised Michael hasn’t challenged him to a duel.’

  Katie nudged Beth’s arm affectionately. ‘It’s not like that. And talking of love interests…’

  ‘Which, apparently, we weren’t?’ Beth raised her eyebrows. And wondered a little if Katie had been reading her thoughts just now.

  ‘…what about Harr
y? Are you at the “invite one, get two” stage, or do you want to casually see whether he’s free, or should I ring him? Not sure where we’ve got to yet. I mean, are you a couple or not?’

  Immediately Beth’s face fell. ‘That makes two of us, Katie. I don’t know either. I haven’t spoken to him since we found the, er, well, Mark Smeaton.’

  ‘Really?’ Katie was clearly a bit taken aback, but she regrouped quickly. ‘Well, let’s face it, he must be really busy. Something like that is going to tie him up for ages, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well yes, of course. But not even a text? I mean, come on. I’m sure Michael would find the time to fling you one line, even if he were in the middle of the biggest publishing deal of all time.’

  ‘Ah yes, but Michael’s perfect, isn’t he?’ Katie was a little smug. ‘Apart from the cheekbones.’ It was Beth’s turn to give her friend a little nudge, and they were still giggling like naughty schoolgirls when the boys came in loudly complaining that they were on the brink of starvation.

  Beth was suddenly stricken. She whizzed over to the freezer, but apart from a few escaped orange crumbs, the fish finger section was horribly bare. She knew that if they’d gone to Katie’s, Ben would be enjoying – well, possibly that wasn’t the word, but at least he would have been offered – an entirely organic, ethically-sourced, brassica-rich plate of extremely expensive veggies. She turned guiltily to her friend.

  ‘How about beans on toast? Just this once? I think I might have the low salt sort…’

  ‘Beans! Yum,’ shouted Charlie, who’d been cruelly deprived of this childhood staple thanks to his mother’s anxieties about food colouring, added sugars, and virtually everything else contained in each enticing turquoise tin.

  Beth fished a can out of the cupboard, looked at it quickly, then turned the label so that Katie couldn’t see it definitely wasn’t the low salt variety, and sloshed the cheerily-coloured contents into a pan without further ado. If it had just been her and Ben to feed, she probably would have nuked the beans in the microwave. So, in a way she was providing quite a deluxe service by cooking them the old-fashioned way on the hob. She was pretty sure Katie thought microwaves were the devil’s work, along with much else that made family food quick and easy.